He shook his head, annoyed with himself for his clumsiness.
"Look," I said, "if you were glad I"m not still riding them I"d feel a whole lot worse."
"We had some grand times, didn"t we? Some exceptional days."
"Yes, we did."
There could be an understanding between an owner and a jockey, I thought, that was intensely intimate. In the small area where their lives touched, where the speed and the winning were all that mattered, there could be a privately shared joy, like a secret, that endured like cement. I hadn"t felt it often, nor with many of the people I had ridden for, but with Philip Friarly, nearly always.
A man detached himself from another group near us, and came towards us with a smiling face.
"Philip. Sid. Nice to see you." We made the polite noises back, but with genuine pleasure, as Sir Thomas Ullaston, the reigning Senior Steward, head of the Jockey Club, head, more or less, of the whole racing industry, was a sensible man and a fair and open-minded administrator. A little severe at times, some thought, but it wasn"t a job for a soft man. In the short time since he"d been put in charge of things there had been some good new rules and a clearing out of injustices, and he was as decisive as his predecessor had been weak.
"How"s it going, Sid?" he said. "Caught any good crooks lately?"
"Not lately," I said ruefully.
He smiled to Philip Friarly, "Our Sid"s putting the Security section"s nose out of joint, did you know? I had Eddy Keith along in my office on Monday complaining that we give Sid too free a hand, and asking that we shouldn"t let him operate on the racecourse."
"Eddy Keith?" I said.
"Don"t look so shocked, Sid," Sir Thomas said teasingly. "I told him that racing owed you a great deal, starting with the saving of Seabury racecourse itself and going right on from there, and that in no way would the Jockey Club ever interfere with you, unless you did something absolutely diabolical, which on past form I can"t see you doing."
"Thank you," I said faintly. "And you may take it," he said firmly, "that that is the official Jockey Club view, as well as my own."
"Why," I said slowly, "does Eddy Keith want me stopped?"
He shrugged. "Something about access to the Jockey Club files. Apparently you saw some, and he resented it. I told him he"d have to live with it, because I was certainly not in any way going to put restraints on what I consider a positive force for good in racing."
I felt grindingly undeserving of all that, but he gave me no time to protest.
"Why don"t both of you come upstairs for a drink and a sandwich? Come along, Sid, Philip..." He turned, gesturing us to follow, leading the way.
We went up those stairs marked "Private" which on most racecourses lead to the civilised luxuries of the Stewards" box, and into a carpeted gla.s.s-fronted room looking out to the white-railed track. There were several groups of people there already, and a manservant handing around drinks on a tray.
"I expect you know most people," Sir Thomas said, hospitably making introductions. "Madelaine, my dear..." to his wife, "... do you know Lord Friarly, and Sid Halley?" We shook her hand. "And oh yes, Sid," he said, touching my arm to bring me around face to face with another of his guests...
"Have you met Trevor Deansgate?"
CHAPTER THIRTEEN.
We stared at each other, probably equally stunned.
I thought of how he had last seen me, on my back in the straw barn, spilling my guts out with fear. He"ll see it still in my face, I thought. He knows what he"s made of me. I can"t just stand here without moving a muscle... and yet I must.
My head seemed to be floating somewhere above the rest of my body, and an awful lot of awfulness got condensed into four seconds.
"Do you know each other?" Sir Thomas said, slightly puzzled. Trevor Deansgate said, "Yes. We"ve met."
There was at least no sneer either in his eyes or his voice. If it hadn"t been impossible, I would have thought that what he looked was wary.
"Drink, Sid?" said Sir Thomas; and I found the man with the tray at my elbow. I took a tumbler with whisky-coloured contents and tried to stop my fingers trembling.
Sir Thomas said conversationally, "I"ve just been telling Sid how much the Jockey Club appreciates his successes, and it seems to have silenced him completely."
Neither Trevor Deansgate nor I said anything. Sir Thomas raised his eyebrows a fraction and tried again. "Well, Sid, tell us a good thing for the big race."
I dragged my scattered wits back into at least a pretence of life going uneventfully on.
"Oh... Winetaster, I should think." My voice sounded strained, to me, but Sir Thomas seemed not to notice. Trevor Deansgate looked down to the gla.s.s in his own well-manicured hand and swivelled the ice cubes round in the golden liquid. Another of the guests spoke to Sir Thomas, and he turned away, and Trevor Deansgate"s gaze came immediately back to my face filled with naked savage threat. His voice, quick and hard, spoke straight from the primitive underbelly, the world of violence and vengeance and no pity at all.
"If you break your a.s.surance, I"ll do what I said."
He held my eyes until he was sure I had received the message, and then he too turned away, and I could see the heavy muscles of his shoulders bunching formidably inside his coat.
"Sid," Philip Friarly said, appearing once more at my side. "Lady Ullaston wants to know... I say, are you feeling all right?"
I nodded a bit faintly.
"My dear chap, you look frightfully pale."
"I... er..." I took a vague grip on things. "What did you say?"
"Lady Ullaston wants to know..." He went on at some length, and I listened and answered with a feeling of complete unreality. One could literally be torn apart in spirit while standing with a gla.s.s in one"s hand making social chit chat to the Senior Steward"s lady. I couldn"t remember, five minutes later, a word that was said. I couldn"t feel my feet on the carpet. I"m a mess, I thought.
The afternoon went on. Winetaster got beaten in the big race by a glossy dark filly called Mrs Hillman, and in the race after that Larry Server took Philip Friarly"s syndicate horse to the back of the field, and stayed there. Nothing improved internally, and after the fifth I decided it was pointless staying any longer, since I couldn"t even effectively think.
Outside the gate there was the usual gaggle of chauffeurs leaning against cars, waiting for their employers; and also, with them, one of the jump jockeys whose licence had been lost through taking bribes from Rammileese.
I nodded to him, as I pa.s.sed. "Jacksy."
"Sid."
I walked on to the car, and unlocked it, and slung my racegla.s.ses onto the back seat. Got in. Started the engine. Paused for a bit, and reversed all the way back to the gate.
"Jacksy?" I said. "Get in. I"m buying."
"Buying what?" He came over and opened the pa.s.senger door, and sat in beside me. I fished my wallet out of my rear trouser pocket and tossed it into his lap.
"Take all the money," I said. I drove forward through the carpark and out through the distant gate onto the public road.
"But you dropped me quite a lot, not long ago," he said.
I gave him a fleeting sideways smile. "Yeah. Well... this is for services about to be rendered."
He counted the notes. "All of it?" he said doubtfully.