LUCY
[_with match-making ardor_]
No wonder, dear, he has never seen you except in that awful ap.r.o.n. But those stunning dinner gowns John bought you in Paris! My dear, in evening dress you are quite irresistible!
JUDGE
[_apart to THEODORE_]
Irresistible? Pink parasols. What a system!
HELEN
But you see, I don"t _want_ him to ask me. I"ve had all I could do to keep him from it.
[_The family seems perplexed._
JOHN
She"s got _some_ sense left.
LUCY
But suppose he did ask you, dear?
HELEN
Why, I"d simply refer the matter to John, of course. If John said, "Love him," I"d love him; if John said, "Don"t love him," I"d turn it off like electric light.
[_The family is becoming exasperated._
LUCY
[_insinuating_]
Oh, you can"t deceive us. We know how much you admire him, Helen.
HELEN
Oh, no you don"t! [_The family is amazed._] Not even he does. Did you ever hear how he risked his life in battle down in Cuba? Why, he"s a perfect hero of romance!
JOHN
[_mutters_]
Never even saw a war--mollycoddle germ killer!
HELEN
Not in the war with Spain--the war against yellow fever, John.... No drums to make him brave, no correspondents to make him famous--he merely rolled up his sleeve and let an innocent-looking mosquito bite him. Then took notes on his symptoms till he became delirious.... He happened to be among those who recovered.
[_The family is impressed._
THEODORE
Old-fashioned maidens used to marry their heroes, Helen.
HELEN
[_arising, briskly_]
But this new-fashioned hero gets only two thousand dollars a year, Theodore.
[_She turns to escape._
JOHN
[_nodding_]
I told you she had sense.
THEODORE
Helen! You selfish, too? Why, Mary and I married on half that, didn"t we, John?
[_He looks around. The family looks away._
HELEN
[_with unintended emphasis_]
Doctor Hamilton needs every cent of that enormous salary--books, travel, scientific conferences--all the advantages he simply must have if he"s to keep at the top and do his best work for the world. The most selfish thing a girl can do is to marry a poor man.
[_With that she hurries up the steps._