Chapter Fourteen.
Of all nights, this was the one that Penny chose to stay with Angeline.
"Penny, I have been restless in my sleep and fear I will keep you awake," Angeline said.
"Let us ask Marie to bring a hot brick and warm milk," Penny said.
Angeline eyed the clock. It was half past eleven. Two and one-half hours remained before her meeting with Colin. She"d not antic.i.p.ated her sister"s request and idly wondered if Penny could somehow sense when something was brewing. But remembering how much she"d missed her little sister while she was in Paris, Angeline could not deny Penny"s request.
"I will ring for Marie," Angeline said, "but once we finish the milk, you must rest."
"Thank you, Angie."
After dinner tonight, she"d played backgammon with Colin, but it was difficult to concentrate. All of the talk had been about her brother"s new son. She was happy that her father and mother were ecstatic. They had been worn down by her scandal, though none of them ever spoke about it. There had been times when the silence was just too much, and that was when she"d started walking every clear day. The freedom of walking had helped tremendously.
Now she was anxious about meeting Colin and wasn"t sure what to tell Penny.
After Marie appeared, Angeline bade the maid to bring the brick and warm milk. She removed her pearl earrings as she walked to the dressing table, and as she set them in her jewelry box, she was reminded of Colin flicking one of them at Sommerall. She pressed her thighs together as thoughts of his touches and kisses chased through her head, but she could not allow it to happen again. They had been lucky there were no consequences.
Marie brought in the wrapped hot brick. When Penny finished her milk, Angeline braided her sister"s hair.
"Thank you, Angie," Penny said. "I wish I had your hair."
"Whatever for? You have beautiful thick locks, Penny."
"Is it my imagination or is my hair getting redder?"
"Stay there," Angeline said. She retrieved the hand mirror and returned to bed. "The light is not the best, but look how your hair shines like cinnamon and gold. It is very unique. You will stand out in a crowd at your come-out ball."
Penny turned to her. "Angie, if I ask you a question, will you tell me the truth?"
The backs of her hands p.r.i.c.kled. "What is the question?"
"I have been thinking about how Mama receives very few letters and you have had only one since returning to England. I know something went very wrong with your betrothal. I also realized that each time I asked if you would be at my debut, you never said yes."
It was one of those indelible moments when everything slows and the ordinary things stand out for no reason at all: the heat from the brick at the foot of the bed, the red-gold wisp of hair at the nape of her sister"s neck, and the scent of the flickering beeswax candle that was reflected in the oval mirror above the dressing table. Such commonplace things for uncommon circ.u.mstances.
"Why do you hesitate, Angie?"
She would not soon forget her sister"s question or her own inability to answer.
"I will not be welcome at b.a.l.l.s, will I?" Penny said.
Was it really possible for someone to steal your breath?
"It is true, isn"t it?" Penny said.
She must recover for her sister"s sake. "No, it is not true, but I doubt I can attend."
"You are vexed," Penny said. "You worried about telling me, did you not?"
For months, she"d dreaded having to tell her sister, and tonight she wasn"t prepared. "I kept hoping that something could be done, and I will continue to hope. I want so badly to see you make your debut, but all is not lost."
Penny hugged her. "I"m sorry, Angie. I know you worried about me, but you must not. I"m sure I would have sat on the wallflower row, wishing I were home."
Angeline"s throat felt as if it were closing, but she was the elder sister, and it was her responsibility to take charge and put matters in as positive a light as possible. She took her sister"s hands. "I wanted to wait to tell you what I believe will happen. Most likely Lady Chadwick will sponsor you. This is only my a.s.sumption, but you will probably make your debut with Bianca and Bernadette."
"Mama will not be there?"
"I am unsure. We will ask her later. For now, I think we should let her be happy about our new nephew. Do you agree?"
"Yes, I think that is for the best."
"Your come-out may not be exactly how we envisioned, but it will be wonderful. You will have pretty new gowns, bonnets, slippers, and gloves. You will enjoy shopping with the marchioness and the twins. You know how much fun they are." She would not be there to share this exciting experience with her sister, and she knew it would hurt. It already did.
"I know you didn"t do anything wrong, Angie. Brentmoor was a bad man. I could tell by his eyes. There was meanness in them."
Angeline drew in a long breath and let it out slowly. "Always rely on your instincts about people. I ignored mine and kept thinking that I was imagining things. Promise me, Penny."
"I promise," Penny said.
Angeline hugged her sister. She"d always thought she would be by her sister"s side to protect her from the cynics and the rakes in the ton. She"d always imagined helping her sister step into her first ball gown. She"d always dreamed of watching Penny dancing with a young man for the first time, but it was unlikely she would see any of it.
She could withstand the disdainful stares, the whispers, and yes, even the suggestive invitations from so-called gentlemen, but missing her sister"s debut ball would be very hard.
Penny wrapped her arms around her shins. "Colin has nice eyes."
"I think he"s too old for you, Penny."
Penny laughed. "No, silly, I said it all wrong. I meant he has kind eyes."
"I think he has laughing eyes much of the time," Angeline said.
"It is kind laughter," Penny said. "The twins said he is a genuine rake, but I believe he is honorable."
"You approve of Colin?" she said.
"Yes, anyone who likes animals is usually a good person," Penny said.
"Next spring, you will send me a letter every day describing the dances, the gowns, and the music. Will you promise to do that, Penny?"
When her sister nodded, Angeline hugged her and wished for a miracle, but Penny would have a magical season and that was all that mattered. It was easy to say, but when the time came, Angeline knew it would leave an ache in her chest. It already had, but she knew what she must do.
Tonight she must put an end to the engagement with Colin. It would probably be far too easy to end, but she told herself that it was for the best. She would not hold his feet to the fire, especially for an engagement born of desperation on both their parts.
She loved him dearly, and the thought of leaving him behind hurt far more than she"d expected. In a fairy-tale world, he would sweep her off her feet and carry her over the threshold at Sommerall House. But she had decided that she wanted more than a marriage of convenience.
She wanted what she deserved-a husband who loved her and couldn"t live without her. Tonight, she would tell him the truth. Then she would request the help of her mother, Margaret, and Charlotte to help her turn the tide and refute the ugly claims Brentmoor had made. She did not know if it was possible, but she figured she had nothing to lose. She was the daughter of a duke, and as long as she had breath, she would never let anyone besmirch her good name or that of her family ever again. After all, she was an elder sister, and it was her duty to set a good example for Penny.
At one forty-five in the morning, Angeline slid off the bed. She"d left a candle burning on the side table near her. Then she donned her wrapper and claimed the candle. When she reached the door, Penny"s voice sounded. "Angie, where are you going?"
She winced and debated whether to just leave Colin waiting or tell Penny the truth. The one thing she did not want to do was lie to her sister. "Penny, I want you to listen carefully and trust me. I am meeting Colin in the library."
Penny sat up. "No, Angie. You know that is forbidden."
"There are important matters we have to discuss, and we need privacy. The problem is there are always people around us, and we cannot talk in front of them."
"You should not be speaking of things to him that you wouldn"t say around others."
Angeline wet her lips. "Penny, you said he is honorable, and he is."
"Angie, this is not honorable, not at all."
She sighed and sat on the edge of the mattress. "He offered to marry me."
Penny gasped.
"Listen. I cannot accept him. We were both ready to make a marriage of convenience to solve our mutual problems."
Penny gaped at her. "Have you gone mad?"
When I"m with him, yes. "Shhh. If I married him, I could be respectable again-at least to some extent. I"m unsure how much to be honest."
Penny frowned. "You meant to marry him so that you could come to my debut?"
"Partly, yes. But you see, he has a problem, too."
"I think you both fell down and cracked your heads," Penny said.
"I decided I cannot marry him, and I must tell him tonight, because, well, we had a secret engagement, but please do not tell anyone."
Penny frowned. "Angie, that sounds like one of the twins" witless ideas."
"I suppose it does, but I really do need to talk to him privately. We had a row, and before I leave here, I want to reconcile with him. He deserves that much. Now go back to sleep. I"ll not be gone long."
"You will not go at all. I will ring the bell if you try to leave," Penny said.
"Penny, please. Nothing bad will happen. I just need to speak to him."
"Do not stay long, Angie. Say what you must and return as fast as possible or I will worry."
"I will." Angeline marched to the door and heard Penny"s voice again.
"Angie?"
"Yes, dearest."
"Did he kiss you?"
"Close your eyes, Penny. I"ll return shortly."
He was sitting on a sofa in the library. A branch of candles on the table provided limited light. When he stood, she saw that he was dressed in trousers and a banyan. In the dark, she couldn"t see his expression.
He strode over to the door and shut it. His hands bracketed her on either side of the door and his big muscular body acted as a shield as if he meant to trap her. "I never intended to demean you," he said. "If anything, it was the exact opposite."
There had been no prelude whatsoever.
"I"m sure you meant well," she said, "but I have thought this through and I"m sure you will agree."
"Agree to what?" he said.
"We need to end this engagement."
"I knew you would say that, because you are scared."
"I am not scared, Colin, but I want more than a marriage of convenience. Come sit beside me."
He sighed and followed her. "I am sorry for making those a.s.sumptions."
"I realized that wasn"t what really troubled me, Colin. What troubled me is that I believed I didn"t deserve to find happiness because of what happened with Brentmoor. I felt so guilty about the scandal that I lost myself for a time, but I am no longer lost. I am very sorry if this means you will lose Sommerall, but I advise you to discuss this with your father once more."
"Angeline," he said, reaching for her.
"No, Colin, I cannot allow you to touch me."
"Why?" he said.
"Because you are irresistible and I apparently have no self-restraint."
His deep chuckle called to her-a wicked sound.
"I must leave now," she said.
"Stay," he said. "Tell me what I can do to rea.s.sure you."
"Rea.s.surance isn"t what I need," she said.
"Tell me what you need."
He truly had no idea.
The clock chimed the quarter hour. "I must go."
"Tell me," he said his voice harsh.
"I want the fairy tale." She rose and took a step.