I was completely naked, and although I could see a slight glint of l.u.s.t fill Lynch"s eyes, I instinctively knew that he wasn"t going to touch me. Not in a s.e.xual way, at least. His next move drew a soft chuckle from me, as he carefully swept me up into his arms and took me toward the same door he"d disappeared through earlier. We entered a connecting bath. My gaze landed on the huge roman tub.
"You fixed a bubble bath for me?" I asked with pleasure.
"The best thing to ease your aching body."
Lynch slowly lowered me into the tub. The bubbles swallowed me up to my shoulders and the hot water felt heavenly on my battered body. I smiled up at him. "Are you going to join me?" His hesitation made me add, "It really looks worse than it is, Lynch. Sure I"m sore, but the bruises just make it look worse."
"Just soak for a little while, babe."
He turned and left, and as he did I felt something unexpectedly twist in my heart. I felt like I was losing him, which was ironic, considering that last night I"d thought about telling him I didn"t want to see him anymore. While Moody had been engrossed in the TV I"d been deep in thought about everything concerning Lynch and me. I had gone back and forth with my decisions, coming to the conclusion that life was too short to worry about the what-ifs. I wanted Lynch, and if that meant leaving my safe, boring life behind and living a little more on the edge, then so be it.
I sank further beneath the water, leaned my head back, and closed my eyes. I could feel the heat seeping into my bones and soothing the aches away. A small noise alerted me that Lynch had returned. I kept my eyes closed. I didn"t want to acknowledge the distance I"d recognize in his.
"As long as this water is hot I"m not getting out." I smiled.
"Good, I"m glad it"s making you feel better. Here, I brought you some coffee."
Forced to open my eyes, I reached eagerly for the cup. "Thanks." I took a cautious sip. "Sure you don"t want to come in?" I teased. "You look like you need some relief, too." He"d slipped into boxers that outlined his perfect a.s.s and the bulge of his c.o.c.k.
"Baby, that tub might be f.u.c.kin" big enough for the both of us, but I don"t want to hurt you any more than you all ready are."
"You won"t."
"I will," he said slowly, and with a finality that I couldn"t ignore.
My heart sank. d.a.m.n, he was withdrawing faster than I could keep up. "Why do I get the feeling that you"re not just talking about s.e.x?" I tried to keep my tone light, but the emotion was too close to the surface. I was surprised when he sat down on the edge of the tub. He was going to tear my heart out, I could feel it. I wasn"t stupid. He was going to throw us away, like I"d been going to do the night before.
"Look, Kat, I"m not one to f.u.c.kin" beat around the bush. After what went down yesterday, I think it"s pretty f.u.c.kin" clear that this isn"t the kind of life for a woman like you."
A woman like me? "I didn"t know I was in the life," I said, trying to keep calm.
"I told you before, if you"re connected to me"
"I know what you told me, Lynch. What makes you think anything will change if we stop seeing each other?"
His brow furrowed as he looked at me long and hard. "Because word that I"m done with you will get out, babe. We"ll watch over you for a short time to make sure the message gets around."
My heart was racing. I took another drink of my coffee, feeling the anger slowly rise at his a.s.sumption that he could make all the decisions, especially concerning me. "No."
He just glared at me.
"No?"
"No," I snapped. "What"s the matter Lynch, not used to hearing "no" from a woman?" Oh, G.o.d, I could see him getting angry, I could see the fierce look come into his eyes, but I couldn"t stop myself. "If you"re ending it, then it"s done." I was actually shaking.
"The f.u.c.k it is," he snarled.
"You know what"s funny, Lynch? I was going to do the exact same thing to you. I was scared s.h.i.tless last night. Things happened that I"ve only seen on TV. I was convinced that the only thing to do was tell you to get lost and go back to my normal, sane, dull life. Only" I stopped to take in a calming breath, fighting back tears of emotion. "Only after hours of thinking things over, I realized that even when you"re p.i.s.sing me off, no one"s ever made me feel as alive as you do. I don"t want to live life worrying about what might happen, because before I know it life will have pa.s.sed me by and I won"t have lived at all."
The raw emotion on Lynch"s face told me that some of what I"d said had hit a nerve. His eyes became polished gla.s.s that cut right through me, unmoved by my outburst or the tears that I refused to let fall. The man who stood was every bit the hardened, bad-a.s.s biker who wasn"t going to let an emotional woman sway him. That was painfully clear. He"d made up his mind, and I sensed why he was doing it.
"You"re doing this to protect me." I"d said it like an accusation, feeling slightly ashamed because I was going to do it to protect me, too. Not him. I knew that was f.u.c.ked-up. It didn"t mean I didn"t have feelings for Lynch. It was more complicated than that.
"I"m doing it for a lot of reasons," he began, staring down at me. "I"m not cut out to be a one woman man." That hurt, but I kept quiet. "The club comes first, Kat, in everything. I f.u.c.k a sweetb.u.t.t and I don"t have to worry about her when she leaves my bed. She knows the life. Last night made it clear that I don"t have time to worry about you." He paused, and then stuck the knife into my heart. "I don"t want to."
I don"t know how I remained sitting there, keeping my expression from revealing what his words were doing to me, when I felt like I was drowning. Lynch might have been expecting tears, a breakdown, or some kind of begging, but I wasn"t going to give him that. I could lose it when I got home. I was going to show him that I was stronger than he gave me credit for. I practically bit right through my cheek before I realized what I was doing. I sucked in a deep breath and finished my coffee.
"I"m f.u.c.kin" sorry you got hurt, Kat." I just looked at him, blinking. "By the time you get home, the repairs will be done on your apartment."
"It doesn"t matter." I forced a smile. "My vacation starts after I call-in today. I"d already made plans to go away." As soon as the words left my mouth, I realized that they had nothing to do with what was going on with us now.
Lynch looked at me with surprise. "Where are you going?"
I was lying to him. I hadn"t made any plans to go away. But now that I thought about it, going away was probably a good idea. "I"m not going to tell you that," I said, rising carefully from the tub. "After I leave here"
"Don"t f.u.c.k with me, Kat. I"m not in the mood." I thought I"d heard all of Lynch"s varying tones of authority, but this low, gritty pitch was a new one. It f.u.c.king turned me on.
It was frightening.
It was edgy.
It was menacing.
The man clearly didn"t deal well with defiance. The timbre of his voice revealed the level of anger and aggravation that he was feeling, diluted with a good measure of l.u.s.t that he couldn"t hide. Too bad, because I hadn"t asked to be put in this situation, I hadn"t asked him to f.u.c.k me. As we stood there facing off, he took a threatening step closer, as if that would intimidate me. I didn"t think he would hurt me. Not physically, anyway. I knew Lynch didn"t like being argued with or questioned, that he was the boss in all things, but I wasn"t going to make it easy for him. If he was ending it, I didn"t owe him anything.
"Neither am I in the mood, Lynch." I handed him my empty cup. "Thanks again for the coffee."
I started to reach for the towel hanging over the towel bar when his hand shot out and stopped me. His gaze moved down my exposed body, and back up again. l.u.s.t flashed in his eyes until they came to rest on the bite on my shoulder. His jaw clenched with something close to disgust, and he released me. Did he think I liked another man"s mark on me? I s.n.a.t.c.hed the towel and brought it around my body.
A small sound escaped me when I suddenly realized my situation.
"What?"
"I don"t have any clothes. I don"t want to put what I had back on" Just the thought caused a shiver to go through me.
"I"ll find you something."
Watching Lynch disappear into the other room, I wondered what I could do, if anything, to change his mind, and whether or not I even wanted to. I felt sure that we had something between us, something worth exploring. But obviously he didn"t care enough to keep me in his life. Fine. That knowledge hurt like h.e.l.l, but I had experience with people who were supposed to love me and didn"t.
Love?
Where had that insane thought come from?
"These will work until you get home."
He handed me an old, faded black tee-shirt with his club logo on it, and a pair of gray sweat pants. I waited a second, but it didn"t look like he was going to leave so I dropped my towel and stepped into the baggy pants, drawing the tie tight around my waist. Lynch"s gaze was hot on me, and I knew that he wanted me. He couldn"t hide that fact. I felt my nipples harden, and took my time pulling the tee-shirt over my head and down my torso, knowing that his eyes were eating up my flesh as I slowly covered it.
I pulled my hair out of the back of the shirt and looked up at him. "I guess I"m ready to go." I let my gaze roam down his impressive frame. "I"ll wait for you downstairs, or would you like me to call a cab? That way you can get rid of me faster." His expression hardened. I wasn"t sure why I"d said that last part. Hurt, maybe. It sucked.
What sucked more was Lynch standing there looking all cold and unaffected when I was weeping inside, and confused, because Lynch had seemed fine when I"d first awakened. Then something had changed, and I was supposed to just accept it? G.o.d, I tried. Tried to be just as uncaring as him, but in reality I wanted him to feel what I was feeling. I wanted to hurt him.
Could the president of the Wild Marauders MC be hurt?
"Do you want me to call a cab?" I repeated when he didn"t respond.
He crossed his ma.s.sive arms over his wide chest. "No one comes down my f.u.c.kin" drive but me and my brothers."
I was going to lose it. I turned before he could see the tears flood my eyes. I don"t know why it mattered so much, but it did. I practically ran down the stairs and to the front door, just managing to stop myself from opening the door when I remembered the alarm. Then I heard a noise behind me, and I spun around with a gasp to see Lenny walk into the room from the kitchen.
"You okay, sweetheart?" The corners of his mouth turned up slightly after his gaze ran over my attire.
"Lenny!" I wiped at my wet cheeks and moved closer to him. "I didn"t know you were here."
"Yeah, prez asked me to stop by sometime this morning." How had he gotten in? I must have given him a speculative look, because he added, "I have the alarm code."
I forced a smile, feeling my bottom lip quiver. "Oh." I touched his arm. "Lennywill you please give me a lift back to my house?" I kept my voice down.
His frown told me that he didn"t know what was going on. I could hear Lynch moving around upstairs. Lenny"s gaze shifted upwards before coming back to mine.
"Please."
He hesitated, and I could tell that he was debating it. I could also tell that he wasn"t worried about p.i.s.sing Lynch off. I"d seen the interaction between them before, and they"d treated each other like equals. The respect and affection that they held for one another was obvious. I knew the club members considered themselves brothers, but with Lynch and Lenny it seemed like there was more than that, like they had a long history together.
Lenny glanced down to where my hand was still touching his arm, and then back up into my eyes. The frown never left his handsome face. I bit my bottom lip, refusing to ask him again. Finally, he relented.
"Let"s go." I silently followed him through the kitchen and out the door. We came to his bike. "Prez is gonna f.u.c.kin" explode when he finds out that you were on the back of my bike, but I"ll deal with it."
"I don"t think he"ll care." I accepted the helmet that he handed me.
"f.u.c.k," he said quietly. "I had a feelin" this was gonna happen."
"What?" I made sure that the strap was tight beneath my chin.
Lenny shook his head. "Sorry, Kat, not my place to say."
Then he shouldn"t have said anything to begin with. He swung his leg over the seat of his bike and I slipped on behind him. I wasn"t sure where to hold on, but Lenny just reached behind for my hands, bringing them around to his front. I linked my fingers and willed the ride back to my apartment to go by quickly.
When we pulled into the drive I wasn"t surprised to see several guys working on repairing the damages to Grace"s house and my apartment. The window had already been replaced and one of the men was working on repairing the bullet holes in the house. I wondered where Lizzy was, her car was gone.
Lenny came to a stop and I dismounted. "Thank you. I hope you don"t get into too much trouble with Lynch."
He actually laughed. "Been in trouble before, not worried." I handed him my helmet, which he stowed away. "Listen, prez can be a f.u.c.kin" a.s.s sometimes, but when s.h.i.t goes down like what we"ve had to deal with lately he tends to make s.h.i.tty decisions concerning his personal life."
"I"ll be okay. Lynch isn"t the only fish in the sea." I was proud of how carefree and believable that sounded.
Lenny"s brows arched with surprise, he smiled, and then took off. I turned back to my apartment, wondering what I was going to do with the up-coming week of my vacation. I needed to go somewhere and just get lost.
Chapter 16.
Lynch I tossed my VP a beer and took a seat opposite him. Since returning from dropping Kat off he hadn"t said much. He didn"t need to, his glare and the shaking of his head spoke f.u.c.king volumes. I knew that he didn"t like the way I"d handled my situation with Kat, but I didn"t give a f.u.c.k. It wouldn"t be the first time we didn"t agree on something I"d done.
I lifted my feet and plopped them down on my coffee table. Lenny was going to f.u.c.king explode if he didn"t speak his mind. I knew him. We"d grown up together. He threw his head back, chugging down a fair amount of beer before meeting my eyes again. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.
"Say it," I snapped. I was still p.i.s.sed at him for giving Kat a ride home without checking with me first.
He shrugged. "Say what, prez? It"s your f.u.c.kin" life."
"That"s f.u.c.kin" right," I snarled.
"It"s not your fault you let a good thing go. f.u.c.k, I wasn"t too keen on Kat in the beginning, but she was good for you."
"I"m not good enough for her. This life is too f.u.c.kin" dangerous and unpredictable for a civilian."
Lenny leaned in. "Do you ever f.u.c.kin" see yourself settling down with a sweetb.u.t.t?"
"f.u.c.k no."
He shrugged and leaned back. "You"ll have to let a civilian in sometime then." He took another sip of his beer.
I sat there frowning. "Not gonna happen, bro. Seeing Kat hurt, knowing that I couldn"t f.u.c.kin" protect her--" I hesitated, thinking about the nasty bite on her shoulder. The thought of what she must have gone through, the pain and fear that she must have been in before my crew had arrived, made me sick.
"I know what you"re thinking," Lenny said. "f.u.c.k, I can even understand why you pushed her away. But did you give her a chance to decide for herself if she wanted to be part of this?"
"Part of what?" I snarled. "The only thing I wanted from Kat was her wet p.u.s.s.y." I was f.u.c.king lying.
Lenny"s brows arched with surprise. "She has a sweet p.u.s.s.y? f.u.c.k, man. Since you don"t want her anymore maybe I"ll go after her. Felt f.u.c.kin" nice having her legs against mine and her hot c.u.n.t flush against my backside when we were riding to her place."
I just glared at him as the anger inside me came to a boiling point. Anyone else and I"d have flown over the table separating us and bashed his f.u.c.kin" head in. What"s more, Lenny knew it, but still dared to put that f.u.c.kin" visual in my head. He was the only brother who could get away with something like this, and if I"d thought for a minute that he was serious I would have f.u.c.kin" killed him.
"Yeah, that"s all you wanted her for," he finally said, obviously satisfied that he"d proved his point. "I pity the first f.u.c.ker you catch her with."
I finished my beer and crushed the can, keeping my gaze on Lenny. "I never told Kat that I didn"t want her."
"Well, your f.u.c.kin" actions did. You think she"s f.u.c.kin" safe now? Wildman isn"t stupid, bro."
Something that Lenny said reminded me of what still needed to get done. "I"m having a security system put in at her apartment. I also want her under observation for a while, but at a distance. If Wildman has eyes on us I don"t want them to see that Kat"s still under our protection."
He nodded in understanding. "Speaking of Wildman, when do we make our move?"
"When the shipment of explosives comes in. We might not get close enough to take them out with gunfire, but they won"t escape that. When we hit their compound I want to make certain we do as much f.u.c.kin" damage as possible." I jumped to my feet. "Let"s head to church, it"s almost ten. We"ll work out the details there."
I didn"t let Kat enter my mind again until Lenny and I were on the road heading to the club. I was a f.u.c.king b.a.s.t.a.r.d, but better I hurt her now than her end up dead because I was a selfish p.r.i.c.k. I"d rather have Kat alive and hating my guts. Lenny was right though, I"d probably f.u.c.king lose it if I ever saw her with another man. Maybe when this war with the Red Devils was over...no, there would always be another f.u.c.king rival club to watch out for. Territorial wars, illegal runs, shootings, death, was all part of MC life. Better I stick to club wh.o.r.es. f.u.c.king them didn"t mean I had to settle down with them.