Had Ted and Eve enjoyed it? They"d been in the back of her mind ever since she"d left the main house. But she refused to succ.u.mb to the jealousy that slithered beneath her skin. She"d spent her own money at the grocery store for the flowers and candles because she"d wanted, in her own small way, to thank them for all they"d done. She wanted Ted to be happy and knew a woman like Eve could do that for him.
So she had nothing to feel sad about, she told herself. She wanted Eve to be happy, too. Maybe she couldn"t have the relationship she wanted-with either one of them-but she wished them well in spite of that and owed them both for their kindness.
"How come you"ve never made those noodles before?" Alexa asked, breaking the silence again.
"You mean the pasta? I didn"t have that recipe."
"Don"t lose it."
"I won"t." She combed her fingers through her daughter"s hair. "Do you think you"ll like living here?"
"It"ll be different, but...it"s okay. What about you?"
"It has a lot going for it. It"s nice and cozy and clean."
Alexa raised her head. "You"re getting better at looking on the bright side."
Sophia laughed. She was afraid to look anywhere else. "You didn"t say much about your day at school."
"I told you it was okay."
"I know. But...what does "okay" mean?"
Her daughter shifted onto her stomach and propped herself up on her elbows. "That nothing"s changed."
"What about detention?"
"Boring!"
"At least you got your homework done while you were there." As wrung out as Sophia was, she was grateful for that. "Connie didn"t give you any trouble?"
Lex plucked at the comforter. "She kept glaring at me. And once, when she pa.s.sed by to get a book from the back of the room, she whispered that she"d kick my you know what if she ever got me alone."
Sophia adjusted the pillow to make it higher. "What did you do?"
"I ignored her."
"Good for you!" She reached out to stroke her daughter"s cheek. "What about Babette and the others?"
"I do my best to ignore them, too." Alexa suddenly gave her a shy smile. "There was one good thing that happened today."
"You got a C on your math quiz. I consider that good, since it"s an improvement. Next time you"ll get a B, right?"
"Right. But this is even better."
"Really? Then I can hardly wait to hear about it."
An endearing expression appeared on her pixie face. "Royce Beck walked me to my fifth-period cla.s.s."
"Royce... I"ve heard that name before."
"Because he came to my birthday party last year."
"I hope his dad wasn"t an SLD investor."
Alexa winced but laughed. "So do I! I don"t think he was. At least, Royce didn"t act mad, like everyone else."
"Sounds as if this boy is somehow special to you."
There was a slight pause as well as another blush.
Despite enjoying this time with Alexa, and the relief of seeing her daughter slowly returning to her former spirits, Sophia was so tired. Sleep seemed to be washing up around her ankles like a warm surf, pulling at her. But she didn"t want to fade out on Alexa, so she fought the heaviness of her eyelids. "Well, if he has any taste, he"ll like you back."
"Maybe not." Her smile grew pensive. "He might choose Babette now that...now that everyone thinks she"s so hot."
That gave Sophia a shot of energy. "Don"t tell me she likes him, too!"
"She always likes the same boys I do," Alexa said with a grimace.
That meant her daughter was still setting the standards. "Did she see him walk you to cla.s.s?"
"Yes. She walked past us on the way."
"I doubt that"ll help your friendship."
Alexa rolled her eyes. "What friendship?"
Feeling her exhaustion return, Sophia covered a yawn. "Where do you think we should move?"
"What about Los Angeles?"
"You want to live in a bustling city?"
She pursed her lips, considering. "It would be close to Disneyland."
Sophia smiled. They could use a trip to "the happiest place on earth." She took Lex"s hand for a moment. "That"s a plus, but L.A. is such a big place. Feels to me as if we might get lost."
"But doesn"t getting lost sound kind of nice? At least no one would know Dad or what he did."
"True. That"s a definite benefit. And there"d have to be more job opportunities...."
"Do you like the job you have now?"
Surprisingly, Sophia did. Although she missed the ma.s.sages and spa treatments of her former life, the sense of accomplishment she got when she looked around Ted"s house more than made up for the lack of pampering. She just didn"t like feeling so indebted to Ted, hated that they couldn"t be on an equal footing. And it had cost her Eve. Tonight was proof. She"d thought maybe Eve would come to the guesthouse and tell her she"d enjoyed dinner, at least acknowledge her proximity. She would"ve liked to know that Eve didn"t resent her presence on Ted"s property. But Sophia talked with Alexa for another hour before they went to bed, and there was no knock or call.
It"s okay, she told herself. She can"t be glad I"m here. What woman would be?
Why"d you sleep with Skip? The disgust in Ted"s words chafed even in retrospect. He couldn"t be glad she was here, either.
The wine cellar and the bottles of liquor he stored there came to mind. Alexa was in her own bed; they were in a safe place. Surely, she could have a drink now. She"d been so immersed in her troubles that she"d scarcely thought about booze for days. But the memory of the smooth burn of whiskey as it went down and the rush of euphoria that came after suddenly grabbed hold of her and nearly dragged her to the door.
One drink. She was alone, didn"t need to drive, didn"t need to answer to Skip, didn"t need to do anything for her daughter.
It couldn"t hurt to have a drink occasionally. Lots of people did that and it caused them no problems.
She got up and started down the stairs. She could cross the backyard, slip into the kitchen and sneak out a bottle in a matter of minutes. Ted and Eve would never be the wiser. She"d pay for it out of her first paycheck. She wasn"t a thief like her husband had been.
But the memory of Skip"s words brought her to a halt before she could even get out of the guesthouse. You"re nothing but a lazy drunk.
"No, Skip, I"m a lot more than that," she whispered.
Talk was cheap, however. She had to prove it.
Even though her mouth was dry and her head ached-for some odd reason she felt as though she was going through withdrawal all over again-she went back to bed and forced herself to lie there.
She"d been so exhausted just minutes before. But the alcohol in Ted"s cellar seemed to be calling out to her: I"m right here. Come and get me!
Why wouldn"t the temptation release her so she could sleep?
You can do it. Stay put. You"re building a new life, brick by brick. Having a drink will only set you back.
She needed to join AA, she decided. Skip wouldn"t have allowed it if he were alive. He would"ve been too afraid someone would find out-or recognize her at the meeting. She certainly didn"t need to give the people of Whiskey Creek any more reason to malign her. But wasn"t what she turned out to be more important than what she used to be?
22.
Sophia must"ve slept because the next time she was conscious of being awake it was three hours later-nearly midnight. She had to go to the bathroom so she peered out her window as she pa.s.sed by and noticed that the lights were off at the main house. Eve had either gone home. Or she was staying over.
The thought of her staying over made Sophia crave a drink again. Somehow, for the past week or so, she"d been able to push her addiction into the background. But now that her other problems had receded just a little, her love affair with alcohol was shoving its way to the forefront.
Couldn"t she have a single night of peace?
When she returned to bed, she tried to fall back asleep, but she kept imagining Ted with Eve.
"Whatever fulfills him," she murmured. He was with the right person; Eve had so much more to offer him. She wasn"t down-and-out. She didn"t have a drinking problem. And she"d never hurt him in the past, so they had nothing to overcome. Sophia didn"t want to be like a drowning person flailing around, dragging under everyone who was trying to help.
That image brought home the reality of her situation. But it didn"t bring the oblivion she desperately needed. She kept tossing and turning, wrestling with her envy.
At last, she got up, put on her swimsuit, grabbed a towel and went out to the Jacuzzi. She thought the hot water might help her relax.
It was doing just that-until she heard a door open and close and two sets of footsteps cross the deck. She tensed. With the lights off, she"d a.s.sumed Ted and Eve were in for the night!
What was she going to do? She didn"t want them to catch her in the hot tub. She doubted Ted would care if she used it, but it would be horribly awkward to interrupt his private time with Eve.
Because he and Eve were talking, she hoped they couldn"t hear the splash of the water as she scrambled out. Fortunately, she hadn"t turned on the jets for fear they"d make too much noise. But there was no way she could get the cover on or creep back to the guesthouse without being seen, not beneath a full moon.
So she picked up her towel and darted under the deck instead, thinking she"d slip around the perimeter of the yard when she had the chance. She didn"t dare move quite yet, afraid she"d draw their attention.
"I still can"t believe your mother invited me to lunch." Eve sounded pleased, and Sophia could understand why. She"d probably pa.s.s out from shock if Mrs. Dixon ever extended such a friendly invitation to her.
"Why?" Ted asked. "My mother"s always liked you."
"You"ve told me that before. But it can be hard to tell."
A bitter smile tugged at Sophia"s lips when she heard the wry note in Eve"s voice. She could"ve told Eve what it was like when Mrs. Dixon didn"t like you.
"She"s...selective about the people she accepts into her life," Ted said. "But she has a positive impression of you from elementary school. So you had that going for you from the start."
"She sure knew how to police the yard at lunch. I was terrified of her-like most other kids," Eve said. But Sophia hadn"t been afraid of Mrs. Dixon back then. She hadn"t been afraid of anyone. She"d been sitting on top of the world.
Too bad she"d had to learn just how fast one could fall from such a lofty perch.
"My mom comes off as stern, but-" Ted stopped talking when they reached the hot tub-obviously he was reacting to finding the cover off. He glanced around as if he expected to see her or someone else, but she shrank farther into the shadows and behind one of the support beams, and his gaze pa.s.sed over her without stopping. Since the guesthouse was dark, he probably thought she"d used the Jacuzzi earlier and forgotten to be polite about it.
She didn"t like the idea of him thinking she was careless enough with his belongings to do that-letting the heat escape when it was so expensive to keep the water hot. But he didn"t make a big deal about the cover to Eve. He didn"t even mention it, and she didn"t seem to notice. They just got in.
"She certainly wasn"t too pleased to hear about Sophia living here." Eve"s voice was barely audible above the gurgle of the jets. She was no doubt being careful so that her voice wouldn"t travel to the guesthouse. Ted was careful, too, when he responded. But that didn"t make as much of a difference as they thought-not when she was standing a mere ten feet away.
"She"s never been one of Sophia"s admirers," he admitted.
That came as no shock yet Sophia hated hearing it. She was too vulnerable to withstand much these days. And she felt even worse when Eve climbed into Ted"s lap and slipped her arms around his shoulders. "It"s nice out here."
"We"re having a mild fall."
"That means winter will probably hit hard."
"It"s supposed to rain this weekend."
When they kissed, Sophia attempted to look away. She didn"t want to see it-but her gaze moved back as if drawn there by a high-powered magnet.
Fortunately, Ted broke off the kiss before it led to anything else and started talking about the book he was writing. Then Eve brought up Adelaide"s baby, whom they"d just learned was a girl. After that they talked about the fact that both Kyle and Noah had invested with Skip, which Sophia hadn"t known and was sad to hear.
Hoping they might finally be preoccupied enough not to notice, she began to creep over to the fence so she could swing wide and follow it to the guesthouse. Despite the towel she"d wrapped around her, the heat she"d absorbed from sitting in the hot tub had slowly dissipated, leaving her chilled to the bone. But with the reference to Skip, the conversation had already worked its way back to her, and that made her pause despite her discomfort.
"Did you tell Sophia she can"t smoke in the guesthouse?" Eve asked.
"No, it never came up."
"You should"ve warned her, since you feel so strongly about it."
"I don"t think she"s smoking at all. At least, I haven"t seen her. Haven"t smelled it on her, either."
"That"s good. It"s so unhealthy."