My own romantic state was less rosy than hers-if you could even call it a romantic state.
Dimitri hadn"t visited me during my recovery, and our practices were indefinitely suspended. It wasn"t until the fourth day after Lissa"s kidnapping that I ran into him in the gym. We were alone.
I had come back for my gym bag and froze when I saw him, unable to speak. He started to walk past and then stopped.
"Rose..." he began after several uncomfortable moments. "You need to report what happened.
With us."
I"d been waiting a long time to talk to him, but this wasn"t the conversation I"d imagined.
"I can"t do that. They"ll fire you. Or worse." "They should fire me. What I did was wrong."
"You couldn"t help it. It was the spell..."
"It doesn"t matter. It was wrong. And stupid."
Wrong? Stupid? I bit my lip, and tears threatened to fill my eyes. I quickly tried to regain my composure. "Look, it"s not a big deal."
"It is a big deal! I took advantage of you."
"No," I said evenly. "You didn"t."
There must have been something telling in my voice because he met my eyes with a deep and serious intensity.
"Rose, I"m seven years older than you. In ten years, that won"t mean so much, but for now, it"s huge. I"m an adult. You"re a child."
Ouch. I flinched. Easier if he"d just punched me.
"You didn"t seem to think I was a child when you were all over me."
Now he flinched. "Just because your body...well, that doesn"t make you an adult. We"re in two very different places. I"ve been out in the world. I"ve been on my own. I"ve killed, Rose- people, not animals. And you...you"re just starting out. Your life is about homework and clothes and dances."
"That"s all you think I care about?"
"No, of course not. Not entirely. But it"s all part of your world. You"re still growing up and figuring out who you are and what"s important. You need to keep doing that. You need to be with boys your own age."
I didn"t want boys my own age. But I didn"t say that. I didn"t say anything.
"Even if you choose not to tell, you need to understand that it was a mistake. And it isn"t ever going to happen again," he added. "Because you"re too old for me? Because it isn"t responsible?"
His face was perfectly blank. "No. Because I"m just not interested in you in that way."
I stared. The message-the rejection-came through loud and clear. Everything from that night, everything I"d believed so beautiful and full of meaning, turned to dust before my eyes.
"It only happened because of the spell. Do you understand?"
Humiliated and angry, I refused to make a fool of myself by arguing or begging. I just shrugged. "Yeah. Understood."
I spent the rest of the day sulking, ignoring both Lissa and Mason"s attempts to draw me out of my room. It was ironic that I should want to stay inside. Kirova had been impressed enough by my performance with the rescue to end my house arrest.
Before school the next day, I made my way to where Victor was being held. The Academy had honest-to-goodness cells, complete with bars, and two guardians stood watch in the hallway nearby. It took a little bit of finagling on my part to get them to let me inside to talk to him.
Even Natalie wasn"t allowed in. But one of the guardians had ridden with me in the SUV and watched me undergo Lissa"s torture. I told him I needed to ask Victor about what he"d done to Lissa. It was a lie, but the guardians bought it and felt sorry for me. They allowed me five minutes to speak, backing up a discrete distance down the hall where they could see but not hear.
Standing outside Victor"s cell, I couldn"t believe I"d once felt sorry for him. Seeing his new and healthy body enraged me. He sat cross-legged on a narrow bed, reading. When he heard me approach, he looked up.
"Why Rose, what a nice surprise. Your ingenuity never fails to impress me. I didn"t think they"d allow me any visitors." I crossed my arms, trying to put on a look of total guardian fierceness. "I want you to break the spell. Finish it off."
"What do you mean?"
"The spell you did on me and Dimitri."
"That spell is done. It burned itself out."
I shook my head. "No. I keep thinking about him. I keep wanting to..."
He smiled knowingly when I didn"t finish. "My dear, that was already there, long before I set that up."
"It wasn"t like this. Not this bad."
"Maybe not consciously. But everything else...the attraction-physical and mental-was already in you. And in him. It wouldn"t have worked otherwise. The spell didn"t really add anything new-it just removed inhibitions and strengthened the feelings you already had for each other."
"You"re lying. He said he didn"t feel that way about me."
"He"s lying. I tell you, the spell wouldn"t have worked otherwise, and honestly, he should have known better. He had no right to let himself feel that way. You can be forgiven for a schoolgirl"s crush. But him? He should have demonstrated more control in hiding his feelings.
Natalie saw it and told me. After just a few observations of my own, it was obvious to me too.
It gave me the perfect chance to distract you both. I keyed the necklace"s charm for each of you, and you two did the rest."
"You"re a sick b.a.s.t.a.r.d, doing that to me and him. And to Lissa."
"I have no regrets about what I did with her," he declared, leaning against the wall. "I"d do it again if I could. Believe what you want, I love my people. What I wanted to do was in their best interest. Now? Hard to say. They have no leader, no real leader. There"s no one worthy, really."
He c.o.c.ked his head toward me, considering. "Vasilisa actually might have been such a one-if she could ever have found it within herself to believe in something and overcome the influence of spirit. It"s ironic, really. Spirit can shape someone into a leader and also crush her ability to remain one. The fear, depression, and uncertainty take over, and keep her true strength buried deep within her. Still, she has the blood of the Dragomirs, which is no small thing. And of course, she has you, her shadow-kissed guardian. Who knows? She may surprise us yet."
""Shadow-kissed"?" There it was again, the same thing Ms. Karp had called me.
"You"ve been kissed by shadows. You"ve crossed into Death, into the other side, and returned.
Do you think something like that doesn"t leave a mark on the soul? You have a greater sense of life and the world-far greater than even I have-even if you don"t realize it. You should have stayed dead. Vasilisa brushed Death to bring you back and bound you to her forever. You were actually in its embrace, and some part of you will always remember that, always fight to cling to life and experience all it has. That"s why you"re so reckless in the things you do. You don"t hold back your feelings, your pa.s.sion, your anger. It makes you remarkable. It makes you dangerous."
I didn"t know what to say to that. I was speechless, which he seemed to like.
"It"s what created your bond, too. Her feelings always press out of her, onto others. Most people can"t pick up on them unless she"s actually directing her thoughts toward them with compulsion.
You, however, have a mind sensitive to extrasensory forces-hers in particular." He sighed, almost happily, and I remembered reading that Vladimir had saved Anna from death. That must have made their bond, too. "Yes, this ridiculous Academy has no idea what they have in either you or her. If not for the fact that I needed to kill you, I would have made you part of my royal guard when you were older."
"You never would"ve had a royal guard. Don"t you think people would have been weirded out by you suddenly recovering like that? Even if no one found out about Lissa, Tatiana never would have made you king."
"You may be right, but it doesn"t matter. There are other ways of taking power. Sometimes it"s necessary to go outside the established channels. Do you think Kenneth is the only Moroi who follows me? The greatest and most powerful revolutions often start very quietly, hidden in the shadows." He eyed me. "Remember that." Odd sounds came from the detention center"s entrance, and I glanced toward where I"d come in.
The guardians who had let me in were gone. From around the corner, I heard a few grunts and thumps. I frowned and craned my head to get a better look.
Victor stood up. "Finally."
Fear spiked down my spine-at least until I saw Natalie round the corner.
Mixed sympathy and anger flitted through me, but I forced a kind smile. She probably wouldn"t see her father again once they took him. Villain or no, they should be allowed to say goodbye.
"Hey," I said, watching her stride toward me. There was an unusual purpose in her movements that some part of me whispered wasn"t right. "I didn"t think they"d let you in." Of course, they weren"t supposed to have let me in either.
She walked right up to me and-no exaggeration-launched me against the far wall. My body hit it hard, and black star-bursts danced across my vision.
"What?..." I put a hand to my forehead and tried to get up.
Unconcerned about me now, Natalie unlocked Victor"s cell with a set of keys I"d seen on one of the guardian"s belts. Staggering to my feet, I approached her.
"What are you doing?"
She glanced up at me, and that"s when I saw it. The faint ring of red around her pupils. Skin too pale, even for a Moroi. Blood smudged around her mouth. And most telling of all, the look in her eyes. A look so cold and so evil, my heart nearly came to a standstill. It was a look that said she no longer walked among the living-a look that said she was now one of the Strigoi.
Twenty-Four
IN SPITE OF ALL THE training I"d received, all the lessons on Strigoi habits and how to defend against them, I"d never ever actually seen one. It was scarier than I"d expected.
This time, when she swung at me again, I was ready. Sort of. I dodged back, slipping out of reach, wondering what chance I had. I remembered Dimitri"s joke about the mall. No silver stake. Nothing to cut her head off with. No way to set her on fire. Running seemed like the best option after all, but she was blocking my way.
Feeling useless, I simply backed down the hall as she advanced on me, her movements far more graceful than they"d ever been in life.
Then, also faster than she"d ever moved in life, she leapt out, grabbed me, and slammed my head against the wall. Pain exploded in my skull, and I felt pretty sure that was blood I tasted in the back of my mouth. Frantically, I fought against her, trying to mount some kind of defense, but it was like fighting Dimitri on crack.
"My dear," murmured Victor, "try not to kill her if you don"t have to. We might be able to use her later."
Natalie paused in her attack, giving me a moment to back up, but she never took her cold eyes off me. "I"ll try not to."
There was a skeptical tone in her voice. "Get out of here now. I"ll meet you there when I"m done."
"I can"t believe you!" I yelled after him. "You got your own daughter to turn Strigoi?"
"A last resort. A necessary sacrifice made for the greater good. Natalie understands." He left. "Do you?" I hoped I could stall her with talking, just like in the movies. I also hoped my questions would hide how utterly and completely terrified I was. "Do you understand? G.o.d, Natalie. You...you turned. Just because he told you to?"
"My father"s a great man," she replied. "He"s going to save the Moroi from the Strigoi."
"Are you insane?" I cried. I was backing up again and suddenly hit the wall. My nails dug into it, as though I could dig my way through. "You are a Strigoi."
She shrugged, almost seeming like the old Natalie. "I had to do it to get him out of here before the others came. One Strigoi to save all of the Moroi. It"s worth it, worth giving up the sun and the magic."
"But you"ll want to kill Moroi! You won"t be able to help it."
"He"ll help me stay in control. If not, then they"ll have to kill me." She reached out and grabbed my shoulders, and I shuddered at how casually she talked about her own death. It was almost as casual as the way she was no doubt contemplating my death.
"You are insane. You can"t love him that much. You can"t really-"
She threw me into a wall again, and as my body collapsed in a heap on the floor, I had a feeling I wouldn"t be getting up this time. Victor had told her not to kill me...but there was a look in her eyes, a look that said she wanted to. She wanted to feed off me; the hunger was there. It was the Strigoi way. I shouldn"t have talked to her, I realized. I"d hesitated, just as Dimitri had warned.
And then, suddenly, he was there, charging down the hallway like Death in a cowboy duster.
Natalie spun around. She was fast, so fast. But Dimitri was fast too and avoided her attack, a look of pure power and strength on his face. With an eerie fascination, I watched them move, circling each other like partners in a deadly dance. She was stronger than him, clearly, but she was also a fresh Strigoi. Gaining superpowers doesn"t mean you know how to use them.
Dimitri, however, knew how to use the ones he had. After both giving and receiving some vicious. .h.i.ts, he made his move. The silver stake flashed in his hand like a streak of lightning, then it snaked forward-into her heart. He yanked it out and stepped back, his face impa.s.sive as she screamed and fell to the floor. After a few horrible moments, she stopped moving.
Just as quickly, he was leaning over me, slipping his arms under my body. He stood up, carrying me like he had when I hurt my ankle.
"Hey, Comrade," I murmured, my own voice sounding sleepy. "You were right about Strigoi."
The world started to darken, and my eyelids drooped.
"Rose. Roza. Open your eyes." I"d never heard his voice so strained, so frantic. "Don"t go to sleep on me. Not yet."
I squinted up at him as he carried me out of the building, practically running toward the clinic.
"Was he right?"
"Who?"
"Victor...he said it couldn"t have worked. The necklace."
I started to drift off, lost in the blackness of my mind, but Dimitri prompted me back to consciousness.
"What do you mean?"
"The spell. Victor said you had to want me...to care about me...for it to work." When he didn"t say anything, I tried to grip his shirt, but my fingers were too weak. "Did you? Did you want me?"
His words came out thickly. "Yes, Roza. I did want you. I still do. I wish...we could be together."