"Did you speak with him directly?"
"Yes." There was long silence. He felt out of place even to be sitting in a chair, staring at her eye to eye, when that was not the situation between them and never had been.
"Then thee has some idea."
"He said-it was for kinship"s sake."
She said nothing.
"He said," he continued with difficulty, "that if you-if you were lost, then-I think he would have sought a Claiming ..."
"Did you suggest it?" she asked; and perhaps the revulsion showed on his face, for her look softened at once to pity. "No," she judged. "No, thee would not." And for a moment she gazed on him with fearsome intentness, as if she prepared something from which she had long refrained. "Thee is ignorant," she said, "and in that ignorance, valuable to him."
"I would not help him against you."
"You are without defense. You are ignorant, and without defense."
Heat rose to his face, anger. "Doubtless," he said.
"I could remedy that, Vanye. Become what I am, accept what I serve, bear what I bear."
The heat fled, leaving chill behind. "No," he said. "No."
"Vanye-for your own sake, listen to me."
Hope was in her eyes, utterly intense: never before had she pleaded with him for anything. He had come with her: perhaps then she had begun to hope for this thing that she had never won of him. He remembered then what he had for a time forgotten, the difference there was between Morgaine and what possessed Chya Roh: that Morgaine, having the right to order, had always refrained.
It was the thing she wanted most, that alone might give her some measure of peace; and she refrained.
"Liyo," he whispered, "I would do anything, anything you set me to do. Ask me things that I can do."
"Except this," she concluded, in a tone that pierced his heart.
"Liyo-anything else."
She lowered her eyes, like a curtain drawn finally between them, lifted them again. There was no bitterness, only a deep sorrow.
"Be honest with me," he said, stung. "You nearly died in the flood. You nearly died, with whatever you seek to do left undone; and this preys on your mind. It is not for my sake that you want this. It is for yourself."
Again the lowering of the eyes; and she looked up again. "Yes," she said, without a trace of shame. "But know too, Vanye, that my enemies will never leave you in peace. Ignorance cannot save you from that. So long as you are accessible to them, you will never be safe."
"It is what you said: that one grace you always gave me, that you never burdened me with your qujalin arts; and for that, for that I gave you more than ever my oath demanded of me. Do you want everything now? You can order. I am only ilin. Order, and I will do what you say."
There was warfare in the depths of her eyes, yea and nay equally balanced, desperately poised. "O Vanye," she said softly, "thee is asking me for virtue, which thee well knows I lack."
"Then order," he said.
She frowned darkly, and stared elsewhere.
"I tried," he said in that long silence, "to reach Abarais, to wait for you. And if I could have used Roh to set me there-I would have gone with him-to stop him."
"With what?" she asked, a derisive laugh; but she turned toward him again, and even yet her look pleaded with him. "If I were lost, what could you have done?"
He shrugged, searched up the most terrible thing that he could envision. "Casting Changeling within a Gate: that would suffice, would it not?"
"If you could set hands on it. And that would destroy you; and destroy only one Gate." She took Changeling from her side and laid it across the arms of her chair. "It was made for other use."
"Let be," he asked of her, for she eased the blade fractionally from its sheath. He edged back, for he trusted her mind, but not that witch-blade; and it was not her habit to draw it ever unless she must. She stopped; it lay half-exposed, no metal, but very like a shard of crystal, its magics restrained until it should be wholly unsheathed.
She held it so, the blade"s face toward him, while opal fires swirled softly in the qujalin runes on its surface. "For anyone who can read this," she said, "here is the making and unmaking of Gates. And I think thee begins to know what this is worth, and what there is to fear should Roh take it. To bring this within his reach would be the most dangerous thing you could do."
"Put it away," he asked of her.
"Vanye: to read the runes-would thee learn simply that? Only that much-simply to read the qujalin tongue and speak it. Is that too much to ask?"
"Do you ask it for yourself?"
"Yes," she said.
He averted his eyes from it, and nodded consent "It is necessary," she said. "Vanye, I will show you; and take up Changeling if ever I am lost. Knowing what you will know, the sword will teach you after-until you have no choice, as I have none." And after a moment: "If I am lost. I do not mean that it should happen."
"I will do this," he answered, and thereafter sat a cold hardness in him, like a stone where his heart had been. It was the end of what he had begun when he had followed her; he realized that he had always known it She rammed the dragon sword back into its sheath and took it in the curve of her arm-nodded toward the fireside, where armor lay, bundled in a cloak. "Yours," she said. "Some of the servants worked through the night on it. Go dress. I do not trust this place. We will settle the other matter later. We will talk of it."
"Aye," he agreed, glad of that priority in things, for as she was, she might win yet more of him, piece by piece: perhaps she knew it.
And there was an ease in her manner that had not been there in many a day, something that had settled at peace with her. He was glad for that at least. He took it for enough; and arose from the table and went to the fireside-heard her rise and knew her standing near him as he knelt and unfolded the cloak that wrapped his recovered belongings.
His armor, familiar helm that had been in her keeping: he was surprised and pleased that she had kept it as if sentiment had moved her, as if she had hoped to find him again. There was his mail, cleaned and saved from rust, leather replaced: he received that back with great relief, for it was all he owned in the world save the black horse and his saddle. He gathered it up, knowing the weight of it as he knew that of his own body.
And out of it fell a bone-handled dagger: Roh"s-an ill dream recurring. It lay on the stones, accusing him. For one terrible instant he wondered how much in truth she knew of what had pa.s.sed.
"Next time," she said from behind him, "resolve to use it"
His hand went to his brow, to bless himself in dismay; he hesitated, then sketchily completed the gesture, and was the more disquieted afterward. He gathered up the bundle, dagger and all, and carried it into the other room where he might have privacy, where he might both dress and breathe in peace.
He would die in this forsaken land the other side of Gates, he thought, jerking with trembling fingers at the laces of his clothing; that much had been certain from the beginning- but that became less terrible than what prospect opened before him, that little by little he would lose himself, that she would have all. Murder had sent him to her, brother-killing; in-service was just condemnation. But he reckoned himself, what he had been, and what he had become; and the man that he was now was no longer capable of the crime that he had done. It was not just, what lay before him.
He set himself into his armor, leather and metal links in which he had lived the most part of his youth; and though it was newly fitted and most of the leather replaced, it settled about his body familiar as his own skin, a weight that surrounded him with safety, with habits that had kept him alive where his living had not been likely. It no longer seemed protection.
Until you have no choice, Morgaine had warned him, as I have none.
He slipped Roh"s dagger into the sheath at his belt, a weight that settled on his heart likewise: this time it was with full intent to use it.
A shadow fell across the door. He looked up. Morgaine came with yet another gift for him, a longsword in its sheath.
He turned and took it from her offering hands-bowed and touched it to his brow as a man should when accepting such a gift from his liege. It was qujalin, he did not doubt it: qujalin more than Changeling itself, which at least had been made by men. But with it in his hands, for the first time in their journey through this land, he felt a stir of pride, the sense that he had skill that was of some value to her. He drew the blade half from the sheath, and saw that it was a good double-edged blade, clean of qujalin runes. The length was a little more than that of a Kurshin longsword, and the blade was a little thinner; but it was a weapon he knew how to use.
"I thank you," he said.
"Stay armed. I want none of these folk drawing for your naked back; and it would be the back, with them. They are wolves, allies of chance and mutual profit."
He hooked it to his belt, pulled the ring on his shoulder belt and hooked that, settling it to a more comfortable position at his shoulder. Her words touched at something in him, a sudden, unbearable foreboding, that even she would say what she had said. He looked up at her. "Liyo," he said in a low voice. "Let us go. Let us two, together . . . leave this place. Forget these men; be rid of them. Let us be out of here."
She nodded back toward the other room. "It is still misting rain out. We will go, tonight, when there is a chance the flood will ebb."
"Now," he insisted, and when he saw her hesitate: "Liyo, what you asked, I gave; give me this. I will go, now, I will find us a packhorse and some manner of tent for our comfort. . . . Better the cold and the rain than this place over our heads tonight"
She looked tempted, urgently tempted, struggling with reason. He knew the restlessness that chafed at her, pent here, behind rock and risen water. And for once he felt that urge himself, an instinct overwhelming, a dark that pressed at their heels.
She gestured again toward the room beyond. "The books ... I have only begun to make sense of them..."
"Do not trust these men." Of a sudden all things settled together in his mind, taking form; and some were in those books; and more were pent in the shape of a priest, locked in the dark down the hall. She could be harmed by these things, these men. The human tide that lapped about the walls of Ohtij-in threatened her, no less than the qujal-lords.
"Go," she bade him suddenly. "Go. See to it Quietly."
He s.n.a.t.c.hed up his cloak, caught up his helm, and then paused, looking back at her.
Still he was uneasy-parted from her in this place; but he forebore to warn her more of these men, of opening the door to them: it was not his place to order her. He drew up the coif and settled his helm on, and did not stay to put on the cloak. He pa.s.sed the door, between the new guards, and looked at those three with sullen misgivings-looked too down the hall, where the priest Ginun was imprisoned, without drink or food yet provided.
That too wanted tending. He dared not have the guards wait on that man, a priest of their own folk, treated thus. Something had to be done with the priest; he knew not what.
In haste he slung the heavy cloak about him and fastened it as he pa.s.sed the door out of the corridor, uneasy as he walked these rooms that were familiar to him under other circ.u.mstances-as he pa.s.sed marshlanders, who turned and stared at him and made a sign he did not know. He entered the spiral at the core of the keep, pa.s.sed others, feeling their stares at his back as he walked that downward corridor. Even armed, he did not feel safe or free here. Torches lit the place, a bracket at every doorway, profligate waste of them; and the smallish men of Aren came and went freely up and down the ramp, no few of them drunken, decked in finery incongruous among their peasant clothes. Here and there pa.s.sed other men, tall and grim of manner, who did not mix with the marshlanders: Fwar"s kindred, a hard-eyed lot; something wrathful abode in them, that touched at familiarity.
The Barrows and the marshlands, Morgaine had said, naming them that followed her; Barrow-folk, Vanye realized suddenly.
Myya.
Jhirun"s kinsmen.
He hastened his pace, descending the core, the terror that breathed thickly in the air of this place now possessing a name.
The courtyard was quieter than the keep, a dazed quiet, the misting rain glistening on the paving stones, a few folk that might be Shiua or marshlanders moving about wrapped in cloaks and shawls. There was a woman with two children at her skirts: it struck him strangely that nowhere had there been children among the qujal, none that he had seen; and he did not know why.
The woman, the children, the others-stopped and looked at him. He was afraid for a moment, remembering the violence that had surged across these stones; but they showed no disposition to threaten him. They only watched.
He turned toward the pens and the stables, where their horses waited. Cattle lowed in the pens to his right, beasts well cared-for, better than the Shiua. The roofs of the shelters on his left were blackened, the windows eaten by fire. Folk still lived there; they watched him from doorways, furtively.
He looked behind him when he reached the stable doors, fearful that more might have gathered at his back; the same few stood in the distance, still watching him. He dismissed them from his concern and eased open the stable door, entered into that dark place, that smelled pleasantly of hay and horses.
It was a large, rambling structure, seeming to wind irregularly about the keep wall, with most of the stalls empty, save those in the first row. On the right side he counted nine, ten horses, mostly bay; and on the left, apart from the others, he saw Siptah"s pale head, ears p.r.i.c.ked, nostrils flaring at the presence of one he knew; in an empty stall farther stood a shadow that was his own Andurin gelding.
Racks at the end of the aisle held what harness remained: he saw what belonged to Siptah, and reckoned his own horse"s gear would be near it. He delayed at the stalls, offered his hand to Siptah"s questing nose, patted that great plate of a cheek, went further to a.s.sure himself his own horse was fit. The black lipped at his sleeve; he caught the animal by the mane and slapped it gently on the neck, finding that someone had been horseman enough to have rubbed both animals down, when he had not. He was glad of this: Kurshin that he was, he was not accustomed to leave his horse to another man"s care. He checked feet and found them sound: a shoe had been reset, not of his doing; it had been well-done, and he found nothing of which to complain, though he searched for it.
And then he set himself to prepare them. There would be need of grain, that as much as the supplies they would need for themselves: their way was always too uncertain to travel without it He searched the likely places until he had located the storage bins, and then cast about to see whether there was, amid all the gear remaining, a packsaddle. There was nothing convenient. At last he filled his own saddlebags with what he could, and took Morgaine"s gear and his own, and slung it over the rails of the respective stalls, ready to saddle.
Something moved in the straw, in the shadows. At first he took it for one of the other horses, but it was close. The sudden set of the gelding"s ears and the sound at once alarmed him: he whirled, reaching for the Honor-blade, wondering how many there were, and where.
"Lord," said a small voice out of the dark, a female voice, that trembled.
He stood still, set his back against the rails of the stall, though he knew the voice. In a moment she moved, and he saw a bit of white in the darkness at the racks, where the windows were closed.
"Jhirun," he hailed her softly.
She came, treading carefully, as if she were yet uncertain of him. She still wore her tattered skirt and blouse; her hair showed wisps of straw. She held to the rail nearest with one hand and kept yet some distance from him, standing as if her legs had difficulty in bearing her weight He slid the blade back into sheath, stepped under the uppermost rail and into the aisle. "We looked for you," he said.
"I stayed by the horses," she said in a thin voice. "I knew she had come. I did not know whether you were alive."
He let go a long breath, relieved to find this one nightmare an empty one. "You are safe. They are Hiua that have this place now: your own people."
She stayed silent for a long moment; her eyes went to the saddles on the rails, back again. "You are leaving."
He took her meaning, shook his head in distress. "Matters are different There is no safety for you with us. I cannot take you."
She stared at him. Tears flooded her eyes; but suddenly there was such a look of violence there that he recalled how she had set out the marshland road, alone.
And that he must having saddled the horses, go back to Morgaine and leave the animals in Jhirun"s care, or deal with her in some fashion.
"At least" she said, "get me out of Ohtij-in."
He could not face her. He started to take up one of the saddles, to attend his business with the horses.
"Please," she said.
He looked back at her, eased the saddle back onto the rail. "I am not free," he said, "to give and take promises. You are Myya; you have forgotten a great deal in Hiuaj, or you would have understood by looking at me that I am no longer uyo and that I have no honor. You were mistaken to have believed me. I said what I had to say, because you left me no choice. I cannot take you with me."
She turned her back, and walked away; he thought for a moment that she was going back into the shadows to sit and weep for a while, and he would allow her that before he decided what he must do with her.
But she did not return into the dark. She went to the harness rack and took bridle and saddle, tugging the gear into her arms and staggering with the weight of it He swore, watching her come down the aisle toward him, dangling the girth in the foul straw and near to tripping on it, hard-breathing with the effort and with her tears.
He blocked her path and jerked it from her hands, cast it into the straw and cursed at her, and she stood empty-handed and stared up at him, her eyes blind with tears.
"At least when you go," she said, "you could give me help as far as the road. Or at least do not stop me. You have no right to do that."
He stood still. She bent, trying to pick up the saddle from the ground, and was shaking so that she had no strength in her hands.
He swore and took it from her, slung it up to the nearest rail. "Well enough," he conceded. "I will saddle a horse for you. And what you do then, that is your business. Choose one."
She stared at him, thin-lipped, and then walked to the stall halfway down, laid a hand on that rail that enclosed a bay mare. "I will take her."
He came and looked at the mare, that was deep enough of chest, but smallish. "There might be better," he said.
"This one."
He shook his head, reckoning that she would have what she wished, and that perhaps a girl whose experience of horses extended most to a small black pony judged her limits well enough. He did as she wished.
And with Jhirun"s mare saddled, he returned to his own horse, and to Siptah-took meticulous pains with their own gear, that might have to stand a hard ride and few rests: he appropriated a coil of harness leather, and a braided leather rope as well; and at last he closed the stalls and prepared to leave.
"I have to go advise my lady," he told Jhirun, who waited by her mare. "We will come as quickly as possible. Something might delay us a little time, but not for long."