Adventure Plan
The dinner had caused the ambiance of the night market to reach its climax. At last, with the Big Dipper and the Void Brew, Ye Cang and the others had the most filling meal they had ever had that year. To say that they are satisfied was just an understatement.
In the meantime, they were chit-chatting, talking about the changes that happened throughout the year, especially Flasher Uncle. He complained that the world had changed, people were no longer pure and innocent, and that they no longer fear the holy dragon at his crotch. As for Panty Uncle, he secretly told them that he was about to finish his second high-quality underwear, named Elegy of Muses. Upon hearing that, Wu Na, FrozenCloud and the others quickly sat closer to him, hoping he will fill them in on the underwear, including Little Ye Tian.
“On the third day of CNY, let’s go to the Imperial City for an adventure!” AV pulled Zhang Zhengxiong, Lil’w.a.n.g, SpyingBlade, and Fang Ci over.
“I’ll wait for all of you at the train station at 10 a.m. Be punctual and bring more money with you. The adventure fees are three times for CNY. Many hot girls will take advantage of it and look for part-time jobs. Last year, I played the clothes-removing game with a girl who is a second-line model. Believe it or not. I lost everything I had on me, even my underwear. I had to hop back from roofs to roofs in the middle of the night.” Lil’w.a.n.g reminded them.
“So, you’re the naked man the news was humiliating on the fifth day of CNY last year?” SpyingBlade laughed.
“Alright, alright. That’s not the main point. So, that’s the deal. Let’s toast for the big adventure on the third day!” Zhang Zhengxiong turned around to see Fang Ci’s helpless face. “Oh come on, we’re going on an adventure. It’s a group outing. Don’t frown. Be happy. Don’t you worry Lil’Fang, I wouldn’t tell Lil’Tong that you wore a bra and acted like a girl for my photoshoot. The full-screen picture is still in my phone though.”
“......” Fang Ci was speechless.
“What do you mean adventure?” Lin Liang suddenly appeared and gave them a shock. Knowing Zhang Zhengxiong did not know how to address himself, Lin Liang said. “Call me Brother Liang.”
“Old Brother Liang, have you been to a cafe where there are A-cla.s.s female servants who can pretend to be your girlfriend?” AV suddenly acted like a master.
“Never been there before and never heard of it.” Lin Liang shook his head.
“Then, let’s go on this adventure. It’s worthwhile to gain some knowledge in our lifetime. It’s fate that brings us together at the same dinner. 10 a.m. Remember to bring more money. We are going dutch and don’t let us wash the dishes!” Lin Liang nodded gradually and thought philosophically. Indeed. As time goes by, one’s pa.s.sion will slowly fade away like the leaves falling off a tree. Such a person would not be contributable to the society. He or she would be left with only sorrow in his or her broken house. It would be too late to regret when that day comes. I’ve warned Zhan’Er[1] about this. “So, I thank you Brother Lil’w.a.n.g in advance.”
“Judging from your look, you’re a family man.” Lil’w.a.n.g asked out of curiosity.
Lin Liang stunned for a second and nodded.
“No wonder. You’re a little weird but quite a gentleman. Your wife must be pretty, is she?” AV gossiped too.
Lin Liang did not know whether to laugh or cry. “In the eyes of society, she is far from being beautiful.”
“Do you have a picture of her?” Zhang Zhengxiong got curious and it also sparked SpyingBlade’s and Fang Ci’s interests.
Lin Liang reached for a piece of paper in his pocket and it turned out to be a drawing of an ugly woman. They immediately grasped and stared at him unbelievably.
Lin Liang did not bother much and just smiled. He shook his head as he took out his feathered fan. “Having an ugly woman in the house is like having a treasure. You’re not able to understand the happiness lying within.”
Upon finishing his sentence, Lil’w.a.n.g, Zhang Zhengxiong, and the others immediately sneezed and backed off a few steps, leaving a few meters in front of them.
“I originally thought that he’s just a little weird. But now, I can say that he’s bizzare. He even draws the picture himself. OMG, this is too much. I’m getting gooseb.u.mps.” Lil’w.a.n.g mumbled.
“Most importantly, I think the person in the drawing only exists in his imagination. I can’t believe that he can even think of such a thing. Looks like he is sick…” Av nodded and shivered.
“Having an ugly woman in the house is like having a treasure. Come to think of it...this sentence seems deep and requires some sense to understand the philosophy…” SpyingBlade’s words caused them to glare and stare at him with a weird and tired look. Immediately, he shut up. “......”
“Originally, I thought we only have a slight generation gap. I can’t believe it’s this huge…” Zhang Zhengxiong examined Lin Liang with his arms crossed.
“What I’m afraid of is that his special behavior will get us blacklisted.” Lil’w.a.n.g’s word made AV thought of something. “As an example, a girl who acts as an ugly old woman is playing games with him while dancing in the square. I think it is quite…”
“Are you insane or pervert?” Zhang Zhengxiong was speechless.
Lin Liang was standing there awkwardly. I really couldn’t communicate well with youngsters nowadays, can’t catch up to their pace. “Everyone, we’ll meet on the third day.”
“Shh...lower your voice. Keep it to yourself.” SpyingBlade reminded him. Even though Lin Liang did not have any clue why, he nodded and returned to his seat.
Just then, Flasher Uncle stood on the stage happily and took off his windbreaker. The Elephant a.s.sault! A warm breeze engulfed the entire night market all of a sudden.
“Quickly, pray to it! Flasher Uncle is giving his blessings!”
“Oh, Holy Elephant, I hope that I can be gangraped by three to ten girls in this new year. Please.”
“Oh, Father, I hope that my husband turns into Panty Uncle when I wake up.”
“You shameless! How dare you peek at my wish! Take this!”
“Oh, you think I’m afraid of you?! Have my kick!”
“Oh, Holy Elephant. Oh, Holy Elephant. I hope my mother will recover from her illness soon.”
“I always lose during mahjong. Father Elephant, please give me the luck to get the thirteen orphans!”
“Chu Shi Biao is so hard to memorize because Zhuge Liang wrote it too long. Oh, Holy Elephant, please reduce it to 20 words or less.”
Lin Liang heard the wish of a little child and he was shivering. Oh, so it’s my fault?! He swung his feathered fan.
“Hey?! Why do I know all the words already? I could even recite it backwards! Can’t forget it. It’s so disgusting! If I know my wish will come true, I shouldn’t have wished for this. d.a.m.n it.” The child was happy in the first place but got disgusted in the end, he kneeled down and shouted. “Flasher Uncle is amazing!”
Lin Liang was p.i.s.sed. Calm down... Calm down... He flapped his feathered fan.
“Lil’Tong, come on stage. Let me give you a Chinese New Year blessing!” These words immediately made Lil’Tong rush up to touch the Holy Elephant. She looked so loved. “I hope everyone can have a wonderful year ahead, be happy every day, under the blessing of the elephant…”
*Boom!*
Huge fireworks were shooting up into the sky. As they bloomed, it decorated the night sky with colorful and shiny lights.
“It’s the saintess! The saintess!”
“It’s the saintess! The saintess!”
“The saintess from our Holy Elephant Religion has born! Everyone, quickly, make a second wish!’
With much sorrow, Fang Ci looked at his sister and then at the fireworks in the sky. “Am I the only one who thinks that this city is weird?”
“Be glad.” SpyingBlade was staring at the elephant a.s.sault fireworks.
“That’s because you don’t have a sister.” Fang Ci’s words made SpyingBlade sigh. “You don’t have a wife either.”
The two of them stared at each other in agreement and sighed.
Meanwhile, AV, Lil’w.a.n.g, and Zhang Zhengxiong were gossiping behind their backs.
“I think they are about to kiss. Do we need to inform Sister Qian?” Lil’w.a.n.g said.
“Shhh, we’ll take a pic when they really kiss. Don’t bother them for now.” Zhang Zhengxiong replied.
“Why do people wanna be gay? I think they had secretly stared at my hole before…” AV swung his hand.
Both of them turned around and shouted.
“Get the f*ck off!”
“Shut the f*ck up!”