Watashi wa Teki ni Narimasen!

Part 1/2

When I came to, I could see the stone ceiling .

As I was blinking, I remembered the things that happened bit by bit .

Where I was up until just now, what I was doing, and what I saw .

“…”

It became difficult for me to breathe .

I fought because it was necessary . Since I understood that only I could do it, I didn’t have any intention to run away .

However, what I did was nothing but killing a lot of people .

The castle was still safe . We were able to rescue Margrave Vayne, too . It was safe to a.s.sume that we managed to defeat the enemy to some extent .

Still, deep inside my heart, I couldn’t find the joy over the fact that everything went smoothly . Now that the time to despair was over, the only thought that came to my mind was that I could take a little bit of rest .

Then, the image that was brought back as I closed my eyes was the people’s dead body, dead body, dead bodies…

I did everything, fully prepared for them . I intended to get actively involved in the war from the beginning . After all, I became a magician just for that .

“Kiara, are you awake?”

Someone’s gentle voice called out to me .

There was someone by my side . When I turned over my face as I was sleeping in the bed to face my side, there was Madame Beatrice’s fellow attendant, Maysan .

The room was quite gloomy as there was no other light source than the candle placed on top of the small table . Perhaps it wasn’t the only reason the room was gloomy, as Maysan also had a worn-out expression . The dark brown hair that she usually tied to form a chignon’s braid so that it won’t hinder her was also being let loose .

“…I”

How long have I been sleeping here? Is the castle still being surrounded by the Ruain army? What happened after that?

Is everyone still safe?

Even if I wanted to ask those questions, my voice was so hoa.r.s.e that I couldn’t speak well .

Then, Maysan helped me to sit up and drink the water she poured from the water bottle placed aside .

…My hands were shaking, and it seemed that the water would spill if I were to drink it alone . Maysan ended up helping me .

“How long has it been since then?”

“It’s been about three hours . It’s evening now . ”

“The Ruain army, what ha—“

After Maysan received the empty gla.s.s from me who was about to bombard her with questions, she put it on the table and proceeded to hug me tightly .

I wonder what’s the matter? In response to me who was fl.u.s.tered that there might be something sad that was hard for her to say, Maysan gently clapped my back .

“Everything’s all right . It’s all thanks to Kiara . The Ruain army is now putting a short distance from the castle . ”

Aah, what I did was useful enough . My heart started to slowly turn softer . However, her next words made me feel as if someone poured a cold water on my heart .

“Their chain of command was in disorder after you defeated the enemy’s general . ”

“Defeated1…”

Perhaps he was an opponent that was trampled by the golem I commanded .

Since I was so afraid of what I was trying to do, I didn’t look at their faces at all . There were people wearing lavish coats surrounded by the knights, so I thought that as long as I defeated them, the other soldiers would probably withdraw without me having to personally kill them . That was the only thing I thought .

From the way they said the thing about defeating the enemy’s general, perhaps the one who witnessed it was Cain-san, who was with me at that time . He did it on my behalf, as I was too scared to identify them .

“Thanks to that, everyone can have a little break . Vayne-sama was able to return safely, and the enemy shouldn’t attack us at a moment’s notice because you—a magician—is on our side . Thank you very much, Kiara . ”

Maysan tightly hugged me once more, then she left the room, saying that she’d let everyone know that I was awake .

I ended up becoming absentminded .

I was able to do something that people were grateful for . It was supposed to be a delightful thing, but the emotions called as “happiness” didn’t gush forth in my heart .

I… am not happy?

Doubt arises within my heart .  Why can’t I feel delighted? I don’t understand it very well . I only feel that I’m tired .

That was why I couldn’t bring an answer easily out of my throat when there was a knock to the door . I couldn’t even lift my head and continued to cast my eyes downward .

However, the other party entered the room even without an answer .

Who is approaching me while remaining silent?

It was even troublesome for me to just lift my head in order to check .

Just when I was wondering if that person was sitting on the chair where Maysan was, they hugged me who was being completely silent . At that time, I could no longer ignore them .

The light-colored military clothes that I recognized, the scent that I remembered .

“Re…”

“It’s okay, you don’t need to force yourself to say anything . That is, if you don’t hate being like this . ”

“Aah, but,” Reggie continued with a voice that contained laughter .

“I won’t let you go even if you say that you don’t like it . You seemed to have done something quite reckless again, after all . I have been waiting for you to be awake while thinking that I’m going to pester you for the amount of my lifespan that’s been reduced . ”

(T/N: Ohh, Reggie’s basically saying he was so worried for Kiara that it took his lifespan away! But then again, Reggie was supposed to be dead based on the game, so Kiara basically extended his lifespan, so it’s all fine X”D)

Reggie said so, but if he was really going to pester me, then there was no way he’d caress my back this gently . The warmth of his hand created an illusion that it was dissolving something that was stiffening deep in my spine .

But I thought that this was a feeling that I remembered somewhere . It was just like when I was really, really small, or rather, it was just like a long time ago, when I was being pampered by my mother in my previous life . It was really a wonder .

Perhaps because of it, I ended up leaning on Reggie before I even noticed, and Reggie caught my left hand as if he was scooping it up .

“I think that you chose to become a magician because you had no other choice . ”

He said, as if he was talking to himself . As he did so, Reggie kissed my fingertip .