"You darling, I"ve frightened you! Forgive my roughness. You can"t know how your utter adorableness throws me off my guard...."
She turned to the mantelpiece, and, laying a rounded arm upon it, buried her face from his view.
Canning had come near, intending a gentler caress; but something in the dead unresponsiveness of her bowed figure abruptly allayed that intention. The complete repulse, the girl"s silent emotion, had surprised him, indeed, like a box on the ears. Well he knew the feministic curve of advance and recoil. Yet he found himself unexpectedly, profoundly, stirred.
"I"m a brute," said he, presently, with an odd ring of conviction. "You go to my head like drink sweeter than was ever brewed. I"ve had a hard fight all these days to keep my hands off you...."
Carlisle raised her head and turned. Canning had expected to see her face stained with tears, or, more probably, flaming with (at least half-feigned) anger. His heart turned a little when he saw how still and white she was.
"You must go now, please," she said, in rather a strained voice, not looking towards him; and by some strange and subtle process of a.s.sociation she fell into words which she had used within the hour to another: "I don"t wish to talk with you any more."
The man"s handsome face flushed brightly. He said in a throbbing voice:
"I can"t let you dismiss me this way. I can"t endure it. Have I offended so--"
"I can"t talk with you any more now. I must ask--"
"But you won"t be so cruel! If I"ve offended, won"t you make some allowance for my temptation? Am I a snow-man, to come so near and be unmoved? Am I to be a monk, because I live under sentence in a monastery? You ..."
To do him justice, he did not look in the least like either of these things. However, Carlisle missed his look. Standing with lowered eyes, she said again, colorlessly:
"Please leave me now--I beg you--"
"But I can"t leave you this way!" said Canning. "It"s impossible! You misjudge me so--"
"Then I must leave you," said Carlisle; and started to go past him.
But Canning blocked her way, his face, troubled with deep concern, more handsome and winning than she had ever seen it. Only she still did not see it. He thought, with a whirling mind, that this was carrying the thing rather too far; but he saw with chagrin and a curious inner tumult the entire uselessness of more argument to-night.
"I am heartbroken," he said, a little stiffly, "that I"ve brought you somehow to think so hardly of me. Your thought does a great wrong to the--respect and deep devotion I feel and shall feel for you." He wobbled the least bit over these words, as if himself conscious of a certain inadequacy, but went on with his usual masculine decisiveness: "Now it must of course be as you wish. But to-morrow I shall make you understand me better."
He picked up hat, coat, and stick, defeated, yet not spoiled of his air. But as he turned to go, and looked at her for his formal bow, he was all at once aware that she wore a wholly new dignity in his sight, a subtly enhanced desirability. Unexpectedly her marble loveliness shot him through and through, and he said in a low throbbing voice:
"You darling--darling! How can I bear to part from you like this?
Forgive me _now_, Carlisle ..."
But Carlisle"s only response was to move away toward the hall.
A moment later the front door shut, rather hard. Carlisle"s second impa.s.sioned parting within an hour was over. She switched off the tall newel-post lamp, and went upstairs in the dark.
She was a long time in going to sleep. Not since she had the fever, as a little girl, was the great G.o.d of forgetfulness so elusive to her wooing. Not since the night at the Beach, and never in her life before that night, had the merry imps of thought so strung her brain upon a thumbscrew. Now came Self-Communion, rarest of her comrades, and perched upon her pillow.
All was plain now, by one instant of merciless illumination. She sufficed to beguile Mr. Canning"s leisure for an invalid sojourn far from his normal haunts, but apart from that she had no existence for him. He could see her daily, monopolize her time, for these things happened to amuse him; he could make love to her, lead her in a hundred subtle ways to feel that her companionship was sweet to him; and then he could board a train and ride handsomely away, and woe is the word to the conquered. And by this freedom that he felt, and in particular by the license of his prodigal kisses, it appeared that she read the heart of his secret opinion of her.
Never again should he show her this opinion, at least: he should board his train with no more sight of her. On this her thought was crystal-clear from the beginning. That such short shrift to Mr. Hugo Canning was suicidally impolitic, she naturally had no difficulty in realizing; the dread of reporting the affair to mamma had already shot through her mind. But for the moment these things seemed oddly not to matter. She was clearly in the grip of one of those mysterious "flare-ups" which her mother disliked and objected to so intensely: to such lengths borne by her recoil from Mr. Canning"s familiarity. She had met the common fate of beauty. Flaming young men had kissed her before now. But none had kissed her without the desire of her love, none as the fair price exacted for a couple of weeks" lordly attentions. By their lightness, as by their pa.s.sion, Canning"s kisses had seemed to sear and scar. They had given her body to be burned. For this was the fulness of his desire of her, her favor to wear in his b.u.t.ton-hole; and his thought stabbed at her, beneath his gallant"s air, that by now he had fairly earned it.
In the dark as it was, the memory of her moment of revelation had turned the girl"s face downward upon her pillow. How, oh how, had he come to image her on so low a plane? How did it come to be that men should have slighting opinions of _her_, of all people, and so slap them across her face?...
It was the first time that such a thought of herself had ever risen before her mind, though in a sense not the first time she had had a pretext for it. Her painful meditations included brief note of Vivian, the eccentric stray across her path who had once considered her deserving of pity as a poor little thing. He, of course, was only an unbalanced religious fanatic, whose opinions were not of the slightest consequence to anybody, whom everybody seemed to take a dislike to at sight (except ignorant paupers like the c.o.o.neys), and whose ideal type of girl would probably be some hideous dowd, a slum-worker, a Salvation Army la.s.sie, perhaps. Yet this man had felt sorry for her at the Beach; he had done it again to-night.... And if he was quite out of her world of men, was of course not a man at all as she counted men, the same could not possibly be said of Mr. Canning, a man of her own kind in the royal power....
The thought of herself as vulnerable and vincible to the hostile s.e.x had come upon the girl, fire-new, with disruptive force. It was pulling out the pin which held her life together. For if she was a failure in the subjugation of men, then she was a failure everywhere: this being the supreme, indeed, you might say the only, purpose of her life....
Below in the still house, the soft-toned chimes rang two; and, almost on the heels of that, it seemed, three. Step by step, Carlisle went back over all her acquaintance with Canning from their first meeting; and gave herself small glory. She had pursued him to the Beach; she had pursued him to Willie"s apartment; and on both occasions, and since, she had used her arts to lure him into reversing the pursuit. A dozen times she had sought to lead him, so it seemed now, further than he ever had the slightest idea of going. Was it really a wonder that he, whose experienced eyes observed everything, had seen in her merely his ready plaything? Repulsed, he could wear an air of genuine tenderness, but never doubt that in his heart he was laughing at her, and had a right to....
And she herself ... Were these the pangs of unrequited love that tore her breast? In her desire to land the great catch, by hook or by crook, when had she paused to consult her heart about the glittering prospect?
What else did it all mean but that she, calculating, had offered herself to him at the price of his hand, name, and enduring complement of happiness, and he, lightly responding, had rated her as worth, at most, only his counterfeit coin. Why else should the memory of the moment downstairs continually return to her like an affront?
She was of her world and time, not unsophisticated; but it chanced that she possessed a mind natively maiden. Through all her vigil, through all her questioning and novel self-criticism, her mind"s-eye picture of Canning, as his arms went round her, ran like a torturing motif. The portrait became detestable to her. She hated him, she would hate him forever as the man who had cruelly revealed to her that love and his base brother can speak with the same voice and hand.
And next day, when a box of glorious and penitent blossoms was followed within an hour by Canning"s card and presence at her door, the girl"s resolution to see him nevermore held staunch. It held to deny him a second time on the afternoon following. After that it was subjected to no more tests. And the social columns of another morning made it known to the general public that the Paynes" distinguished house-guest had departed for points south.
XII
How V. Vivian still felt the Same about the Huns, No Matter what Sam thought; also, how Kern Garland lost Something at the Works, and what made Mr. V.V. look at her That Way.
While Vivian was still engaged with his sick, O"Neill, recently returned from a three weeks" industrial tour of the State, stuck his head informally through the office door.
"Oh! Busy, hey?"
"This is the last, I think. Step into the waiting-room and come in when I whistle."
In three minutes Vivian whistled, and O"Neill instantly opened the door.
It looked as if he had meant to come in just then anyway, and he had.
"Say, V.V.!--step out here!" he said in a low, interested voice.
"There"s a whiskered b.u.m dodging around your back hall here, and if I"m not very much mistaken, he"s got your Sunday pants!"
"It"s Mister," said V.V., looking round from his secretary. "Shut the door."
"Oh!--_Garland_, hey? But he"s swiped your best pants!"
"They were a gift," said V.V., with a touch of soberness. "_Sh!_ he"ll hear you."
"Oh!" said the Labor Commissioner again, and looked a little disappointed.
He shut the door and came on in, a substantial figure in his glossy suit. It was the 30th of January, and he had been taking on flesh since October.
"Well, when"d _he_ blow in? Say, he"s a ringer for Weary Waggles, all right."
"Sometime in the night," replied the young man, tilting back in his swivel-chair. "Mrs. G. found him in the entryway when she went down for the milk, asleep in the Goldnagels" hall-rug. I"m afraid he"s only come to be outfitted again, and she will not be firm with him, no matter what she promises.... By the way, they were not my best trousers at all, except in a sort of technical sense. Never had "em on but once, at a funeral.--Well, how was the lunch with the Governor?"
The Commissioner, having pushed a new brown derby to the back of his head, walked about.