But Father James had bequeathed her the photograph. And asked that she do something about it-find the courage, as he"d put it.
The priest hadn"t believed that her memory of that night had never been regained. Or else he had hoped that given time-and over the years he thought he still had to live-she might yet remember. Still, it was a strange way to go about it-to leave a message in a Will. Once he was dead, what difference would it make?
The cuttings. The photograph. The bequest.
But why was it so important to Father James?
It went through Rutledge"s mind before he could stop himself from thinking the unthinkable. That perhaps May Trent had killed the priest, to prevent him from prying into memories that she could not face. And never wanted to face.
Some eight months ago, he himself had tried to kill the doctor who had forced the secret of his own ghosts out of the silence he had wrapped around himself like a dark and protective cloak.
May Trent had suddenly found herself in the running, with a better reason than Walsh for committing murder. . . .
Abruptly realizing that both May Trent and Mrs. Barnett were watching him, he made an effort to meet the younger woman"s eyes.
They flickered, as she read his thoughts.
"I didn"t kill him," she said quietly, numbness washing all expression out of her face. "Truly . . ." "Truly . . ."
But what, Hamish was demanding, if the worried priest had backed away from confrontation, and written the codicil to his Will instead, hoping that in time May Trent might relent and do whatever it was that mattered so much to him? Only to learn that it was already too late; he"d set in motion a chain of events that couldn"t be reversed. . . .
Something that need never reach the light of day, if he lived to old age.
Rutledge said harshly, to the two women in his room and to the voice in his head, "I don"t know the answer. I wish to G.o.d I did!"
CHAPTER 18.
THERE WAS ABSOLUTE SILENCE FOR A long, disturbing moment.
Mrs. Barnett"s eyes were wide with distress. The emotionally charged atmosphere had left her speechless, unprepared to take up either side.
May Trent, who had borne the brunt of Rutledge"s intensity, found the inner resources to stare back at him, a remarkable strength in her face. "You don"t mean that," she told him. "You can"t can"t." But there were tears on her lashes.
The room seemed to shrink in on him, the walls squeezing out the air, the two women between him and the door a trap he couldn"t escape from. Taking a deep breath to shake off the sense of smothering, Rutledge fell back on the one thing that had always brought him through: His ability to command.
In a voice that sounded absolutely normal, despite the turmoil that racked him, Rutledge said, "Mrs. Barnett. Can you serve Miss Trent her dinner tonight? I think she needs food, and she"s not in any condition to go elsewhere."
"In her room?" Mrs. Barnett asked doubtfully, rising.
"No. In the dining room. Miss Trent, go and wash your face, then come downstairs with me." He added as she started to protest, "I promise you I won"t bring up Mrs. Sedgwick or-or your own experiences. But I need to hear about Father James"s interest in t.i.tanic t.i.tanic and her death. And if you will tell me that, I shall stay out of your way after tonight." and her death. And if you will tell me that, I shall stay out of your way after tonight."
A fierce pride touched her. "I don"t want your pity!"
"I"m not offering you pity. I"m searching for answers. If you can help me, I"ll take that help with grat.i.tude." Then he added with a surprising and unexpected gentleness, "Go on. It"s for the best."
May Trent studied him. He could almost read what was going through her mind-that she didn"t want to be alone with her thoughts-but neither was she up to enduring public scrutiny at The Pelican, if her emotional state showed as she must have felt it did. "Give me five minutes."
She walked out of the room and toward her own. Mrs. Barnett, watching her go, said to Rutledge, "That was inexcusable inexcusable."
"No, murder is inexcusable," he told her flatly. "I can probably understand her feelings better than most. But I won"t walk away from my investigation when there are answers to be had."
"But she couldn"t couldn"t have known Mrs. Sedgwick! Even if somehow they"d met on shipboard, it wouldn"t have anything to do with Father James, would it? As for accusing her of have known Mrs. Sedgwick! Even if somehow they"d met on shipboard, it wouldn"t have anything to do with Father James, would it? As for accusing her of killing killing him-!" him-!"
"She accused herself," Rutledge replied, weariness in his voice. "It got out of hand, Mrs. Barnett-it sometimes does, when people are being questioned. I"m not sure why you came up here, but once you were here, I had no choice except to ignore you."
Still rattled, she said, "Inspector Blevins would never never -" -"
"I"m not Inspector Blevins." He turned to shove the photograph safely away again in the desk.
"No," Hamish pointed out, "and more"s the pity!"
Rutledge ushered Mrs. Barnett out of the room. As he shut the door behind them, he said, "Forget what happened just now. You can"t change it, for one thing, and for another, you don"t really understand all the reasons behind it. Meanwhile, since you"ve heard everything that has been said, I"d like to ask you what sort of woman Mrs. Sedgwick was."
Mrs. Barnett seemed to have trouble concentrating on his question. They had reached the stairs before she began tentatively, "I-I can"t really tell you. I hardly knew her. She was always with one or another of the family-I seldom had an opportunity to say more than half a dozen words to her alone-"
Then she faced him. "I don"t know why this matters matters-!"
"Because in one way or another, she mattered to Father James. And even though we have Walsh in custody, we aren"t absolved from considering all the other avenues the victim"s life opens to us."
Doubtful still, she answered, "I didn"t know her! But she seemed nice enough. Well born. I"ve heard she came from a very fine American family, a niece or cousin to the present Lord Sedgwick"s American wife. Quite pretty, as you could see for yourself. Rather shy and quiet, with a lovely smile."
"Did she attend church here in Osterley?"
"Here? No, not very often. There"s a charming little church on the estate in East Sherham. But the Sedgwicks would come to Osterley around once a month, and the Vicar tried to interest Mrs. Sedgwick in good works. She was too shy, and always sent excuses for not showing up."
"Did she have many friends in Osterley?" Rutledge asked as he walked with Mrs. Barnett through the French doors into the dining room. He saw her glance quickly over her shoulder as if she would like nothing more than to escape from him to her kitchen.
"I don"t suppose there was anyone here quite suitable. People generally appeared to like her-I never heard anyone say anything unkind about her. Men found her quite attractive. That soft American accent for one thing, and she seemed-I don"t know-my husband said that she brought out a man"s protective instincts."
Mrs. Barnett clucked her tongue at the congealed food on his plate, and added quickly, "I"ll just warm this up."
"Did women like her?"
"I suppose they did. But women of her cla.s.s are often- you either fit into their circle or you don"t." She paused, pensive. "It"s odd, I"ve just remembered something. The Sedgwick family came here occasionally for luncheon on market day. My husband"s mother, who is gone now, always called Mrs. Sedgwick the "little rabbit." Almost as if she imagined her huddled in the midst of the dogs, trying to vanish." She shook her head. "I never saw that, myself."
She took up the plate and started for the kitchen. Then she turned and forced herself to ask, "You won"t upset Miss Trent again, will you? I should hate to lose her as a guest just because you"ve badgered her. There aren"t that many weekly guests this time of year. And it isn"t right that you should use your office to upset her!"
"She"ll be safe enough, I promise you," he said, and she walked through the swinging doors to the kitchen without looking back.
Miss Trent came in reluctantly to join Rutledge. Her face was exceedingly pale, and she seemed uneasy when she realized that they had the vast room to themselves.
Rutledge said immediately, "I ought to apologize. But I have a job to do, and I try to do it well."
It was a more effective apology than an abject capitulation, and she accepted it.
"I don"t particularly care to take a meal with you," she said in return. "But it"s probably more comfortable here than at the police station, with everyone staring!" A quirk of sudden humor in her eyes told him she was giving him his own back.
He laughed. "Yes, I suppose it is. But I promise to talk about Father James, not you."
"I didn"t know him well-"
"You told me once before that he"d wanted something from you that you couldn"t give him. Was it to do with Mrs. Sedgwick?"
"Yes." Like a swimmer plunging into cold water, she shivered. "I don"t know how he discovered that I"d-that there was a connection with the ship. But one day as we were having tea, he asked me if I remembered meeting her. I told him I couldn"t even remember sailing. It"s all blacked out, like amnesia, only it was shock that did it."
"Do the doctors feel you might eventually remember?"
"They persuaded me not to try," she said uncomfortably. "They told me it was better if I didn"t. I"ve had dreams-but they were always terrifying, and I"d make certain not to think about them afterward."
"Do you still have those dreams?" He stopped and said, "Sorry. I meant it from the point of view of understanding what you"ve suffered."
"Sometimes. Usually. I don"t know. I don"t want to know."
"And Father James felt that perhaps you could recall some of the voyage. If you tried. Or-given time."
"Yes. He was convinced it was important to try. To put it behind me instead of running from it. But I didn"t want to open that door. I thought he was wrong to suggest it. There were other survivors. But he was-wary-about approaching them without some authority."
"What was his interest in the Sedgwick woman?"
May Trent frowned. "I"m not sure. When she disappeared, it was very trying for her family and everyone who knew her. Why this sudden whim, this need to run away? Apparently there wasn"t an answer. And I suppose if Father James found someone like me who might be able to define her state of mind when she took pa.s.sage, he would have been comforted. No, that"s the wrong word! Satisfied?" Shaking her head, she went on. "I suppose what he really wanted to hear was that she was safe and happy. It was almost as if he needed to know that, to have any peace himself."
"What if she hadn"t been on board-what if she"d bought her pa.s.sage and then changed her mind?"
"Oh, I can"t believe that-Father James never once suggested that she hadn"t been on t.i.tanic t.i.tanic!"
"After all," Hamish pointed out sensibly, "the remains were brought back to Norfolk. The proof of death was there."
"A coffin was brought back to Norfolk," Rutledge contradicted the voice in his head. "No one would have opened it to have a look at the contents."
"Father James seemed to be uncertain whether this was a planned "escape" or if she just took an opportunity that presented itself. She"d been on her way to East Sherham from Yorkshire, and she decided to spend an hour in the shops in King"s Lynn, because she was planning a party. When she failed to meet the chauffeur at the appointed time, he was patient, he didn"t raise an alarm for several more hours. And later someone remembered seeing her at the railway station. She was seen again in Colchester, on the train to London. She"d taken nothing with her, which I found odd, but of course she could have bought whatever she needed in London shops."
"Did Father James tell you the chauffeur"s name?" Rutledge asked.
"If he did, I can"t recall it."
"What I can"t fathom is the relationship between a priest and one of the Sedgwick family," Rutledge said. "It doesn"t fit into any explanation I can think of."
"Actually it was probably nothing more complicated than the fact that Virginia Sedgwick had a grandmother who was Catholic. Father James mentioned that in pa.s.sing. Mrs. Dabney had been terribly fond of her. If Virginia was homesick, I expect she"d be drawn to something familiar. And Father James had a very practical faith. If she"d come to him, troubled or lonely or just needing comfort, he"d have tried to help her without proselytizing."
"The Vicar would have been closer to her age," Rutledge speculated.
But Miss Trent was saying, "I wasn"t very attentive, I"m afraid, although Father James did his best to bring her alive for me." She had the grace to flush. "I didn"t want to be interested in her. I didn"t want to find myself thinking about her, and then starting to dig into the blackness-I couldn"t face it!"
Her eyes pleaded with him for understanding. "It sounds quite selfish and callous to say that. Especially now that he"s dead. But there was nothing I could do for Virginia Sedgwick, was there? And the thing was, I couldn"t bear to go back. And I couldn"t explain why why I couldn"t go back. It"s such a simple question, isn"t it? "Do you remember?" " I couldn"t go back. It"s such a simple question, isn"t it? "Do you remember?" "
"I think he must have believed that, given time, you would remember-otherwise he wouldn"t have chosen to leave you that photograph."
May Trent said, "Knowing that-now that he"s dead- puts a tremendous burden on me. I don"t quite see how to cope with it. I wish he hadn"t hadn"t-!"
"But then he hadn"t expected to die within a matter of days."
The shock of that left her silent for a moment. "Yes. I see your way of putting all this together. If he harried me, I must have killed him, just for a little peace. But he didn"t didn"t. I know he was the sort of man who believed that good would triumph. That one morning I"d sit up in bed and suddenly remember meeting this woman on the deck or in the dining rooms, the card rooms. Somewhere. After all, women traveling alone tend to gravitate toward each other-it wouldn"t have been so amazing if our paths had crossed."
Mrs. Barnett came in with a tray bearing hot platters and trailing an aroma of beef in a wine sauce. She set their plates down with care, studying the faces at the table. "I"m so sorry, Miss Trent, but there isn"t any more soup."
"I"m not really hungry. But thank you." When she had gone, May Trent said, "I don"t think I can swallow a mouthful-what am I going to do . . . !"
"At least make a show of trying," Rutledge told her bracingly. "You"ll feel better having eaten."
"You don"t understand," she said irritably. "It"s not something I relish, this black hole in my life. It takes a revenge of its own!"
"I think I do," he answered her.
Their eyes locked. Hers widened in surprise, as if reading the depths of his, and turning away from what she found there. He felt a spreading hurt.
Her voice trembling, she replied, "Yes. Well, is there anything else you want to know?"
"Tell me about yourself. What you do, where you"ve been. Why you have stayed so long in Osterley."
She grimaced as she tried a forkful of beef, but she persevered. He gave her credit for courage.
"The last is easy to answer. I"ve been looking at old churches, and I found Osterley to my liking. I prefer to stay here rather than pack my bag every few days and move to another hotel. I like the marshes. They appeal to me. The desolation, perhaps. Or their strange beauty. I"ve never quite decided which it is."
"Do you live in London?"
"Somerset. I grew up there, and I feel at home there."
"What took you to America? Is that a safe question to ask?"
She turned away. "I had the care of an elderly lady who was the aunt of a friend. She was going to New York to visit her son, and I was asked if I"d like to make the journey with her. As a companion, actually. But she was perfectly capable of looking after herself-"
She broke off and fought to regain her composure, clearing her throat with the effort.
He knew then that her charge had not survived. Which must have added enormously to the ordeal May Trent herself had suffered. Rutledge said, "Then you"d have come back to England in a few months?"
"Yes, that was the plan. I"d never been abroad, except to France a time or two, and once to Germany. I saw it as an adventure-" The words caught in her throat. "Can we talk of something else?"
She soldiered on valiantly through the rest of the meal. He thought perhaps she"d stayed at the table to prove to him that she could. Or because she didn"t want to go upstairs alone.
Where the ghosts in the night lay waiting for her.
It was something that they shared, this fear of being alone. . . .