"Yes, but he"ll be back any minute." Dee Dee didn"t stop walking until were in the kitchen. "I made mandelbrodt. Your mom said it"s your favorite."
"My mom?"
"Yes. I called her this morning to find out what you like to eat." She led me to a chair and stared at me until I sat down. Then she humphed in satisfaction and went over to the counter. "That"s how I knew to add in chocolate chips." She placed a plate overflowing with the biscotti-like cookies in front of me. "You can eat those until your stomach settles."
Who said anything about my stomach?
"Then we"ll have dinner."
After I ate the entire pan of mandelbrodt?
"Do you want milk?" She didn"t wait for my answer, just went to fridge, got the milk, and poured me a forty-four ounce cup of it. Then she hovered there until I picked up a piece of mandelbrodt and bit into it.
Oh my G.o.d. I did did have two Jewish mothers. Where was Seth? How long could it take to put suitcases down? have two Jewish mothers. Where was Seth? How long could it take to put suitcases down?
"Mom!" I heard Seth yell. "I"m going to go pick up Dad. His battery"s dead. Eli, do you want to come with me?"
"No, dear, he"s eating."
No way would Seth just take her word for that without asking me or coming in to see how I was doing.
"Okay. I"ll be back in half an hour."
I was going to kill Seth. Kill him. a.s.suming I was still conscious when he came back. If I had to eat that entire plate of food, my stomach was sure to burst.
"So." Dee Dee cleared her throat. "Eli."
I snapped to attention and focused on Seth"s mother. Something in her tone made my stomach drop. The piercing gaze didn"t help. Neither did the raised eyebrow.
"Seth gave up a lot to be with you."
Oh G.o.d.
"You understand that, right?"
"I, uh...." What the f.u.c.k was I supposed to say? I gulped. "I"m going to take good care of him."
She narrowed her eyes. "I"m not referring to s.e.x, young man."
Neither was I! Oh. My. G.o.d. Neither was I!
"He could have had a wife. Someone to manage things at home so he can focus on work, make sure he"s eating well." She paused. "Make sure he calls me regularly."
"I"ll do that," I rushed out.
She didn"t look convinced, and I didn"t blame her. I took a deep breath.
"You"re right," I said, noticing her eyes widen in surprise and then narrow in suspicion. Chances were better than not that I"d throw up. "Seth could have found a woman to be with. But he chose me." I looked down at the table and fiddled with my food nervously. "And I will never take that for granted." I gathered my strength and raised my gaze. "I love him, Dee Dee. I always have. Did he tell you that?" I didn"t wait for her answer before dropping my gaze and continuing. "When I was a kid, I was sure we"d end up together, and then when I thought that wasn"t going to happen-" I swallowed down the thickness in my throat. "Well, that sucked, but he was willing to be my friend and I figured if that"s what he wanted then I"d be the best friend he"d ever had. Whatever role Seth wants me to play in his life, that"s what I"ll do and I"ll do it better than anyone else because all I"ve ever wanted is to be with him." I looked at her and willed her to understand. "I know he"s older and smarter and nicer and, well, better than me, but he"s the most important person in my life, and n.o.body can take care of him like I will. n.o.body."
The silence stretched out for what felt like a lifetime but was probably only a few seconds, and then she said, "Well, you"re right about one thing."
I racked my brain to remember what I"d said.
"He is older than you." She stood up. "But the rest of it"s baloney." She gazed down at me. "Seth has talked about little else but you for years now, Eli, so I know what kind of man you are, and I know my son is just as fortunate to have you as you are to have him."
What just happened? I thought she was against Seth being with me. Realization struck and my jaw dropped. That was a test. She"d been testing me. With years of training being raised by my mother, how had I not seen that coming?
"Eat your mandelbrodt," she said as she started walking out of the kitchen.
I reached my shaky hand for a piece, bit into it, and brushed the resulting crumbs off my shirt.
"Oh, and Eli?" She stopped at the doorway, her back to me.
"Yes?" I desperately tried to catch the crumbs so I could put them on my plate before they hit the shiny wood floor.
"A wife would be able to give me grandchildren. I a.s.sume you"ll make sure that happens."
I was pretty sure I was going to pa.s.s out. Deep breaths. Deep breaths.
"Yes," I squeaked.
She dipped her head in a sharp nod and left.
I briefly worried about how Seth would react to what I"d just agreed to and then decided it was his own fault for leaving me vulnerable and unprotected in his mother"s clutches. Once she was gone, I stuffed another cookie into my mouth and mumbled, "Serves him right" under my breath.
"What"d you say?" Dee Dee called from somewhere else in the house.
Fabulous. On top of her military-grade interrogation techniques, she had bat hearing.
"The mandelbrodt is dynamite!" I answered. "Even better than my mom"s."
See? Dee Dee Cohen wasn"t the only one with emotional sabotage skills. My mother would have been proud.
Chapter 16.
Eli Block.
"AND HERE HERE you say I never take you anywhere," Seth joked as we drove our rental car into the tiny town of Preston, situated in Idaho close to the Utah border. you say I never take you anywhere," Seth joked as we drove our rental car into the tiny town of Preston, situated in Idaho close to the Utah border.
I turned away from the nonexistent scenery and smiled at my boyfriend. "I didn"t say that, but if I did, this trip would be proving my point." It took no more than three minutes to drive through the whole of the downtown, and then we were pa.s.sing by farm fields and quaint midcentury houses. "Are you sure people like us are allowed here?"
He glanced at me. "People like us meaning Jewish people, people like us meaning gay people, or people like us meaning extraordinarily adorable people." He refocused on the road. "Wait, the last one is just you, so you must mean the other two."
I smiled, reached for his free hand, and raised it to my lips for a kiss before setting it on my lap. "You"re not sick of looking at my mug day after day yet?"
The previous three years had flown by in a blur of afternoons snuggling on the couch, evenings laughing while we cooked dinner, and nights burning up the sheets. Reality isn"t supposed to be as great as fantasies and daydreams, but mine was even better.
"Never going to happen." He squeezed my hand. "In answer to your question, I think their Jewish population is hovering right around zero percent, which is why Loretta Angles begged me to come here and officiate her son"s wedding."
"And the gay census?" I asked, feeling a little worried about being shoved into a closet, both literally and figuratively.
"I don"t know." Seth shrugged. "But I told the owner of the bed-and-breakfast where they"re having the wedding that we only use one bedroom at home so there"s no reason for her to set aside two rooms for us here, and she told me she has a lesbian daughter who lives in St. Louis." He paused. "Do you know Ren Moroni?"
"No." I furrowed my brow in thought. "Am I supposed to?"
"Only if you"re supposed to know the entirety of the lesbian population of St. Louis," he said deadpan. "The bed-and-breakfast owner seemed to think sharing a bed with you meant I should know her daughter."
"Oh!" I looked at him excitedly. "That Ren Moroni. Short hair? Drives a pickup truck? Plays in the rec softball league?" Ren Moroni. Short hair? Drives a pickup truck? Plays in the rec softball league?"
Seth shot me a dirty look.
I cracked up. "Kidding!"
"Stereotyping isn"t funny."
"Relax, old man."
He grunted.
I got out my phone and started typing.
"Who"re you texting?" he asked.
"Kelsey."
"Noah"s friend Kelsey?"
"Uh-huh."
"Why?"
"Because she"s a lesbian." I sent my text and then looked at him, trying to keep my expression innocent. "I"m asking her permission to deviate from the PC rules when I don"t mean any harm and n.o.body else is listening." I paused. "She has authority to do that, right? It"s, like, part of their code?"
"You"re not funny."
My phone dinged, indicating a text had come in. I glanced down and then held the phone up triumphantly. "See! Kelsey thinks my joke was f.u.c.king hilarious." I pointed at the phone. "Her words, not mine."
He flicked his gaze toward the phone, looking wholly unimpressed. "This is the same woman who thinks it"s funny to give you phallic-shaped food and then loudly warn you not to put it in the wrong hole. Her opinion of humor isn"t to be trusted."
I rolled my eyes. "She does not."
He pulled his hand away and raised one finger. "The cuc.u.mber at Jonathan and David"s house."
I snickered. "I forgot about that. Anyway, it was one-"
A second finger joined the first. "The hot dog at Noah and Clark"s barbeque."
"Okay, fine two tim-"
"The carrot at Caleb and Andrew"s fancy dinner thing."
"That was ridiculous," I scoffed. "Who would put one of those tiny baby carrots up their b.u.t.t?"
"Well, Caleb said it was organic."
"If I cared about the all-natural qualities of everything that went up my a.s.s, I"d have a lot less fun in bed," I pointed out.
One of the things I hadn"t expected when I"d longed for a relationship with Seth was how uninhibited he"d be in bed. In his day-to-day life, Seth was a model of restraint and professionalism, but I"d learned that when it came to s.e.x, he had no problem getting down and dirty. Because of our long-standing friendship, he had known how much I liked pleasuring my own hole and how little I"d enjoyed b.u.t.t action with other people. It hadn"t taken long for him to remedy that with patience, a killer tongue, and liberal use of a.n.a.l toys that got me relaxed and stimulated enough to take his thick c.o.c.k with no discomfort.
"Speaking of your gorgeous b.u.t.t," he said. "I saw on the bed-and-breakfast"s website that each room has its own Jacuzzi tub, so I picked up a new toy."
That was enough to get my d.i.c.k interested. "What kind of toy?" I asked huskily.
"You"ll see." He smirked.
"Is it in your suitcase?" I unbuckled my seat belt, kneeled on the seat, and twisted around, reaching for the suitcase.
"Eli!" Seth shouted. "That"s not safe. Buckle up."
I rolled my eyes. "Where is it?"
"Seriously." He grabbed my shirt and tugged.
"Both hands on the wheel," I goaded him. "Safety first, remember?"
He growled.
"Is it in the main compartment or one of the zippered pouches?" I started opening the suitcase.
"If I get in an accident, you"ll fly through the windshield."
I dug through his clothes. "Well, then, don"t get in an accident. Seems like an easy solution to that problem."
"I can"t control the other drivers on the road."
"There aren"t any other drivers on this road." I heard a crinkling sound, looked under Seth"s shirts, and found a brown paper bag. "Aha!" I said victoriously. "Is this it?"
He glanced at me, nodded, and said, "Yes. Now sit down and put on your seat belt."
I sat down, ran my hand down the inside of his thigh, and said "Are you sure?" while giving him my best sultry look.
It was hard not to laugh when he looked at me incredulously and said, "What do you think you"re doing?"