TWENTY-FOUR.
Liliana winced as she felt the cold cloth rest against one of her wounds.
"I"m sorry, draga. I know it must be very painful."
The woman (she"d said her name was Samina) had a very soothing voice. It reminded Liliana of her mother. An intense bout of homesickness crept up on her in that moment. These past few months, she"d tried to stay strong, especially for Eryn, but now that she had found a moment of solace, the heartache was beginning to affect her resilient facade. She wanted to go home so badly. She wanted to feel her mother"s arms around her and argue with Kristoph again.
"The hide was made from an alpaca. It"s our softest." Samina continued to make light conversation. Liliana heard her ringing the cloth free of the excess water into a bowl on a nearby table. "Unfortunately, the wounds must be cleaned. It"s to prevent infection. Because, believe me, an infection would be much worse than the pain you"re feeling now."
"Here, let me." The gruff voice came from Gabriel. "I"ll tend to her."
He"d been told to wait outside of the tent while Samina attended Liliana"s wounds, but he clearly hadn"t listened.
Liliana"s body immediately tensed upon hearing the voice. "I"d rather you didn"t," she openly said to him.
Gabriel ignored her request. "Go," he commanded Samina. When the woman was hesitant to leave, he rea.s.sured her by saying, "I won"t hurt her. I promise. Now go."
Samina obeyed and quietly departed.
"Tell me if I"m using too much pressure," Gabriel spoke in a soft voice. He picked up the cloth Samina had been using from the bowl of water and rang it out. "The water is mixed with herbs, which should cool some of the stinging. Or so I heard Samina mention."
Liliana remained quiet as he cleansed her wounds.
"Does that hurt?" he asked as he lightly dabbed.
"No," Liliana answered. She didn"t like that he was being so nice. It didn"t seem to match up with the persona of a Constantin.
Very softly, he asked, "Why didn"t you tell me, Lily?"
"Because you"re a Constantin," Liliana answered honestly. "You should have told me that when I first met you. That"s probably why you were out in those woods in the first place, wasn"t it?"
He decided to be just as honest. "Yes," he answered her. "There were men sent with orders to kill all abandoners. My brothers and I were at the top of their list."
"Why?"
Gabriel snorted. "There are several answers for your question, Lily."
Her body tensed as his cloth touched a very tender spot.
"Are you okay?" he asked.
"I"ll be fine."
She eventually relaxed again and he continued on. She seemed so different now, very calm and serene. It was so unexpected, especially after the fiery rage she"d directed towards Ralph earlier that day. "They killed my mother," he told her suddenly. He hadn"t expected to share this with the girl. But it was too late to take it back now.
"Who did?" Liliana asked, confused.
"Salazar Bonjara. He was the reigning king at the time. He was just one of many corrupt Royals. Her death was the main reason I chose to abandon them."
He waited for her reaction. When she didn"t say anything, he continued his story. "She was a good, decent woman. She wanted to implement a more even disburs.e.m.e.nt of the wealth amongst the gypsy tribes. Salazar decided to shut her up by killing her off...he did it with poison. I watched as she choked on it."
Gabriel"s voice was low, emotionless. But buried deep within, he felt a pang of the emotions he"d been tortured with as he watched his own mother die.
He suddenly wondered why he was wasting his time telling the gypsy girl. She wouldn"t understand. She"d made up her mind to hate him.
After he was finished, Gabe set the cloth down and headed out of the tent. "I"ll send Samira in to a.s.sist with your bandages," he said over his shoulder.
Later on that night, Liliana showed up in Gabriel"s tent, surprising him completely. She carried a plate of food in her hands. Her complexion wasn"t as pale and lifeless as it was earlier. The color was back in her cheeks. She appeared very calm and demure.
"Why do you not dine with the others?" she asked him curiously.
"I usually do."
She fidgeted for a moment before moving towards him. "I"ve brought you something to eat." She handed him the plate. "May I sit?"
Gabriel nodded. He didn"t know what to make of her newfound easiness around him. She"d made it very clear earlier she wanted nothing to do with him. Carefully, she set the plate on the table, and then took a seat on the pillow across from him.
"I spoke with your brother, Dragos, over supper. He told me about your family histories. He told me more about your mother and how she died. I"m very sorry for your loss."
Gabriel shrugged. "It was a long time ago."
He watched her intensely. Apart from her apparent pity, she seemed nervous. He was suddenly very curious to find out what her reason was for being here.
"All my life, I"ve been told the Constantins are a band of murderers--"
Gabriel cut her off before she could tarnish his family"s name. "Most of the deaths we"ve been accused of weren"t our doing. Though I"ll admit I killed Bonjara. The b.a.s.t.a.r.d deserved to die."
Liliana merely nodded in understanding.
"Let me finish," she pleaded with him quietly. "As I was saying, all my life I"ve been told your family is a band of murderers...but I think I may have been very wrong. And I apologize for my misjudgment. I could see it in the way that Dragos"s people adore him. And I know who you are, Gabriel. I know the kindness in your heart. Today, you only further proved it. But I let your name blind me and for that I am truly sorry."
He was taken aback by her sudden change of heart. He didn"t even know if he deserved to hear this.
"Lady, I am not as good as you think. I have done things I"m ashamed of."
"Haven"t we all?" She smiled and then let out a small sigh. "And I think I"ve told you before that my name is Liliana."
Gabriel exhaled also. It was almost as if he"d been holding his breath ever since he"d lost the girl the first time. And now here she was, sitting across from him. He could breathe again.
"Remind me to thank Dragos later," Gabriel told her.
"For enlightening me with the truth?"
"Yes."
She looked as if she wanted to say something, but couldn"t quite get the words out.
"Is there something else?" he asked curiously.
She bit her lip. "Yes, well, I want to ask you something."
"I"m all ears."
"Dragos also mentioned you were looking for me. He said you spent months searching."
Gabriel nodded. "That"s true. You saved me that night of the storm. I wanted to return the favor."
"Oh. . .I see."
"So what"s your question?" he asked her.
She started to fidget again, twirling her wrists.
Despite himself, he chuckled at her nervousness. "Spit it out," he demanded.
She blushed, clearly embarra.s.sed. Finally, she admitted, "I guess what I really want to know is. . .why did you bother to help me today? I deserved every lash. I was too proud to ask for your help because of what I thought you were."
Gabriel set his food aside and moved closer to Liliana. He took her fidgeting hands and pulled them into his own large ones, stilling her movements. Looking deeply into Liliana"s sapphire eyes, he told her, "Because I wanted to change your mind."
"Why do you care what I think?"
His gray eyes searched hers. He paused, unsure of how to tell her what he needed to. Finally, he declared, "Because what you think matters. . .I believe your thoughts will matter for the rest of my life."
With that said, Gabriel gathered Liliana"s face and hair between his hands and kissed her until she was breathless.
A newfound wonder spread over Liliana as she contemplated what Gabriel meant to her. All she was sure of was that he mattered to her, too. He mattered so much.
Part Three.
Awaken.
"Not all those who wander are lost." a JRR Tolkien.
TWENTY-FIVE.
I awoke from the deepest slumber I"d ever experienced in my entire life.
For the first time ever, I needed to figure out when I was rather than where I was. The scent of the soft lavender sheets beneath me eventually led me to remember that I wasn"t dreaming in the past anymore. I"d been transported back into the present.
Glancing at the alarm clock, which sat beside me on the bedside table, I could see the time 2:45 flashing in bright red numbers. I was sure it was p.m., rather than a.m. I wearily pushed myself off of the mattress and sat up in bed. I ran my fingers through my hair and discovered the long strands were still sticky from last night"s hairspray. Trying to push past the haze of sleepiness surrounding me, I wondered why I still felt so exhausted.
An eerie feeling overwhelmed me as I fought through the lethargy. It was like I was a different person, waking up for the very first time. Well, maybe not different. But unequivocally more complete. Though I"d never lost a limb before, I"d bet anything that the return of my memories was akin to the feeling one gets when they receive a prosthetic. The feeling of detachment is no longer hauntingly present.
Thinking of the late hour again, I wondered why no one had woken me. But I guess I already knew the answer to that question. It was probably because they didn"t dare to.
They all knew, too.
I eased out of bed, trying to avoid the rush of blood flooding to my head. It came anyway, imparting a dizzying nausea with each step I took. Fighting past it, I ambled to the bathroom. I removed my wrinkled gown from last night and made my way into the shower. My dull senses gradually began to awaken within the confines of the steamy water.
The memories weren"t coming in at full-force anymore, mercifully. But they were still there, lingering in the background. . .and my mind continued returning to them piece by piece.
While I showered, I came up with the theory. I wondered if all of my memories had somehow been restored while I slept last night. However, now I simply had a little more control over what I was thinking about. That would explain why I wasn"t being bombarded with memory after memory. And after last night"s onslaught, I was sincerely grateful for the slightest bit of control.
Once I was completely scrubbed clean and ten times more awake than I had been earlier, I went back into my bedroom to get dressed. It was only moments later that I heard a knock at the door. I quickly threw on the closest article of clothing to me, which was a pink sundress, and opened the door. It was Miriam, wearing a morose expression. I moved, allowing her to come inside.
I stood by the window quietly while I waited for her to speak.
She couldn"t hide it. Her expression was as guilty as they come.
Clearing her throat, she finally said to me, "Gabe"s been by several times this morning asking for you. I told him you were still sleeping. I didn"t want to wake you."
I looked away from her, crossing my arms over my chest and staring out of the window.
"I expect you"ll want some explanations," she continued. "And I think--"
"I don"t want any explanations," I said. "I just want to be left alone."
As soon as I said it, I realized the truth within my own words. I honestly did want to be alone. The memories haunting me were more than enough company for the time being.
Miriam nodded, accepting that. "When you"re ready to talk, we"ll all be here for you, Lo."
I refused to meet her gaze. As far as I was concerned, she had lied to me. I was deeply hurt by Miriam. More than anyone else, I trusted and respected her. And now it seemed that she was keeping secrets, too. I simply waited for her to leave the room.
As soon as she did, I ran a brush through my hair and slipped on a pair of sandals. I grabbed my bag, stuffing it with a blanket, my Mp3 player and a pair of sungla.s.ses.
I would quietly sneak out of the house. I really didn"t want to run into anyone. Definitely not Gabe. I wasn"t ready to speak with him. I didn"t care if he had been by the house several times or a hundred times. As far as I was concerned, any explanation he could possibly give me would not change how I felt.
The beach was as good a place as any. Maybe the lull of the ocean would help still my constant memories.
While I was walking down the stairs, I ran into the last person I wanted to see. Annika.
Her eyes narrowed as soon as she noticed me. "Well, if it isn"t the teenage home wrecker," she mumbled beneath her breath, but loud enough for me to hear her clearly. She turned to the side, giving me plenty of room to pa.s.s her. "By all means, go around me. And do me a favor while you"re at it-- don"t come back."