It’s him, of course it was him, and it could only be him. Su Yi could only laugh bitterly in his heart as he thought:Wanyan Xu oh Wanyan Xu, are you still unable to give up your feelings for me even now? Oh, you"re the Emperor; naturally you already have to bear the heavy responsibility of looking after the country. To come all the way here during such a stormy night, what shall we do if you should be affected by the chilly weather and take ill? With all the stress you must be under, you really ought to take better care of your body. You... can"t you let me feel that my debt to you is not so deep? What you’re doing... only causes me to feel even more heartache.
A large hand descended upon his forehead, brushing it gently. Wanyan Xu muttered softly to himself: “Indeed, it is a little too hot.” He sighed, and saw that Su Yi’s eyes were still closed although he could not tell if Su Yi was really asleep or if he were just feigning sleep to avoid himself. But then again, since the paths they had taken had brought them to this point, if Su Yi were awake and they had to face each other, perhaps the scene would be even more awkward and wretched. He had been carrying something wedged between his arm and his side, and now he unfolded it to reveal a wolf-fur quilt. Softly, he laid it out over Su Yi"s body, Because of the raging winds and pouring rain, the corners were a little damp; he made sure to keep them away from Su Yi. After that, Wanyan Xu stood up and retrieved a bowl from the table. Extracting a small packet of medicine that was tucked away in the front of his robes, he poured it into the bowl. He managed to find a porcelain vessel in a corner of the room that was still half-full of cold water. He sighed, there was nothing for it, he was going to have to warm it up over a flame. He lit the brazier, and as he was warming up the water over it, he looked over to Su Yi. When he saw that Su Yi had not roused at all, he knew that Su Yi was deliberately trying to avoid him. Wanyan Xu could only silently wait for the water to boil before pouring it into the bowl of medicine and carrying it over to the head of Su Yi"s bed.
He stooped down to look intently at Su Yi. At the sight of that pale and wan face, the pain he felt was akin to having his heart thrown into a vat of boiling oil. Why was it that even when the situation between them had become so untenable, he was still unable to set aside the feelings he bore for his Su Su? He might have resented him, he might even have hated him, but why was it that all these feelings immediately transformed into concern over Su Su’s well-being when he saw that the weather was turning?
“Su Su, if you would just... just admit that you were wrong... as long as you will... you know that I [1] could never refuse you.” He softly whispered to the "sleeping" Su Yi. Although he clearly knew that his obstinate lover could never bring himself to compromise, although he clearly knew that to say these words would only show his own uselessness and could even be considered as inviting humiliation, but he still clung to the hope that Su Yi would be moved by his deep and enduring love. Even if Su Yi would only be willing to make the smallest gesture of contrition, so that Wanyan Xu could use that as a pretence to justify reinstating Su Yi in front of the courtiers and the Empress Dowager, even if he had to shove false arguments down their throats. He refused to give up this beautiful fantasy, for its sake, he would go to any lengths, even if he would provoke Su Yi"s ridicule and contempt.
His eyes were glimmering with hope, but when Su Yi"s face remained impa.s.sive and totally devoid of any expression, his hopes gradually died and his eyes dimmed. Haha, perhaps he is really too persistent, so persistent that it was ludicrous. Maybe Su Yi was already doing him a favour by helping him save face just by not getting up and treating him to a display of frigid irony and scorching satire. If that was so, then he would rather believe that the person in front of him was really sound asleep because he was under the weather.
He kept trying to delude himself, he wanted believe his delusions so badly that he actually became convinced that Su Yi was really soundly asleep in the bed and hd been from the start. Because that was the only way he would dare to indulge in a little bit of his own selfish desires. He slowly, very slowly, leaned forward to those red lips that he had not touched for such a long time, slowly he inched forward. Finally he planted a light kiss --- as superficial as the contact a dragonfly makes with the water as it skims over its surface --- on those lips, before hurriedly retreating. Enough, that was enough, even though he could not linger further, even though he could not do as much as he would like, but with just this light touch, he knew that the taste of those red lips had not changed at all, they were still exactly as lovely as he remembered and as he dreamed of. He quickly got up, and said gently: “I’m sorry, Su Su, this little bit is all I can do for you now.” After he said that, he hurriedly left without a single look back, afraid that if were to tarry further, his tears would leak out uncontrollably.
His forlorn figure quickly disappeared in the rain. Only then did the two old and dilapidated wooden doors fall shut heavily. Su Yi finally opened his eyes, which he had been holding tightly shut now. A stream of clear tears flowed down, following the contours of his facial features. By the faint light of the candle, he stared avidly at the bowl of medicine at his bedside, which was still steaming hot and reverently stroked the soft wolf-skin quilt that was draped over his body. Suddenly, he said softly to himself: “It’s enough, Wanyan Xu, I am contented with just this. Su Yi has no regrets in his life because he has you.” With that said, he reached for the bowl and emptied its contents in one big gulp. In tears, but wearing a smile, he said: “I will work hard to protect myself; I will do my best to live on well. I will avail myself of every chance I get to look at you, until... until the time comes when I really cannot go on living anymore.”
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In the blink of an eye, the time of flowing streams and falling flowers was over, and the wintry season was upon them. Today, there had been heavily snowfall during the day and as night fell, crystalline snowflakes were swirling around in the s.p.a.ce between Heaven and Earth. The Empress Dowager and both Wanyan Xu and his son loved snowy weather very much, and they especially enjoyed admiring the red plum blossoms against the snowy white backdrop of such weather. By chance, when Wanyan Xu and Wanyan Shuo made a visit to the residence of the Empress Dowager to ask after her health, Concubine Yin and a few other concubines were also there keeping her company and fawning over her. The Empress Dowager was in a happy mood and said to Wanyan Xu: “Concubine Yin was just telling me that many of the trees in the plum tree grove in the Imperial Gardens have started to flower and we have made plans to spend the day there tomorrow. I have sent people to make the place ready, we can view the plum blossoms as we drink and listen to poetry. I think that would be the most enjoyable way to pa.s.s the time, what do the both of you think?”
Wanyan Xu quickly smiled as he replied: “We’ll do as Empress Mother wishes.” The Empress Dowager was even more pleased; however when she cast a glance over the room, she happened to notice that Wanyan Shuo was gazing out a window, seemingly in a daze. She could not help laughing and asked: “Shuo Er, you have always loved to play, if you heard this plan you would be jumping for joy usually. How come you are not so enthusiastic today? Could it be that your Imperial Father has forced more lessons on you, so that you are tired now?”
His reverie disrupted, Wanyan Shuo turned back and said with a forced laugh: “Imperial Grandma, who said I don’t like it. Also, Imperial Father did not force me to do more homework. As long as my old grandmother [2] is happy, Shuo Er will naturally be happy too. I’ll accompany you tomorrow and we can listen to poetry for the whole day, wouldn’t that be nice? It’s just that... aii... this weather is too cold, it would be better if it were a bit warmer.”
Standing to the side, Concubine Yin laughed and said: “His Highness the Crown Prince would have been happy, it"s just that I think that there is someone in his heart that he cannot let go of and he is worried about that person since the weather is so bitterly cold. I do not wish to criticise the Crown Prince, but no matter how good that person was in the past, today he is still a servant after all. Is it worth it for you to be so concerned about him?”
The Empress Dowager and Wanyan Xu immediately understood the situation. They could only make light of it with a laugh, but Concubine Yin had stabbed at a sensitive spot in Wanyan Shuo"s heart, and he flew into a rage because of his humiliation. Wanyan Shuo was the scion of a ruling House; prideful by nature, he believed in avenging every slight and insult that was inflicted upon him. Although he knew that Concubine Yin only dared to be so audacious to him because she was betting that he would not dare to openly humiliate her in the presence of the Empress Dowager and his own Imperial Father, there was no way that he was going to take this lying down. He was quiet for a bit as he debated his options. Suddenly, he squinted; a stratagem had come to his mind.