He had been in Lady Maltravers"s train for months; he had suffered her to treat him as a son of the house. He had ridden with Evelyn in the Row; she had been his favorite partner in the ball-room. When they had gone to the opera Erle had been their escort. It was perfectly true, as Mr. Huntingdon said, that she had a right to expect an offer from him; their names had long been coupled together, and Erle"s weakness and love of pretty faces had drawn the net round him. And there were other considerations that had moved him--his dread of poverty; the luxurious habits that had become a second nature; and above all, reluctance to disappoint the old man who, in his own way, had been good to him. Erle knew that in spite of his hardness and severity, his uncle clung to him as the Benjamin of his old age.
No, he could not help himself, he thought bitterly. And yet how dreary the prospect seemed. He had given up the first young love of his life, and now the barren splendors of Belgrave House seemed to oppress him--the walls closed round him like the walls of a prison.
And yet other men would envy him, and wonder at his luck. Evelyn had many admirers--many a one n.o.bly born and n.o.bly gifted would grudge him his prize; though he knew, and hated himself for the knowledge, that they envied him in vain.
Erle found it difficult to play his part well; but his young _fiancee_ was too unsuspecting in her happiness to guess at her lover"s secret trouble. His slight gravity spoke well for him, she thought; most likely a greater sense of responsibility oppressed him. She was too much in love herself to notice how often he lapsed into silence.
Every one thought him a most devoted lover; he was always at his post--always ready to escort them to picture-galleries and flower-shows, or to stand sentinel at the back of Lady Maltravers"s box. His uncle"s generosity enabled him to load his betrothed with gifts. Evelyn used to remonstrate with him for his lavishness, not knowing that Mr. Huntingdon had prompted the gift.
"Of course I love you to bring me things," she would say, looking up in his face with her clear, candid eyes; "but indeed, dear Erle, I do not need so many proofs of your affection."
"I feel as though I should never do enough for you, Eva," he answered, hurriedly; "you must not refuse to let me give you things. I am always thinking how I am to please you;" and as he clasped the diamond bracelet on the slender wrist he suddenly remembered what a pretty hand Fern had, so white and dimpled, and a vivid longing came over him, turning him nearly sick with pain, to see that sweet face again, and to hear from those frank, beautiful lips that she was glad to see him; but he never yielded to the temptation.
On the contrary, he had put all such visits out of his power; for he had written to Mrs. Trafford within a few days of his engagement, telling her that his uncle had interdicted them, and that he dared not risk his displeasure, deeply as he regretted such a break in their intercourse; and he told her that he and Miss Selby were engaged, and would probably be married in the autumn; and then he sent his kind remembrances to her daughter.
Mrs. Trafford thought it a very manly and straightforward letter. He had not acted so very badly after all, she thought; her father"s strong will had evidently coerced him, and she knew how strong that will could be. He had meant no harm; he had only said pleasant things because it was his nature to say them; if only it had not gone very deep with Fern.
"I have had a letter from Mr. Erle, my darling," she said, quietly, as she noticed the girl had turned a shade paler, as though she had recognized the handwriting; but she had not spoken, only bent lower over her work.
"Yes, mother," in a very low voice; "and I suppose he has told you the news."
"What news, my pet?"
"That he and Miss Selby are engaged. Oh, yes, I knew it directly I saw the letter. It is good of him to tell us so soon. I am glad; you must tell him we are glad, mother."
"Will that be the truth, Fern?" looking at her doubtfully.
"One ought to be glad when one"s friends are happy," was the unsteady answer. "If he loves her, of course he must want to marry her. Crystal says that she is very handsome and looks so nice. You must write a very pretty letter to him, mother, and say all sorts of kind things.
And it is for us to be glad that he has got his wish, for I think he has not looked quite happy lately." And Fern folded up her work in her old business-like manner, and then went about the room, putting little touches here and there; and if she were a little pale, the dusk soon hid it. Mrs. Trafford had no fault to find with her daughter that evening; nevertheless she did not feel easy; she thought girlish pride was bidding her conceal the wound, and that in reality her child was unhappy.
If any one had asked Fern what were her feelings when she saw that letter in her mother"s hands she would have answered most truly that she did not know. When a long-dreaded trouble that one knows to be inevitable at last reaches one, the mind seems to collapse and become utterly blank; there is a painless void, into which the mental vision refuses to look. Presently--there is plenty of time; life is overlong for suffering--we will sit down for a little while by the side of the abyss which has just swallowed up our dearest hopes.
Numbness, which was in reality death in life, blunted Fern"s feelings as she worked, and talked, and fulfilled her little duties. When she went up to her room and looked at Crystal"s empty bed, she thought the room had never looked so desolate. She undressed slowly, with long pauses, during which she tried to find out what had happened to her; but no real consciousness came until she laid her head on the pillow and tried to sleep, and then found her thoughts active. And the darkness seemed to take her into its black arms, and there seemed no rest anywhere. They were all over--those beautiful dreams that had glorified her life. No bright-faced young prince would ride out of the mist and carry her away; there would be no more kind looks full of deep, wonderful meanings for her to remember over her work; in the morning she would not wake and say, "Perhaps he will come to-day;" no footstep would make her heart beat more quickly; that springy tread would never sound on the stairs again. He was gone out of her life, this friend of hers, with his merry laugh and his boyish ways, and that pleasant sympathy that was always ready for her.
Fern had never imagined that such sad possibilities could wither up the sweet bloom of youthful promise; she had never felt really miserable except when her father died, and then she had been only a child. She wondered in a dreary, incredulous way if this was all life meant to bring her--every day a little teaching, a little work, quiet evenings with her mother, long streets that seem to lead nowhere; no meadows, no flowers, no pretty things except in the shop windows; would she still live over Mrs. Watkins"s when she was an old woman?
"Oh, how empty and mean it all seems," she moaned, tossing restlessly on her hot pillow.
"Are you awake still, my darling?" asked her mother, tenderly. Some instinctive sympathy had led her to her child"s door, and she had heard that impatient little speech. "What is the matter, dearest; you will tell your mother, will you not?"
"Oh, mother, why have you come? I never meant you to know." But here she broke down, and clasped her mother"s neck convulsively. "I am glad--I will be glad that he is so happy; but oh, mother, I want him so--I want him so." And then Mrs. Trafford knew that the wound was deep--very deep indeed.
CHAPTER XXIX.
A GLIMPSE OF THE DARK VALLEY.
Not alone unkindness Rends a woman"s heart; Oft through subtler piercings Wives and mothers die.
Though the cord of silver Never feel a strain; Though the golden language Cease not where ye dwell, Yet remaineth something Which, with its own pain, Breaks the finer bosom Whence true love doth well.
O this life, how pleasant To be loved and love, Yet should love"s hope wither Then to die were well.
PHILIP STANHOPE WORSLEY.
Every one noticed at the Hall that Lady Redmond was sadly altered in those days--every one but one, and that was her husband.
Had Sir Hugh"s indifference made him blind? for he completely ignored the idea of any change in her. She was pale and thin--very thin, they told him. Hugh said he supposed it was only natural; and when they spoke of her broken rest and failing appet.i.te, he said that was natural, too.
They must take better care of her, and not let her do so much. That was his sole remark; and then, when she came into the room a few minutes afterward to bathe his aching head and read him to sleep, or to sit fanning the teasing flies from him for the hour together, Hugh never seemed to notice the languid step or the pale, tired face, out of which the lovely color had faded.
His Wee Wifie was such a dear, quiet little nurse, he said, and with that scant meed of praise Fay was supposed to be satisfied.
But she knew now that all his gentle looks and words were given her out of sheer pity, or in colder kindness, and shrunk from his caresses as much as she had once sought them; and often, as she spoke to him, the shamed, conscious color rose suddenly to her fair face, and broken breaths so impeded her utterance that her only safety was in silence.
Scarcely more than a child in years, yet Fay bore her martyrdom n.o.bly.
Unloved, unhelped, she girded on her heavy cross and carried it from day to day with a resignation and courage that was truly womanly; and hiding all her wrongs and her sorrows from him, only strove with her meek, young ways to win him yet.
But as time went on her love and her suffering increased, and the distance widened miserably between them.
Sometimes when her trouble was very heavy upon her--when Hugh had been more than usually restless, and had spoken irritably and sharply to her--she would break down utterly and nestle her face against his in a moment"s forgetfulness, and cry softly.
Then Hugh would wonder at her, and stroke her hair, and tell her that she had grown nervous by staying at home so much; and then he would lecture her a little in a grand, marital way about taking more care of herself, until she dried her eyes and asked him to forgive her for being so foolish; and so the pent-up pain that was within her found no outlet at all.
"Oh, if he will not love me--if he will not try to love me, I must die," cried the poor child to herself; and then she would creep away, with a heart-broken look on her face, and sob herself to sleep.
Ah, that was a bitter time to Fay; but she bore it patiently, not knowing that the days that were to follow should be still more full of bitterness than this.
Sir Hugh was getting better now--from the hour he had seen Margaret there had been no relapse; but he was struggling through his convalescence with a restless impatience that was very trying to all who came in contact with him.
He was longing for more freedom and change of air. He should never grow strong until he went away, he told Fay; and then she understood that he meant to leave her. But the knowledge gave her no fresh pain.
She had suffered so much that even he could not hurt her more, she thought. She only said to him once in her shy way, "You will be at home in time, Hugh; you will not leave me to go through it all alone?"
And he had promised faithfully that he would come back in plenty of time.
And the next morning she found him dressed earlier than usual and standing by the window in the library, and exclaimed at the improvement; and Hugh, moving still languidly, bade her see how well he could walk. "I have been three times round the room and once down the corridor," he said, with a smile at his own boasting. "Tomorrow I shall go out in the garden, and the next day I shall have a drive."
And a week after that, as they were standing together on the terrace, looking toward the lake and the water-lilies, Hugh, leaning on the coping, with a brighter look than usual on his wan face, spoke cheerfully about the arrangements for the next day"s journey.
He was far from well, she told him, sadly, and she hoped Saville would take great care of him; and he must still follow Dr. Martin"s prescriptions, and that was all she said that night.
But the next day, when the servants were putting the portmanteaus on the carriage, and Hugh went into the blue room to bid her good-bye, all Fay"s courage forsook her, and she said, piteously, "Oh, Hugh, are you really going to leave me? Oh, Hugh, Hugh!" And, as the sense of her loneliness rushed over her, she clung to him in a perfect anguish of weeping. Sir Hugh"s brow grew dark; he hated scenes, and especially such scenes as these. In his weakness he felt unable to cope with them, or to understand them.
"Fay," he said, remonstrating with her, "this is very foolish," and Fay knew by his voice how vexed he was; but she was past minding it now. In her young way she was tasting the bitterness of death. "My dear," he continued, as he unloosened her hand from their pa.s.sionate grasp, and held them firmly in his, "do you know what a silly child you are?" and then be relented at his own words, she was such a child.
"I told you before that I should never be well until I went away, but you evidently did not believe me. Now I can not leave you like this, for if you cry so you will make yourself ill; therefore, if you will not let me go quietly, I can not go at all."
"No, no," she sobbed; "don"t be so angry with me, Hugh, for I can not bear it."