"I lost the one girl I was dying to have," Kyle went on.
Ted was surprised to hear him confess that, for him, there"d been no one who could compare to Olivia.
"It hasn"t been the same with anyone since," he continued. "My marriage failed for a lot of reasons, but first and foremost it was because I didn"t love Noelle to begin with. We should never have gotten together. The year I spent with her, and the year I spent recovering from the divorce, which is when I slept with Callie, were the two worst years of my life. Some days it"s still hard dealing with the aftermath. Besides all the emotional bulls.h.i.t, I have to pay Noelle a hefty amount of spousal maintenance each month. That means there"s no way to cut her out of my life entirely."
Not only that, but he had to watch his stepbrother with the woman he really wanted-although Brandon and Olivia hadn"t shown up today.
"Anyway," Kyle went on, "I don"t want you or Eve to go through anything like I did."
The earnest emotion in his plea scared Ted. He"d been so decisive, so sure he could remain committed to Eve. But when he made love with her-like last night before they got into the Jacuzzi-it just wasn"t as satisfying as he wanted it to be. He"d actually felt a little...hollow afterward.
Was he letting her down by trying to force this? Were they better off taking a step back and admitting that they felt pretty much the same way they"d always felt toward each other? Or were his emotions the only ones that weren"t changing?
She seemed so happy. He didn"t want to wreck that, didn"t want to hurt her. He"d already promised himself he wouldn"t. Besides, he wasn"t sure he"d given it long enough to make a final decision. They used to tease Noah for his inability to commit. Ted had never messed around as much as Noah had, but he suspected he was the one with a commitment problem-and that came as a shock.
"Why did you decide to make a move on Eve?" Kyle asked.
It had seemed safe. Smart. But was that only because she wasn"t Sophia? He had to admit he hadn"t been thinking clearly on Halloween night, even though he"d a.s.sured himself that he was. Alcohol had a way of doing that to a person.
"Can I help you?"
The barista was ready to take their order, so Ted couldn"t answer Kyle"s question. There was no time. And he was grateful for that. He couldn"t imagine what might come out of his mouth now that he felt so torn. He didn"t want to say he"d been drinking. That would only convince Kyle that he had indeed made a huge mistake.
But something in his eyes must have revealed his uncertainty because Kyle took one look at him, shook his head and cursed.
Eve was busy that night. And she was going to be gone for the next week. It was her grandmother"s eightieth birthday, so she was flying to Montana with her parents for a family reunion and party. That gave Ted some breathing room. He was relieved to have it, needed the time to write. But it wasn"t as if he could slip into isolation like he used to. Although Sophia was supposed to be off on the weekends-that was what he"d originally intended when he"d advertised for a housekeeper-she was so grateful for the free rent and so determined to do all she could to repay him that she insisted on cooking for him regardless of the day. And it was tough to complain about that when she made such delicious meals, which were always right when he wanted them.
There were other benefits to having her around, as well. He wasn"t sure he"d ever seen the house quite so clean. And if he listened carefully, he could hear laughter, which somehow made him smile. It was Alexa, who spent her time with her mother whenever she was out of school. He liked Sophia"s daughter, he realized, despite her paternity.
It was Sat.u.r.day night and the two of them were in the kitchen. Sophia was instructing her daughter on how to tell if a turkey potpie was done when he walked into the room.
"Can I get you something?" Sophia asked.
Alexa shot him a smile, and he returned it. "I"m beat," he said. "It"s time for a gla.s.s of wine."
The smile disappeared from Alexa"s face as her gaze shifted to her mother.
"Did I say something wrong?" he asked.
Sophia answered. "No, of course not. What kind would you like?"
"A nice Chablis." He sat at the table to talk to Alexa while Sophia went into the cellar, but Alexa seemed distracted. She kept turning around, looking for her mother.
He waved to attract her attention. "Everything okay?"
"Fine," she said. "Where"s your corkscrew? I"ll get it out so you can open the bottle."
He was fairly confident that Sophia could handle that, but he directed her to the right drawer and she got it for him. Then, as soon as Sophia emerged, Alexa took charge of the bottle and brought it over. "Here you go."
"Thanks." He popped the cork while Sophia brought him a gla.s.s. "Would you like some?" he asked her, raising the bottle.
It seemed as if she didn"t even want to look at it. "No, thanks," she said and busied herself with finishing up their meal.
"How are things going with Connie, Babette and the others?" he asked Alexa as he sipped his wine.
"Okay. I don"t talk to them anymore."
"They"re not giving you any trouble?"
"Sometimes they make fun of me when they see me, but...it"s okay."
When Sophia removed the potpie from the oven, Ted could tell it had been made from scratch. It looked as good as the ones from Just Like Mom"s. "That smells fantastic," he said.
Sophia glanced up at the appreciation in his voice. "I hope it tastes as good as it smells."
She hadn"t gone wrong yet.
She put it on top of the stove. "I set a place for you in the dining room, but-" she gestured at the table where he was sitting "-if you"d rather eat in here, I can move your plate."
He remembered stipulating that they eat separately. Although that seemed silly now-to be on the same property and eating the same meal but purposely splitting up-he didn"t ask them to join him. He needed to keep some separation between them, didn"t want their relationship to drift in the wrong direction just because they were starting to feel comfortable with each other.
"The dining room is fine," he said, so she served him there. She even put out one of the candles she"d bought for his romantic dinner with Eve. The dancing flame added a nice touch in the gathering twilight. But as he sat in the silence of his big house, eating alone, he could see her crossing the backyard with her daughter. Both of them had their hands stuffed into pot holders and were carrying dishes as they walked and talked, and somehow the camaraderie he sensed between them made him feel left out.
Maybe that was why he decided to go over a little later to see if they wanted to come and watch a movie. Or maybe it was because Sophia wouldn"t let him order cable for the guesthouse. She said she needed to save her money for other things, which was true. But with such limited funds, and no TV, he couldn"t imagine what they"d do on a Sat.u.r.day night. They wouldn"t continue to unpack; they"d been doing that for days-and Alexa deserved to have some fun. Everything she used to have, including her friends, was gone.
So he convinced himself that by picking up ice cream and other treats and heading over to Redbox to rent a movie, he was just trying to do a nice deed for a kid who"d had a rough go of it lately.
But he knew in his heart that she wasn"t the only one he was hoping to please.
24.
Ted had never expected Sophia to turn him down. He figured a woman in her situation would be desperate enough to accept almost any invitation-just to get out of the house, if for no other reason. What fun had she had since her husband jumped off that d.a.m.n yacht?
He couldn"t believe she"d had any. But if not for Alexa, begging her to agree, Sophia would"ve sent him away. As it was, she came but kept to herself.
"Thanks for inviting us over." Alexa was almost enthusiastic enough to compensate for her mother. Almost, but not quite. Although she seemed to have none of the qualms Sophia did about sitting next to him, Sophia tried to coax her off the couch. Did she think Alexa might be crowding him? Or getting on his nerves? Or...worse?
He couldn"t figure it out, so when Alexa asked him to pause the movie so she could go to the bathroom, he waited until she was out of the room and asked Sophia. "Why do you keep telling her she can"t sit on the couch? Is it because I"m on the couch, too?"
"There are other chairs."
"But a couch is meant for more than one person, so what"s the big deal? It"s not... I would never do anything to hurt her. You know that, right? You don"t think I"d ever act inappropriately with your daughter...."
"G.o.d, no!" she said, dismissing his concern. "It"s just...her father really let her down."
Ted didn"t immediately see the connection. "What"s that got to do with me?"
"Quite a bit. She likes you-a lot. I don"t want her to latch on to another man who-whom she"ll lose contact with when we move."
"You"re trying to make sure she and I don"t become friends even though you"ll be living here for months?"
"We might not be here that long."
"It"ll take time to save up the money you need to relocate."
"I just feel bad. I know Eve doesn"t want us here, and that could change our situation. Why set my daughter up to be disappointed?"
Sophia had a point. Eve was a wonderful person, but she felt threatened, and he couldn"t expect her to put up with that for long. Still, there was a part of him that believed he should have the right to befriend anyone he wanted to, especially a child who was lonely and needed him.
Unsure of how it would sound if he said that, he hesitated. Then Alexa came back, so he let it go and started the movie.
"Where"s your girlfriend tonight?" Alexa asked during a slow part of the show.
Blinking, he drew himself out of his thoughts. "Eve?"
"Do you have more than one girlfriend?" she teased.
He pretended he"d needed clarification because he"d been engrossed in the movie, but even after sleeping with Eve, it was difficult to think of her as his girlfriend. "She"s out of town."
"I bet you miss her."
When he made a noise he hoped would pa.s.s for agreement, Alexa spoke in a conspiratorial manner. "Too bad you don"t still like my mom."
"Lex!" Sophia nearly gasped her daughter"s name. "Eve wouldn"t be happy to hear you say that, would she?"
Chastened, she shook her head.
"That"s in the past," Sophia said firmly.
But she"d finally told her daughter. Ted wondered why.
Lex turned back to him. "So...are you going to marry her?"
Sophia jumped in again. "Come on, honey, don"t ask such personal questions. That"s none of our business."
Feeling pensive for no particular reason, Ted shrugged it off. "No worries. I"d answer, but...our relationship is relatively new. No one can say what will happen." Especially since even thinking about marrying Eve felt odd. Shouldn"t he be missing her? Shouldn"t he be craving the touch and feel of her?
Maybe that wasn"t happening because he"d just seen her this morning. There hadn"t been enough time to miss her....
Or maybe he was expecting too much from love. Chances were good that you didn"t experience the same heady rush at thirty-four as you did at seventeen. Emotions often grew more subdued as a person aged.
But, G.o.d, he wasn"t old yet. He kept coming to the same conclusion: something was missing. He just hoped, with enough effort, that would change.
"Sorry," Lex said. "Didn"t mean to be rude."
He smiled. "It"s not a problem." It would"ve been even less of a problem if those questions had come from anyone other than Sophia"s daughter. And if this evening in front of the TV was turning out to be as placid and relaxing as he"d intended. But he and Sophia were never meant to be friends. He was coming to the conclusion that, with her, it had to be all or nothing. There was so much tension between them he could hardly keep his knee from jiggling with nervous energy.
Fortunately, that tension eased as the minutes ticked away. At least for Sophia. She fell asleep about halfway through.
Alexa started to wake her, to tell her she was missing the movie, but Ted shook his head. "Let her sleep. She can watch it tomorrow if she"s really interested," he said, but by the end of the movie they were all asleep. When Ted woke up, the TV was looping the intro music, and he had no idea how long it had been playing.
He got up and turned off the TV. Then he considered what he should do with his guests. He could throw a blanket over them, but he was sure they"d sleep much better in their own beds. So he opened the back door of his house and the front door of the guesthouse before carrying Alexa over. She didn"t wake up, even as he placed her carefully on the downstairs bed. Then he came back for Sophia.
"I zonked out? I"m sorry," Sophia muttered, but she was so groggy that she didn"t fight him when he lifted her into his arms.
"It"s okay. I"ve got you." She didn"t weigh much more than her daughter, so it wasn"t hard to carry her. But he hadn"t bargained on the ten steps leading to the second story of the guesthouse, which he"d have to climb to get her to her room.
He was exhausted by the time they were halfway up, and that was when she began to rouse in earnest.
"What"s going on?" she asked. "Where are we? Wait, I can walk. I"m sorry, I didn"t-"
"Relax." He tightened his grip so her wriggling wouldn"t send them both crashing down the stairs. "We"re almost there."
"Put me down! I"m too heavy."
"And you"re getting heavier by the minute," he joked. "But now that I"ve started this, you have to let me finish or it"ll wound my male pride."
Surprisingly, she stopped fighting and laughed like she used to laugh when they were younger. She also made his job easier by slipping her arms around his neck, which helped him keep his balance.
"I may not be the athlete Noah is, but I can carry a girl to bed," he muttered. He didn"t realize how bad that sounded until it was out of his mouth, but she pretended not to notice the double entendre. At least she didn"t comment on it.
"This is so gallant of you," she teased. "Not many employers would be so kind."
"It"ll be gallant if I get you there in one piece. I doubt it"ll be seen that way if we both break our necks."
"I have absolute faith in you."
She sounded genuine when she said that, which he found oddly gratifying. But he was staggering so badly by the time they reached the top that they were both laughing.
"It"s harder to carry someone up a flight of stairs than I thought it would be."
"And that"s a long flight of stairs-not to mention that you had to cross the lawn first."
"I"ll have to get more serious about my weight-lifting." He nudged her bedroom door open with his shoulder. "But we made it. Here you are, my lady."
He put her down on the bed, but before he could withdraw, her arms tightened around his neck.
For a moment, it felt like the warmest embrace-as if they"d never meant to be parted for all these years.
He almost allowed it, almost responded to the pa.s.sion he sensed in her-which scared him. No way did he want to be the kind of man who would cheat. He knew how low he"d feel afterward.