"I pine for nothing but your love."
"That has always been yours."
With this a.s.surance Mrs. Winstanley was fain to content herself, but even this a.s.surance did not make her happy. The glory and brightness had departed from her life somehow; and neither kind words nor friendly smiles from the Captain could lure them back. There are stages in the lives of all of us when life seems hardly worth living: not periods of great calamity, but dull level bits of road along which the journey seems very weary. The sun has hidden himself behind gray clouds, cold winds are blowing up from the bitter east, the birds have left off singing, the landscape has lost its charm. We plod on drearily, and can see no Pole Star in life"s darkening sky.
It had been thus of late with Pamela Winstanley. Slowly and gradually the conviction had come to her that her second marriage had been a foolish and ill-advised transaction, resulting inevitably in sorrow and unavailing remorse. The sweet delusion that it had been a love-match on Captain Winstanley"s side, as well as on her own, abandoned her all at once, and she found herself face to face with stern common-sense.
That scene about Theodore"s bill had exercised a curious effect upon her mind. To an intellect so narrow, trifles were important, and that the husband who had so much admired and praised the elegance of her appearance could grudge the cost of her toilet galled her sorely. It was positively for her the first revelation of her husband"s character.
His retrenchments in household expenses she had been ready to applaud as praiseworthy economies; but when he a.s.sailed her own extravagance, she saw in him a husband who loved far too wisely to love well.
"If he cared for me, if he valued my good looks, he could never object to my spending a few pounds upon a dress," she told herself.
She could not take the Captain"s common-sense view of a subject so important to herself. Love in her mind meant a blind indulgence like the Squire"s. Love that could count the cost of its idol"s caprices, and calculate the chances of the future, was not love. That feeling of poverty, too, was a new sensation to the mistress of the Abbey House, and a very unpleasant one. Married very young to a man of ample means, who adored her, and never set the slightest restriction upon her expenditure, extravagance had become her second nature. To have to study every outlay, to ask herself whether she could not do without a thing, was a hard trial; but it had become so painful to her to ask the Captain for money that she preferred the novel pain of self-denial to that humiliation. And then there was the cheerless prospect of the future always staring her in the face, that dreary time after Violet"s majority, when it would be a question whether she and her husband could afford to go on living at the Abbey House.
"Everybody will know that my income is diminished," she thought.
"However well we may manage, people will know that we are pinching."
This was a vexatious reflection. The sting of poverty itself could not be so sharp as the pain of being known to be poor.
Captain Winstanley pursued the even tenor of his way all this time, and troubled himself but little about his wife"s petty sorrows. He did his duty to her according to his own lights, and considered that she had no ground for complaint. He even took pains to be less subdued in his manner to Lady Ellangowan, and to give no shadow of reason for the foolish jealousy he so much despised. His mind was busy about his own affairs. He had saved money since his marriage, and he employed himself a good deal in the investment of his savings. So far he had been lucky in all he touched, and had contrived to increase his capital by one or two speculative ventures in foreign railways. If things went on as well for the next six years he and his wife might live at the Abbey House, and maintain their station in the county, till the end of the chapter.
"I daresay Pamela will outlive me," thought the Captain; "those fragile-looking invalid women are generally long lived. And I have all the chances of the hunting-field, and vicious horses, and other men"s blundering with loaded guns, against me. What can happen to a woman who sits at home and works crewel antimaca.s.sars and reads novels all day, and never drinks anything stronger than tea, and never eats enough to disturb her digestion? She ought to be a female Methuselah."
Secure in this idea or his wife"s longevity, and happy in his speculations, Captain Winstanley looked forward cheerfully to the future: and the evil shadow of the day when the hand of fate should thrust him from the good old house where he was master had never fallen across his dreams.
CHAPTER IV.
Love and AEsthetics.
Spring had returned, primroses and violets were being sold at the street-corners, Parliament was a.s.sembled, and London had reawakened from its wintry hibernation to new life and vigour. The Dovedales were at their Kensington mansion. The d.u.c.h.ess had sent forth her cards for alternate Thursday evenings of a quasi-literary and scientific character. Lady Mabel was polishing her poems with serious thoughts of publication, but with strictest secrecy. No one but her parents and Roderick Vawdrey had been told of these poetic flights. The book would be given to the world under a _nom de plume_. Lady Mabel was not so much a Philistine as to suppose that writing good poetry could be a disgrace to a duke"s daughter; but she felt that the house of Ashbourne would be seriously compromised were the critics to find her guilty of writing doggerel; and critics are apt to deal harshly with the t.i.tled muse. She remembered Brougham"s savage onslaught upon the boy Byron.
Mr. Vawdrey was in town. He rode a good deal in the Row, spent an hour or so daily at Tattersall"s, haunted three or four clubs of a juvenile and frivolous character, drank numerous bottles of Apolinaris, and found the task of killing time rather hard labour. Of course there were certain hours in which he was on duty at Kensington. He was expected to eat his luncheon there daily, to dine when neither he nor the ducal house had any other engagement, and to attend all his aunt"s parties.
There was always a place reserved for him at the dinner-table, however middle-aged and politically or socially important the a.s.sembly might me.
He was to be married early in August. Everything was arranged. The honeymoon was to be spent in Sweden and Norway--the only accessible part of Europe which Lady Mabel had not explored. They were to see everything remarkable in the two countries, and to do Denmark as well, if they had time. Lady Mabel was learning Swedish and Norwegian, in order to make the most of her opportunities.
"It is so wretched to be dependent upon couriers and interpreters," she said. "I shall be a more useful companion for you, Roderick, if I thoroughly know the language of each country."
"My dear Mabel, you are a most remarkable girl," exclaimed her betrothed admiringly. "If you go on at this rate, by the time you are forty you will be as great a linguist as Cardinal Wiseman."
"Languages are very easy to learn when one has the habit of studying them, and a slight inclination for etymology," Lady Mabel replied modestly.
Now that the hour of publication was really drawing nigh, the poetess began to feel the need of a confidante. The d.u.c.h.ess was admiring but somewhat obtuse, and rarely admired in the right place. The Duke was out of the question.
If a new Shakespeare had favoured him with the first reading of a tragedy as great as "Hamlet," the Duke"s thoughts would have wandered off to the impending dearth of guano, or the probable exhaustion of Suffolk punches, and the famous breed of Chillingham oxen. So, for want of anyone better, Lady Mabel was constrained to read her verses to her future husband; just as Moliere reads his plays to his housekeeper, for want of any other hearer, the two Bejarts, aunt and niece, having naturally plays enough and to spare in the theatre.
Now, in this crucial hour of her poetic career, Mabel Ashbourne wanted something more than a patient listener. She wanted a critic with a fine ear for rhythm and euphony. She wanted a judge who could nicely weigh the music of a certain combination of syllables, and who could decide for her when she hesitated between two epithets of equal force, but varying depths of tone.
To this nice task she invited her betrothed sometimes on a sunny April afternoon, when luncheon was over, and the lovers were free to repair to Lady Mabel"s own particular den--an airy room on an upper floor, with quaint old Queen Anne cas.e.m.e.nts opening upon a balcony crammed with flowers, and overlooking the umbrageous avenues of Kensington Garden, with a glimpse of the old red palace in the distance.
Rorie did his best to be useful, and applied himself to his duty with perfect heartiness and good-temper; but luncheon and the depressing London atmosphere made him sleepy, and he had sometimes hard work to stifle his yawns, and to keep his eyes open, while Lady Mabel was deep in the entanglement of lines which soared to the seventh heaven of metaphysics. Unhappily Rorie knew hardly anything about metaphysics. He had never read Victor Cousin, or any of the great German lights; and a feeling of despair took possession of him when his sweetheart"s poetry degenerated into diluted Hegelism, or rose to a feeble imitation of Browning"s obscurest verse.
"Either I must be intensely stupid or this must be rather difficult to understand," he thought helplessly, when Mabel had favoured him with the perusal of the first act of a tragedy or poetic dialogue, in which the hero, a kind of milk-and-watery Faustus, held converse, and argued upon the deeper questions of life and faith, with a very mild Mephisto.
"I"m afraid you don"t like the opening of my "Tragedy of the Sceptic Soul"," Lady Mabel said with a somewhat offended air, as she looked up at the close of the act, and saw poor Rorie gazing at her with watery eyes, and an intensely despondent expression of countenance.
"I"m afraid I"m rather dense this afternoon," he said with hasty apology, "I think your first act is beautifully written--the lines are full of music; n.o.body with an ear for euphony could doubt that; but I--forgive me, I fancy you are sometimes a shade too metaphysical--and those scientific terms which you occasionally employ, I fear will be a little over the heads of the general public----"
"My dear Roderick, do you suppose that in an age whose highest characteristic is the rapid advance of scientific knowledge, there can be anybody so benighted as not to understand the terminology of science?"
"Perhaps not, dear. I fear I am very much behind the times. I have lived too much in Hampshire. I frankly confess that some expressions in your--er--Tragedy of--er--Soulless Scept--Sceptic Soul--were Greek to me."
"Poor dear Roderick, I should hardly take you as the highest example of the _Zeitgeist;_ but I won"t allow you to call yourself stupid. I"m glad you like the swing of the verse. Did it remind you of any contemporary poet?"
"Well, yes, I think it dimly suggested Browning."
"I am glad of that. I would not for worlds be an imitator; but Browning is my idol among poets."
"Some of his minor pieces are awfully jolly," said the incorrigible Rorie. "That little poem called "Youth and Art," for instance. And "James Lee"s Wife" is rather nice, if one could quite get at what it means. But I suppose that is too much to expect from any great poet?"
"There are deeper meanings beneath the surface--meanings which require study," replied Mabel condescendingly. "Those are the religion of poetry----"
"No doubt," a.s.sented Rorie hastily; "but frankly, my dear Mabel, if you want your book to be popular----"
"I don"t want my book to be popular. Browning is not popular. If I had wanted to be popular, I should have worked on a lower level. I would even have stooped to write a novel."
"Well then I will say, if you want your poem to be understood by the average intellect, I really would sink the scientific terminology, and throw overboard a good deal of the metaphysics. Byron has not a scientific or technical phrase in all his poems."
"My dear Roderick, you surely would not compare me to Byron, the poet of he Philistines. You might as well compare me with the author of "Lalla Rookh," or advise me to write like Rogers or Campbell."
"I beg your pardon, my dear Mabel. I"m afraid I must be an out and out Philistine, for to my mind Byron is the prince of poets. I would rather have written "The Giaour" than anything that has ever been published since it appeared."
"My poor Roderick!" exclaimed Mabel, with a pitying sigh. "You might as well say you would be proud of having written "The Pickwick Papers"."
"And so I should!" cried Rorie heartily. "I should think no end of myself if I had invented Winkle. Do you remember his ride from Rochester to Dingley Dell?--one of the finest things that was ever written."
And this incorrigible young man flung himself back in the low arm-chair, and laughed heartily at the mere recollection of that episode in the life of the famous Nathaniel. Mabel Ashbourne closed her ma.n.u.script volume with a sigh, and registered an oath that she would never read any more of her poetry to Roderick Vawdrey. It was quite useless. The poor young man meant well, but he was incorrigibly stupid--a man who admired Byron and d.i.c.kens, and believed Macaulay the first of historians.
"In the realm of thought we must dwell apart all our lives," Mabel told herself despairingly.
"The horses are ordered for five," she said, as she locked the precious volume in her desk; "will you get yours and come back for me?"
"I shall be delighted," answered her lover, relieved at being let off so easily.
It was about this time that Lord Mallow, who was working with all his might for the regeneration of his country, made a great hit in the House by his speech on the Irish land question. He had been doing wonderful things in Dublin during the winter, holding forth to patriotic a.s.semblies in the Round Room of the Rotunda, boldly declaring himself a champion of the Home Rulers" cause, demanding Repeal and nothing but Repeal. He was one of the few Repealers who had a stake in the country, and who was likely to lose by the disruption of social order. If foolish, he was at least disinterested, and had the courage of his opinions. This was in the days when Mr. Gladstone was Prime Minister, and when Irish Radicals looked to him as the one man who could and would give them Home Rule.