Until then, every waking moment would be uncertain.
Was that what he wanted? Not so much her body as rea.s.surance?
h.e.l.l, no, he thought, letting his gaze sweep once over her, from that mane of unruly hair to slender bare
feet. He wanted both. Her body beneathhis, and her trust held out on an open palm.
Neither could be coerced.
"Okay." Adam made his voice deliberately soothing. "You need to feel as if you"re earning your way. I
don"t have a problem with that. And I"m really not trying to push you into anything. Until Sh.e.l.ly and Rose start kindergarten, we can probably go on this way. I"m just, uh, not looking forward to you and Sh.e.l.ly packing up Thursday. We feel like a family when we"re together."
Their eyes met and she smiled with dawning warmth, although her mouth was tremulous. "We do, don"t we?" Then come to me, he thought.Blush. Say, "I think it"s time we take the next step." "Good night, Adam," she murmured, and left the room.
He had to grit his teeth to keep from stumbling to his feet and begging,Don"tgo.
Maybe he would have noticed her, if under completely different circ.u.mstances he"d wandered into her bookstore. Heard her soft laugh and been tempted by her hair before she turned to face him. Seen a blush turn her cheeks to wild roses as her lovely, cool eyes met his.
Groaning, Adam tried to remember Jennifer, the way she"d looked up through her lashes, the coy tilt of her head, her throaty laugh, her sultry mouth, but it was all just words, fleeting impressions. Lynn was real, vivid,here .
Jennifer was a long-lost dream.
Even Sh.e.l.ly no longer reminded him of her mother. He knew objectively that they looked alike, but his little girl had so much personality of her own that only her cheerful, endless chatter and her boldness recalled Jennifer. Perhaps when Sh.e.l.ly was a teenager she would bat her eyes and smile with deliberate, mysterious purpose. But for now ... h.e.l.l, for now she had Lynn"s directness and the sweetness of a much loved child.
Not Jennifer"s hunger for attention.
Now, where had that idea come from?he wondered, frowning, but knowing it was true. His Jenny had wanted always to be the center of attention. Her own company was never enough.
Adam swore aloud. He"d loved his wife, and she was dead. Why all the a.n.a.lysis now?
So he could justify letting Lynn walk into Jennifer"s place? Not just in his home and bed, but in his heart?
No!he thought, on a shattering wave of remembrance too vivid. Suddenly he did see his Jenny, still and warm, but gone, her life an illusion given by machines.
Adam buried his face in his hands and yanked at his hair. Remember her alive!hetold himself fiercely. Remember her generous sensuality, her quirky sense of humor, her lively mind and effortless ability to make whatever she touched beautiful. Her flower arrangements he seized on the memory. He used to think they were like her, careless and artful at the same time.
He couldn"t let her go. Not so easily. Not so quickly.
He could give Lynn everything but his heart.
Chapter 12.
Every time she heard a car engine,Lynnwent to the kitchen window. No Adam.
For the first time, she"d left Sh.e.l.ly with Adam and Rose, coming home to open the bookstore all by herself. The quiet drive had been an unexpected pleasure. She was so rarely alone to let her thoughts drift aimlessly, to listen toBizet"sCarmen instead ofSesame Street songs. But that was two days and a night ago. Now she missed her family terribly.
She glanced at the clock for the twentieth time. Dark had come hours ago. Front and back porch lights were beacons in the night the strong beam of a lighthouse calling them home, Lynn thought fancifully.
Thursday evening she"d read a murder mystery, not had dinner until nine o"clock and then eaten an entire pint of mint-chocolate-chip ice cream, feeling decadent the whole time. Tonight she used her energy and anxiety to clean. Floors and sinks shone, and she"d moved every piece of furniture so that not even one dust bunny escaped her.
At eight-thirty, half an hour after his usual time, she heard the deep, throaty murmur of Adam"s Lexus and the crunch of gravel under the tires.
With a rush of pleasure, Lynn dropped a handful of forks she"d been rearranging the silverware drawer and hurried to the door. Footsteps clattered on the outside stairs. Little-girl voices called, "Mommy! We"re home!"
Opening the door, Lynn scooped to s.n.a.t.c.h first Sh.e.l.ly, then Rose up into her arms for huge hugs. They felt so solid, smelled so sweet, and she didn"t know how she had been able to endure two days without them.
Below, the car door slammed again in the darkness, and Adam came into the circle of porch light and started up the rickety staircase, burdened by a duffel bag and ... was that a hula hoop? She hadn"t seen one in years.
Sh.e.l.ly didn"t like the fact that Mommy"s attention had wandered for even a moment. Tugging on Lynn"s hand, she did a little dance. "Mommy, I went to school with Rose! We learned to write letters! Didn"t we, Rose? And how to count in ... well, the way somebody else talks. I don"t remember who. You wanna hear me?Uno, dos,tres ," she enunciated with earnest care. "Rose knows how, too. Don"t you, Rose?"
"Course I do," Rose declared with the air of a big kid."Uno,dos,tres.See? And Teacher said I know my colors. My shirt is orange. Isn"t it, Mommy?"
"Mine is purple," Sh.e.l.ly said importantly. "I know my colors, too, Mommy."
"I know you do, sweetie. And very well, too."
The hula hoop slung over Adam"s shoulder rolled off and bounced down the stairs. He mumbled something not meant for three-year-old ears, dropped the duffel bag on the landing and chased after the neon-green plastic hoop.
The girls turned to watch, giggling in merriment. "Grandma gave us one a" those," Sh.e.l.ly explained. "A hoo ...hoo ..." Her lips pursed in a perfect circle. "Hoo..."
"Hula hoop," Lynn supplied.
Grinning ruefully, Adam started back up the stairs.
"Hoo-hoop. She said she played with one whenshe was a girl. She wriggled. Like this." Sh.e.l.ly swiveled her hips so hard she fell down laughing.
Rose, of course, had to demonstrate and tumble theatrically amid more giggles.
"Grandma must have looked very funny," Lynn said, trying to imagine the pet.i.te, elegant woman waggling her hips like a Hawaiian dancer. Now, that she would have liked to see.
A small cloud stilled Sh.e.l.ly"s laughter. "I can"t make thehoo -hoop work."
"Daddy says we don"tgot no hips," Rose agreed.
"Have any," Lynn corrected automatically.
Daddy rolled the hula hop into the house. "Here it stays," he said firmly.
Losing interest in it and Mom, Sh.e.l.ly popped to her feet. "Let"s go play," she commanded.
"Okay," Rose said happily.
They raced down the hall, rattling pictures on the wall, and flung open the door to their bedroom.
Lynn frowned, a new worry niggling. "I hope Rose doesn"t get too used to going along with Sh.e.l.ly. Does it seem to you as if..."
Flowers appeared under her nose. "Happy anniversary," Adam said huskily.
Her wondering eyes took in roses and huge fragrant lilies and a scattering of tiny white bridal wreath. She breathed in the glorious scent and then looked up in astonishment at her husband"s face.
"Anniversary?"
"One month," he said gravely. "Today."
The paper cone crackled as she took the bouquet from him and cradled it. "Thank you." She sounded and felt absurdly shy.
"A kiss might be appropriate." He wasn"t smiling, to suggest that he was kidding; he just stood there squarely less than a foot away and waited.
Did he mean it? Heat blossomed in her cheeks and her pulse sprinted. She"d known this was coming. She"d seen in his eyes that he was thinking about her that way. As a woman. She wanted him to. She"d just had no idea in the world how to hint that she wouldn"t mind if he did kiss her.
But did he have to leave it up to her?
Maybe he was trying to give her an out, if she really detested the idea. He was being a gentleman.
As stuffily as Miss Manners,Lynnadmitted, "A kiss would be one polite way to thank you."
"Then?"
Taking a breath and hugging the flowers to her breast, she rose on tiptoe to give him a quick peck.
It didn"t work that way. He bent his head to meet her halfway. Their mouths touched and a shiver skidded down her spine. Somehow he came to be gripping her upper arms. The heavy scent of lilies rose from between them, thickening the air. His lips teased hers apart,then hardened. She heard a groan and the kiss deepened, but...
"Mommy!" Feet thundered down the short hall behind her.
Lynnjerked away, her heart hammering and her face so hot it must be the color of a lobster. "Yes? What is it?"
"Mommy, where"s flowerblankie ?" Sh.e.l.ly asked with a hint of anxiety. The faded, warn flannel crib blanket was rarely far from Sh.e.l.ly. Her mind cloudy,Lynncouldn"t look at Adam. "Did you take it to Adam"s house?" Sh.e.l.ly"s brown eyes widened and her mouth formed an O. "I forgot it," she whispered, and then her face scrunched miserably as tears formed. "I want my flowerblankie !" she wailed.
Lynncrouched to hug her. "It"s not in the bag?"
"This is all clothes," Adam said. "I"m sorry. It"s my fault. I should have checked."
"You know, your blanket is fine in your bedroom at Adam"s house. It"ll be waiting for you Sunday night."
"I want it now!" Sh.e.l.ly screamed. "Daddy can go get myblankie ."
"Honey, it would take him all night."Lynnknew darn well that reason wouldn"t forestall what was coming.
But she had to try, didn"t she? "You can do without it for three days."
Sobbing, the three-year-old flung herself onto the floor and drummed her heels.Lynnsighed, remembering last night"s peace and quiet. Ah, well. She was glad Sh.e.l.ly was home, even if she was screaming and turning purple.
Rose never threw temper tantrums. She stood now halfway down the hall, her thumb in her mouth and her face a study in worry and perplexity.
It tookLynnhalf an hour to calm her distraught daughter. Adam and Rose settled in as Sh.e.l.ly sobbed, hiccuped, and finally burrowed in her mother"s arms for a few minutes of comfort and resignation.
"Do you feel better now?"Lynnasked. They were alone in the living room, cuddled in the depths of the new sofa.
Sh.e.l.ly nodded against her breast.
"Do you want to get ready for bed now?"
Asniff, and Sh.e.l.ly"s head b.u.mpedLynn"s chest as she nodded again.
"Okay. Up we go."
On the way down the hallLynncaught a glimpse of Adam and Rose sitting at the kitchen table sipping from mugs of cocoa with marshmallows floating atop. Fortunately, Sh.e.l.ly didn"t see.
Teeth brushed, in her nightgown, Sh.e.l.ly finally remembered that she shouldn"t be the only one who had to go to bed. "Where"s Rose?" she demanded.
"She"ll be along in a few minutes."Lynnran the brush through her small daughter"s thick mink-brown hair, so unlike her own. "I bet she took a longer nap than you did today, huh?"
"Sheslept on the way. I wasn"t sleepy."
"I think she"ll be ready for bed pretty soon. Now, let"s tuck you in." She plopped Sh.e.l.ly down on the bed and kissed her. "I missed you,punkin ."
Sh.e.l.ly"s eyes watered again. "I missed you, too. I wantedyou to kiss meg"night . Only you weren"t there," she accused.
"No, but your daddy was."Lynnkissed the snub nose. "And it sounds as if you mostly had fun staying with Rose and Daddy."
They chatted about preschool, andLynnfelt an easing inside of some tension she hardly knew had been there. The possibility of losing Sh.e.l.ly terrified her still. What if she hadn"t been missed at all?
At Sh.e.l.ly"s sleepy requestLynnleft on the lamp beside the bed and slipped quietly out. In the kitchen, Adam smiled at her.