"Sure you feel all right, Master Felix?" nurse asked, eyeing me closely.
"Sure," I answered slowly; "only tired."
"Well, if it"s only tired you are, the best place is bed, an" we"ll not send for the doctor," she said; and I made no objection, though usually I hate to go to bed in the day-time.
Not having inherited the good physique of the family, I"ve spent more days in bed and on the sofa than I"d be willing to count, and I"m not anxious for more. Still I would rather do that now than have the doctor sent for, so without demur I let Phil carry me down to my room, and undress and put me to bed.
What wouldn"t I give to be as strong as he is! And he"s gentle with it; sometimes he provokes me by the way he watches and takes care of me,--as if I were so fragile I"d go to pieces at a knock,--though in a way I like it, too, and he doesn"t mean to rub it in.
He has an idea that I care less for him than he does for me, because I am so unfortunately const.i.tuted that I can"t express what I feel; but--if he only knew it--life to me wouldn"t be worth the living without him and Nannie,--dear old lion-heart! Sometimes I wonder if he will always be as good to me, and care as much; I mean when he gets older, and goes more among people, and they find out what a fine fellow he is, and what jolly company. He declares now that I"m the good company; but _I_ know that my good spirits are more dependent on his than his on mine. In our studies I"m the quicker,--he doesn"t love books as I do,--but he is so kindly and brave and bright and merry, that I"d defy anybody not to like him.
But--though he thinks he is awfully sharp--Phil is one of the kind that will be imposed upon; he"s so honest and straightforward himself that he thinks everybody else is also, and I"m constantly afraid that some fellow or other that he doesn"t see through"ll get hold of him and get him into mischief. This was one of the reasons why I was so awfully disappointed at not going to college; Phil and I"ve been together all our lives, and I hated mortally to have him go off alone and meet people, and make friends there that I would never know. He really needs me--my cooler judgment, I mean--just as much as I ever need his protecting strength. I"m almost sure that _she_ thought so, too, for whenever college was spoken of she would say, "You must go at the same time, Felix, and help him;" and once she added, "help him in _everything_," and I understood what she meant.
It won"t always be so: I think that by and by, when Phil gets to be a man, he"ll have more judgment; and now it"s only because he"s so true himself, and so simple-hearted. I really believe I love him all the better for these traits, though sometimes, when I get provoked, I tell him that he is gullible, and a second Dr. Primrose.
When I found that I couldn"t possibly go to college, it was a great relief to know that Murray Unsworth was there, and that they"d be together. Murray"s an A 1 fellow! But I must confess that so far Phil hasn"t changed at all; he depends on me and seems to like to be with me just as much as ever. And now comes along that sn.o.b Chad. I _don"t_ like that fellow, and I"ll be furious if he gets intimate with Phil.
Phil didn"t like him at all at first, but I can see--though he won"t admit it--that Chad is worming himself into his good graces. He"s found out that Phil is first-rate company, and now he is trying to be very friendly.
Max was called out of town on the evening of Nora"s birthday, and he didn"t get back for some time; but that has not prevented Monsieur le Don_key_ from coming here again and again. He had the a.s.surance to send his card up to Nora the second time he called,--for her to go down to the drawing-room and entertain him alone! just like his impudence! But of course Miss Marston would not let Nora go, and instead, the _pater_ walked in, and squelched Mr. "Shad." We don"t know what father said, but the next time Chad appeared he found the schoolroom good enough for him; and now, as I said, he is trying to be very friendly with Phil.
I don"t want him to get intimate with Phil; I dread it, for I have a conviction he"s not the sort of fellow that it will do anybody any good to know. From what he has told Nora, it seems that Chad"s father was a miner who "struck a bonanza," as he expresses it, and made a great deal of money; then, just as he was ready to enjoy the fortune, he and his wife were killed in a railroad disaster, leaving Chad, who was the only child, to the guardianship of a fellow miner--another "bonanza" man--and Max, whose only acquaintance with Mr. Whitcomb, by the way, had been in successfully conducting a law case for him. The other guardian took the boy all over the United States, and then to Europe, letting him, I fancy, do as he pleased,--study or not as suited his own will,--with the result that Chad is an ignorant, vulgar, conceited cad, with the merest veneering of refinement, who cares for no one but himself, and whose sole standard for everything and every one is that of money. When the other guardian died, of course Max had to a.s.sume the charge of Chad,--who"ll not be of age for nearly two years,--though I should think he must be a serious trial, for Max is so thoroughly nice himself, so honourable and clever and refined, that this affected, sn.o.bbish little Dresden-china-young-man, as Betty calls him, must jar on him in every way, though perhaps Chad is on his best behaviour with his guardian.
Chad affects to be quite a man of the world, talks a great deal about his "bachelor quarters" and the theatres; he drinks and smokes, and I"ve heard him swear; he considers all this the proper thing for young fellows of our age, and more than once he has sneered at Phil and me as "behind the times." He calls Murray "the Innocent," though I"ve snubbed him for it pretty sharply, and whenever he gets a chance, he makes fun of Hilliard"s slow ways, when old Hill is worth a dozen or two of such blowers as he. I almost wish Murray"d give the bediamonded cad a thrashing,--only that the fellow"s not worth his touching. Phil and I neither drink nor smoke; we"ve never spoken about it to each other, but we know that our--mother--would not have liked us to do any of these things, so we let them alone.
I think Chad knows that I"ve no liking for him,--to put it mildly,--and that he returns the compliment. I try not to quarrel with him; in fact,--though it goes awfully against the grain,--I make an effort to be civil, so as to see, hear, and know all that goes on between himself and Phil, and to be able to guard Phil from him without Phil"s knowing it.
I"ve said a few things to warn Phil; but I had to be careful, for he"s such an old Quixote that, if he thought I was particularly down on Chad, he"d begin to take up the cudgels for him. But he _sha"n"t_ get hold of Phil, I declare he sha"n"t,--not as long as I am here. I wish to goodness he hadn"t ever come near us!
Nannie is the only one to whom I"ve said anything of my fear, and she laughs it away. She says Phil is the last person in the world to fall in with a fellow like Chad; but I"m not so sure of that, for Chad can be entertaining enough when he chooses to be, telling of his life in California and the wild West, and in Europe. I know he has invited Phil to come to his rooms, and twice he has taken him off for a long walk.
Phil _loves_ to walk, with long, swinging strides, that, try to keep up as I may, wear me out before we"ve gone many blocks, even with the support of his arm. So there I can"t be with him.
_She_ used to say that it was best to recognise one"s limitations, and to respect them: I recognise mine only too well,--I"ve _got_ to; but instead of respecting, I abhor them, and am always striving to get beyond them. With all the strength of soul that is in me I try to be patient and contented--to accept myself; but now that she has gone, only G.o.d and I know the miserable failure I make of it day after day. I want to do so much; I want to amount to something in the world, to have advantages for study and improvement, and to fit myself to mix with wise men by and by,--clever men and scholars,--and to hold my own among them.
I could do it, I feel I could, if only I had the opportunity for study, and the health to improve it; this isn"t conceit,--_she_ knew that,--but a cool, calm gauging of the sort of ability that I know I have.
We--she and I--used to plan great things that I was to do when I went to college; when I finished college, and went into the world, I was to become a famous lawyer,--"good, wise, and great, my son Felix," she used to say, with a look in her eyes that always stirred me to more and better efforts. She helped me in every way, and it was a delight to learn, in spite of the drawback of ill-health. But now all is changed: she is gone, there is no prospect whatever of my getting to college, and somehow, lately, this miserable old back of mine seems to be getting to be a wetter and wetter blanket than ever on my ambition. Ah, if I but had a physique like Phil"s! She used to say, "Remember always, Felix, that your fine mind is a gift from G.o.d, a responsibility given you by Him." Oh, why, then, did He not give me a body to match? All things are possible to Him; He could have done so.
When I was a little fellow I used to pray most earnestly that G.o.d would let me outgrow this lameness and be strong like other boys; but we had a talk about it,--just before she went away,--and ever since then I have asked only to be patient and contented. But with all the trying, it is _very_ hard to say truthfully that I am thankful for my creation. I have never spoken of this to Nannie, but perhaps, with that quick intuition which makes her such a blessing to us, she guesses it; for only last Sunday, in church, when we came to that part in the General Thanksgiving, she snuggled closer to me as we knelt, and gave my hand a quick, warm little squeeze, as if to tell me that she was glad of my "creation and preservation."
Nannie comforts me more than I can ever express to her; she has many a time given me courage when my spirits were at a very low ebb.
XI.
AN AFTERNOON RECEPTION.
TOLD BY FELIX.
Though I felt all right the next day, to please nurse I did not get up; but on Wednesday I did. At first my legs were very shaky, even for me: my cane was not enough; I had to hold on to the furniture besides to make my way about the room. But gradually that wore away, and by afternoon I was quite as well as usual; so on Thursday we went to the reception in the order first planned.
The Blackwoods live in a large old house, and by the time we got there--we were rather late--the parlours were quite crowded. I think the _pater_ was a little nervous as we went up the palm-lined staircase; he hates an affair of this kind, and only the rare editions and a strong dislike to hurting the feelings of his old friends could have induced him to attend it. He kept Nannie close beside him, Nora and I following behind.
Mrs. Blackwood is a fine-looking old lady, with beautiful white hair, which she wears turned straight off her face; she gave us a warm welcome, and after walking father through the rooms, and introducing him to a number of people,--not one of whom he would have recognised five minutes after!--and after showing us the Corot, which is a _beauty!_ she led the way to the library. It was a cosy room, for all it was so large.
The walls were lined with books; a desk stood near one of the windows; some tables--on which were books, photos, and several handsome gla.s.s and china bowls filled with flowers--and a variety of comfortable chairs were scattered about; in a s.p.a.ce between the book-shelves, and thrown into bold relief by the dark portiere behind it, was an exquisite marble Laoc.o.o.n, and in the bay-window the beautiful Venus de Milo.
[Ill.u.s.tration: "IN THE BAY-WINDOW."]
I should have enjoyed staying there, but we"d only been in a short while when Mrs. Blackwood"s daughter came and carried us younger ones off to the drawing-room again. In vain Nannie and I politely protested that we should rather stay in the library; Mrs. Endicott was not to be resisted. "Your father and my mother enjoy looking at books more than anything else," she said pleasantly, as we made our reluctant way back; "but I know that young people like to be where there are life and gaiety,--and you haven"t even had a cup of chocolate. Come this way, and I"ll introduce you to Miss Devereaux."
She piloted us rapidly through the crowd to the upper end of the room, where at a table sat a young lady pouring chocolate, to whom she introduced us.
Taking my "thimbleful" of chocolate, I retreated to a corner where I could sit and sip and take observations un.o.bserved. To begin with, I could not but notice the difference in my two sisters. Nannie had found a place on a lounge near the tea-table, and was gazing about her with the deepest interest,--her brown eyes all a-shine, the faintest ripple of a smile stirring her lips; to my eyes she looked very sweet! Nora stood, cup in hand, sipping her chocolate, and chatting as easily to Miss Devereaux and the different ones who came up as if she were in the habit of going to afternoon receptions every day in the week. I saw people look and look again at her, and it didn"t surprise me, for Nora is a stunner, and no mistake. As Phil says, she carries herself as if she owned the whole earth, and she is self-possessed to a degree that is a constant surprise to us. If she weren"t always so dead sure that she is right and everybody else wrong, we"d all think a great deal more of her; but as she is, one feels it a positive duty to snub her sometimes.
We are proud of Nora"s beauty, but she"s the very last one we"d any of us go to for comfort or in a strait,--why, Betty"d be better, for all she"s so fly-away and blunt.
Miss Devereaux was handsome, too: she was large and statuesque, with beautifully moulded throat and arms, and hair which rippled like that of my poor old plaster Juno at home,--in fact, she suggested to my mind some Greek G.o.ddess dressed up in silk and lace; I quite enjoyed looking at her, and would have liked to make a sketch of her. But she wasn"t as nice as she looked; in her way she was as sn.o.bbish as is Chad. A tall, very richly dressed woman was brought up and introduced; she wore enormous diamond ear-rings, and her manner was even more condescending than that of the young G.o.ddess herself. She pulled forward a chair, completely barring the way to the table, and, seating herself, stirred her chocolate languidly.
Miss Devereaux was all attention; she offered almost everything on the table, and listened with the deepest interest while the diamond lady talked loudly and impressively of _her_ last afternoon reception,--the distinguished people who were present, and what the music and refreshments cost. Then, suddenly remembering that she was "due at one of "Mrs. Judge" Somebody"s receptions,--they were always _alagant_ affairs,"--the diamond lady put down her cup, from which she had barely taken a sip or two, and with a bow, and what Phil calls "a galvanised smile," sailed off to parts unknown.
"Such a charming woman!" murmured the G.o.ddess to Nannie.
Before Nannie could answer, there was a new claimant for refreshments,--a slender, rather spare little woman this time, dressed in a severely plain black gown; her hair was parted and pulled tightly away from her face; her bonnet was a good deal plainer and uglier than anything that nurse has ever had,--and she has rather distinguished herself in that line. This little woman was evidently not used to receptions and young G.o.ddesses. She seated herself on the extreme edge of the chair the diamond lady had just vacated, and after taking off her gloves, and laying them across her lap, she accepted her chocolate and cake with a deprecating air, as if apologising for the trouble she was causing. "Oh, thank you, _thank_ you," she said gratefully; "you are _very_ kind."
The young G.o.ddess gave her a haughty stare, and then a.s.sumed a bored expression that I could see made the poor little woman nervous. She stirred her chocolate violently, and drank half of the cupful at a draught; then, evidently considering it her duty to make conversation, she remarked, "Didn"t we have an interesting address yesterday at the Missions House?" She glanced at Miss Devereaux as she spoke.
"Ah--indeed!" answered that young person, with another haughty glare that almost overcame the little woman. She got very red, and in her agitation drained her cup, and sat holding it. She looked thoroughly uncomfortable.
I"m not fond of addressing strangers, but I couldn"t stand that sort of treatment any longer, and got on my feet with the desperate intention of immediately starting a lively conversation with this particular stranger, without regard to Miss Devereaux. But Nannie was ahead of me; bending forward, she said in her friendliest tone,--and Nancy"s friendliest tone is worth hearing, I tell you,--"I read of it in the papers; it must have been _very_ interesting."
The little woman"s look of grat.i.tude was positively pathetic.
[Ill.u.s.tration: ""IT MUST HAVE BEEN _VERY_ INTERESTING.""]
"Yes, it was, _very_ fine!" she said,--bending forward, and jerking her sentences out nervously,--"so many people, and such splendid speakers! I wish Mrs. Blackwood"d been there!" Then, waxing confidential, she went on in a lower key: "She and I used to be girls together,--ages ago. Then her folks took her to Europe to finish her education,--some people set such store by foreign education! We didn"t meet again--though I heard of her off and on--till here, lately, when I came to New York to live. Of course--for old times" sake--I looked her up and called,--handsome house, isn"t it? Seems like some people have everything,"--with a short sigh that sounded almost like a snort,--"but I must say Tilly isn"t a bit stuck up over it,--never was. Say, who"s _she_?" A quick sidelong motion of eyes and thumb in Miss Devereaux"s direction gave point to this last question.
"I think her name--" began Nannie, but she was interrupted by a loud crash which seemed to come from one of the adjoining rooms. In an instant my twin was on her feet: "Oh, _Felix_!" she cried breathlessly, "that came from the library! Papa has knocked over something!"
The _pater_ has an absent-minded way of upsetting things, and Nannie"s tone carried conviction with it; so, as fast as I could, I followed in her wake as she threaded her way swiftly through the crowded room.
Nora raised her eyebrows with an air of mock resignation. "No use our _all_ going," she said in an undertone as I went past her, and resumed her conversation with the gentleman to whom she had been talking.
Some people had collected in the doorway of the library by the time I got there, and I was delayed a minute or two in getting into the room; then I saw, at one glance, that our worst fears were realised. There stood my father, minus his spectacles, peering about him with a most anxious, bewildered expression on his face,--I was struck with how ill he looked! and around him on the polished floor lay the fragments of one of the Doulton bowls! The small table on which it had stood was-overturned, flowers were scattered in every direction, and among the ruins shone my father"s gla.s.ses, broken in several pieces.
Nannie went straight to the _pater"s_ side and took his hand. "Felix and I are here, papa; what can we do for you?" she said. The colour was in her face; I know she felt embarra.s.sed, but her voice was quite calm.
My father screwed up his eyes in a vain attempt to see the extent of the mischief: "I--I think--I think, my dear, that I"ve broken something," he said. At which very obvious statement there was a sound of smothered laughter at the door.