Going up to our room, I find that Chinatsu is finishing putting on her makeup. She looks at me as I come in.
"I like that hairstyle on you."
"Thank you. I like it too. I think it"s both cute and sophisticated."
"It is. I"m all done, though you need to put on your makeup since we have to leave in half an hour."
She stands up, offers me the seat, and moves over to the bed to sit down while I sit down and begin to do my makeup.
I know I"ve said it before, but I"ll be so glad when the new house is complete so that Chinatsu and I can have more s.p.a.ce. Let"s put it this way. When we open the door it barely clears our shoe cubbies, and right beside them is all three of our closets. The desk is beside those and it"s only a few centimeters from there to the outside wall. There"s only a 1.5 meter path between the front of all that and our bed that"s on the opposing wall with a small low table in the center of an open area by the bed. Some wall shelves and lots of swing-out, multipoint garment bag hooks. As you can see, it"s quite crowded in here and this is the largest bedroom upstairs. When we have the house designed I"ll have them put huge walk-in closets with built in shoe cubbies in all of the rooms on our floor.
After putting on my mascara, eyeliner, lipstick and gloss, I double check myself in the full length mirror on the back of the door. Smiling at my image, I think, "Cla.s.sy, in addition to being slightly s.e.xy. Very nice, even if I do so myself." Chinatsu comes up behind me, slips her arms around my waist, rests her head on my shoulder, and whispers, "Yes Sora, you look gorgeous in that."
There she goes reading my mind again. I smile and tell her, "Thank you. You look beautiful in that too. Plus, that dress has the added benefit of emphasizing your b.r.e.a.s.t.s too."
For those of you who might not know, her dress is an empire waist dress, some people call them an empire dress, either way it"s a cute style. These dresses have a fitted bodice, and it fits tightly right under the b.r.e.a.s.t.s instead of the fitted part being around the waist. They also give the impression of being taller due to the waist being under the b.r.e.a.s.t.s. That"s one of the great things about dresses like this for shorter girls like us. All of the babydoll dresses Mama bought us girls are empire waist styled, and Chinatsu and I love the way they make us look.
"Are you ready to go, my love?"
"Almost. Although I"m not looking forward to today"s session with Airi."
"Why"s that?"
"Don"t you remember? She said she wants to talk about my reaction to Ryu telling me I was dead. I still have no idea why it hurt so badly. I mean, I know part of it was that I found out it hurt him when he was told I had died and another part is that he said he feels somewhat responsible for it. He isn"t by any stretch of the imagination because all of this is on Hiroaki Abe and his little minions." I sigh loudly. "I really don"t want to talk about this. I thought I had already come to terms with all of this a while back."
"You will. It"s simply going to take some time." She lets me go and says, "Alright, finish up. We need to leave soon."
"Okay."
I walk over to open my closet, pull out my white shoulder bag, and go back to the desk. I drop my makeup, lipstick and gloss in it. After putting on my watch and necklace, I pick up my phone, and call our driver to meet us at the front gate. Dropping it in my purse, I turn to look at Chinatsu and say, "Okay, I"m ready. Let"s round everyone up and head out."
Taking my hand she leads us on the way out, collecting Sofi and Honoka as we make our way to the door. Once outside, we see our driver standing beside the car holding the door open for us.
"Thank you Mr. Okami." I tell him as I enter the car and he nods to me. After everyone is in, he closes the door, climbs in and drives us to the hospital.
Once we make it there we head up to Airi"s office, check in with the receptionist, and take our seats. We"re slightly early, so we sit and talk amongst ourselves while we wait.
At one point in our conversation, Sofi asks me, "Sornee, is the party at TGR going to be formal or what?"
"Informal. After all, children are going to be there and it"s more about getting together to have a good time than dressing up. However, I"ll still be dressing up a little since I have an image as the boss to maintain. I imagine you three will probably follow suit." They all nod at me. "I thought you would. Do you want to dress to match, or…?"
Chinatsu tells me, "Matching for me of course."
Honoka looks at Sofi, "How about we dress complementary to them, but the two of us dress to match?"
Sofi smiles, "Works for me."
Honoka looks back at me. "What kind of…"
The office door opening interrupts what Honoka was going to say and Airi follows her client out. She smiles and waves when she sees us. I wave back, and after she talks to the receptionist for a few moments, she comes over.
"Hi girls. You ready Sora?"
"Hi Airi. Saying no isn"t going to change anything, is it now?"
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"Something wrong?"
"I don"t want to talk about how I feel about being dead, that"s all."
"Mhmm. I can understand that. Nonetheless, it"s something you need to do. Come on in."
Chinatsu and I stand, walk into Airi"s office, and we sit down on the loveseat while Airi closes the door and then takes a seat in her chair.
Looking at me she asks, "So, why don"t you want to talk about it?"
I shrug. "I suppose the main reason is because I have no idea how I feel about this. Look, I know it upset me enough that I cried, but the why of that is what eludes me." I look at the ceiling as I try to put my confused thoughts in some semblance of order. A few moments later I continue, "Did I cry because I know it hurt Ryu when he was told I was dead and feels somewhat responsible? Or, was it because I don"t want to be thought of as dead? Or, maybe it might even be something else I haven"t thought of, I don"t really know. When Dad told me I was legally dead I didn"t get upset at all, so why did it upset me so much when Ryu said the same thing? Internally, I was screaming, "I"m not dead. I"m right here in your arms." I"m more than a little confused and at an utter loss about this. Maybe it"s because I can"t tell him I"m safe and alive. You know how I feel about lies, and not telling him is a lie by omission. No matter how it works out I end up hurt."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, I can"t tell him. Like I said, that"s a form of lying and it hurts me. It also feels as if I"ve tricked him into loving me, so it hurts me as much as it makes me happy that he does."
"I can"t see how you tricked him into loving you. How do you think you did that?"
"I"m a boy who was changed into a girl. Yes, I know I"m all girl now and there"s no difference between me and any of the other girls out there, but the fact remains that he doesn"t know and that really bothers me. At the same time, I"m terrified he"ll somehow find out, yet I also want to tell him."
She sighs, and tells me, "Sora… I"ve told you before human beings are a conflicting mess of thoughts and emotions, so it"s understandable that this has you confused and hurt. You want to tell him, but you can"t. You think he doesn"t know the real you, but if he did he could never love you." She smiles and shakes her head. "I hate to break it to you, but the you sitting here talking to me, the you that loves him and that he loves, the you that loves being who you are now, the cla.s.sy, elegant and feminine you, all of them are the real you. The mere fact that you used to be a boy has no bearing on anything anymore."
She takes a deep breath and pauses for a moment. Once she blows it out, she continues, "Think about something for me, and I mean seriously think about it. Do you think the boy you used to be, and the girl you are now are the same person?"
I shake my head. "No. I"m me and Sornii is him. It"s more like he"s my twin brother than the same person. What we like to do, the things we like, our personalities, and many other things are completely different. Airi… I know all of this, but it simply feels wrong not to tell him. Relationships are built on trust. I don"t have to tell you that. This isn"t something minor that can be overlooked. Regardless of all of that, even if I could even tell him, he"d be disgusted that I used to be a boy, break up with me, and most probably hate me. It would tear my heart out if it happened."
"You could be underestimating him too."
I nod, acknowledging her point. "Maybe, maybe not, but I can"t tell him to find out. I"ve been forbidden to do so since that would likely put me in even more danger."
"Your parents simply want you to be safe, as if I need to tell you that."
I look at her with an incredulous expression. "Safe?" I laugh. "Come on Airi! I"ll never be safe until my nanites are made public, and most probably they won"t be for a long, long time, if ever. Now, I will say this: when I can finally publically release the fertility treatment, it might reduce some of the threat I face. Even if it does, if anyone figures out that my nanites heal me and how long they will allow me to live… Well, I"ll leave the rest to your imagination."
"I can imagine, but you"re getting off topic."
"Okay, sorry. Let"s say I was given permission to tell him. How do you even bring up a subject like this? How would I make him believe I wasn"t making things up? I know if someone had told me something like that before this happened to me I"d have most probably thought they were lying or making a bad joke."
I"ll leave it there since I"m sure you have a good idea of how and where this is going. This continues to the end of my session and she tells me, "We"ll continue with this in your next appointment." We didn"t really make a lot of progress with it. That"s perfectly understandable since, as I said, I have no real idea how I feel about all of this. Hopefully, at some point I will. We"ll have to wait and see.
After we see the receptionist to confirm my appointment for Monday, Chinatsu takes my hand as we head to the elevator while Honoka calls our driver to meet us at the entrance, so we can go eat lunch.
"What does everyone feel like having for lunch?" I ask.
Honoka shrugs, and says, "I"m fine with whatever you want."
Sofi nods in agreement. "Same here, I don"t mind," she says as she presses the call b.u.t.ton for the elevator.
I look at Chinatsu, who says, "How about Benny"s? They have good food and a large menu, so everyone can get whatever they like."
"Sound great to me," I reply as the elevator arrives.
Getting in, we ride down to the first floor where we make our way out. Once we arrive at the car, Honoka tells Mr. Okami our destination. As he makes his way through traffic the car is dead quiet. I"m quiet because I"m trying to digest everything Airi and I talked about. I a.s.sume the others are quiet because they are allowing me to think without any distractions. Airi made a lot of good points and it"s definitely something I need to think about. Of course, being as pensive I am, Chinatsu does her best to comfort me by quietly snuggling with me.
Once we are seated at Benny"s we order our drinks and look through the menu. When the waitress comes back with our drinks, we place our orders. I look up to see my sisters are staring at me.
"What?"
Honoka shrugs and says, "Nothing really. We"re a little concerned, that"s all."
"There"s really nothing to be concerned about. I"m thinking about what Airi and I talked about."
"You sure?"
I nod. "Of course, she gave me a lot to think about and I"m trying to figure out how the whole thing makes me feel."
"Alright. You can talk to any of us anytime, you know that."
Smiling, I reply, "I do. Thank you Nee-chan."
With that, I decide to put my introspection on hold rather than make my sisters worry. Well, I do have many other things I need to think about. Like the party at TGR.
After we eat, I pay for lunch. Once we load back up into the car, we make our way to TGR.