"But I still won"t let you have her."
Was that what he"d hoped? If so, he"d been a fool.
"We"re stuck with each other," he said.
"It would seem so." She sounded as conflicted as he felt.
Adam set down the knife for the second time. He held out his hand across the kitchen island. "Well, Ms.
Chanak , I suggest we make the best of it."
This smile, a twist of her lips, didn"t produce dimples or the tiny crinkle of lines on the bridge of her nose. Her gray-green eyes remained grave as she took his hand, her own small and fragile in his stronger grip. "You have a deal."
Somehow her hand lingered in his; somehow he was reluctant to let her go. Solidarity, he told himself. Relief. Maybe they could be friends.
"Tell you what," he said. "Why don"t you call the girls? This is a do-it-yourself pizza lunch, and I"m ready for everybody to make some hard decisions."
This smile was more natural, dimples and a curve of cheek as she started from the kitchen. "That kind of decision," she agreed, "I can make."
He didn"t have to wonder what she meant.
Chapter 6.
Despite their little talk, the next couple of visits were no easier. Rose definitely didn"t want Daddy to leave her, although she and Sh.e.l.ly had a grand time together so long as he stayed near. When he did leave, she cried inconsolably. Brave Sh.e.l.ly did somewhat better after that first time at theLandrys " house, but the third timeLynncame back, after an absence of five hours, only to be met at the door by a grim Adam.
His formerly pristine shirt was rumpled, rolled up at the sleeves and wet. His hair stood on end and an unpleasant odor wafted from him.
"Sh.e.l.ly"s throwing up," he said bluntly. "I was about ready to call the doctor."
"Oh, Lord." Panic, well out of proportion, surged through her.Lynnwhisked past him. "Where is she?"
"Lying down in Rose"s bed." Although she moved fast, he was right behind her. "She has a big bowl next to her. For what good it does."
Lynnpaused in the hall a few steps from Rose"s open bedroom door. "She missed?"
He made a sound in his throat. "She"s puked on the floor, Rose"s bed and me. Rose is crying because she"s scared. I think Sh.e.l.ly has a fever, but she doesn"t want me taking her temperature. I couldn"t give her anything to lower her temp anyway. It would just come right back up."
The panic had begun to subside. Or, more accurately, she had recognized it for what it was: guilt. Her little girl had needed her, and she wasn"t here.
"I wondered why she was so tired this morning,"Lynnsaid, remembering. "Her friend Laura has been sick."
"Now you tell me," Adam muttered.
She ignored him and went in to see her daughter. The girls had done some damage, she saw on the way. Puzzle pieces were jumbled on the floor and unkemptBarbies strewn as if a tornado had swept through the room. It almost looked normal for a child"s bedroom.
Rose curled, teary eyed, on the window seat. Face wan, Sh.e.l.ly lay in bed, looking so small and fragile and miserable thatLynn"s own eyes burned.
"Oh, sweetie!" She detoured to give Rose a quick kiss on the head and murmured, "Sh.e.l.ly will be okay. Don"t worry." Then she sat on the edge of the bed and laid the back of her hand on Sh.e.l.ly"s forehead. "You"re toaster hot. Gracious, you"ve had an awful day, haven"t you?"
Her daughter"s face crumpled. "Where were you?" she wailed. "I wanted you!"
Gathering Sh.e.l.ly into her arms,Lynnwhispered, "I know, I know. But Adam has taken good care of you,
hasn"t he?"
The three-year-old shook her head hard. "I wanna go home!"
Lynnglanced toward the doorway and saw the hurt in Adam"s eyes before he shuttered his expression.
Hugging and swaying,Lynnsaid softly, "I don"t know, sweet pea. The drive would be awful if you"re
throwing up."
"Don"t go!" Her daughter latched convulsively onto her.
In a friendly voice that gave away nothing of what he must be feeling, Adam said, "Why don"t you two
spend the night? Your mom can have a room down the hall, and you can either stay here in Rose"s bed,
or share with Mom."
Lynnhated the alternatives. How could she say no and subject poor Sh.e.l.ly to the long, winding drive home over theCoastRange? But to stay, when she at least must be unwelcome...
Of course, she had no choice. As, she thought grimly, she so rarely did these days. Of course, it was unreasonable to blame Adam, who must be chafing as much as she was at losing control over such a hunk of his life.
As much? Who was she kidding? He was a man. Men wanted and expected to be in charge. Oh, yeah. If she resented him sometimes, he was probably angry enough to hire a hit man to rid himself of her.
"Thank you." She was just as capable as he was at putting on a good front. "I think we"d probably better stay."
She carried Sh.e.l.ly down the hall, helped her into a borrowed nightgown and bathed her forehead while he changed the bedding. Rose shyly came to visit Sh.e.l.ly while Daddy took a shower.
"Are you gonnapook again?" she asked.
Sh.e.l.ly nodded vigorously and shot to a half-sitting position. "Mama?" she begged in a strangled voice.
Lynnpositioned the bowl in the nick of time. Rose watched wide-eyed. Heaven help them if this flu bug was a two-week affair instead of a twenty-four-hour quickie! Especially if or should she say, when Rose caught it.
Lynnwas helping Sh.e.l.ly rinse out her mouth when Adam appeared in the doorway. In faded sweatpants and T-shirt, hair wet and finger-combed, he was breathtakingly s.e.xy and a world more human than he usually seemed toLynn.
"Do you want me to call the doctor?" he asked.
Lynnshook her head. "Not unless she keeps heaving once she"s emptied her stomach. I take it they had lunch before she got sick?" Unfortunately, she could have itemized the menu.
"Yeah." His expression was sheepish. "They had macaroni and cheese, and hot dogs. Ice-cream bars. Oh, yeah. And Kool-Aid. Lots of lime Kool-Aid."
"I noticed," she said dryly.
Poor Sh.e.l.ly"s face was flushed, but her eyes had become heavy.Lynnclicked on a bedside lamp at its lowest setting and motioned to him to switch off the overhead light. When she glanced back, he and Rose were gone.
She sang softly, smoothing Sh.e.l.ly"s hair back from her hot forehead, until her daughter slept. Even then she sat there, just touched by lamplight in the dim room, thinking in despair,Howcan we keep doing this? What if she told him it just wasn"t working?
Yes, but how could she? She saw Rose, scared and sad, hugging herself on the window seat in that gorgeous bedroom that was still strangely sterile. Her face, always so serious. Her need to hold on tight to Daddy, because who else did she have?
Me. She has me,Lynn"s heart cried.
So, of course, she had no solution to the dilemma. Theyhad to keep doing this. It was noworse, she told herself, than what many parents subjected their children to after a divorce. As long as those children grew up knowing they were loved, they forgot about the weekends when they didn"t want to go to Daddy"s, or the summers when they were packed off to Mom"s. Love was what counted.
Lynnslipped out of the room, surprised, when she checked her watch, to find that it was seven-thirty. Sh.e.l.ly"s usual bedtime was eight, so no wonder after her wretched and exhausting afternoon that she was already sound asleep! m.u.f.fled by a wail,Lynnheard splashes of water, a giggle followed by a deeper voice.Bathtime. Maybe Rose had been "pookedon," too.
She left the door open a crack. Two steps down the hall,Lynnturned back for another look. Sh.e.l.ly hadn"t stirred. Fingers crossed that she stayed thatway,Lynnwent into Rose"s room and sat cross-legged on the floor, putting puzzles back together. How helpful, she mocked herself, and felt like a thirteen-year-old girl who just happened to be hanging out in front of a cute boy"s house.Oh, do you live here?
Well, d.a.m.n it, she wanted just once to tuck her daughter into bed! She closed her eyes briefly, imagining herself smoothing back Rose"s curls, kissing the freckles on her nose, whispering, "Sleep tight, don"t let the bedbugs bite," seeing a soft, sleepy smile light the face of this child she had carried for nine months.
Was that too much to ask?
Adam appeared with Rose in flowered flannel pajamas. For a moment, he hesitated,then nodded stiffly. "Thank you."
"No problem." Keeping her voice low,Lynnset the last completed puzzle on the pile.
"For some mysterious reason, Pansy here lost her appet.i.te. She doesn"t think she wants any dinner."
A sleepy chuckle as Adam settled her into bed. "Rose, Daddy! Not Pansy."
Lynnmade a face. "I think I lost my appet.i.te, too."
"And you didn"t eat the same thingsShel -" With a harrumph, he stopped. "Never mind. Rosebud, I"ll betLynnwould like to say good-night, too."
Oh, bless him!Instantly feeling kindlier,Lynnsaid, "I"d love to."
"Sleep well, honey." He kissed his daughter tenderly, carefully tucked blankets around her, and quietly left the room.
Lynnasked, "Do you have a night-light?"
"Daddy forgot to turn it on." Rose sounded puzzled. "Daddy never forgets."
Daddy had left her something useful to do. Grateful,Lynnturned on the bright porcelain light and then sat on the edge of the bed. "Sleep tight," she said softly. "Don"t let the bedbugs bite."
A small giggle rewarded her. ""kay."
Lynnlet herself feel the intense pain and delight she usually denied, the bone-deep connection to this child. She hungrily looked, and saw herself as she never would in Sh.e.l.ly, who might be prettier and who she loved unshakably, but who did not look back sleepily with Brian"s eyes, whose forehead didn"t have a curve as familiar as the ache in her heart.
Oh, G.o.d, she wondered,Am I as bad as Brian? Is pa.s.sing on my genes so important to me?
But, no, of course it wasn"t. She felt the same as she ever had about Sh.e.l.ly. What she had to accept was that she could so quickly also love a child she hadn"t known a month ago.
On a shaky breath, she bent and kissed her daughter"s forehead.
Rose accepted the kiss with equanimity. "Are you gonna sleep with Sh.e.l.ly?"
"Yep."
"Sometimes I sleep with Daddy," Rose confided.
"When Sh.e.l.ly gets scared, she sneaks into bed with me, too."
"Oh." Rose pondered. "Daddy says big girls sleep in their own beds."
"Well, I guess big girls do, but you"re not so big yet, are you? And even grown-ups get scared sometimes at night, if they hear a funny noise."
"Daddy doesn"t get scared."
Lynnknew for a fact that wasn"t true the idea of losing his Rosebud was enough to scare Daddy to death. But she only smiled and said, "I wish I didn"t." Then she kissed Rose again, this time on that small freckled nose. "Now, you go to sleep. Maybe Sh.e.l.ly will feel better in the morning and you two can play."
Rose smiled, sweet and shy. ""kay," she said again. "Night,Lynn."
Lynn"s heart swelled and her sinuses burned with the effort not to cry, but she kept smiling through them. "Good night," she murmured.
She left the door open six inches and the hall light on. Thank G.o.d, Adam wasn"t lurking outside the door. She needed a minute alone to wipe away the tears and convinceherself that it could be worse: she might never have known, never have found Rose.
A peek in the guest room a.s.sured her that Sh.e.l.ly still slept, her face flushed but her breathing even. Then, nerving herself,Lynnwent downstairs.
She found Adam in the kitchen. He glanced up, taking in far more than she wanted him to see with one sweep of his sharp gaze. But he only asked, "Sh.e.l.ly still asleep?"