"No."
"Where are you going?"
"I have not the least idea-beyond, at least, the port of Boue-Marine."
She stared, then carelessly ran on:
"I am going to school. Oh, the number of foreign schools I have been at in my life! And yet I am quite an ignoramus. I know nothing-nothing in the world-I a.s.sure you; except that I play and dance beautifully,-and French and German of course I know, to speak; but I can"t read or write them very well. Do you know they wanted me to translate a page of an easy German book into English the other day, and I couldn"t do it. Papa was so mortified: he says it looks as if M. de Ba.s.sompierre-my G.o.dpapa, who pays all my school-bills-had thrown away all his money. And then, in matters of information-in history, geography, arithmetic, and so on, I am quite a baby; and I write English so badly-such spelling and grammar, they tell me. Into the bargain I have quite forgotten my religion; they call me a Protestant, you know, but really I am not sure whether I am one or not: I don"t well know the difference between Romanism and Protestantism. However, I don"t in the least care for that. I was a Lutheran once at Bonn-dear Bonn!-charming Bonn!-where there were so many handsome students. Every nice girl in our school had an admirer; they knew our hours for walking out, and almost always pa.s.sed us on the promenade: "Schones Madchen," we used to hear them say. I was excessively happy at Bonn!"
"And where are you now?" I inquired.
"Oh! at-chose," said she.
Now, Miss Ginevra Fanshawe (such was this young person"s name) only subst.i.tuted this word "chose" in temporary oblivion of the real name. It was a habit she had: "chose" came in at every turn in her conversation-the convenient subst.i.tute for any missing word in any language she might chance at the time to be speaking. French girls often do the like; from them she had caught the custom. "Chose," however, I found in this instance, stood for Villette-the great capital of the great kingdom of Laba.s.secour.
"Do you like Villette?" I asked.
"Pretty well. The natives, you know, are intensely stupid and vulgar; but there are some nice English families."
"Are you in a school?"
"Yes."
"A good one?"
"Oh, no! horrid: but I go out every Sunday, and care nothing about the maitresses or the professeurs, or the eleves, and send lessons au diable (one daren"t say that in English, you know, but it sounds quite right in French); and thus I get on charmingly.... You are laughing at me again?"
"No-I am only smiling at my own thoughts."
"What are they?" (Without waiting for an answer)-"Now, do tell me where you are going."
"Where Fate may lead me. My business is to earn a living where I can find it."
"To earn!" (in consternation) "are you poor, then?"
"As poor as Job."
(After a pause)-"Bah! how unpleasant! But I know what it is to be poor: they are poor enough at home-papa and mamma, and all of them. Papa is called Captain Fanshawe; he is an officer on half-pay, but well-descended, and some of our connections are great enough; but my uncle and G.o.dpapa De Ba.s.sompierre, who lives in France, is the only one that helps us: he educates us girls. I have five sisters and three brothers. By-and-by we are to marry-rather elderly gentlemen, I suppose, with cash: papa and mamma manage that. My sister Augusta is married now to a man much older-looking than papa. Augusta is very beautiful-not in my style-but dark; her husband, Mr. Davies, had the yellow fever in India, and he is still the colour of a guinea; but then he is rich, and Augusta has her carriage and establishment, and we all think she has done perfectly well. Now, this is better than "earning a living," as you say. By the way, are you clever?"
"No-not at all."
"You can play, sing, speak three or four languages?"
"By no means."
"Still I think you are clever" (a pause and a yawn).
"Shall you be sea-sick?"
"Shall you?"
"Oh, immensely! as soon as ever we get in sight of the sea: I begin, indeed, to feel it already. I shall go below; and won"t I order about that fat odious stewardess! Heureus.e.m.e.nt je sais faire aller mon monde."
Down she went.
It was not long before the other pa.s.sengers followed her: throughout the afternoon I remained on deck alone. When I recall the tranquil, and even happy mood in which I pa.s.sed those hours, and remember, at the same time, the position in which I was placed; its hazardous-some would have said its hopeless-character; I feel that, as-
Stone walls do not a prison make, Nor iron bars-a cage, so peril, loneliness, an uncertain future, are not oppressive evils, so long as the frame is healthy and the faculties are employed; so long, especially, as Liberty lends us her wings, and Hope guides us by her star.
I was not sick till long after we pa.s.sed Margate, and deep was the pleasure I drank in with the sea-breeze; divine the delight I drew from the heaving Channel waves, from the sea-birds on their ridges, from the white sails on their dark distance, from the quiet yet beclouded sky, overhanging all. In my reverie, methought I saw the continent of Europe, like a wide dream-land, far away. Sunshine lay on it, making the long coast one line of gold; tiniest tracery of cl.u.s.tered town and snow-gleaming tower, of woods deep ma.s.sed, of heights serrated, of smooth pasturage and veiny stream, embossed the metal-bright prospect. For background, spread a sky, solemn and dark blue, and-grand with imperial promise, soft with tints of enchantment-strode from north to south a G.o.d-bent bow, an arch of hope.
Cancel the whole of that, if you please, reader-or rather let it stand, and draw thence a moral-an alliterative, text-hand copy-
Day-dreams are delusions of the demon.
Becoming excessively sick, I faltered down into the cabin.
Miss Fanshawe"s berth chanced to be next mine; and, I am sorry to say, she tormented me with an unsparing selfishness during the whole time of our mutual distress. Nothing could exceed her impatience and fretfulness. The Watsons, who were very sick too, and on whom the stewardess attended with shameless partiality, were stoics compared with her. Many a time since have I noticed, in persons of Ginevra Fanshawe"s light, careless temperament, and fair, fragile style of beauty, an entire incapacity to endure: they seem to sour in adversity, like small beer in thunder. The man who takes such a woman for his wife, ought to be prepared to guarantee her an existence all sunshine. Indignant at last with her teasing peevishness, I curtly requested her "to hold her tongue." The rebuff did her good, and it was observable that she liked me no worse for it.
As dark night drew on, the sea roughened: larger waves swayed strong against the vessel"s side. It was strange to reflect that blackness and water were round us, and to feel the ship ploughing straight on her pathless way, despite noise, billow, and rising gale. Articles of furniture began to fall about, and it became needful to lash them to their places; the pa.s.sengers grew sicker than ever; Miss Fanshawe declared, with groans, that she must die.
"Not just yet, honey," said the stewardess. "We"re just in port." Accordingly, in another quarter of an hour, a calm fell upon us all; and about midnight the voyage ended.
I was sorry: yes, I was sorry. My resting-time was past; my difficulties-my stringent difficulties-recommenced. When I went on deck, the cold air and black scowl of the night seemed to rebuke me for my presumption in being where I was: the lights of the foreign sea-port town, glimmering round the foreign harbour, met me like unnumbered threatening eyes. Friends came on board to welcome the Watsons; a whole family of friends surrounded and bore away Miss Fanshawe; I-but I dared not for one moment dwell on a comparison of positions.
Yet where should I go? I must go somewhere. Necessity dare not be nice. As I gave the stewardess her fee-and she seemed surprised at receiving a coin of more value than, from such a quarter, her coa.r.s.e calculations had probably reckoned on-I said, "Be kind enough to direct me to some quiet, respectable inn, where I can go for the night."
She not only gave me the required direction, but called a commissionaire, and bid him take charge of me, and-not my trunk, for that was gone to the custom-house.
I followed this man along a rudely-paved street, lit now by a fitful gleam of moonlight; he brought me to the inn. I offered him sixpence, which he refused to take; supposing it not enough, I changed it for a shilling; but this also he declined, speaking rather sharply, in a language to me unknown. A waiter, coming forward into the lamp-lit inn-pa.s.sage, reminded me, in broken English, that my money was foreign money, not current here. I gave him a sovereign to change. This little matter settled, I asked for a bedroom; supper I could not take: I was still sea-sick and unnerved, and trembling all over. How deeply glad I was when the door of a very small chamber at length closed on me and my exhaustion. Again I might rest: though the cloud of doubt would be as thick to-morrow as ever; the necessity for exertion more urgent, the peril (of dest.i.tution) nearer, the conflict (for existence) more severe.
CHAPTER VII.
VILLETTE.
I awoke next morning with courage revived and spirits refreshed: physical debility no longer enervated my judgment; my mind felt prompt and clear.
Just as I finished dressing, a tap came to the door: I said, "Come in," expecting the chambermaid, whereas a rough man walked in and said,-
"Gif me your keys, Meess."
"Why?" I asked.
"Gif!" said he impatiently; and as he half-s.n.a.t.c.hed them from my hand, he added, "All right! haf your tronc soon."
Fortunately it did turn out all right: he was from the custom-house. Where to go to get some breakfast I could not tell; but I proceeded, not without hesitation, to descend.
I now observed, what I had not noticed in my extreme weariness last night, viz. that this inn was, in fact, a large hotel; and as I slowly descended the broad staircase, halting on each step (for I was in wonderfully little haste to get down), I gazed at the high ceiling above me, at the painted walls around, at the wide windows which filled the house with light, at the veined marble I trod (for the steps were all of marble, though uncarpeted and not very clean), and contrasting all this with the dimensions of the closet a.s.signed to me as a chamber, with the extreme modesty of its appointments, I fell into a philosophizing mood.