Judith looked at the floor. Maybe she didn"t even hear. She had stopped crying but she had sunk so far into herself that afternoon that there seemed no getting her back. There was hay on her once-perfect clothes and her mask of make-up had begun to fade away. I thought she looked prettier than before.
"Just lucky, huh, Judith?" laughed Ingrid. "There"s a hunk in the field and you get the thunderbolt from a Christmas dinner."
Miss Strange looked tired but I think in her own way she was trying to get through to Judith. She looked straight at her.
"Don"t be ridiculous. Animals do not love."
I didn"t like the idea of this. "Mr Paton loves you," I said and I knew it was true. He was sitting on her shoulder, stroking the indented side of her face.
"That"s not love," replied Miss Strange, getting mad. "I"m just his meal ticket."
Cosmos thought for a moment. "I think we don"t want animals to have emotion because then we wouldn"t know how to treat them. Anyway, if they have no emotion it makes you feel, like, better than them. More than them. But they feel stuff Did you ever see anything more pa.s.sionate than the excitement of a dog going for a walk?"
Miss Strange snorted. "That"s not pa.s.sion. It"s about gratification."
Cosmos tried again. "It"s not like humans do emotion real well. They can"t always express what they"re feeling."
Doreen was trying to follow. "Yeah, but they do express it, right? That"s what makes it different. At least people, what do you call it, communicate."
"Not always," said Mrs Torchinsky, who lived among the departed. Cosmos"s focus was absolute. She was not distracted.
"If someone from another country didn"t speak English and you couldn"t talk to them, does that mean they don"t feel anything? I mean we speak the same language and... Ingrid, try and find one word for what you feel right now. Better yet, what I am feeling or Sweetheart."
Ingrid looked bewildered. "I don"t know. Of course, I don"t know."
"No you don"t. Can anyone understand the inner landscape of anyone else"s life? Do you know what someone else is feeling? Presuming that animals lack feeling is just an excuse for treating them badly."
Mrs Torchinsky was adamant. "We are not like animals."
"No, we"re not like animals, we are animals," replied Cosmos.
Doreen looked out the door again at Gabriel. "Of course, some men are more animal than others." Mrs Torchinsky laughed. "I"m sure you have a point, Cosmos, but I can"t worry about this. I can"t spend Sundays wondering if the chicken on my table was depressed. How could you tell anyway? Bad posture?"
The women started laughing and Sappho clapped along with delight.
"Yeah, Cosmos, tell us, do chickens have pecking orders?"
"Do penguins have bad days?"
Cosmos smiled. "Did you ever see two herons courting?" she asked. "They wrap their long necks around each other and reach such a pitch of emotion that I could have wished to be a heron so I might experience it."
Miss Strange tutted. "Heron love. Love! Why do women talk about it all the time? It"s no wonder men think we"re lame-brained."
Mrs Torchinsky produced several bottles of red wine and some fresh cups while the discussion continued.
"Men don"t know about love," declared Ingrid. "All they worry about is size and performance."
As the subject of size had often come up in many of the women"s minds in relation to Ingrid"s husband Hubert from the Pop Inn, this gave them pause. He was the only black man in town and even I knew there were rumours about what that meant.
"That"s not true," declared Doreen, defensive of her Tony.
"All right," cried Ingrid, getting excited. "What is the difference between men and women?"
"The size of your bowling ball," volunteered Doreen, and everyone laughed. The women sat and talked and drank. It didn"t take long for them to get on to the subject of s.e.x. Miss Strange was getting slightly slurred.
"Camels have very civil breeding methods although otherwise they are rather bad-tempered and I do not recommend them for a pet. If a female in the camel pack sounds like a cigarette ... anyway, if the female goes into heat then the males won"t fight for her. They just line up single file and in an orderly fashion to "service" her. When they"re done, they get off and go back to the end of the line."
Cosmos was getting annoyed. "Yes, but none of this means animals can"t love."
"Oh, stop bringing love into it," snapped Miss Strange so sharply that Mr Paton removed himself to the other end of the hay bale. Cosmos would not be swayed.
"Animals love their babies."
Helen surprised everyone by joining in. "The female Asian diadem b.u.t.terfly will guard her eggs by standing over them. Sometimes, if the eggs don"t hatch, she will do it till she dies. Her rooted corpse standing watch over her offspring."
"Is that love?" I wanted to know.
"A b.u.t.terfly will do that?" said Sweetheart so quietly we almost didn"t hear. "That"s more than Judith will do for Perry." Perry had fallen asleep with his body moulded to Aunt Bonnie. There was a terrible silence, broken by Joey appearing at the door.
How Joey ever thought he could run for office I"ll never know. At any rate he couldn"t deal with the crowd of women who turned their attention to him. He didn"t really have much to say. He tried to pull his substantial stomach in a little and smoothed back his hair. He blushed as he spoke.
"Oh, yes, h.e.l.lo. Miss Strange. Uh, Judith." He looked and smiled at the floor in the direction of Judith. "I have located the entrance manner of the perpetrator and I think if I stay here the night then I could bring the matter to a useful conclusion. What I am saying is that I think the dog will come back and I could-"
Outside the roar of an engine brought everyone to silence. The thud of heavy boots was followed by the banging open of both the double barn doors. There stood the whole of Sa.s.saspaneck Fire Brigade. Defenders of the town and husbands to every one of the women sitting inside. The men were filthy with soot and smoke. At the centre of the group stood Harry. In his fireman"s braces, filthy T-shirt and heavy boots, he looked macho in the way that men believe women admire. He eyed the group of seated women. Not one of them felt comfortable. There wasn"t a woman in the room Harry hadn"t seen naked and bulging in his corset store and he knew it. A dangerous priest who might forget the secrecy of confession. He stripped them down with his eyes and then wandered over to Joey. Harry was considerably taller. He stood uncomfortably close to the little man and looked down at him.
"Well, well, an election rally for the Democrats, eh, Mr Amorato? Cornering the female vote? I think you might be wasting your time, eh, men? I think you"ll find the ladies will be good enough to vote sensibly with a little guidance from their husbands."
"I wasn"t ... I was here to..." Joey stumbled over every word.
Harry patted him on the head and dismissed him with a wave. "No need to explain." I thought Joey was going to try and punch him again. Instead he just hitched his pants up over and over.
Miss Strange stood up. "h.e.l.lo, Harry. Thought maybe you had forgotten your way out here. Been a long time."
Harry pulled himself up tall but a flash of a little boy crossed his face. "Don"t start with me, Miss Strange." Harry clenched his jaw and turned back to Joey, to safer ground. "Pity you couldn"t join us on our little outing just now, Joey. Oh sorry, I forgot, too short for the brigade, aren"t you?"
"I have asthma. You know I have asthma."
Harry smiled around at his chums. "Sure, of course. Still, I expect it was a man"s work cutting up those pizzas for the ladies." Harry moved in on Joey. He reached out and snapped his finger"s at Joey"s bow tie. "My, you look good tonight. I always forget what a fine uniform that is.
"I"m here on official business," stammered Joey, stepping back a little. He seemed to shrink even smaller as Harry rounded on him.
"Official business," repeated Harry. "Dog catcher to the zoo, huh? Not really a man"s job is it, Joey? Animals? Furry animals? I mean, look at all these women. Much more their line, don"t you think?" Harry turned back to his brigade for approval. The men were grinning.
Joey pulled himself up as tall as possible. "Don"t do this to me, Harry. You always do this to me. I have a job to do."
"No!" Harry stepped back in mock surprise. "What are you catching today, Joey? A dangerous poodle? A pest of a pooch? A schnauzer with a problem home?"
Joey was sweating now. He eyed all the men watching him and then said with as much dignity as he could muster, "A dog killed a goose." Harry laughed.
"May the good Lord save us in our beds. And to think we were fighting a fire while all this was going on. Saving homes while our women were busy finding other things to do." Harry dismissed Joey from his mind and turned to the silent women. "Now then, ladies, we men are hungry. We drove past our homes and there was no one there. That can"t be right, can it, Judith? Judith?"
Judith said nothing. She sat so hunched now she could look at no one. "Judith, get up!" barked Harry. His face twitched a little as she failed to move. Very aware that everyone in town was watching, he hissed at her.
"I am talking to you. Now get up." Harry moved to the hay bale where Judith was sitting and put his hand on the back of her neck the way he had at the barbecue.
Joey stepped toward him. "She"s not feeling good."
"She can do that at home." Harry"s hand closed a little tighter. Everyone was silent. "Come on," he insisted.
Miss Strange"s voice was quiet but clear. "That"s how the tiger holds its prey, isn"t it, Harry? You remember?"
n.o.body moved. It was Aunt Bonnie who broke the moment.
"Stop it, Harry. Leave her alone." Harry dropped his hand and looked at her. His jaw was doing overtime clenching and unclenching. Then he looked at Uncle Eddie who was standing in the middle of the brigade.
"You gonna let your wife talk to me like that, Eddie?"
Eddie shuffled his feet but didn"t speak. Aunt Bonnie stood up holding Perry in her arms. "I think you should go now, and perhaps you would like to take your grandson with you." She didn"t yell but it felt the same. Harry looked at the sleeping black child.
Harry spoke quietly through clenched teeth. "That kid is nothing to do with me and you know it.
Aunt Bonnie stood right in front of him and held Perry out in her arms.
Harry stood his ground for a moment, moving his huge jaw backwards and forwards.
"He"s Pearl"s child," she said.
Harry spat out words under his breath. "Pearl is dead and he should be too."
There was silence followed by a general shuffling. I didn"t understand why but slowly the women began moving toward the door. Doreen leaned over to Sweetheart as she left. "Bring Perry into town. You don"t have to hide him out here. Bring him."
Joey stood to one side, trying to look official, but his uniform just didn"t cut the same kind of ice as the firemen"s. Gradually the women paired up with their men and moved off. Everyone except Aunt Bonnie and Judith. Judith didn"t move at all. She just began to weep. Quietly at first and then louder and louder. Harry stood still watching everyone depart. He looked at Aunt Bonnie like he would kill her. He didn"t move but just kind of barked. "Come on, Judith."
The only response was more sobbing and a low wailing. Faced by such emotion, Harry did what my father would have done. Nothing at all. Uncle Eddie never said anything. Harry stood his ground, looking at his distraught wife, then he turned on Miss Strange.
"This is your doing, you G.o.dd.a.m.n b.i.t.c.h. If it"s the last thing I ever do I will shut you down. You and your f.u.c.king animals." He turned and was gone. Uncle Eddie stood for a moment and then followed.
Joey moved to Judith. He sat down beside her but obviously didn"t know what to do. Awkwardly he began patting her on the shoulder.
"I know, I know. Rocco. You lost a lovely dog."
We sat for a while but then it got a little cold in the barn and everyone, including Troilus, the goose, Sappho and Mr Paton, moved up to the house. I know Joey wanted to come but he stayed in the barn.
"I"ll wait for the dog. Judith? I"m here if you need me." Judith didn"t say anything but at least she had stopped crying. Her hair had quite fallen down to her shoulders now but she didn"t seem to notice. She just followed along with the rest of us, the orangutan and the devoted Troilus. Up at the house, Cosmos sat on the floor in a yoga position while Helen, Judith, the goose, Aunt Bonnie, Miss Strange and I settled round the library fire.
It was Sweetheart who got the drinks out. She had surprising energy for someone her age.
"Time for one of John"s settlers, I think," she said, mixing something in a big silver shaker. No one was feeling too good but Sweetheart seemed determined to cheer everyone up.
"Helen, did I ever tell you about that time Grace and Billie got stopped in the Packard by a motorcycle cop?"
"Yes," said Helen quietly, but Sweetheart ploughed on. She was enjoying the company. Maybe it was like old times in the house.
"Well, Billie had been shopping for her final items to prepare for the big trip to Africa. She and Grace were heading home in the Packard when they got pulled over by a motorcycle cop. Billie was driving but Grace got out to talk to him. He wouldn"t be pacified. They had been breaking the speed limit and he wanted to talk to Billie. When he got over to the car Billie was sitting with her leg pulled up on the seat. Peeping below her skirt you could just see a silver flask tucked into her garter belt.
""What"s in the flask, ma"am?" demanded the officer, pushing his hat back on his head.
"Billie smiled. "Oh, you don"t want to worry about that. It"s just a sample."
""I think you had better let me be the judge of that." The officer held out his hand. Billie shrugged and coyly removed the flask from the top of her leg. She handed it to the officer and winked at Grace. The officer, rigorously doing his duty, flipped open the lid and took a huge gulp. He paused for a moment and then spat all over the ground. Billie smiled.
""I said it was a sample. I just didn"t say it was a urine sample." Billie had peed in the flask while Grace was doing the talking."
Miss Strange smiled, sipping her drink. "I forgot. Phoebe laughed so. She touched my face and she laughed so."
Everyone drank quietly for a while and it was nice. But grown-ups are so funny about drink. It didn"t happen fast but slowly things began to get a little out of hand. It had gone rather quiet. Miss Strange hadn"t said anything for ages until she suddenly exploded with: "Harry"s a son of a s.h.i.t."
"He was a nice kid." Sweetheart defended her son. "You loved him. You know he"s still angry. He blames this place for killing Billie and he always will. They teased him at school, you know they did. Living out here..."
"Yeah, with crazy ladies."
"I didn"t say that."
"Living with Miss Strange."
Sweetheart sighed. "It was my fault. He hated me not being married."
Miss Strange sat looking into her gla.s.s. "Nothing was the same after Phoebe died. The record had been playing so fast till then and suddenly everything slowed down. I never even saw Phoebe buried."
"Down by the river."
"I know."
"Billie never came out after that. She lay on that vast canopied bed of hers surrounded by all those cabin trunks we"d packed. Trunks going nowhere. Her arm mended fairly quickly but she never went near the tigers again. She never went to any of the animals. I think she couldn"t believe that one of her beloved creatures would turn on her. It changed everything. She had lost all her power. The only person she allowed in her room, the only person she could stand to see, was Harry. Harry helped bandage her arm. I made plates of food for her but she would only let Harry bring them in. He read to her and I know he looked the other way when she injected herself with morphine and more morphine. For a while John Junior tried to get in but it was hopeless. He tried everything. Remember the team of elephants from England who played cricket? It was pouring with rain and he stood outside Billie"s window all dressed in white."
"Billie!" he called up to the window. "Billie, watch this!"
A young bull bowled the ball to John"s bat and he lashed out at it. The mud took the earth from under his feet and John fell at the wicket. He looked up at the house he had built for his beloved Billie. He looked at her window and saw Harry. The son he now longed for. Maybe a son would make it all right. Billie was pregnant.
John scoured the land for a key to his wife"s heart. There was Lord Byron, the educated pig that John had procured at great expense. He stood pathetically in the hall outside Billie"s room and called to her about his porcine purchase.
"Listen, Billie, I can ask it anything." John turned to the pig. "Now then, Lord Byron, how much is four plus two?" There was a silence followed by six pawings on the ground with a small trotter. John applauded enthusiastically and made the noise of a marching band with his mouth.
"Isn"t that great? If you come out I can show you the finale. He can select a US flag from a box of banners and wave it at the crowd."
But there was no response. He brought her maps of the corners of the earth. From Singapore, Lapland and Peru, anywhere that they might travel and forget.
Grace was in the county hosp ital for months. No one thought she would live but somehow she pulled through. Well, what was left of her pulled through. She was a scary sight and she knew it. It was months before she returned one night in the dark to the Burroughs House. She too had declined all visitors. Harry wrote her. He thought it would help his beloved Billie if he could persuade Grace to return, but the letters lay unanswered.