"My draught of pa.s.sion hath been deep-I revell"d, and I now would sleep-"
-Edgar Allan Poe (Introduction) [1829-1831]
If I could go back in time, I would. For Antonio is dead thanks to me, and Salvador is long gone. I hope. I fear opening my eyes for what I"ll see I will not like. I can feel his presence, his stare, bearing deep into my soul. How did it come to this; I should"ve died? Now others have died in my place, leaving me too carry the burden of their deaths on my soul. I have washed my hands in their blood, one would say.
"I know you are awake, so be a good girl and open your eyes. After all I did forgive you for your betrayal," Enrique"s taunting voice speaks to me from the darkness, even though I detest the source of the voice it somehow seems safe. Something that it should not be.
"You ask for too much," I say in a whisper for I do not wish to talk. All I want is to die right now and here, but I already know that will never happen. They say never say never, but that saying doesn"t apply to me.
"Do I really? You are forgiven. I do not see how I am being the one that asks for too much."
"I never asked to be forgiven, you forgave me on your own account," My eyes open and I sit up straight to face him.
"No you didn"t, but I know what you want."
"Really, and what is that?"
"Too be forgiven."
"Not by you."
"Is it not enough?"
"I have no reason to ask for your forgiveness. There for no it is not enough!"
"But you do, after all you left me," He says this as he slowly caresses my skin, and I shiver at his touch.
"What choice did I have? Tell me, because if I recall you turned me againts my will.""
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"I needed you just like I need you now."
"No you don"t," I rise from the bed and shake his hand off.
"How can you be so sure that he loves you?"
"Because he has proven it too me countless of times," As I say this his eyes darken and he takes a possessive hold of me.
"I will prove it to you then," He says, as he takes my corset off placing one hand securely on my waist and another between my legs. I try to break free but cannot for his hold is strong on me.
"It is not what I meant."
"Perhaps, but I will show you such pleasure that you will not even remember his name."
"I will always remember his name, for it has and will be always him and only him. Understand that!"
"We"ll see."
I can feel myself dying as he kisses me and removes the rest of my clothes. My stomach turns in disgust and I cannot do anything to stop him. For right now, I am too weak and somehow fall into a daze that I cannot break. All I know is that he is touching me, making me his, when it should be Salvador touching me this way, not him. He kisses my neck before sinking his fangs into my skin, depriving me of any sanity as he looks into my most precious and cherished thoughts.
Somehow I find myself wanting his touch and the feel of him as he makes my body explode with l.u.s.t. I cannot help myself but p.r.o.nounce his name with such longing. I have given in. I am weak. Just by saying his name, I have given him the satisfaction of triumph, at least in his mind. His hand slips between my legs again as he lowers his head into my thigh piercing it with his fangs. I let out a yearning sound again and he removes his head only to look at me for a brief moment, then he pierces my stomach deep enough that his fangs pierce my ribs. All I feel is such pleasure as he works his way up. Once he"s done there he moves up too my neck slowly and carefully as he whispers in to my ear.
"I told you I would bring you such pleasure." I don"t respond and he kisses me before lifting me up forcing me too wrap my legs around him. I cannot help it; after all, it comes so naturally. Its happened before. He did this the night he turned me against my will. Just like that the daze slowly begins to fade. But by the time he"s done it is too late, for I am now his, death will not come so easily, for he now knows of what I am capable.
"I have not forgotten him, but now I am bound to you unwillingly just like back then."
"It does not matter, you will forget eventually. It"s only a matter of time," He says as he lifts me up and places his hand between my legs and slowly caresses the inner part of my thigh.
"Enjoy yourself while you have the chance, for you will never have me again," I say as I break free off his grip and go into the bathroom. Apparently, there"s been some remodeling done for now there is a modern day bathtub, but still candle light is needed. The cold water feels good agents my skin I stay in the water hoping that it will wash away his touch. But it does no such thing for I can still feel it. I scrub and scrub until it feels like new skin will grow out.
I look at my reflection and I feel disgusted with myself. I have betrayed Salvador again. Do I have no redemption at all, must I hurt him again in such a manner. It"s all over now. "Too far be the night
So dear its kiss
Yet they fight
And fall to their knees
Their hands shake
As they go too their throats
Yet their hearts ache
Before saying there final oaths
Teeth tear through skin
As the serpent dances in triumph
For they commit they"re sin
An end to their fume
Oh so alone are they now
For another night"s account they share a vow
He is the serpent that manipulates you in every way, until your caught tangle in with no way out. Salvador and I are forever condemned for we will never be together it seems. Oh how I wish it were different."
The door is locked and he is gone, I am alone. Days pa.s.s and nights die but he does not come. And in my solitude it slowly comes to me, the words I need to be rid of him, as I begin to wonder if he is dead and perhaps now there is a way out. Yet it seems I spoke too soon. He has the scent of drugs, alcohol, and cheap women on him. Just as I expected.
"Did your little wh.o.r.e putout as you wanted?"
"If I didn"t know any better I"d say you"re jealous."
"Not at all, I a.s.sure you."
"Then what is it?" He says in disgust.
"What"s the point in keeping me here when you have them?"
"The point is that even though you are bound to me, if given the chance you would go back to him in a heartbeat."
"Yes I would. And you want to know why? Because, unlike you, he is a real man that doesn"t treat me like a piece of meat."
"Tell me what you want, and I will grant it."
"I want you to leave me alone!"
"Anything but that."
"Then I only have one thing to say to you."
"And what would that be?"
"From Ashes to Dust, and Dust to Sorrows, I banish Thee to the Nether Realm!" As I say this, I can see his face turn from anger to understanding. As if expecting this already, he vanishes from sight and I pray that this time is for good.