"Your mind is made up, isn"t it, boss?"
"Yeah."
"Thanks, Aibynn."
"You"re welcome. What"s that you"re wearing?"
"This? I wear it so I don"t get sick when-"
"No, that."
"Oh. It represents an Imperial t.i.tle. It doesn"t really mean anything.
Want it? In exchange for the one you"re giving me?"
"No, thanks. Where are you going?"
I shook my head. "It doesn"t matter. What about you? You can"t go back home."
"Not now, anyway. That"s all right. I like it here. The drumming is much more primitive."
Primitive? I chuckled, thinking of some musicians I"d met who"d have hated to be told that. "Whatever," I said. "Maybe I"ll run into you again."
"Yes."
"And Aibynn ..."
"Yes?"
"I think you were wrong about the G.o.ds."
"Oh?"
"I think when a G.o.d does something reprehensible, it"s still reprehensible."
"Then what is a G.o.d?"
"I don"t know."
"Maybe you can find out."
"Yes." I said. "Maybe I can. Maybe I will. Thanks."
He nodded an acknowledgment and went back to playing the banister.
I walked around to the lorich Wing, and found that I"d have to wait an hour or so while they finished the paperwork involved in releasing Cawti. That was all right; I had things to do. I walked away from the Palace, and, still taking delight in the lack of nausea, I teleported.
"You can"t do this to me," said Kragar.
"I just did," I told him.
"I won"t last five minutes."
"You"ve already lasted longer than that, and this isn"t the first time."
"That was temporary. Vlad, I became a Jhereg because I couldn"t be a Dragon. I was born a Dragon, you know that. And I"d try to give an order in battle, and no one would notice. I can"t-"
"People change, Kragar. You"ve already changed."
"But-"
"Think of the money."
He stopped. "A point," he admitted.
"You also have the loyalty of everyone who works here. They know you and they trust you. Besides, what choice do I have? How much is the Organization offering for my head right now?"
He told me, and I was impressed in spite of myself. "The rumor is," he added, "that they want it Morganti."
"That would make sense," I said evenly, though I shuddered as I spoke. I looked around the office. It was still filled with all of my things-target on the wall, coat-rack where Loiosh and Rocza were perched, dark rings on the desk from where I habitually put my klava cup, the wheeled swivel chair I"d had specially designed, and more. It was more like home than home was.
"Will it ever be possible for you to come back?"
"Maybe. But even if it is, I"m not certain I"m ever going to want to. And what if I do? We can work something out, or I can start over somewhere else."
He sighed. "It"s going to be hard to work around here without Melestav."
"Yeah. And Sticks."
We were silent for a few moments, out of respect for the dead. I still couldn"t hate Melestav, and Sticks had meant a lot to me. I hate it when friends die.
Kragar said, "Will I be able to reach you?"
"No."
"Where are you going?"
"I don"t know. I"ve been east, the sea is south. That leaves north and west. Probably one of those directions."
He considered carefully. Then he said, "What are you going to do about South Adrilankha?"
"You don"t have to worry about it," I said. "I"m making other arrangements for that territory."
"Well, that"s something, anyway."
I took another look around the office. So much of my life had filled that room. Loiosh flew over to Kragar, nuzzled his ear for a moment, and landed on my right shoulder. Rocza landed on my left. I stood up.
"Oh, and ragar, say good-bye to Kiera the Thief for me. Tell her I still owe her.
On the other hand, I expect she can find me when she wants to."
"I"ll tell her," said Kragar.
"Thanks. Good luck." I teleported.
It was like rehearsing a play; as if the director had said, "Do the bit over where you meet on the steps of the lorich Wing, only this time make it more intense." This time she put her arms around me and held me like she meant it. I put my arms around her and wondered why I wasn"t reacting more strongly. Loiosh and Rocza kept careful watch around us.
"Tell me about it," she said.
Standing there, alone on the deserted steps as the slow, thorough evening tucked itself into the corners of the Palace, I did. I told her everything, and as I did, I wondered at the calm voice of this speaker, relating the tale of revolution, a.s.sa.s.sination, and intrigue as if he had no part in it. What is he feeling now? I wondered. I wished they"d found someone for the part more able to convey emotion. Or perhaps that was the effect desired by the director, if not the playwright.
When I finished, she pulled back and stared at me. "They"ll kill you,"
she said.
"I don"t think so."
"What will stop them?"
"I have a plan."
"Tell me."
"First you tell me-are you coming back to me?"
She didn"t look away, as I"d expected. Instead she studied me carefully, as one studies a stranger whose mood and meaning one is trying to read from his face. She didn"t say anything, which I think was an answer. But I put it into words. "Too much has happened. Too much murder, too much change. Whatever we had, we don"t have it.
Can we create something else? I don"t know. But you"re going one way and I"m going another. For now, that is."
Her eyes were so big. "You"re going away, aren"t you-"Yes."
"Are you ever coming back?" She asked it with a odd, detached air, as if she wasn"t certain how much she cared, or was afraid she cared too much, or afraid she cared too little.
"I don"t know," I said.
She nodded. "When are you leaving?"
"Right away."
"I"m sorry things have worked out this way."
"Me, too."
"You"ve left the business to Kragar?"
"Most of it. Except for South Adrilankha."
"What are you doing with that?"
I thought about the courtyard of Castle Black, until the image was strong and clear. I strengthened my connection to the Orb, drew energy, and began the teleport. "All Organization interests in South Adrilankha are yours," I said. "My people will be seeing you in the morning. Enjoy," I added, and I was gone.
Aliera and I sat alone in the library of Castle Black, waiting for Sethra and Morrolan to join us. This place, like my office, held more than a few memories. I"d sat here with my friends-yes, they were certainly that-and held war-councils, consoled each other, and celebrated.
Much wine had flowed in this room along with tears and laughter, as well as promises of aid and threats of dismemberment; many of these things within minutes of each other I noticed that Aliera was looking at me. "I met your daughter," I said.
"What daughter?"
"You"ll find out."
"What are you talking about?"
"Ask your mother. Time does funny things around her, I guess."
She didn"t answer directly. "I"ll miss you," she said.
"I might be back; who knows?"
"The Jhereg carries a grudge."
"Don"t I know it. But still-"
"What will you do?"
"I don"t know. I want to be alone for a while."
"I can"t imagine that."
"Me wanting to be alone? I suppose you"re right. I"ll have Loiosh and Rocza, anyway."
"Still-"
"Yeah. I"ll probably find some place with "people around. Probably Dragaerans, so I can go back to hating them in general and loving them in particular. But right now, I don"t want to see anyone."
"I understand," she said.
"I owe you a lot."
"I owe you my life," she said.
"And I owe you mine, several times. I sometimes wish I could remember that previous life, back in the beginning."
"Sethra could arrange that," said Aliera.
"Not now."
"It might help you come to terms with who you are."
"I"ll find my own way."