Upside Down

I find it interesting that Sora is the older sister here, considering how protective Chinatsu is when it concerns Sora. For instance, Chinatsu sat down in the chair, slid back, and Sora is sitting between her legs while leaning back against her with Chinatsu"s arms wrapped protectively around her. Sora was anxious and tense when I called them back in, but now she is relaxed and calm. It"s easy to see how much trust these two little girls place in each other. It"s not often you see this. These two would make a wonderful couple under other circ.u.mstances.

"Sora, I know you don"t know what I called your parents in for. Don"t worry, I will explain it to you. This is going to be hard, but I want you to try to remain calm. You"ve met Mr. Akiyama before and that is why you are so afraid of him…"

Sora starts panting heavily while tears begin trickling from her eyes.

"Sora, try to calm down or I will have to put you in your safe place. I want to explain all this to you before we do anything."

I can see she"s struggling to maintain control. When Haruka begins to move toward her, she looks at her and shakes her head no. Slowly she calms her breathing and wipes away her tears.

"Are you okay now Sora?"

She nods at me.

"Good. The reason you are so afraid of him is he hurt you when you were still very young, and threatened you and your parents. It scared you badly enough that your mind repressed the memory of it. Even though you didn"t consciously recognize him, your subconscious did and that is why you were so afraid of him."

I stop for a moment to give her a chance to absorb what I told her so far.

"That incident was the starting point for your fear of people, being timid, shy and withdrawn. Now comes the hard part. There is no simple way for traditional therapy to help you deal with what he did to you because I don"t believe it would help anytime soon, if ever."

I stop again to let her think for a few moments about what I have said so far.

"That being said, I believe there is a way to help you. I talked to your parents and if you are willing, it would help you immediately."

I pause, watching her intently to see how she reacts. She nods after a few moments. "Okay, so how can you help me if traditional therapy won"t?"

"What I want to do is separate your memories. You will still have access to all your memories of what happened, they just won"t be able to affect you."

"No! You can"t take Sora away from me!" Chinatsu shouts looking terrified while holding Sora tightly against herself. Frankly, I"m amazed at what happens next.

"It"s okay Chinatsu. She isn"t trying to take me away from you. I"m not going anywhere. After all, I promised you didn"t I? I"m pretty sure I understand what she wants to do, so I will still be here and I"ll still be me, simply without all of my fear and anxieties. I"ll still be the Sora you know and the same Sora who loves you more than anyone else. Once this is done you will have a sister that you can go anywhere with, at anytime, without having to worry if I"m going to have a meltdown because there are a bunch of people there or some boys just happen to be there or look at us. I want the two of us to be able to go places and do things together without Mom and Dad having to stand guard over me to help me feel safe. Okay?"

"Okay. Is she right? Will she still be herself?"

"Sora is correct. As she so succinctly put it, she will be herself, just without the fear and anxieties to burden her. So, Sora, I gather you are okay with what I plan to do?"

"Yes Airi, I am perfectly fine with it. Truthfully, I would love to have even a single day without being anxious about every single little thing. This seems like it will be my best shot at allowing me to live a somewhat normal life, so I"m all for it."

"Alright. If everyone else would move back to the waiting room, Sora and I can get started."

"Okay. You two, come on, let"s go." Haruka says while standing up.

Sora stands up and helps Chinatsu stand. Slipping her arms around Chinatsu"s waist and pulling her against herself.

I overhear her quietly tell Chinatsu, "Don"t worry, I will be fine. This is a good thing. Trust me, alright? I"d never allow someone to do something to seperate us. This shouldn"t take too long and then we can go home. I don"t know about you, but I want to cuddle and take a nap with my favorite person."

Chinatsu whispers back something I can"t hear.

"Good. Hey, don"t worry. I love you and will see you soon. Promise." Sora tells her and wipes away her tears. Chinatsu nods while squeezing her tightly for a few moments longer. Letting go of Sora, she walks out the door.

After the three of them left and the door is closed behind them. Sora sits on the loveseat in front of me.

"Sora, I"m going to ask you one more time. Are you sure about this?"

"I"m absolutely positive Airi. I don"t think this is a whole lot different from what I decided to do myself several days ago. I decided to throw away the male part of me. I couldn"t live that way even if I wanted to now. You"re just going to do it a lot faster and more cleanly than I could do on my own. I even know "he" will still be a part of me. Regardless, I"m a girl and I have to be able to live as one. I can see now that I will never be able do that if I"m stuck in the past because of all of my anxieties and fear. No matter how much I want to move on with my life as a girl, those will never allow me to do so until they are dealt with."

I would never in my life have imagined a thirteen year old would be this insightful. I can see how she managed to get through her life until now with just Chinatsu"s help. She is a very bright, strong-willed little girl. I think once all of this is cleared up for her she may very well become a force to be reckoned with at some point.

"Alright Sora, why don"t you lean back and get comfortable for me. Ready?"

"Yes. Oh, by the way Airi, just so I don"t forget, thank you."

She tells me with a smile, then leans back and closes her eyes.

"Sora, Camarilla."

She immediately relaxes all of her muscles.

I"ve never done this before on my own, so I"m a little nervous, but I"ve sat in numerous times while other psychologists have performed this procedure. Over the years it"s been refined, so in essence it"s easy to do. The key is keeping it simple and straight to the point. Give them simple directions to follow. The more complex you make it, the higher the chance it has of failing. Send them in the direction you need them to go and their minds will fill in the details in most circ.u.mstances.

"Sora, I want you to make two halves. On the right-side is the female you. On the left-side is the male you. Do you understand?"

"Yes Airi. I understand."

"I want you to take all the bad, painful memories and feelings and move all of them to the left-side. Those will belong to the old male you. Once you have done that I want you to take all the good, happy emotions and memories and move them to the right-side. Those will belong to the new female you. Your female right-side will be your dominant side. The male left-side will be completely dormant from this moment on. Do you understand?"

"Yes Airi. I understand."

"Good. Again these two halves will remain separate from this moment on. You will have access to all the memories from the left-side, but beyond you being able to recall the events and realizing they are your memories they will not be able to affect you in any manner. Do you understand?"

"Yes Airi. I understand."

"Sora, You will fully accept that you are a girl now, both consciously and unconsciously. In fact, you will believe you have always been a girl and nothing will be able to convince you otherwise. The only exception to this will be when I am with you and I, and I alone, tell you these two keywords Opulent, Missive. I want you to repeat those two words back to me. Do you understand?"

"Yes Airi. I understand. Opulent, Missive."

"Sora, now that you are a girl, you will act completely and naturally as if you have always been a girl. You will feel absolutely comfortable with yourself and your body. It will also be perfectly natural for you to be completely feminine. Do you understand?"

"Yes Airi. I understand."

"Sora, you will no longer be nervous, shy, afraid, or timid unless there is a good reason for you to be. Do you understand?"

"Yes Airi. I understand."

"Sora, do you have any problem with following the instructions I have given you?"

"No Airi. This is exactly the way I want things to be. I don"t want to worry my family."

"Okay Sora, you will not remember anything from this session that would contradict your belief that you are and always have been a girl. Any memories you have from when you were male will get shifted to you being female, even if you have to change the details slightly. I"m going to count from 3 to 1 and when I reach 1 you will wake up. Do you understand?"

"Yes Airi. I understand."

"Sora. 3… 2… 1."

Sora opens her eyes and looks at me.

"How do you feel Sora?"

"Fine, other than being hungry that is."

"Oh, really, how about we get you out of here so you can go eat then?"

"Sounds great to me."

"Quick question. How long have you been a girl?"

"That"s a silly question. I"ve always been a girl, you should know that. I just never looked like this until recently." She tells me gesturing to herself.

"Sorry, I know that was an odd question. How do you feel? Nervous, anxious or scared?"

"I"m a little confused, but no I"m perfectly fine. Thank you for asking though. Does that mean what you did helped?"

"It does, but we will have to wait to see just how effective it is in the long run. I"m very sure there will be no problem though."

I stand and walk to my desk to pick up a business card. I write my cell number on the back. Returning, I hand my card to Sora. I kneel down in front of her and look in her eyes.

"That has my cell phone number on the back. If you need to talk about something or even if you just want to chat, just call me. I don"t mind either way, I"m here for you at any time. It doesn"t matter what time of the day or night it is. Okay?"

"Thank you Airi. I really appreciate that."

I nod, stand up and move to the side.

Sora stands while smoothing her skirt as if it were something she had been doing her whole life.

"Thank you very much Airi. I appreciate everything you have done for me."

"You are quite welcome Sora. Why don"t we go meet your family. I need to speak to your parents for a moment anyway."

Sora nods and leads the way out into the waiting room. Chinatsu stands up with a concerned expression and Sora immediately crosses the room to her. Taking Chinatsu into her arms, she tells her, "See, I"m just fine. I told you that it wouldn"t take too long."

Turning my attention to Eiji and Haruka, I gesture for them to come in.

Once they enter, I close the door and cross over to my seat to sit down.

"Final items for today. First, I will give you a copy of this last session with Sora, so you will know exactly what she was told. Second, I gave Sora my business card with my cell number on it. I told her to call me at any time if she needed me. Third, I would like to see her back here Monday at 10, so I can see how she is doing. Fourth, the police. I will call them as we discussed and give them a copy of the first session. They will probably want to interview her, but I should probably be there when they do. I suppressed her knowledge that she was ever a boy. If she can"t talk about it because of that, I will need to give her the keywords to release her from the restriction temporarily."

"Why did you suppress her knowledge that she was ever a boy?"

"Simply because knowing that would do nothing more than hinder the redevelopment of her ident.i.ty from all of this. This will also forestall any possible future disparity between who she is and who she was. Her mind will change all of the event"s in her memory to fit the fact she now believes she has always been a girl. It"s going to be slightly disconcerting for you three whenever she relates something you know about and changes some of the events to fit her belief that she was a girl at the time. Try your best to play along with her in that respect. I doubt the changes will be all that big, usually in something like this the changes are fairly minor."

"Alright, I will have a talk with Chinatsu about this then. Thank you Airi. We really appreciate your helping Sora. If the police want to talk to Sora just have them call me and we can set up a time." Eiji tells me.

"Yes, thank you very much Airi." Haruka says.

Smiling, they get up to head to the waiting room where their daughters are. I follow them to the door and close it behind them. Sitting down on the loveseat I release the tight hold on my emotions and finally allow myself to cry.