Lynnstepped forward. "They need thisspecial kind of water. See? Put a drop on your tongue?"
Rose stuck her tongue out,then made a horrible face at the taste. When she could speak, she exclaimed, "They want thatkinda water?"
"Just that kind."Lynnsmiled at her. "And no matter how hard we try, we can"t make the bathwater right for them."
"Oh." Rose thought it over. After a moment, her forehead smoothed. She nodded and went back to her friend, squatting beside her to stare down into thetidepool .
Adam stayed near Rose as Sh.e.l.ly led the way next across mussel-and barnacle-encrusted rocks to a blowhole. Each incoming wave rushed beneath the rock in a froth of white, sending a thin jet shooting upward through the hole like a geyser. Here the roar of the surf surrounded them and spray hung in the air, dampening their hair and filling their nostrils and lungs with salty wet air.
"Ooh," breathed Rose, clutching Adam"s hand and watching with wondering eyes.
Eventually they made their way to a tiny cove of gritty sand between arms of basalt worn by the pounding of the waves. Adam dropped to his knees and helped build a sand castle, grander than anything the girls could have done alone.
He wondered wryly whether he was trying to make points withLynnby showing what a great parent he was, or whether he was just avoiding having to talk to her.
She gave no sign she noticed either way. Instead, under her daughter"s ordersLynnwillingly ferried water by the bright plastic bucketful from the foamy fingers of surf. At the sound of her laughter, Adam sank back on his heels and watched her squelch back toward the construction site, her sneakers and the hems of her jeans soaking wet.
Like Rose, she wasn"t a chatterbox, and her face didn"t have Jennifer"s animation, but it was bright and good-humored.
"The wave got me," she announced. "I think the tide is coming in."
Sure enough, each wave licked onto dry sand and inched toward the tide pools. "Let"s dig a moat," Adam declared. "We can watch the water rush around the castle." "Good idea."Lynndropped to her knees and began hollowing out a trench with her hands, sand flying. "What"s a moat?" Sh.e.l.ly asked. Adam grinned at her. "It"s filled with water to keep the invaders away from the castle walls." "Oh. What"s "vaders?" "Um." Almost unconsciously, he looked toLynnfor help. "Invaders are the enemy," she said in mock growl. "Like Ian and Ron at your play group, when they want to grab the dolls and run over them with their trucks." Sh.e.l.ly"s chocolate-brown eyes widened. "I don"t likethem ." She began scooping sand. "Come on, Rose. We don"t want no "vadersinour castle!" They stayed long enough to see the water fill the moat but not long enough for the girls to watch their magnificent castle crumple. By that time, the girls were getting tired anyway. When Rose whimpered after her foot slipped in the loose pebbles, Adam swung her up onto his shoulders. Her mood revived. "Giddap, Daddy!" Her heels drummed his chest. "You"re myhorsie , Daddy." Sh.e.l.ly stopped in her tracks. "I want you to be myhorsie , Mama." "Only if I can take you piggyback,punkin ." For a fleeting second,Lynn"s eyes met Adam"s, revealing a complex of emotions he didn"t know how to read. "I"m not big enough to lift you onto my shoulders." Had he somehow made her feel inadequate? Sh.e.l.ly"s mouth trembled. "But I wanna ride likeher ." "Her daddy"s bigger than I am." Sh.e.l.ly"s expression became calculating. "Maybe he could give me a ride." "But he"s already carrying Rose-" "Tell you what," Adam interjected. "We"ll switch back and forth. Okay, Daisy?" ""kay, Daddy," Rose agreed. "But I"m not Daisy." He bouncedher a couple of times. "Nope. Guess not. You have too many petals." She giggled. Sh.e.l.ly climbed onto her mother"s back. "Why"d he call her Daisy? That"s not her name. Her name is Rose."
"Her daddy is just teasing,"Lynnexplained. "It"s like me calling you Belly when I tickle you." "Oh." She booted her heels into her mom"s hips. "Giddap,horsie !" Halfway up the beach, Adam stopped. "Okay, Sh.e.l.ly Belly, your turn." "Daddy!" Rose whined. "Nope. Fair"s fair. Besides, you want to try out the other horse, don"t you?" Rose being Rose, she didn"t say any more when he lowered her to the sand, but she clutched his leg, the afternoon"s acquaintance not enough to let her go to this lady. Sh.e.l.ly, on the other hand, had already taken a handful of his shirt and was demanding, "Up! You"re myhorsie , now."
Lynn"s smile never wavered as she said, "Do you think we can beat them to the stairs, Rose?"
But, d.a.m.n, she had to hurt, looking at her own daughter none too eager to trust her. Never mind that Rose had no idea. He knew howLynnmust feel, because something in him had soared at Sh.e.l.ly"s eagerness to climb onto his shoulders.
"I"ll tell you what," he said. "Let me lift you up, Rosebud."
He set her onLynn"s back, where she had no choice but to wrap her arms aroundLynn"s neck. In the breeze both had lost tendrils of hair from their ponytails, and the two auburn heads looked so much alike, his heart squeezed. They looked up, reminding him of an advertis.e.m.e.nt for a skin-care product, maybe, their complexions both creamy with the delicate scattering of freckles, the shape of their mouths so much alike, even their eyes, although Lynn"s were green and Rose"s blue. Mother and daughter.
For an instant, he couldn"t breathe.
"Up!" Sh.e.l.ly demanded again.
And a hint of mischief sparkled inLynn"s eyes.
"Race you to the steps!" she announced, and took off.
"Hey!" Adam protested. "No fair!"
She had a good ten-yard head start by the time he"d swung his daughter his heart cramped again onto his shoulders and grabbed Rose"s bucket and shovel that he"d earlier set down.
"Go! Go!" Sh.e.l.ly screamed in delight.
She was so light, as fine of bone as her mother, a wiry little bundle of energy. She twined her fingers in his hair and bounced, urging him on the whole way, her shrieks happy and uninhibited.
Sh.e.l.ly wasn"t his Rosebud, but she was his, too.
He almost caught them, but not quite. Rose was quietly pleased by the victory,Lynn"s face was alight with laughter, and Sh.e.l.ly giggled as he swung her onto the boardwalk.
"Mommy"sfast, huh?"
"Yep," he agreed. "You"ve trained her well."
Sh.e.l.ly thought that was hysterically funny.
Adam had a flash of memory. Jennifer in jeans and a white T-shirt, lying back on their bed with her arms
flung above her head, laughing uncontrollably until tears came in her eyes. He didn"t remember what was so funny. Only that he had followed her down onto the bed and kissed her until... He almost groaned. To hold Jenny again. To touch her like that. To see her laugh. He hadn"t recalled her so vividly in a long time.
He had needed her daughter their daughter to bring his Jennifer back to him. Any thoughts of maintaining his distance after today were gone. He hopedLynnsaw it the same way. He didn"t want to hurt her; d.a.m.n it, he saw a reflection of his own chaotic emotions in her eyes. Worse yet, he saw Rose in her.
But he couldn"t let Sh.e.l.ly go, any more than he could let Rosebud go.
He was going to be Daddy to both girls, whatever it took.
"How about if we go get that hot dog you were promised?" he said easily, and, with only a small pang,
took Rose"s small hand and let Sh.e.l.lygo to her mother.
Chapter 5.
How long had in been since she had sat beside the phone waiting for a man to call? Years. Eons,Lynn thought wryly.
And this was more like being a teenager, when she"d desperately wanted to pick up the phone and hear his voice, and yet was terrified every time it rang that he might be on the other end of the line. She"d never felt at ease socially, never known the right thing to say. If the boy she had a crush on called, she"d blow it,Lynnhad been certain during those difficult years. Her mother had said comfortably that she"d learn.
Lynnscowled at the silent telephone on the wall.Yeah, Mom?she demanded.Then how come I haven"t?
This was different, of course. She wasn"t interested inhim . It was Rose, sweet, shy Rose, whose voice Lynnhankered to hear. But she couldn"t see Rose without going through her daddy, whichLynnfiercely resented even as she felt as protective about Sh.e.l.ly.
Seeing her natural daughter once had seemed as if it might be enough, back when they planned the one-day visit. Just knowing that she was healthy and loved...
She made a sound in her throat and prowled the kitchen. Silence from the bedroom, where Sh.e.l.ly napped.
Enough? Sure. Like that first piece of chocolate would be enough. Like you could eat three potato chips and then put the bag away.
A taste was worse than never having.
Feeling Rose"s chubby arms around her neck and hearing her throaty giggle inLynn"s ears had been heaven. Rose and Sh.e.l.ly had taken to each other immediately, and yet they were so different.Lynnhad applauded but never understood Sh.e.l.ly"s boldness and flamboyance. In Rose she saw herself, not because of the freckles or the hair, but because Rose hung back when a braver soul forged forward, because Rose"s had clung to Daddy"s instead of letting go, because Rose wanted oh so desperately to be sure she would be safe before she leaped.
Lynnunderstood all of that. She had been was afraid. Her own mother had had to boot her gently out of the nest. When the time came, Sh.e.l.ly would fly without hesitation. Rose would wobble, come back, flap her wings and try again.
Lynnwanted to be there to coax and urge and comfort, just as her mother had been for her.
It wasn"t as if Rose had another mother, she thought defensively. Then she might have made herself let go, though it would have hurt terribly. But Rose needed her. She was certain of that.
Oh, why didn"t the man call?
When he hadn"t on Sunday, she had figured he wanted to wait until Rose wasn"t around. Or perhaps he needed to think. But now it was Monday, and there wasn"t a reason in the world that he couldn"t phone from his office. Why wait? Why not settle this now?
Perhaps she should call him. The anxiety that immediately swelled at the very thought annoyed her terribly. There she was, frightened of doing something straightforward. She wanted to talk to him. Why not call?
She didn"t reach for the phone. After buckling Rose into her car seat and circling the car to where Lynn and Sh.e.l.ly stood, Adam Landry had said, "I"ll call." His eyes had metLynn"s; she had nodded. Of course they had to talk. More than ever, they had to talk.
I"ll call.
Why should the ball be in his court? She had rights equal to his.
But, oh, she didn"t want to pick up the phone. She didn"t want to catch him at a bad moment, hear that brusque, impatient note in his voice. She wanted him to be the one calling, because he was eager. She imagined him conciliatory, agreeable.
Was he ever, except with his daughter?
Lynnsighed and considered making blueberry m.u.f.fins as a surprise for Sh.e.l.ly when she woke from her nap. It would give her something to do.
The telephone rang.
Lynnstared at it, a lump clogging her throat. On the fourth ring, she s.n.a.t.c.hed it up before her answering machine could do so.
"h.e.l.lo?"
"Lynn, this is Adam."
"Oh." Brilliant. "Yes. Um, h.e.l.lo."
No "how are you?" Or "we had a great day, didn"t we?"
Instead, he said straight out, "I want to see Sh.e.l.ly again. I"d like to keep seeing her."
Relief washed over her even as worry began its familiarniggle. To see Rose, she needed him to want to visit Sh.e.l.ly. But how far would he go? What if he went to court for custody, claimed he would be the best parent for both girls?
She"d borrow the money from her parents and fight him, of course. Tooth and nail.
"I"d like to keep seeing Rose, too," she said.
A pause ensued. She wondered if he had the same mixed feelings. Or was he so confident of his ability to win that he didn"t consider her a threat?
"It was awkward, all of us together," he said at last. "Maintaining a pretense."
"Yes," she agreed, but with a thrum of hurt she chose not to examine. "Do you have another suggestion?"
"That"s why I called. What if we were to take turns dropping one of the girls off for the day? Maybe work our way up to weekends? For now, surely you could spend a Sat.u.r.day shopping or seeing a movie or something inPortland?" The last was thrown out carelessly; why should he care what she did? "When I drop Rose off, I could take a drive up the coast, have lunch inCannonBeach, maybe. Just to give you time with her."
"Won"t they think it odd, after we said we were friends?"
"We"ll make excuses." A hint of impatience sounded in his voice. Obstacles weren"t to be considered.
"Yes. All right,"Lynnsaid. "We might have to make the visits short at first. Sh.e.l.ly has never played at a friend"s house for more than a couple of hours at a time."
"Rose is used to day care."
He spoke arrogantly, and yet she heard something. Uncertainty? Did he remember Rose"s clinging hand? Her reluctance to climb onto the strange lady"s back, even after several hours spent building a sand castle together?
"Does it have to be a weekend?"Lynnasked.
"Does it have to be?" The surprise in Adam"s voice cleared. "I suppose leaving the bookstore is difficult on weekends."
"Sat.u.r.day and Sunday are my busiest days. And I have to pay someone else to be there when I"m gone. The store is closed anyway on Monday and Tuesday. Later in the winter, on Wednesday, too."
"I suppose I could take some Mondays off," he said thoughtfully. "Sure, why not? Rose would be thrilled to stay home from day care."
Aha. So Rose might be "used" to day care, but was not necessarily enthusiastic.
"Shall we say next Monday?" he continued. "Can you bring Sh.e.l.ly here?"
"Certainly." They might have been arranging a transfer of funds or the repair of an appliance. She reached for a notepad. "Tell me how to find your place."
A moment later, she hung up, the plans firmed, a map drawn. She would take Sh.e.l.ly to play at Rose"s house. Go shoppingherself for a few hours. It would give her a chance to see Rose briefly, and in return Adam would bring Rose here the next Monday.
It sounded simple enough, but a gnawing hole in her stomach told her simple didn"t mean easy. She was going to hate leaving Sh.e.l.ly with her father. Not being there to see what he said and did.
What if, after a few visits, Sh.e.l.ly wasn"t happy to see her mom after the day spent with Daddy? What if she wanted tostay, and he encouraged her? What if Sh.e.l.ly always had to go there, because Rose was too shy to be left here?
Lynnsqueezed her eyes shut on a burning sensation and thought,what if Idie of loneliness, on one of those Mondays?
"Are we almost there?" Sh.e.l.ly"s neck stretched as she tried to peer ahead.
"I think so."Lynnglanced again at the directions and address that lay on the seat beside her. The neighborhood was reinforcing her worst fears. Adam Landry had money. Plenty of money.
What chance would she have if he took her on?
"There," she said, spotting the numbers on the mailbox. A paved driveway led onto wooded grounds. Rhododendrons grew under mature cedars and hemlocks and firs. She caught a glimpse of a tumbling stream and an arched stone bridge.
Money.