Why Harem Intrigue When You Can Just Raise A Dog Instead

Ten days had pa.s.sed since Qian"qing Palace was stolen from. The previous Provincial Commander Luo of the Nine Gates was unable to find any clues, let alone catch the criminals. Being one of the Emperor"s close confidants, he thought that the Emperor would extend his deadline by a few days. Who knew that the deadline when arrived, the Emperor would demote him, going so far as to put him under house arrest for half a year to reflect on his wrongs.

The Provincial Commander of the Nine Gates was a first-ranked military post responsible for the entire capital"s defences. With its high rank and large amount of real power, it was a position that could make anyone"s eyes burn with jealousy.

After Imperial Tutor Shen and Left Chancellor Li"s two factions battled it out using both overt and covert means, this position fell into the hands of the previous Xi"an Great General, Minister Rong. Minister Rong was a relative of Left Chancellor Li, marrying Chancellor Li"s princ.i.p.al wife"s full-blooded little sister through the main line [1]. For the matter of the capital"s defences, it could be considered that Minister Li had it in the bag, while Imperial Tutor Shen"s calculations fell short.

Even though Meng Sangyu had not left the palace for some time, the Meng family"s connections were not to be sniffed at. Whether it was news from the Imperial Court or the Inner Palace, she was always one of the first to know, even bringing A"Bao with her to listen.

The capital"s defences falling was within his calculations, but Emperor Zhou"wu was still angry, his mounting fury multiplying by the minute. At the same time, he secretly congratulated himself. The city defences falling into Chancellor Li"s hands was undoubtedly better than it pa.s.sing to Imperial Tutor Shen. Besides the post of the Commander of the Nine Gates, one still needed to control the imperial guards and forbidden dragon guards to successfully become a figurehead ruler. How many fierce battles did these two still need to fight?

Even though he knew that the two factions still needed to fight it out, Emperor Zhou"wu wasn"t willing to wait anymore. He must quickly contact Yan Jun"wei [2] and find a way to get back to his human body, otherwise the situation at Court would be difficult to repair.

That day, taking advantage of the fact that Meng Sangyu was napping, and that Bi"shui, Yin"cui, and Nurse Feng were huddling in the side hall chatting away, he deftly entered the study, leapt on top of the stool, and then climbed onto the desk where he took out a sheet of paper and prepared to write Yan Jun"wei a note.

Thinking about it for some time, he wrote:

Zi Heng,

Send for an esteemed Taoist Monk on Our behalf to summon Our spirit [3], then send people to protect the Virtuous Consort. If We do not regain consciousness, escort the Virtuous Consort safely to Duke of Protection Meng"s side.

From,
Han"hai

‘Zi Heng" and ‘Han"hai" were names that the Late Emperor bestowed them, respectively. Other than the Late Emperor and themselves, no one else knew about it. Using this form of address, Yan Jun"wei will definitely take this note seriously once he sees it. He considered this thoughtfully while doing his utmost to control his paws so that the words would come out legibly. Too bad A"Bao"s brain capacity was not enough, nor were his paws any match for a few strokes of a brush pen. The words appeared shapeless and twisted, the parts with complicated strokes almost illegible. Each and every black blob seriously didn"t look right.

After writing several drafts, he finally produced one that was half-decent. Emperor Zhou"wu swiftly used his paws to fold the letter, putting it into the little pocket on the front of his dog sweater. Thankfully Meng Sangyu treated him like a human, going to the trouble of making him clothes. Otherwise, he would have nowhere to hide the note and would be forced to put it directly in his mouth. His saliva would soak the paper, rendering his writing illegible and wasting his hard work.

After dumping the other papers into the ink water and watching the words blur into unreadable blots of ink, only then did he hop off the desk, feeling comfortable enough to leave the room.

The closest entrance to the secret pa.s.sage was in the Imperial Garden, a distance of 700m from Bi"xiao Palace. Since his body was much stronger and the imperially-bestowed dog tag rested on his neck, Emperor Zhou"wu"s trip this time was very smooth. Seeing that there was no one around, he slipped through and entered a fake mountain. The path inside the fake mountain was very long and dark. Walking to the end of the path, he used his paws to move a cobblestone on the ground. Normally, he would only have to lightly step on it to open the mechanism, but today he used his whole body, taking a quarter of an hour to open it. Emperor Zhou"wu shook his aching paws and swiftly entered the slowly-opening tunnel.

The temperature inside the tunnel was very low. Every time a breeze blew past him, he felt a bone-piercing chill. A dense white fog spouted from his nose. Emperor Zhou"wu shivered, grateful once again that Sangyu made him a close-fitting jacket that could block out the cold. Thinking of Sangyu, his heart warmed and Emperor Zhou"wu composed himself. Sticking close to the foot of the tunnel"s wall, he walked a few steps while searching for the notch the hidden guards used to transmit messages and gather intelligence.

This kind of notch was mounted in between the bricks on the wall. As long as one put the gathered information or message to be transmitted inside the notch, the air currents would carry the rolled up paper and deposit it into the small box at the end of the mechanism. The only one who has the key to the box is Yan Junwei. Every day he would open the box and sort through the intelligence at a designated time, selecting important news to report to Us.

Now that We are in a coma, We can only hope that Yan Junwei still retains this habit. Lost in his thoughts, Emperor Zhou"wu"s squishy paws probed about for the hidden notch at the base of the wall. A faint cold breeze pa.s.sed through the notch, its powerful force sc.r.a.ping painfully against his fleshy paws. It"s here!

Emperor Zhou"wu"s eyes lit up. He pushed the slip of paper out of the pocket in his jacket, stepping on it to shape it into a thin roll of paper before stuffing it into the hidden notch. Once he put it in, he could hear the whistling sound of a strong wind as it carried the note away.

And who knows if he ripped the note? Not having hands is really inconvenient! Emperor Zhou"wu stood in place shaking his head before returning along the path he came. People usually only notice things at their eye level. Above their head and under their feet are the two easiest places to overlook. Since he took this into account, the secret pa.s.sage"s mechanisms were mostly installed overhead or underfoot. They would be easy to overlook if one did not search carefully. Previously Emperor Zhou"wu even felt like it was a bother. Now, he rejoiced that the mechanism was set up this way. If the mechanism was installed at the level of an average person"s height, he would definitely be unable to reach it in his current form as A"Bao.

Pressing down with the weight of his entire body on a particular stone brick, he waited for the tunnel entrance to open and deftly pa.s.sed through. Once outside, he pressed the mechanism again to seal the tunnel. Making sure that there was no one around the fake mountain, he swiftly darted out of the path, running quickly toward Bi"xiao Palace.

All of his actions took about an hour. Sanyu will wake up soon. If she wakes up and doesn"t see Us, she will be worried. Emperor Zhou"wu was anxious to return.

Rushing into Bi"xiao Palace, Bi"shui"s group was still chatting away in the side room. Surprisingly, no one noticed his disappearance. Emperor Zhou"wu let out a sigh of relief as he hastened towards Meng Sangyu"s bedroom. Crossing the threshold, he ran to the side of the divan in two or three steps. Seeing Meng Sangyu"s tranquil features and inhaling her sleeping scent, he faintly smiled, his little paws reaching up to clamber into her embrace.

Catching sight of his dirty paws on the deep purple sheets, he froze, quickly ceasing all movement. Too bad it was already too late. The pristine sheet already had two black plum blossom stamps [paw prints]. They were extremely unsightly.

Emperor Zhou"wu hung his head and growled, promptly deciding to head to the side hall. He remembered that there was a pot of water [4] on top of the Eight Immortals table [5] inside the side hall that was perfect for him to use to tidy himself up. Using the stool, he climbed onto the Eight Immortals table. He used his paws to remove the lid of the teapot, moistened his paws, and began to wash off the ink and dust that covered them. Afterwards, he used his tongue to lick his fur and made sure that his appearance was neat and tidy to avoid Sangyu"s distaste. (TL: lol just like a cat!)

Finished with his grooming, he realized what he had done. Heavens! An awe-inspiring Emperor like himself was grooming himself?! Just to please his master? He really became a pet! His heart was very torn but his licking didn"t stop in the slightest. Sangyu was still sleeping. When she wakes up and doesn"t see Us, she will be so worried!

“Here you are, A"Bao. You"re playing with water, I see. Quick, go inform her Ladyship so that she doesn"t worry.” Outside the chamber, Yin"cui peered in to see A"Bao sitting on the table. He gently hopped down with a nervous expression as she called to Bi"shui on the opposite side of the room.

Bi"shui made a sound of acknowledgement and rushed back to report the situation. It looks like Meng Sangyu was already awake.

“What are you doing, A"Bao?” inquired Yin"cui as she walked to the table smiling. Seeing A"Bao"s testained fur and disorderly state, her eyebrows lifted in surprise. “A"Bao, you naughty thing. You snuck out to play again! Look how filthy you are! The little jacket we just put on for you is all gray! Come, I"ll take you to clean up before sending you to see Her Ladyship!”

Saying thus, she reached out her hands preparing to hug A"Bao who was sitting on the table. (TL: Author"s mistake? They wrote that he hopped off the table earlier but now he"s on the table again. -shrug-)

Emperor Zhou"wu was not used to being hugged by a woman for a long time. That would be hurt his dignity as an Emperor. Of course, Sangyu was an exception. He avoided Yin"cui"s hands, hopping off the table himself and ran to the doorway to wait for her.

Yin"cui laughed while shaking her head, taking A"Bao to go wash up.

Inside the bedchamber, upon hearing Yin"cui"s message sent by a maid, Meng Sangyu laughed heartily while pointing at her bedsheet, “A"Bao, this little rascal! He still thinks that I don"t know that he secretly ran outside. Look, this is evidence! And I don"t even know what he was up to. These paw prints are so dark…”

Bi"shui looked at the two black paw prints and covered her mouth to hide her smile.

Nurse Feng couldn"t help but find the whole situation ridiculous. She called out for a few maids to come and help their master change the sheets.

Meng Sangyu turned to sit on the soft divan by the window. Seeing the flowers soaking up the sun in the garden, a warm feeling washed over her, making her body feel hot and soft [6]*. She removed her hairpins, loosened her hair and took off her robe. Pointing to a crystal bottle on her dressing table, she sluggishly said, “It"s been a long time since I last relaxed my muscles. Bi"shui, come give me a ma.s.sage. Use pressure.”

“Yes.” Bi"shui smiled as she agreed. She carefully washed both hands, unscrewed the crystal bottle cap, and poured some rose essential oil into the palm of one hand, pressing both together to warm it up. Seeing that her master had already stripped bare, she walked over and began to ma.s.sage her white flesh.

Nurse Feng quickly walked over to the window and shut it tightly so that the cold air would not disturb her master.

An hour later, A"Bao was neat and tidy. The fur on his body was wiped dry with a handkerchief and he was changed into a new outfit. He eagerly ran towards the bedroom followed by a panting Yin"cui. Arriving nearby, he saw that the windows were closed and became suspicious. Hearing the moans coming from inside, his whole body stiffened. Nng~ Aah~

These sounds were too ambiguous, too alluring, inviting one to fantasize. He couldn"t stop his thoughts from heading in that direction. Just who is inside? Who is making Sangyu let out such sensual moans? His black eyes filled with an icy killing intent, his nose wrinkled as he prepared to malevolently howl.

“Your Ladyship, is this enough pressure?” Bi"shui asked in a low voice.

“Use more force! Mmm, Nng…… Just like that. It"s so comfortable!” Meng Sangyu"s low and rough voice was filled with hard to conceal pleasure.

Sangyu and Bi"shui? Lesbians? [7] No wonder she doesn"t spare a glance for Us. No wonder she treats Bi"shui and Yin"cui with such favour. So that"s how it is! We didn"t expect that Our love rival was actually women! Burning jealousy raged in his heart. Emperor Zhou"wu practically lost all reason. Furiously barking, he rushed towards the door, scratching at it in a frenzy with his paws.

“Ah, I"m on my way. Stop barking, my little ancestor! Your throat isn"t fully healed yet!” Nurse Feng heard the noise and hurriedly opened the chamber doors. A"Bao was like a cannonball as he sped inside, charging straight for the divan. Seeing the situation inside, he was stunned into a daze.

Catching sight of the woman"s naked body lying on her stomach on the divan, her perfectly round half-moon shaped mounds pressed against the cotton mattress into exquisitely captivating shapes, the graceful curve of her back, her perky, plump and smooth b.u.t.tocks, her perfectly straight and slender legs – every part was as if Heaven took all of a woman"s soft, graceful, and charming features and thoroughly combined them into the most elaborate masterpiece.

Bi"shui stood beside the divan, exerting pressure to ma.s.sage that perfect body. A strong flowery scent a.s.saulted his nostrils, causing a dizzy spell. Its pure white skin was covered in a layer of oil that glistened and glimmered, attracting one"s attention like it was a magnet.

This tableau was indeed erotic, though not like what We imagined. Emperor Zhou"wu"s frenetic raging jealousy extinguished. His mouth was agape as he stood beside the divan in a daze. Saliva dripped from the corners of his mouth to form a small puddle on the floor.

Meng Sangyu smiled as she reached out to scratch under A"Bao"s jaw. She jokingly asked, “What are you staring at? Stuck in a daze, are we? Your saliva is even dripping out! You perverted puppy!”

His cheeks instantly turned red. If he stayed any longer, even his fur will burn up! Emperor Zhou"wu whimpered, turning tail and rushing out of the chamber. Meng Sangyu"s pealing laughter could be heard behind him, urging him to hastily disappear. Too shameful! Watching his own woman to the point of drooling! Heavenly Deity! We beg you to return Our soul to Our body! Let Us properly hug Sangyu!

………………………

The Author has something to say: Since the internet is shoddy, to reply to some messages the little chrysanthemum [loading circle?] has to turn for 30 minutes. I"ll just explain here.

Many dear [readers] have strong opinions regarding the male lead. I can only say that my original intention for writing this work was to change these sc.u.mbags [by] teaching the dog Emperor [a lesson]. He possesses all the common faults of an Emperor: Conceit, selfishness, acting arbitrarily, and being inconsistent in love. Because he is such a sc.u.mbag, this work came into being. Earlier he was a sc.u.mbag and later he becomes such a loyal dog. That"s why please don"t ask me to change the male lead. If I change him, I won"t know what to write about.

As for many readers" comments regarding problems with the Emperor"s IQ [reasoning and problem-solving abilities], here are my thoughts. From being a high and mighty Emperor to suddenly becoming a lowly pet, this kind of gap in mentality would undoubtedly be very large. In the palace, any lowly eunuch or maid could randomly trample him to death. If he didn"t have Sangyu"s protection, he wouldn"t live long. If he encountered other imperial concubines, they would play with him. If he didn"t suck up to them or curry favour with them, they would just stop giving him food. If they were in a bad mood, they might even take pins and stab him with them. As a dog, what can he do? Being betrayed by his own woman and esteemed teacher, being mercilessly beaten by his own children, being cuckolded, struggling at death"s door several times – if he could still come out of this smiling without feeling sorrow, anger, or not pacing back and forth as he loses his mind, he wouldn"t be an Emperor, but a Diety. Speaking honestly, in the end, an Emperor is still human. They were raised in comfort and enjoy a high position. If one removed their dragon robe, seized their power, and knocked them down to society"s lowest position, I"m afraid that their capacity to live would be worse than an average person. It"s not that the dog Emperor doesn"t have IQ, he just doesn"t have the opportunity to use it. Wait until he regains his power, then he won"t be as hopelessly stupid and good-for-nothing as he is right now. (Okay, I admit it. His EQ [emotional intelligence] is, in fact, a bit lower. Emperors in general usually don"t understand love.)

Seeing many comments punishing the dog emperor over the last few days, to be honest, it was very depressing. [I] suddenly felt exhausted. Thankfully there were many readers who supported me so that I didn"t take a sword and castrate myself. This work will definitely improve. The later part will be very sweet and filled with love. If you want to see the dog Emperor struggle or see Sangyu obtain happiness, it will satisfy you all.

P.S.: There are two questions to explain. One is about why n.o.ble Consort Li can give birth, but why Sangyu can"t. n.o.ble Consort Li was promoted in order to control the Empress. Chancellor Li was also gradually given more power in the conflict with the Empress" clan. He is a civil official and his life and death are in the Emperor"s grasp. The Emperor can give n.o.ble Consort Li children so that the Li Family has a reason to care, spurring them on so that they have no choice but to fight. However, Sangyu is different. Sangyu"s father controls a mighty army. He can raise a call to arms and gather the ma.s.ses together. The Emperor basically has no control over him. Being caught in the middle of domestic disturbances and the threat of a foreign invasion, he can"t get rid of him. Therefore, he cannot allow Sangyu to give birth, lest he raise the hopes of the Meng family to extravagant heights. Also, this matter relates to the issue of the dog Emperor"s life experience. Later chapters will mention it.

Also, regarding the issue of the dog Emperor having too many children, I definitely feel like it is very normal for this setting. What Emperor does not have broods of children? Unless I give Sangyu a big golden finger [Author power?] and made it so that the dog Emperor is impotent or sterile before falling in love with Sangyu, he undoubtedly would have had children.

You wanted me to kill off a few. I wanted to denounce your ruthless, callous, deliberate troublemaking. As a result, I looked back at who survived. My goodness! I killed off one, demoralized another, and there were also two who were poisoned. Only the Eldest Prince and Third Princess are still okay (See to remember who these children"s parents are). Since everything was mentioned in pa.s.sing, I actually forgot about these events. As expected, it seems that I am the most ruthless, unfeeling, troublemaking one. I"m wiping sweat. [>_>;; face]

[1] Ancient Chinese families were polygamous with one main/princ.i.p.al wife and however many concubines. The princ.i.p.al wife"s children are considered the main line or 嫡 (di2), while any children of concubines are considered 庶 (shu4) children. Children of concubines need to call the main wife “Mother” but they have less status. Usually, only children from the main bloodline would be married to someone with a higher position so here I"m a.s.suming that Chancellor Li"s wife and Minister Rong"s wife are full-blooded sisters since their husbands are pretty powerful.

[2] The leader of the hidden guards. See .

[3] 招魂 here means to call back the dead (person"s soul). Since ZW is in a coma, I thought “summon the spirit” would be more appropriate.

[4] Usually a pot of tea or boiled water for tea. It"s important to stay hydrated!

[5] 八仙桌 Eight Immortals Table – an old-fashioned square table seating eight

If you also watch ancient Chinese dramas, they"re the typical table you might see in a restaurant or common family home.

[6]* The original translation (or at least my understanding of it) would be: “Seeing the earthworms baking abundantly in the sun caused a warm feeling that made one"s body feel hot and soft.” OR “Seeing the dragon in the hall glow from the sunlight caused a warm feeling that made one"s body feel hot and soft.”

The first one doesn"t sound very pleasing and I"m unsure about the second so I took some liberties and changed the sentence.

Here is the original Chinese: 见殿内地龙烧的很旺，热烘烘的让人浑身发软。

Let me know your thoughts on this!

[7] 磨镜 Literally “Grinding the mirror” is an ancient euphemism for lesbians referencing the way they make love. Since they have the same body structure, it"s as if a mirror is placed in the middle.

Happy 2020 everyone! Also, Happy Lunar New Year for those who celebrate~ It"s the Year of the Rat. I hope your year is filled with happiness, success, and of course, novels to read!

Updates: Some of you were wondering whether I had dropped the novel because of the long delay between chapters. I have not! I realize that I will probably release chapters much slower than the average translator. I have a lot of irl things going on so I can"t commit to a regular schedule. Sorry for not communicating that properly! (>_

If you"re ever wondering about translation progress, I added an [Updates] section to the sidebar of the website. I try to translate a few paragraphs each day. Hmm maybe putting a percentage would be more accurate? ^^; Anyways, if you"re ever in doubt, please check there! I will try my best to update it frequently!

Also, feel free to reach out to me on NU or even here via a comment or an email. I"ll try to reply as soon as possible.

Questions for you (and any translators out there!)

I translated the author"s comments because I felt that their explanations were insightful. Please let me know what you think in the comments!

Last but not least, thank you for all the encouragement! They really brighten my day and motivate me to translate, even if it"s only a few paragraphs at a time. I will do my best to bring you quality translations!