[_resumes fanning_]
Discussing the marriage problem. [_General rejoicing and relief._] Sssh!
Not so loud, you might interrupt them.
JOHN
[_nodding knowingly_]
Cold feet! Knew he"d lose his job.
LUCY
The disgrace. She couldn"t face it.
THEODORE
No, conscience. A deep religious nature.
[_They all think it over a moment, each sure of his own diagnosis._
JOHN
[_turning to JUDGE with amus.e.m.e.nt_]
So! Decided the soul-mate theory wouldn"t work in practice, eh?
THEODORE _and_ LUCY
And they agree to marry?
JUDGE
[_stops fanning_]
Marry? My, no! Nothing like that. They think less of marriage than ever now! Helen is using woman"s sweet indirect influence on Ernest in there at this moment!
[_All start toward the house impulsively, but on second thoughts they all stop._
JOHN
Then how on earth did you get them back!
JUDGE
[_lighting cigar_]
Oh, perfectly simple, I promised Helen you"d apologize to Ernest; promised Ernest you"d apologize to Helen. [_To LUCY._] Promised both you"d arrange a nice little family party for "em. They bear no grudge.
They"re too happy.
LUCY
[_horrified. Indicates table_]
The family party--for _them_? Horrors!
JUDGE
[_tossing away match_]
Yes, here in your happy home. [_The others turn on the JUDGE indignantly._] Well, don"t jump on _me_. I tell you they positively decline to elope until after they tell the whole d.a.m.n family.
Considerate of them, I say. You don"t deserve it, if you ask me.
JOHN
[_incredulous_]
Tell the whole ... see here, are they crazy? Are _you_ crazy? Do you think _I"m_ crazy?
[_Impetuously turns toward the house, a man of action._
JUDGE
[_stopping JOHN_]
Wait!... You"ve already done your best to destroy your sister--but you"ve utterly failed. They have done nothing wrong--_as yet_. Why, they are the finest, truest, n.o.blest pair of lovers I ever met! Now, aren"t they, Theodore?
THEODORE
I can"t say that I call Helen"s ideas of marriage "n.o.ble," exactly!
JUDGE
[_grandiloquent_]