"Stop it, Jenny."
"If you"d done as I asked, and given up racing, you wouldn"t have lost it."
"Probably not."
"You"d have a hand, not half an arm... not a stump."
I threw my spongebag with too much force into the suitcase.
"Racing first. Always racing. Dedication and winning and glory. And me nowhere. It serves you right. We"d still have been married... you"d still have your hand... if you"d have given up your precious racing when I wanted you to. Being champion jockey meant more to you than I did."
"We"ve said all this a dozen times," I said.
"Now you"ve got nothing. Nothing at all. I hope you"re satisfied."
The battery charger stood on a chest of drawers, with two batteries in it. She pulled the plug out of the mains socket and threw the whole thing on the bed. The batteries fell out and lay on the bedspread haphazardly with the charger and its flex.
"It"s disgusting," she said, looking at it. "It revolts me."
"I"ve got used to it." More or less, anyway.
"You don"t seem to care."
I said nothing. I cared, all right. "Do you enjoy being crippled, Sid?"
Enjoy... Jesus Christ.
She walked to the door and left me looking down at the charger. I felt more than saw her pause there, and wondered numbly what else there was left that she could say.
Her voice reached me quite clearly across the room.
"Nicky has a knife in his sock." I turned my head fast. She looked both defiant and expectant. "Is that true?" I asked. "Sometimes."
"Adolescent," I said.
She was annoyed. "And what"s so mature about hurtling around on horses and knowing... knowing... that pain and broken bones are going to happen?"
"You never think they will."
"And you"re always wrong."
"I don"t do it any more."
"But you would if you could."
There was no answer to that, because we both knew it was true.
"And look at you," Jenny said. "When you have to stop racing, do you look around for a nice quiet job in stockbroking, which you know about, and start to lead a normal life? No, you d.a.m.ned well don"t. You go straight into something which lands you up in fights and beatings and hectic scrambles. You can"t live without danger, Sid. You"re addicted. You may think you aren"t, but it"s like a drug. If you just imagine yourself working in an office, nine to five, and commuting like any sensible man, you"ll see what I mean."
I thought about it, silently.
"Exactly," she said. "In an office, you"d die."
"And what"s so safe about a knife in the sock?" I said. "I was a jockey when we met. You knew what it entailed."
"Not from the inside. Not all those terrible bruises, and no food and no drink, and no d.a.m.ned s.e.x half the time."
"Did he show you the knife, or did you just see it?"
"What does it matter?"
"Is he adolescent... or truly dangerous?"
"There you are," she said. "You"d prefer him dangerous."
"Not for your sake."
"Well... I saw it. In a little sheath, strapped to his leg. And he made a joke about it."
"But you told me," I said. "So was it a warning?"
She seemed suddenly unsure and disconcerted, and after a moment or two simply frowned and walked away down the pa.s.sage.
If it marked the first crack in her indulgence towards her precious Nicky, so much the better.
I picked Chico up on Tuesday morning and drove north to Newmarket. A windy day, bright, showery, rather cold. "How did you get on with the wife, then?" He had met her once and had described her as unforgettable, the overtones in his voice giving the word several meanings.
"She"s in trouble," I said.
"Pregnant?"
"There are other forms of trouble, you know."
"Really?"
I told him about the fraud, and about Ashe, and his knife.
"Gone and landed herself in a whoopsy," Chico said.
"Face down."
"And for dusting her off, do we get a fee?" I looked at him sideways. "Yeah," he said. "I thought so. Working for nothing again, aren"t we? Good job you"re well-oiled, Sid, mate, when it comes to my wages. What is it this year? You made a fortune in anything since Christmas?"
"Silver, mostly. And cocoa. Bought and sold."
"Cocoa?" He was incredulous.
"Beans," I said. "Chocolate."