Upside Down

[NTI Medical Center 10:00]

After checking in with the receptionist, we took a seat waiting for Airi to finish up with her client. If I"m honest, I"m not really looking forward to talking to Airi about this.

One reason is I still don"t know how I feel about it. I"m conflicted to put in mildly. I hate that I did that, but at the same time, I"m glad Mama and I are safe. The other option is simply too horrible to think about.

Another reason is talking about and dealing with the incident from this morning. It took me over an hour to calm down to something even remotely normal. All I can do is guess as to why it happened this morning. A fairly good guess, but a guess nonetheless.

Soon, Airi exits her office, trailing behind a young woman. She smiles and waves at us when she sees us waiting, then follows the woman to the reception desk. A minute later, she comes over.

"Good morning everyone. Sora, how are you doing this morning?"

"Uh, just so-so, something happened to me this morning."

She nods. "Why don"t you come on in and we can talk then." She looks at Chinatsu and asks, "Chinatsu, are you coming?"

"If Sornee wants me to, I am."

I smile my thanks and squeeze her hand, "I do."

"Alright, then let"s go girls."

Standing up, we walk past Airi and into her office to take a seat. I sit down so close to Chinatsu I might as well have sat in her lap. As if you can"t already guess, I"m nervous.

"Okay, what happened this morning?"

"Well, Mama woke me up at 5 and we went down to make Dad"s breakfast and lunch, since he was going in early. Mama asked me to make some Miso. I set the pot on the stove to heat and was fixing to start dicing up some tofu when all of a sudden I was terrified. I couldn"t move, I just stood there shaking and crying. It took over an hour for Mama and Chinatsu to calm me."

Airi nods, then says, "Okay. Let"s do this, tell me exactly what happened the morning your house was attacked. I mean what time you got up, what you did, everything step-by-step."

"Let"s see… I woke up around 5 because I had to use the bathroom and change my tampon. After I did that, I washed my hands and was heading back to bed when I ran into Mama. She asked me to help her make breakfast because Dad was going in early that day. We went to the kitchen and I set the pot on the stove to heat. I had diced up the tofu and dropped it into the pot, then started dicing some green onions when I heard the window shatter and Mama fell…"

Airi holds up her hand to stop me. "Okay. It makes sense, you were in similar circ.u.mstances today, so it triggered this. I told you before that I figured you might have PTSD over the attack. This simply confirms it. There are two ways we can deal with this. Talking it out or talking it out along with medication. I…"

"No, no medication." I say, flatly rejecting the idea. "There was a boy in first year they did that to and he became a zombie. No thank you."

"Sora…"

"I said no and I meant it. What"s the point if I don"t know who or where I am?"

She looks at me doubtfully, then slowly tells me, "Okay, Sora. I think it would be better for you if you did, but I can understand how you feel. Not all the medications make you a zombie though."

I sigh. "Airi, if I was going to take an easy way out, I would have taken Sora up on his offer. I want to get through this without him taking the fear and anxiety from me. I need to do this for myself. I think I"ll be a stronger person if I can."

I smile sadly and shake my head. "I"m one tiny little girl and I feel like I"m being forced to play poker against a card sharp using a stacked deck. Akiyama wants my nanites and me to experiment on. He murdered my parents simply to make more money he didn"t need. Oh, and lest we not forget, no one knows who else knows about me."

I sigh again and look at the ceiling, then say, "The only thing that doesn"t bother me about all of this is I"m a girl who used to be a boy. I like being a girl. I like the way I look. I like looking and feeling girly. I like this new me. I hated being who I was. I despised myself. I wasn"t very far from taking my life when this happened." I pause, look at Airi, then continue, "Whatever though, all of that aside, I need to get stronger. I have a feeling I"ll need to be. Believe me when I say I"ll never let you or anyone else drug me like that. There"s no point in living a life that way."

"Alright. Talking it out it is. Well, let"s begin by you telling me about the attack. I mean everything, not just what happened; what you were thinking and feeling at the time as well. Take your time, there"s no hurry."

I nod and take a breath. "Well…"

◇ ◆ ◇ ◆ ◇ ◆ ◇

"How did that make you feel then?" Airi asks me.

"I don"t know." I quickly reply.

"Yes, you do. How did you feel when you saw your mother motionless on the floor with a dart in her?"

"Angry."

"What else?"

"I hated them. Is that what you wanted me to say?"

"No Sora, it"s not about what I want to hear, it"s about what you felt at the time. Hatred can"t exist in a vacuum. Why did you hate them?"

"They hurt Mama."

"No, they knocked her out. They didn"t hurt her. So, again, why did you hate them?"

Angered because of her constant needling me on the same point, I stand up abruptly and I lash out at her, yelling, "As if I knew that! I just lost my parents not long before! Was I supposed to let it happen again?!" I stand there breathing heavily, staring daggers at Airi while tears trickle from my eyes.

"Finally, you finally let it out. Sora, your parents" deaths were traumatic for you. You loved them and they were taken from you when you still needed them. Intellectually, you know it wasn"t your fault, but emotions don"t necessarily follow along a rational course."

Blowing out my breath explosively, I flop down beside Chinatsu.

"Alright Sora, that"s all for today. What days are you doing physical therapy?"

"Monday"s, Wednesday"s, and Friday"s."

"Do you want to come talk to me on those days too?"

"Sure, if you think it"s a good idea, we can. Sorry I yelled at you, Airi."

She laughs lightly, "I meant for you to do it. You were bottling all of this up. That"s not good for you. Anyway, are all of your appointments for the same time?"

"Mhmm."

"Okay, then let"s keep doing this at 10. Sound good?"

"Yes. Thanks Airi."

"Okay let"s go tell my receptionist and you can get going."

Exiting her office, we head over to the receptionist"s desk where Airi tells her the days and times for my appointments. Once she finishes, she turns to me.

"I"ll see you two back here Friday. Have a good day."

"See you then Airi." I tell her.

Collecting Mama and Honoka, we head for my next appointment. When we come to the women"s room Chinatsu tells Mama and Honoka, "We"ll be right back," while pulling me inside to the last stall and closing the door.

Taking me in her arms, she looks at me with a troubled expression, and asks, "Why? Why didn"t you talk to me about this?"

"This is why. This right here. You worry about me constantly as it stands, why in the world would you think I"d willingly add more to that huge stack of worries? Especially when it wouldn"t help either of us if I did and it wouldn"t have changed anything."

In a softer tone she asks, "Sora, do you love me?"

"You know I do."

In an even softer tone, "Do you trust me?"

"More than anyone else in the world."

She looks at me through damp eyes and I can easily see she is close to crying. "Then please talk to me. I can"t take blind sides like today. It made me feel as if you don"t trust me and that hurts me far more than a little worrying. I tell you absolutely everything, I never hold things back. I don"t care that you did it for what you consider a good reason. You are my sister, my best friend and the love of my life, I don"t want you to ever keep secrets from me. I don"t mind a bit of worrying, do you understand?"

"I do. I"ll tell you everything from now on."

She lightens her tone and says, "Good." then kisses me. She leans back to look at me and a few moments later, "Oops, forgot we had lip gloss on. I"m glad I brought it. Let"s fix it and get to your appointment. I love you Sora."

"I love you too."

As I open the door and leave the stall, I hear her mutter, "It"s only two more days, you can hang in there that long."

◇ ◆ ◇ ◆ ◇ ◆ ◇

"Sora Kobayashi?"

"That"s me" I say as I stand.

"Hi Ms. Kobayashi. I"m Emi Koizumi. I"ll be your physical therapist. You can call me Emi." She tells me with a smile.

She"s the cute, perky type apparently and not much taller than me. I was hoping for someone like this instead of some man that thinks the only time you are doing yourself any good is when you"re hurting. Thanks, but no thanks. I"m not all that fond of pain considering I"ve had more than my fair share of it already.

"Then you can call me Sora. After all, we"ll be together for a while."

"Okay Sora. Did you bring something to workout in?"

"I did."

"Good." She points to a door off in the corner. "That"s the women"s locker room. Why don"t you get changed and we can get started."

After I change and return, she tells me, "Cute, but practical. Good choice. Today will be us seeing where you are strength-wise as well as how much flexibility you have. Shouldn"t be too bad."

Which I find out was a lie, kind of like when a doctor tells you a shot will only feel like a tiny pinch. It never does.

It turns out I"m quite flexible. I can lay down across my legs with them straight in front of me with no pulling at all. Next, she has me put the soles of my feet together with my knees on the floor, and using my hands to pull my feet back toward my groin as far as I can. I can touch my groin with them. Then she has me stand with my legs together and bend over to touch the floor. I"m able to place my palms flat on the floor. She also asks me to do leg splits. I"m able to do it from the standing and sitting positions to almost 180 degrees. She has me do a few others, at which I also do very well. She informs me I have excellent flexibility.

I wish I could say she tells me the same thing about my strength, but I already knew I"m far below average, even without her having to say anything. I won"t even attempt to list all of what she has me do. Although let me say this, if I never see another stair stepper machine again, I"ll be a very happy girl, and I don"t think I"m going to be very happy.

By the end of our session, I am exhausted and more than a little shaky. My legs and arms feel like Jello. All I want to do is clean up so I can go home to lay down. Chinatsu and Emi help me make my way to the locker room, where Emi leaves us with a perky, "See you Friday!" I want to kill this perky little s.a.d.i.s.t right now.

Chinatsu strips me, wipes me off with a wet cloth, then helps me dress. Can someone tell me what I was thinking when I decided to wear heels today? Oh right, I never gave a single thought about PT when I dressed this morning. Brilliant Sora, simply brilliant. Ankle boots next time or maybe my hot pants with sports shoes would be better.

Somehow, I make it to the car with Honoka"s and Chinatsu"s help. After Chinatsu and I get in the back seat, I curl up on her lap like a cat and am asleep moments later.

◇ ◆ ◇ ◆ ◇ ◆ ◇

I wake up at home in bed wrapped up in Chinatsu"s arms. I think, "Now this is an unusual position for us." When I move, my muscles scream out their protest of what I put them through. "Sorry guys, we have a lot more of this ahead of us. I promise you hot baths and ma.s.sages in return for your cooperation. Please and thank you." I tell them silently.

"Chinatsu?"

"Hmm? Oh you"re awake."

"Help. Everything hurts."

She chuckles. "Okay, let"s get you undressed so nothing gets in the way. Oh, hang on a sec, Mom has some pain relief ma.s.sage oil that will help. I"ll be right back."

She hops off the bed and disappears through the door for a few minutes while I painfully struggle out out of my nightgown and panties.

When she returns, she spends the better part of two hours ma.s.saging every single muscle. The good thing is the oil definitely lives up to its advertising, because this hurt quite a lot. By the time she finishes, I"m one very relieved girl. The kisses and "accidental" touches didn"t hurt either.