2018, Present dayThe sun was already setting down when I drove past the last intersection before I arrive to my destination. I have been driving for more than 30 minutes since I have left work and decided to grab some drinks. Few seconds later, I was standing in front of the entrance of a familiar bar.
"This place has never changed," I said to myself as I smiled reminiscing the times I have been in this bar. As I carefully surveyed the infrastructure in front of me, I noticed a poster on a corner of the bar that reads "Peace is acceptance".
"Acceptance huh," I said and it was followed with a deep sigh. As I removed my gaze from the poster, I started pushing the entrance door.
While I set my foot deeper on the bar, memories came flashing by.
1988
It was way back when the overweight teen, Tracy Turnblad, beat Amber von Tussle for a spot on a popular teen dance show on the movie Hairspray. It was during the time where super-fit, short crops, and denim are the popular fashion. It was when we met on our last year in college. Those days where we both had a difficult time.
Drinking on a bar and listening to some local bands was actually not my thing. It was the first night I was out to do so. Moreover, it was the night when, maybe, fate has played on us. Well, you know, since out of all the many bars around, I chose to go to the bar where you perform.
My heart was devastated for my longtime girlfriend has recently broken up with me; yours are in shred because your dad just died in a car accident. See, it was a difficult time.
I was on the counter drinking my hearts out. I looked pitiful, a man wallowing and in tears because he was left by the first person he loved. When the alcohol was starting to seep in my body, it was when you began singing your rendition of the Angel of Harlem by the then famous band, U2. My tears stopped, and my heart with it.
I silently and contently listened to your performance. When you finished singing I felt relieved. During your second song, it was then that my eyes caught yours. For seconds that our eyes were locked, my broken heart started to mend. Then you smiled… d.a.m.n that smile!
The first set of your performance has been concluded. People in the bar had given your band a wild applause. You went down stage and, to my surprise, you were headed my way. When you were inches away from me, you looked at the bartender and said "Two bottles of beer."
I froze.
"Hey," you said, looking at me.
"Hey," I subtly replied.
The bartender placed the two bottles of beer in front of you. As you grabbed one of the beers, you took the seat next to mine.
"First time?" you asked. I looked at you, lost.
"I mean here. Your face is new to me," you furthered.
"Ah, yes." I said.
"Bloodshot eyes and bucket load of beers… you are one brokenhearted man," you said as you gave a little laugh. I looked at you, puzzled. But then, I don"t know what has happened but I ended up also laughing.
The night went fast. We have been able to tell stories to each other like we have known each for a long time. I felt secured talking with you, and I think you were feeling the same thing about me too.
"I need to get back to stage for my last song set for tonight," you stated.
"Oh, okay." I replied. When I looked at my watch, it was almost midnight. "I think I need to head back home," I added.
"Oh, okay. Take care," you said while standing up from your seat. While I was heading for the door of the bar you called my name then you yelled, "I perform here Tuesday-Thursday-Sunday. See you again!"
Then, I was out of the bar. Before I stepped in my car, a smile curved on my lips.
A week later, I was back in that bar. Then, I kept on coming back on each night that you perform.
1998
"You are my best friend; you know it right?" I can still remember the day when you said it. We were lying on my bed as we pointlessly stared at my bedroom"s white ceiling.
"I know." I responded.
It has been ten years since the day we became friends. We have shared a lot of things, shared a lot of memories together.
While I was thinking about the things we have done, I heard you snoring. I looked at you and you were sleeping. You seemed happy. I shifted my sleeping position so that I could watch you but, to my surprise, you hugged me. I don"t know what to do. My heart fluttered.
"Don"t leave me like my dad," you suddenly said. You were not asleep at all.
"I won"t," I said. "I promise."
However, I wasn"t able to do my promise at all. I need to leave you behind. For from that day forward, every time you are near, I feel different.
One day I just realized that you are the reason why I smile, the reason why I am always excited to wake up. Then, I was frightened. I was afraid for I can"t figure why I am having these feelings towards you. This is wrong. Thus, before it goes deeper, before you might end up hating me, and before I end up hating myself, I decided to leave.
I started to ignore your messages, your calls and then, you. You have tried to reached out, asking why. However, without anything to say… I just pushed you away. I once said to you, "You are better off without me. Live a happy life without me." It was the most painful and the hardest thing to do.
Then, you were gone.
2008
When I thought our paths have completely separated, it was then that I saw you.
I was a.s.signed to present in a conference and you were part of the attending audience. My heart skipped a beat the moment our eyes met. All of my strengths escaped. My nervousness has increased tenfold. However, I was still able to deliver.
During my entire presentation, I wasn"t looking at anyone but you. I don"t care about the others; you are my audience.
Hours pa.s.sed by, I was seated on a table across from yours but you never bothered to look at my way. You were too engrossed in listening to the person doing the presentation. As for me, I was too engrossed looking at you.
When the conference has been concluded, I immediately stood up and went your way. But you were gone already. I went out the hall and there I saw you, walking away from me, As I observed your back, I felt a sudden impulse to call your name… but I can"t.
Seconds pa.s.sed and you were getting farther. When I was able to muster all the courage I said, "Bestfri…," which I wasn"t able to finish not because I still can"t but I won"t. My voice died down for I saw someone approached you and then gave you a kiss on the lips. That is when, I finally found the missing piece for me to have peace. I finally accepted that I, indeed, love you.
However, it was too late now. You are happy. You looked happy. As I watched the both of you gain more distance, your shoulders touching each other--- my heart stopped and started to get crushed.
I opened the door to the hall and with tears in my face, I went back inside. Little did I know, that was when you stopped walking and looked back to where I was standing.
2018
Thirty years have pa.s.sed and yet I still kept on coming back to this place, even though you and your band have stopped performing.
"This place has never changed," I said to myself as I smile reminiscing the times I have been in this bar. As I carefully surveyed the infrastructure in front of me, I noticed a poster on a corner of the bar that reads "Peace is acceptance".
"Acceptance huh," I said and it was followed with a deep sigh. As I removed my gaze from the poster, I started pushing the entrance door.
While I was approaching the counter, I saw a person sitting next to my seat--- the seat I sat on the night we met. I froze. Even if it has been three decades, now we have gray hairs and even wrinkles, and even if it was only your back that was facing me, I immediately knew that it was you.
"Hey, Martin! You"re back again," the bartender greeted when he saw me. That caught your attention and you looked back. Our eyes met, for seconds it felt like we were back in "88.
"Hey," you said.
"Hey," I replied. Again, we just stared to each other. When I felt like all of the strength in my knees have left me, I decided to take the seat next to yours.
"Just like the first time," you said then you chuckled. I laughed.
"Hey, Cliff… I… wanted to say that I…," I started but you hushed me.
"I know." you stated as you pushed a gla.s.s of beer in front of me. "And I know that it has been hard for you. Things must have been terrifying. Martin, discovering the true you and self-acceptance is never an easy task." you added with all the sincerity and concern in your voice.
"I"m sorry," I said. You just smiled. Your hand started to move and caressed my face.
"I"m sorry too," you said. I was lost.
"I"m sorry for I wasn"t able to do what you asked me. I can"t live a happy life without you. My life is ain"t at its best without you."
"I… I love you, Cliff." I said. You let out a big sigh.
"I have waited thirty years just to hear that." You said.
"And?" I asked with antic.i.p.ation.
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"I love you too, Martin" you said. I gave you a sweet smile.
You raised your mug of beer and then you asked, "Cheers?"
"Cheers."
While the night pa.s.sed by, we laughed and talked; catching things about us as we happily walked through decades.