I went for Caroline, and a bitter parting it was; I hardly know which of the three cried the most, but after half-an-hour Madame Bathurst signed to me to take Caroline away, which I did, and afterwards put her into bed as soon as I could. Having remained with her till she had sobbed herself to sleep, I went down to the servants and gave Madame Bathurst"s directions for the next morning, and then retired myself. Worn out as I was with such a day of anxiety and distress, I could not close my eyes for some time, reflecting upon what might be the issue of this breaking up of the connection to myself. I had been engaged as governess to Caroline, and I could not well expect that Madame Bathurst would wish to retain me now that Caroline was removed from her care; neither, indeed, would my pride permit me to accept such an offer if made, as I should become a mere dependent on her bounty, with no services to offer in return. That I must leave Madame Bathurst was certain, and that I must look out for some other situation. I took it for granted that Madame Bathurst would not permit me to leave immediately, but allow me a short time to look out for a suitable situation; but whether I should decide upon taking the situation of a governess after what Madame Bathurst had told me, or what situation I should seek was the cause of much thought and indecision. At last I could make no mind up, and decided that I would trust to Providence, and having so far come to a conclusion, I fell asleep.
After an early breakfast, I set off in the carriage with Caroline in charge, and before noon, we arrived at her father"s house. The servants dressed in very gaudy liveries, ushered us into the library, where we found her father and mother waiting to receive her. A first glance satisfied me that they were swelled with pride at the change in their fortunes. Caroline was not received with great cordiality. There was a stiffness on the part of her parents which would have checked any feelings of affection on her part, had she been inclined to show them, which I was sorry to perceive she did not; indeed, her feelings appeared rather those of resentment for the conduct they had shown to her aunt.
After the salutation of meeting, Caroline sat down on a sofa, opposite to her father and mother. I remained standing, and when the pause took place I said, "I was deputed by Madame Bathurst to convey your daughter safe to you, and as soon as the horses are baited, I am to return home."
"Who may this person be, Caroline?" demanded her mother.
"I must apologise to Mademoiselle de Chatenoeuf for not having introduced her," replied Caroline, blushing with annoyance. "She is a very dear friend of mine and my aunt"s."
"Latterly I have been the governess of your daughter, madame," said I.
"Oh!" said the lady. "Will somebody ring the bell?"
I presumed by this somebody it was intended to convey to me that I was to perform that office; but as they had not had the common civility to ask me to take a chair I took no notice.
"Will you ring the bell, my dear," said the lady to her husband.
The gentleman complied; and when the servant entered the lady said, "Show the governess into the small breakfast-room, and tell the coachman to put up his horses and bait them. He must be round again in an hour."
The man stood with the door in his hand waiting for me to follow him.
Not a little indignant, I turned to Caroline, and said to her, "I had better wish you good-bye now."
"Yes, indeed, Valerie, you had," replied Caroline rising from the sofa, "for I am ashamed to look you in the face, after such treatment as you have received. Will you," continued she, with great spirit, "accept my apology for the behaviour of my parents towards one who is of a much higher family, and much higher breeding than they can boast of."
"Hush! Caroline," said I; "recollect--"
"I do recollect, and shall continue to recollect, the insults to my dear aunt in the first place, and now the insult to you, my dear Valerie,"
retorted Caroline, who then put her arms round my neck and kissed me several times; having so done she darted from me, threw herself on the sofa and burst into tears, while I hastened to follow the servant, to escape from such an unpleasant scene.
I was shown into a small room, where I remained some little time, thinking how true were Madame Bathurst"s observations as to what I might expect in the position of a governess, when a servant came in, and in a condescending manner asked if I did not wish to have some lunch. I replied in the negative.
"You can have a gla.s.s of wine if you choose," continued he.
"You may leave the room," I replied, calmly, "I wish for nothing."
The man went out, slamming the door, and I was again alone. I reflected upon the scene I had just been witness to, and I own that I was surprised at Caroline"s conduct, who had always appeared so mild and amiable; but the fact appeared to me to be, that when parents give up their children to the care of another, they surrender at the same time all those feelings which should exist between parent and child to the party who undertakes the charge of them. The respect and love which by nature belonged to them were now transferred to her aunt, to whom Caroline was always obedient and attached. The insult to me was resented by Caroline as if it had been offered by perfect strangers to her; Caroline not feeling herself at all checked by filial duty. There appeared to be little prospect of any addition to the happiness of either of the parties by the return of Caroline to her father"s house, and how it would end I could not surmise.
At last my reverie was interrupted by the servant coming in and telling me that the carriage was at the door. I immediately followed him and set off on my return, during which I resolved that I would not leave my own expectations any longer in doubt, but come immediately to an understanding with Madame Bathurst.
As it was late when I arrived, I did not see Madame Bathurst that evening, but she came down to breakfast the next morning, when I informed her of all that had occurred at her sister"s, and the unceremonious manner in which I had been treated, and having done so, I then observed, that of course I did not expect to remain with her now that Caroline was gone, and begged she would give me her advice and a.s.sistance in procuring another situation.
"At all events, do not be in a hurry, Valerie," replied Madame Bathurst; "I trust you will not refuse to be my visitor until you are suited to your liking. I will not ask you to stay with me, as I know you will refuse, and I do not pay unnecessary compliments. And yet, why should you not? I know you well, and am attached to you. I shall feel the loss of Caroline severely. Why not remain?"
"Many thanks, my dear madame," replied I, "for your kind wishes and expressions, but you know my resolution has been made to earn my own livelihood."
"I know that; but a resolution may be altered when circ.u.mstances demand it. Madame d"Albret was no more related to you than I am, and yet you accepted her offer."
"I did, madame," replied I, bitterly, "and you know the result. I would have staked my life upon her sincerity and affection, and yet how was I cast away? With every feeling of grat.i.tude, my dear madame, I cannot accept your offer, for I never will put myself in a similar position a second time."
"You do not pay me a very great compliment by that remark, Valerie,"
said Madame Bathurst somewhat harshly.
"Indeed, my dear madame, I should be sorry if anything I have said should annoy one who has been so kind and considerate to me as you have been; but I know that I should be miserable and unhappy if not independent, and I never can risk a second shock, like that I received from the conduct of Madame d"Albret. I entreat as a favour that you will not continue the subject."
"Well, Valerie, I will not; perhaps had I been treated as you have been, I might feel the same. What then do you propose to seek? Is it the situation of a governess?"
"Anything in preference, my dear madame; I was sufficiently humiliated yesterday. I should prefer that of a lady"s-maid, although I hope not to descend quite so low."
"There are so few situations for a person educated as you have been.
There is a companion for a lady, which I believe is anything but pleasant. There is that of amanuensis, but it is seldom required. You might certainly go out and give lessons in music, and singing, and in the French language; but there are so many French masters and mistresses, and for music and singing a master is always preferred, why, I do not exactly know. However, I think something may be done when we go to town, but till then all that we can do is to talk the matter over.
Perhaps something may turn up when we least expect it. I will, however, now that I know your decision, make every inquiry, and give you all the a.s.sistance in my power."
I expressed my thanks and grat.i.tude, and the conversation ended.
I did not, however, trust altogether to Madame Bathurst. I wrote a letter to my acquaintance, Madame Gironac, in Leicester Square, stating what had occurred, and what my ideas and intentions were, requesting her to give me her advice and opinion as to the best plan I could follow.
In a few days I received from her the following reply, which I insert as characteristic of the party.
"My dear Mademoiselle,
"Your letter gave great pain to me; and as for my husband, he was quite furious, and declared that he would not live a minute longer in such an abominable world. However, to oblige me, he has not yet made away with himself. It really is dreadful to see a young lady-like you in such an awkward position, from the weakness and follies of others; but we must submit to what the _bon Dieu_ disposes, and when things come to the worst, hope that a change will take place, as any change must then be for the better. I have consulted my husband about what you propose, but he negatives everything. He says you are too good for a governess; would be thrown away as a companion to a lady; that you must not be seen in a cab, going about giving lessons--in fact, he will listen to nothing except that you must come and live with us. I can only say, my dear mademoiselle, that I join in the latter request, and that it would make me perfectly happy, and that the honour and pleasure of your company would be more than a compensation. Still, it is but a poor home to offer to you, but at all events one that you might condescend to take advantage of rather than remain to be mortified by those who think, as they do in this country, that money is everything. Do, pray, then come to us, if you feel inclined, and then we can talk over things quietly, and wait upon Providence. My husband has now hardly time to eat his dinner, he has so many pupils of one kind and the other; and I am happy to say that I have also most of my time occupied; and if it pleases G.o.d to continue us in good health, we hope to be able to put by a little money for a rainy day, as they say in this country, where it is always raining. a.s.sure yourself, my dear mademoiselle, of our love, respect, consideration.
"Annette Gironac."
We went to town earlier than usual, Madame Bathurst feeling lonely in the country after the departure of Caroline, from whom she had not received a line since her quitting her. This of course was to be ascribed to her parents, who thus returned all Madame Bathurst"s kindness, as soon as they no longer required her a.s.sistance. I know not how it was, but gradually a sort of coolness had arisen between Madame Bathurst and me. Whether it was that she was displeased at my refusing her offer to remain with her, or thought proper to wean herself from one who was so soon to quit her, I know not. I did nothing to give offence: I was more quiet and subdued, perhaps, than before, because I had become more reflective; but I could not accuse myself of any fault or error, that I was aware of.
We had been about a week in London, when an old acquaintance of Madame Bathurst"s, who had just returned from Italy, where she had resided for two years, called upon her. Her name was Lady R--: she was the widow of a baronet, not in very opulent circ.u.mstances, although with a sufficiency to hire, if not keep, a carriage. She was, moreover, an auth.o.r.ess, having written two or three novels, not very good I was told, but still, emanating from the pen of a lady, they were well paid. She was very eccentric, and rather amusing. When a woman says everything that comes into her head, out of a great deal of chaff there will drop some few grains of wheat; and so sometimes, more by accident than otherwise, she said what is called a good thing. Now, a good thing is repeated, while all the nonsense is forgotten; and Lady R--was considered a wit as well as an auth.o.r.ess. She was a tall woman; I should think very near, if not past, fifty years of age, with the remains of beauty in her countenance: apparently, she was strong and healthy, as she walked with a spring, and was lively and quick in all her motions.
"Cara mia," exclaimed she, as she was announced, running up to Madame Bathurst, "and how have you been all this while--my biennial absence in the land of poetry--in which I have laid up such stores of beauteous images and ideas in my mind, that I shall make them last me during my life. Have you read my last? It"s surprising, every one says, and proves the effect of climate on composition--quite new--an Italian story of thrilling interest. And you have something new here, I perceive,"
continued she, turning to me; "not only new, but beautiful--introduce me: I am an enthusiast in the sublime and beautiful. Is she any relation? No relation!--Mademoiselle de Chatenoeuf!--what a pretty name for a novel. I should like to borrow it, and paint the original from nature. Will you sit for your likeness?"
That Lady R--allowed no one to talk but herself was evident. Madame Bathurst, who knew her well, allowed her to run on; and I, not much valuing the dose of flattery so unceremoniously bestowed upon me, took an opportunity, when Lady R--turned round to whisper something to Madame Bathurst, to make my escape from the room. The following morning, Madame Bathurst said to me, "Valerie, Lady R--was very much pleased with your appearance when she made her visit yesterday; and as she told me, after you had left the room, that she wanted just such a person as yourself as a companion and amanuensis, I thought it right to say that you were looking out for something of the kind, and that you were remaining under my protection until you could procure it. We had more conversation on the subject, and she said before she left, that she would write to me on the subject. Her note has just been put into my hands; you can read it. She offers you a salary of one hundred pounds per annum, all your expenses paid, except your dress. As far as salary goes, I think her terms liberal. And now, as to Lady R--. My opinion of her is in few words. You saw her yesterday, and I never knew her otherwise; never more or less rational. She is an oddity; but she is good-natured; and, I am told, more liberal and charitable than many others who can afford it better. Now you know all I can tell you about her, and you must decide for yourself. Here is her note; you need not give me an answer till to-morrow morning."
I made one or two observations, and then left the room. The note was very kind, certainly, but it was as flighty as her manners. I hastened to my own bedchamber, and sat down to reflect. I felt that I was not exactly comfortable with Madame Bathurst, and certainly was anxious to be independent; but still, I could not exactly make up my mind to accept the offer of Lady R--. She was so different from those I had been accustomed to live with. I was still deliberating, when Mrs Bathurst"s maid came into my room, telling me it was time to change my dress for dinner. As she was a.s.sisting me, she said, "And so, Miss Chatenoeuf, you are about to quit us, I find. I am so sorry--first, Miss Caroline-- now you. I hoped you would stay with us, and I should soon have become an expert milliner under your directions."
"Who told you, Mason, that I was going to leave you?"
"Mrs Bathurst told me so, and not a quarter of an hour ago," replied the woman.
"Well," replied I, "she told you truly, Mason; such is the case;" for this information of Mason"s decided me upon accepting the offer of Lady R--; for Madame Bathurst, it appeared to me, had certainly decided it for me, by making such a premature communication to her servant.
The reader may suppose, that when I made this discovery, I felt little pain at the idea of parting with Madame Bathurst; and the following morning I coolly announced my intention of accepting the offer of Lady R--. Madame Bathurst looked at me very hard, as if surprised at not hearing from me any regrets at leaving her, and expressions of grat.i.tude for all favours; but I could not express what I really did not feel at the time. Afterwards I thought that I had been wrong, as, to a certain degree, I was under obligations to her; not that I think, had she been ever so inclined to get rid of me, she could have well turned me out of the house, although I had been foisted upon her in such a way by Madame d"Albret. Still I was under obligations to her, and should have expressed myself so, if it had not been for the communication made to me by the maid, which proved that her expressions to me were not sincere.
"Well, then," replied Madame Bathurst, at last, "I will write to Lady R--immediately. I presume I may say that you are at her commands as soon as she can receive you."
"Yes, madame, at an hour"s notice," replied I.
"You really appear as if you were anxious to quit me, mademoiselle,"
said Madame Bathurst, biting her lip.