"Ah! there is nothing like old families!" remarked Mrs. Million, with all the awkward feelings of a parvenue.
"Do you think so?" said Vivian; "I once thought so myself, but I confess that my opinion is greatly changed. After all, what is n.o.ble blood? My eye is now resting on a crowd of n.o.bles; and yet, being among them, do we treat them in a manner differing in any way from that which we should employ to individuals of a lower caste who were equally uninteresting?"
"Certainly not," said Mrs. Million.
"The height of the ambition of the less exalted ranks is to be n.o.ble, because they conceive to be n.o.ble implies to be superior; a.s.sociating in their minds, as they always do, a pre-eminence over then equals. But to be n.o.ble among n.o.bles, where is the preeminence?"
"Where indeed?" said Mrs. Million; and she thought of herself, sitting the most considered personage in this grand castle, and yet with sufficiently base blood flowing in her veins.
"And thus, in the highest circles," continued Vivian, "a man is of course not valued because he is a Marquess or a Duke; but because he is a great warrior, or a great statesman, or very fashionable, or very witty. In all cla.s.ses but the highest, a peer, however unbefriended by nature or by fortune, becomes a man of a certain rate of consequence; but to be a person of consequence in the highest cla.s.s requires something else besides high blood."
"I quite agree with you in your sentiments, Mr. Grey. Now what character or what situation in life would you choose, if you had the power of making your choice?"
"That is really a most metaphysical question. As is the custom of all young men, I have sometimes, in my reveries, imagined what I conceived to be a lot of pure happiness: and yet Mrs. Million will perhaps be astonished that I was neither to be n.o.bly born nor to acquire n.o.bility, that I was not to be a statesman, or a poet, or a warrior, or a merchant, nor indeed any profession, not even a professional dandy."
"Oh! love in a cottage, I suppose," interrupted Mrs. Million.
"Neither love in a cottage, nor science in a cell."
"Oh! pray tell me what it is."
"What it is? Oh! Lord Mayor of London, I suppose; that is the only situation which answers to my oracular description."
"Then you have been joking all this time!"
"Not at all. Come then, let us imagine this perfect lot. In the first place, I would be born in the middle cla.s.ses of society, or even lower, because I would wish my character to be impartially developed. I would be born to no hereditary prejudices, no hereditary pa.s.sions. My course in life should not be carved out by the example of a grandfather, nor my ideas modelled to a preconceived system of family perfection. Do you like my first principle, Mrs. Million?"
"I must hear everything before I give an opinion."
"When, therefore, my mind was formed, I would wish to become the proprietor of a princely fortune."
"Yes!" eagerly exclaimed Mrs. Million.
"And now would come the moral singularity of my fate. If I had gained this fortune by commerce, or in any other similar mode, my disposition, before the creation of this fortune, would naturally have been formed, and been permanently developed; and my mind would have been similarly affected, had I succeeded to some ducal father; for I should then, in all probability, have inherited some family line of conduct, both moral and political. But under the circ.u.mstances I have imagined, the result would be far different. I should then be in the singular situation of possessing, at the same time, unbounded wealth, and the whole powers and natural feelings of my mind unoppressed and unshackled. Oh! how splendid would be my career! I would not allow the change in my condition to exercise any influence on my natural disposition. I would experience the same pa.s.sions and be subject to the same feelings, only they should be exercised and influential in a wider sphere. Then would be seen the influence of great wealth, directed by a disposition similar to that of the generality of men, inasmuch as it had been formed like that of the generality of men; and consequently, one much better acquainted with their feelings, their habits, and their wishes. Such a lot would indeed be princely! Such a lot would infallibly ensure the affection and respect of the great majority of mankind; and, supported by them, what should I care if I were misunderstood by a few fools and abused by a few knaves?"
Here came the Marquess to lead the lady to the concert. As she quitted her seat, a smile, beaming with graciousness, rewarded her youthful companion. "Ah!" thought Mrs. Million, "I go to the concert, but leave sweeter music than can possibly meet me there. What is the magic of these words? It is not flattery; such is not the language of Miss Gusset! It is not a rifacimento of compliments; such is not the style with which I am saluted by the Duke of Doze and the Earl of Leatherdale!
Apparently I have heard a young philosopher delivering his sentiments upon an abstract point in human life; and yet have I not listened to a brilliant apology for my own character, and a triumphant defence of my own conduct. Of course it was unintentional; and yet how agreeable to be unintentionally defended!" So mused Mrs. Million, and she made a thousand vows not to let a day pa.s.s over without obtaining a pledge from Vivian Grey to visit her on their return to the metropolis.
Vivian remained in his seat for some time after the departure of his companion. "On my honour, I have half a mind to desert my embryo faction and number myself in her gorgeous retinue. Let me see. What part should I act? her secretary, or her toad-eater, or her physician, or her cook?
or shall I be her page? Me-thinks I should make a pretty page, and hand a chased goblet as gracefully as any monkey that ever bent his knee in a lady"s chamber. Well! at any rate, there is this chance to be kept back, as the gambler does his last trump, or the cunning fencer his last ruse."
He rose to offer his arm to some stray fair one; for crowds were now hurrying to pineapples and lobster salads: that is to say, supper was ready in the Long Gallery.
In a moment Vivian"s arm was locked in that of Mrs. Felix Lorraine.
"Oh, Mr. Grey, I have got a much better ghost story than even that of the Leyden Professor for you; but I am so wearied with waltzing that I must tell it you to-morrow. How came you to be so late this morning?
Have you been paying many calls to-day? I quite missed you at dinner. Do you think Ernest Clay handsome? I dare not repeat what Lady Scrope said of you! You are an admirer of Lady Julia Knighton, I believe? I do not much like this plan of supping in the Long Gallery; it is a favourite locale of mine, and I have no idea of my private promenade being invaded by the uninteresting presence of trifles and Italian creams. Have you been telling Mrs. Million that she was very witty?" asked Vivian"s companion, with a significant look.
CHAPTER XV
Sweet reader! you know what a Toadey is? That agreeable animal which you meet every day in civilised society. But perhaps you have not speculated very curiously upon this interesting race. So much the worse! for you cannot live many l.u.s.tres without finding it of some service to be a little acquainted with their habits.
The world in general is under a mistake as to the nature of these vermin. They are by no means characterised by that similarity of disposition for which your common observer gives them credit. There are Toadeys of all possible natures.
There is your Common-place Toadey, who merely echoes its feeder"s common-place observations. There is your Playing-up Toadey, who, unconscious to its feeder, is always playing up to its feeder"s weaknesses; and, as the taste of that feeder varies, accordingly provides its cates and confitures. A little bit of scandal for a dashing widow, or a pious little hymn for a sainted one; the secret history of a newly discovered gas for a May Fair feeder, and an interesting anecdote about a Newgate bobcap or a Penitentiary ap.r.o.n for a charitable one.
Then there is your Drawing-out Toadey, who omits no opportunity of giving you a chance of being victorious in an argument where there is no contest, and a dispute where there is no difference; and then there is--but we detest essay writing, so we introduce you at once to a party of these vermin. If you wish to enjoy a curious sight, you must watch the Toadeys when they are unembarra.s.sed by the almost perpetual presence of their breeders; when they are animated by "the spirit of freedom;"
when, like Curran"s Negro, the chain bursts by the impulse of their swelling veins. The great singularity is the struggle between their natural and their acquired feelings: the eager opportunity which they seize of revenging their voluntary bondage, by their secret taunts, on their adopted task-masters, and the servility which they habitually mix up even with their scandal. Like veritable Grimalkins, they fawn upon their victims previous to the festival; compliment them upon the length of their whiskers and the delicacy of their limbs prior to excoriating them, and dwelling on the flavour of their crashed bones. "Tis a beautiful scene, and ten thousand times more piquant than the humours of a Servants" Hall, or the most grotesque and glorious moments of high life below stairs.
"Dear Miss Graves," said Miss Gusset, "you can"t imagine how terrified I was at that horrible green parrot flying upon my head! I declare it pulled out three locks of hair."
"Horrible green parrot, my dear madam! Why, it was sent to my Lady by Prince Xtmnprqtosklw, and never shall I forget the agitation we were in about that parrot. I thought it would never have got to the Chateau, for the Prince could only send his carriage with it as far as Toadcaster.
Luckily my Lady"s youngest brother, who was staying at Desir, happened to get drowned at the time; and so Davenport, very clever of him! sent her on in my Lord Dormer"s hea.r.s.e."
"In the hea.r.s.e! Good heavens, Miss Graves! How could you think of green parrots at such an awful moment? I should have been in fits for three days; eh! Dr. Sly?"
"Certainly you would, madame; your nerves are very delicate."
"Well! I, for my part, never could see much use in giving up to one"s feelings. It is all very well for commoners," rather rudely exclaimed the Marchioness" Toadey; "but we did not choose to expose ourselves to the servants when the old General died this year. Everything went on as usual. Her Ladyship attended Almack"s; my Lord took his seat in the House; and I looked in at Lady Doubtful"s where we do not visit, but where the Marchioness wishes to be civil."
"We do not visit Lady Doubtful either," replied Miss Gusset: "she had not a card for our fete champetre. I was so sorry you were not in town.
It was so delightful!"
"Do tell me who was there? I quite long to know all about it. I saw some account of it. Everything seemed to go off so well. Do tell me who was there?"
"Oh! there was plenty of Royalty at the head of the list. Really I cannot go into particulars, but everybody was there who is anybody; eh! Dr. Sly?"
"Certainly, madam. The pines were most admirable. There are few people for whom I entertain a higher esteem, than Mr. Gunter."
"The Marchioness seems very fond of her parrot, Miss Graves; but she is a sweet woman!"
"Oh, a dear, amiable creature! but I cannot think how she can bear the eternal screaming of that noisy bird."
"Nor I, indeed. Well, thank goodness, Mrs. Million has no pets; eh! Dr.
Sly?"
"Certainly. I am clearly of opinion that it cannot be wholesome to have so many animals about a house. Besides which, I have noticed that the Marchioness always selects the nicest morsels for that little poodle; and I am also clearly of opinion, Miss Graves, that the fit it had the other day arose from repletion."
"I have no doubt of it in the world. She consumes three pounds of arrowroot weekly and two pounds of the finest loaf sugar, which I have the trouble of grating every Monday morning. Mrs. Million appears to be a most amiable woman, Miss Gusset?"
"Quite perfection; so charitable, so intellectual, such a soul! It is a pity, though, her manner is so abrupt; she really does not appear to advantage sometimes; eh! Dr. Sly?"
The Toadey"s Toadey bowed a.s.sent as usual. "Well," rejoined Miss Graves, "that is rather a fault of the dear Marchioness, a little want of consideration for another"s feelings; but she means nothing."
"Oh, no! nor Mrs. Million, dear creature! She means nothing; though I dare say, not knowing her so well as we do; eh! Dr. Sly? you were a little surprised at the way in which she spoke to me at dinner."