"The service over, we lingered for a moment in the shady church-yard, Hugh and Margaret and I, until Raby should join us. He came out at last, a little pale and tired-looking. Margaret met him, her eyes shining like stars.
""Oh, Raby," she faltered, "G.o.d has given me my heart"s desire." He smiled, but his hand went out to the girl standing silently behind him.
""What does my child say?" he whispered, when the others had gone on a little; but I had no answer ready, he was so good, so far above me.
With a sudden impulse I lifted the kind hand to my lips as though he were a king.
"Raby was very zealous in his profession. There was so little to do in Sandycliffe, but he offered himself as coadjutor to the vicar of Pierrepoint, and as there was a large poor population there, he and Margaret, and Mrs. Grey, his faithful helper, found plenty of scope for their energies.
"Mrs. Grey had no ties, she was rich and lonely, and she sought relief from her sick heart in ministering to the needs of others. Her health was delicate, and the air of Sandycliffe suited her--she had taken a fancy to the place; and the pretty cottage she rented was more to her taste than her house at South Kensington.
"Margaret and she were always together, their natures were congenial to each other, and a warm friendship grew up between them; Raby was also much interested in the young widow. I heard him say much more than once that she was a rare creature, and so humble in her own estimation that one would never have guessed how cultivated and accomplished she really was; "her manners are so perfectly gentle," he went on, "no wonder Margaret is glad to have found such a friend."
"I began to think that she was Raby"s friend too, for nothing seemed to be done in Sandycliffe without Mrs. Grey--"our Mrs. Grey," as Raby called her. Scarcely a day pa.s.sed without seeing her at the Grange, and very often, as I knew, Raby called at the cottage.
"When I was with him their conversation was always about Pierrepoint, about the workmen"s club Raby had started, and the mothers" meeting that was Mrs. Grey"s hobby; she was certainly, in spite of her weak health, a most active creature; Raby always seemed to defer to her opinion. He told Margaret that Mrs. Grey was one of the most clear-headed women he had ever met, that her large-minded views were always surprising him. I used to listen in silence to all this. I liked Mrs. Grey, but I began to be jealous of her influence; I thought Raby was too much guided by her judgment--perhaps he was fascinated by her sweet looks.
""Small beginnings make large endings." "Behold how great a matter a little fire kindleth." Even in a small country place like Sandycliffe there are busy and mischievous tongues. Presently a whisper reached my ears that fanned the smoldering embers of discontent within me to a scorching flame.
"Raby was a young unmarried man, and Mrs. Grey was young and attractive. What if people declared that her heart was buried in her husband"s grave, and that she would, never marry again; they knew young widows always said those sort of things. Perhaps the vicar would induce her to change her mind some day. It would be such an excellent match, they went on; they were evidently cut out for each other, both so good; and then she was rich, it would be such a fortunate thing for Mr. Ferrers, especially when his sister left him; and then, looking at me, they supposed I should go to Redmond Hall with my cousin when she married. People talked like this to us both. Margaret used to laugh as though she were amused at the notion, and she seemed to expect me to laugh too; then she got a little indignant, and contradicted the report gravely. Nothing of the kind could ever happen, she said--she wished those busybodies would leave Raby and Mona alone; Mona was her friend, not his. But somehow I did not believe her. Fern, you look at me reproachfully, you think I ought to have been wiser; but how could I know; I was Raby"s adopted child, his pet, but Mrs. Grey was more his equal in age, and she was very pretty. Her fair delicate style of beauty, and her extreme softness and gentleness might be dangerously attractive to a man like Raby, and I feared--I distrusted her.
"Alas! in a little time I learned to look upon her as my deadliest rival; to hear her name on his lips would send a jealous thrill through me.
"They were always together, at least it seemed so to me; but perhaps I was wrong. By and by I dropped all pretense of parish work; it did not suit me, I said. Raby seemed grieved, but he was true to his word, and did not try to influence me. Perhaps he thought I was restless and was pining for excitement and gayety. Alas! he little knew I would wander miles away, that I might not encounter them coming up the village street together, or witness the frank, cordial smile with which they parted. Mona"s look, her touch, her soft vibrating voice set every nerve on edge. I was pining with a disease for which I knew no name and no remedy, and which was preying on my health and spirits.
"And worst of all, I was completely misunderstood. When in the unequal struggle my appet.i.te failed and sleep forsook me, and a sort of fever kept me restless and irritable, and still no physical illness was at the root, they misconstrued the symptoms and attributed my depression to another cause. I saw in their looks that they distrusted me; they thought my old enemy was coming back, and redoubled their gentleness and care. Then Raby would speak tenderly to me, till every word sounded like a caress; and Margaret would follow me from place to place like some guardian spirit, as though she did not wish to lose sight of me. But they never guessed the cause--how could they? for as the weeks went on, a cold forbidding haughtiness hid their child"s suffering heart from them. I would die, I said to myself recklessly, before they should guess my secret.
"Raby"s face grew sad and then somewhat stern. I knew the old doubts were hara.s.sing him; he feared their quiet life was irksome to my youth, that I was fretting in secret for the gayeties and triumphs I had renounced.
"One day we three were sitting at luncheon together; I was playing with the food on my plate to prevent them noticing my want of appet.i.te, as though I could ever evade Raby"s eyes, and longing to escape from the room, for I felt more than usually miserable.
"Raby was watching me, I could see, though his conversation was directed to Margaret. She had been talking about the new schools that Mrs. Grey proposed building at Pierrepoint.
""She wants to sell her house at South Kensington," she said; "she never means to live there again. It is a great pity, I tell her, for it is such a comfortable house and so beautifully furnished. But she will have it that she feels happier in her cottage; how good she is, Raby."
""Yes, indeed, hers is almost a perfect character," he replied; "she is so strong and yet so womanly, so very, very gentle."
"Something in Raby"s words touched too sensitive a chord, and after a vain attempt to control myself, I suddenly burst into hysterical tears, and left the room. They thought it was my strange temper, but I was only miserable that the enemy--my Philistine--was upon me, when he was only lurking in ambush for the time when my weakness would render me an easy prey.
"Let me go on quickly, for the remembrance of that day overpowers me.
They never came near me. Raby always treated me himself at such times, and sometimes he would not allow Margaret to come to me; it was so now, and yet her dear face and sympathy might have saved me. I sobbed myself quiet, and then I lay on the couch in the morning-room, feeling strangely ill. I was faint and sick. I had eaten nothing, and I wanted food and wine, and to be hushed and comforted like a little child; and no one came near me. Of course not! they thought it was a fit of the old pa.s.sion. No doubt Raby was in the village talking it over with Mona.
"It grew toward evening--cool quiet evening, but there was no quiet in my heart. I was burning with inward fever.
"I had had little sleep the night before, something odd and tumultuous seemed rising in my brain; a gleam of fair hair was blinding me. He loves fair women, I thought, and he calls me his dark-eyed Esther. Oh, Raby, I hate her! I hate her! You shall never marry her! You shall never call her your darling! I felt as though I should kill her first; for, indeed, I was nearly wild with pa.s.sion, they had left me too long alone.
"Presently the door opened, and Raby came in. He looked very grave, I thought, as he sat down beside me. His quiet glance recalled me to myself.
""Crystal," he said, gently, "have you been ill again, my dear?" They always called the paroxysms "illness" now, but the word displeased me.
""Where is Margaret?" I asked, sullenly. "I can not talk to you, Raby.
I am weak, and you do not understand. If I am ill, as you say, you should not keep Margaret from me."
""She is at the schools," he returned, soothingly, "I left her with Mrs. Grey--they will be here directly; but, Crystal, my darling, before they come in I want to have a little talk with you. You are better now, are you not? I want to tell you what I have decided to do for my child"s welfare. I am going to send her away!"
"I sprung up with an exclamation of dismay, but he put me back firmly and quietly on the couch as though I were a child, and went on with his speech.
""Crystal," he said, rather sternly, "I claim obedience as your guardian; I claim it legally and morally." Never had he spoken so severely before. "I am doing what costs me a great sacrifice. I am going to send you away from us for a little while for your own good; for your own peace and happiness. Alas! I see plainly now, how we have failed to secure either." I tried to speak, but I could not. I crushed my hands together as though they were in a vise, as I listened.
""Heaven knows," he continued, sadly, "how I have tried to do my duty to you, and how Margaret has tried too; how we have loved you, prayed and cared for you, never thinking of ourselves, but only of you. What have we done that you should hide your unhappiness from us? Why did you not come to me and tell me frankly, and like a brave girl, that the sacrifice I asked was too great for you to yield; that your youth and temperament demanded a different life to mine; that the quiet and monotony were killing you; would anything have been too hard for your brother"s love?"
"I shivered at the word. Oh, Raby, why--why did you utter it? who never were, who never could be a brother of mine. He had never used that word before; it bore a terrible meaning to me now.
""I have spoken to Doctor Connor," he went on, more quickly, "and his opinion coincides with mine; and so I have arranged it all with Mrs.
Grey; surely a kinder and sweeter soul never breathed, not even our own Margaret. You are to go abroad under her care for six months; Doctor Connor advises it. Yes, it will be hard for us, but never fear, my darling, the time will soon pa.s.s.
""You shall go to Switzerland and Italy, and see your father"s grave, and your beautiful Florence again. You shall see fresh sights and breathe fresh air until this weary la.s.situde has left you, and you come back to us like our old Crystal."
""I will not go, Raby," I exclaimed, exasperated beyond endurance at the very idea. "I will never go with Mrs. Grey;" but I might as well have spoken to a rock.
""I am your guardian, and I tell you that you will go, Crystal," he returned, severely, but his sternness was only a.s.sumed to hide his pain. "Nay, my child," as he saw my face, "do not make it too hard for me, by a resistance that will be useless. Think how the months will fly by, and how the change will benefit you, and how good it is of our dear Mrs. Grey to give up her peaceful home and her work just for your sake and mine."
"His sake! He was driving me mad. Ah, it was on me now. He might talk or he might be silent, but this would make itself heard.
"Oh, Mona, lying deep in your quiet grave, where they carried you so soon, it was not I, but the demon who possessed me!
"He was very white now. He took hold of my hands and held them firmly.
""How dare you, Crystal," he said, sternly; "how dare you speak of a lady, of Mrs. Grey in that way. Ah, Heavenly Father, forgive this unhappy child, she can not know what she says."
"I answered with a mocking laugh that seemed forced from my lips, and then, as though my unhappy fate were sealed, Mrs. Grey entered.
"She thought that it was a hysterical attack, and came at once to Raby"s help.
""Do not be alarmed, Mr. Ferrers," she said, gently, "it is only hysteria;" and she held out a gla.s.s of cold water to him. The action provoked me. I tore myself from Raby"s grasp, dashing the gla.s.s aside.
I longed to break something. There was a bottle beside me, some chemical acid that Hugh Redmond had carelessly left that very morning.
I s.n.a.t.c.hed up the vial, for I wanted to crush it into a million atoms, and rush from the room; but she called out in affright, "Oh, Crystal, don"t touch it, it is--" and then she never finished.
"I saw her white hands trembling, her blue eyes dilated with horror; and then my demon was upon me. I knew what it was, and I hurled it at her, and Raby sprung between--he sprung between us, oh, Raby, Raby!--and then, with a shriek that rang through my brain for months afterward, he fell to the ground in convulsions of agony.
"I can not go on. I can not!