You know, I had this really strange dream!It was about me dying, being reincarnated into another world, receiving a strange G.o.d blessing… It felt so real, I could swear it rea… f.u.c.k! FOR THE SAKE OF HOLY CITY OF MOTHER f.u.c.kING RU**IA
This wasn"t a dream!
Slowly waking up, I see a biga.s.s monster resembling an earth horse staring right into my eyes. While it looks rather docile, the pillars of flames extending from its nostrils every time it exhales makes it looks rather frightening!
"What do you think you are doing so deep in the forbidden Forrest! Did your fiance breake the engagement making you seek death?"
Looking up, I see the most beautiful female in the whole d.a.m.n world! Long, dark hairs are flowing with the gusts of wind, enveloping the cute face of an adolescent girl. Holding the reins of her mount with her left hand, she wielded a scary-looking sword in the other one.
"What a babe!"
Unintentionally, I let my murican nature leak out along with my voice. As those words reach the girl"s ears, her face suddenly turns bright red.
"What did you say! I"m going to kill you!"
Compared to the folks from the good old capital off oil and democracy, this young woman apparently minded her words. Without waiting for Bart"s response, she slashed her mount with the reins and stabbed her sword right at me!
h.e.l.l no! I"m not gonna die right after reincarnating to this world only because of the undeveloped department of shame in the head of a random beauty!
But what could I do? I had the lowest level of cultivation possible, no different than a common mortal. With that s.h.i.tty G.o.d"s gift, all that I could do was to properly scream in the local language!
Surprisingly, when I crossed my arms on my chest to at least look nice post mortum and screamed on top of my lungs, I felt a strange sensation spreading through my body. It was as if something deep down in the very core of my soul clicked!
At that moment, the woman suddenly stopped. Slowly opening my eyes, I saw her staring at the sky, even when the leaves blocked the view!
Then I heard a plop.
And then another one.
And then a petrifying wailing resounded through the trees.
Lying on my bottom, I tried to look around, but in the dense forest, it was impossible to locate the source of any of those sounds. The plopping intensified with every breath I had, so did the wailing. Surprisingly, the strange cries didn"t grow after a certain point, while the plopping was resembling the sound of very heavy rain right now.
And that"s when I see what was raining down the earth.
IT WAS THE FCKING BABIES!
Yes! You understood it corretly! d.a.m.n babies were falling down to the ground, starting to cry as soon as they touched the ground!
But the worst thing happened when I stared at this unexplainable phenomena. This formerly cute baby started turning into a d.a.m.n zombie!
At this point, I lost my conviction that this is still a reality. Only when I saw the look of terror on the woman"s face, I could acknowledge that this was indeed happening!
"What did you do?"
With now a silent voice, the girl asked me a question. It would be great if I were able to actually answer it!
As soon as she said those words, the only zombie baby that I was able to see, turned its now ugly face towards the sound. Opening its mouth, it started yelling in the same way as every zombie from low budget tv serial from the earth! At that moment, the forest started to move.
From every side, the small postures of zombie babies started running towards the pitifull girl. Even her horse was soo frightened by the situation that it reared and jumped into a gallop, throwing the female off its back.
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Despite how stunning that situation was, I still managed to catch a glimpse of cute jiggling of the young woman breast caused by her hard landing. No matter what the situation was, I wouldn"t be able to call myself a man if I missed that!
"MAKE THEM STOP!"
With the baby zombies now just inches away from the poor girl, she screamed panically, unable to prompt herself up and mount any defence. But what could I do? I had no idea what was going on!
"BEGONE"
In the end, that was the limit of my linguistical abilities in this f.u.c.ked up situation. I wonder what would you scream when beauty would call you to stop the onslaught of suddenly appearing baby zombies! I WONDER HOW WOULD YOU REACT IF IT SUDDENLY STARTED RAINING d.a.m.n BABIES!
For some reason, as soon as I yelled, the atmosphere changed. As if some saint descended, both the plopping sound and the wailing of the baby zombies stopped. When I turned my eyes to look at one of those strange specimens, I could see its skin turning velvet and healthy, before it smiled in bliss and started fading away.
Unable to comprehend this turn of the events, I did the first thing that any of you would do in my place. I walked towards the young woman and extended my hand.
"Can you stand up?"
When she stared at me with her crystalline, blue eyes, I could feel all the glory of the world enveloping me. At that moment, I somehow turned into the hero who saved the day!
"Blop. The intimidation skill was successful. The target is now ready to mate."
"Blop. Beginner tutorial reminder. Mating is one of the offroad ways to gain XP from the target free energy. Do you wish to proceed?"
THE HECK NO!
After being thrown out of my clan, losing control over my body, some strange system activating, babies raining down the skies and then turning zombies I was in to form to even think about such a pleasant and fulfilling way to finally get rid of my….
NO!
Sober up you fool! You have more important matters on your head right now!
"A saint."
With a feeble voice, the girl accepted my hand and slowly raised on her legs, only to plummet down and start kowtowing to me!
"A holy man has descended! You saved me from the demonic plague! Forgive my earlier offence, I was too stupid to see through Your glorious disguise! How can I ever repay my debt?!"
Well, that was unexpected. I"m probably even more confused than her, yet she is down on her knees, ready to lick my shoes if I were to ask for it! Argh! Begone impure thoughts! I didn"t cultivate my ugliness for years only to lose to the first h.o.r.n.y babe that crossed my road! Compared to them, I cultivated my virginity to the G.o.dhood!
"Young girl, forgive me this rudeness, but I"m but an exile from my clan. They deemed me too be to harmfull for their shady interests. As such, I look for a shelter where I can start anew. Do you by chance know of such a place?"
Wow! That eloquence surprised me! It must be this renowed "chunni" sickness that the islandic country was so proud about! But in the end, I"m glad it manifested in me right now. This kind of bulls.h.i.t was something that this young woman would find at least possible!
"Oh senior! My sect is located barely ten miles away! After saving my life and grace, there is no way I would let you rot in this d.a.m.n forest! If you only express such desire, I would love to guide you to my home and give my sect leader a chance to pay your due respects!