LUCY
Yes, the musicians are to be stationed in the library.
JUDGE
Excellent, excellent. [_Indicates tables and festoons._] All that junk will help, too. A good Sunday supper this evening, Lucy; your best champagne, John--gay spirits, family affection, warm approval, toasts to the future. Why, all we"ll have to do is--[_Breaks off._] Here they come. Now follow my lead. They"ve done a lot of thinking since you saw them last, but--make one misstep and it"s all off.
LUCY
Be nice to her, John. It was just a girlish impulse.
[_JOHN opens arms to receive HELEN._
JOHN
My sister! All is forgiven.
HELEN
[_stops short, her lip curls_]
_You_ forgive _me_?
[_Before JOHN can reply, THEODORE and ERNEST follow, talking._
ERNEST
But I tell you he had a perfect right to put me off his property. The thing I can"t overlook--[_Sees JOHN and LUCY. Points finger at them accusingly._] Theodore has told me what you thought.... Please don"t judge us by yourselves again--you licentious-minded married people!
[_He shrugs his shoulders with fastidious disgust and turns his back upon them._
JOHN
[_gasping_]
Well, I"ll be d.a.m.ned.
JUDGE
[_whispers_]
Stand for it--he"s right.
THEODORE
But Ernest ... I"m bound to say when two people run away together----
ERNEST
Ah, Theodore! you, too? Are all married people alike? Did we want to "run away" as you call it? Did we not ask for a week to think it over?
Did we not stipulate that in any case we must frankly face the family first? But this person--what did he do? he ordered us off his property, like trespa.s.sers! What could we do? Sit down in the road and wait a week? Bah! we went home--you suspicious married people, you hypocritical, unspeakable married people! [_JUDGE has difficulty in restraining JOHN._] Why, I believe our good friend the Judge here is the only decent-minded, properly married person on your property.
JOHN
[_bursting out_]
Decent-minded--why, he"s div----
[_LUCY stops him._
JUDGE
[_steps in_]
Dev-oted to his wife. Lucy is jealous of what I"m doing for my wife.
[_Controls laughter._] Now come, we must all just let bygones be bygones. We know your intentions are honorable, your courage admirable; and for whatever was amiss in word, deed, or thought, we all humbly apologize--don"t we, John? [_JOHN bows uncomfortably._] Lucy? Theodore?
And now I want you all to tell Ernest and Helen what you told me--that their arguments against marriage are unanswerable, their logic unimpeachable, and we no longer have the slightest intention or desire to get them divorced by matrimony. [_JOHN, THEODORE, and LUCY look dubious. JUDGE crosses over and pinches them. HELEN and ERNEST are utterly bewildered._] Why, we wouldn"t let a little thing like marriage come between them for the world, would we, John? would we, Lucy? would we, Theodore?
JOHN
[_with an effort_]
I agree with Uncle Everett entirely.
JUDGE
And you, Theodore?
THEODORE
[_in a low voice_]
Perfectly.