"They ca" me Smith, my man--what is it?" said I, wi" a suspicious look; for I noo stood greatly in awe o" my ain name--no bein sure what mischief it micht lead me into.
"There"s a gentleman up in the hoose wants to see you directly," said the lad.
"But I canna go till him, man--ye see the coach is just gaun to start,"
said I.
"Ay, but he says that"s o" nae consequence. Ye maun come till him. He has something o" importance to say to ye."
Thinkin it wasna advisable to slight a message o" sae pressin a nature, an" curious to ken wha it was that could be wantin me, an" what he could be wantin me for, I leaped down, resolvin to mak my legs, which were gay an" lang an" souple anes, save my distance, an" havin nae doubt they wad, critical as the case was. I up the close like a shot, an" into the hoose; but, though _I_ was in a hurry, the waiter wha had come for me was in nane. He didna appear for five minutes after; an", as he was the only person wha kent onything aboot a message bein sent after me, I had to wait his return, before I could find oot the person wha wanted me.
This, however, he noo effected for me; but not before a good deal mair time was lost. The gentleman who wished to see me was dressin; so I was shewn into a room, while the waiter went to inform him o" my arrival. In a minute or twa after--durin which I was dancin aboot in a fever of impatience, for fear o" losin the coach--the door o" the apartment flew open, an" a laughin, joyous-lookin fellow, with a loud "Aha, Bob!" an"
extended hand, rushed in; but he didna rush far. The instant he got his ee fairly on me, he stopped short, an", lookin as grave"s a rat, bowed politely, an" said he was exceedingly sorry to perceive that he had committed a gross mistake.
"The fact is, my dear sir," he said, becomin again affable, to reconcile me, I suppose, to the unfortunate blunder, an" speakin wi"
great volubility, "my name is Smith, which, I suppose, is yours too, sir. I"m from London. Now, you see, my dear sir, my brother Bob, who lives in Ireland, and whom I haven"t seen for some years, was to have met me here last night, agreeably to arrangements made by letter, and we were to have gone this morning, as it were, by the same coach in which you were going, to visit some friends in that part of the country to which it runs. Well, you see, I arrived here only this morning early; but the first thing I did was to inquire if there was a Mr. Smith in the house, and I was distinctly told by the rascal of a waiter that there was no person of that name. Well, what does the fellow do, but come running to my bedside, a little ago, and tells me that there _had been_ a Mr. Smith in the house over night, and that he was at that moment on the top of the ---- coach. Well, my dear sir, did not I immediately and very naturally conclude that this Mr. Smith must be my brother! And thus has this unlucky mistake happened. "Pon my honour, I am most sorry for it--exceedingly sorry, indeed."
Bein naturally o" a very placable disposition, I didna say much in reply to this harangue; but, mutterin something aboot there bein nae help for"t, rushed oot o" the hoose, an" down the confounded lang close, as fast as my legs could carry me, and that was pretty fast; but no fast aneuch to catch the coach. It was aff an" awa, mony a lang minute afore.
"Aweel," said I, on discoverin this, "but this does beat c.o.c.k-fechtin!
What, in heaven"s name, am I to do wi" this unfortunate patronymic o"
mine? It"s crossin me wi" mischief o" ae kind or anither at every step.
I suppose I"ll be hanged in a mistake next. That"ll be the end o"t. I"ll change"t, if I leeve to get hame--I"ll change"t, let what like be the consequence, or I"ll hae an _alias_ added till"t, before waur comes o"t; for this"ll never do."
In such reflections as thae did I expend the impatient feelin that the loss o" the coach, an" the recollection o" certain ither sma" incidents, with which the reader is acquainted, had gien rise to. But little guid they did me; an" this I at length fand oot. Sae I just gied a bit smile to mysel, an" made up my mind to wait patiently for the next coach, which started the same nicht, though at a pretty late hour. Late as that hour was, however, it cam roun, an", whan it did, it fand me, withoot havin met wi" ony ither misfortune in the interim, mounted again on the tap o" a coach. This time I was allowed to keep my seat in peace. The coach drove awa, an" me alang wi"t; an", in twal hours thereafter, I fand mysel in my faither"s hoose, safe and soun", after a" that had happened me.
Shortly after the occurrences which I have just related, my puir faither departed this life, and I, as his only son and heir, succeeded to a" his possessions--stock, lock, and barrel; and I now only wanted a wife to complete my establishment, and fix my position in society. This, however, didna remain lang a desideratum wi" me. A wife I got, and as guid a ane as ever man was blessed wi"; but it was rather a curious sort o" way that I got her. Ae nicht, pretty late, in the summer o" the year 1796, a rather smart rap comes to our door. We were a" in bed--mother, servant la.s.s, and a"; but, on hearin"t, I bangs up, on wi" my claes, lichts a cannle, and opens the door. On doing this, then, I sees a porter loaded wi" trunks and bandboxes, and behint him a very pretty, genteel-lookin young woman.
"Here"s a frien o" yours come to see you, frae Edinburgh," says the porter, whom I kent weel aneuch; and wi" this the young leddy comes forward, wi" a licht step, and ane o" the prettiest smiles I ever saw; and, says she, haudin oot her haun to me--
"Ye"ll no ken me, Mr. Smith, I dare say?"
"No, indeed, mem," says I--"I do not."
"I"m a cousin o" yours," said she--"Margaret Smith, and a dochter o"
your uncle William"s."
"Frae Edinburgh," said I, takin her cordially by the haun, and leadin her into the parlour.
"The same," said she smilin again; "and I"m just come doun to spend a day or twa wi" ye, if ye hae room for me, and winna think me owre troublesome."
"Room!" said I--"plenty o" room; and, as for trouble, dinna mention that." And I a.s.sisted my fair cousin to remove her shawl and other haps.
This cousin, I may mention by the way, I had never seen before; and neither had she ever seen ony o" us, although we knew perfectly weel o"
each other"s existence. But this within parentheses.
Havin seen my pretty cousin--for she was really a bonny-lookin and modest creature--made so far comfortable, I ran joyfully to my mother, to inform her o" oor acquisition. My mother, who had never seen her either, was delighted wi" the intelligence, and instantly rose to welcome her. The servant was roused oot o" her bed, a little supper prepared, and some delightful hours we spent together. I was charmed wi"
my fair cousin; so intelligent, so lively, so sensible, so accomplished--so much o" everything, in short, that was captivatin in a young and beautifu" woman. Nor was my mother less delighted wi" her than I was. There were, indeed, some things spoken o" in the course o"
conversation between my mother, and oor guest, and I, relatin to family affairs, in which we couldna somehow or other come to a distinct understandin. There was something like cross-purposes between us; and I observed that my fair cousin was extraordinary ignorant o" a" matters concerning us, and o" the circ.u.mstances o" a number o" oor mutual relations. But this neither my mother nor I thought much o", either. It was just sae like a bit lively thochtless la.s.sie, wha couldna be expected to hae either the genealogy of a" her friends, or their particular callins or residences, at her finger ends. However, as I said before, we spent a pleasant evening thegither; and this followed by eight as pleasant days, durin which time our fair guest continued to make rapid progress in the affections o" baith my mother and me; although, of course, the regard she excited was somewhat different in its nature in the twa cases. In mine it was love--in my mother"s esteem.
But a" this was to hae a sudden and curious termination. At the end o"
the eight days above alluded to, happenin to tak up a newspaper, I was attracted by an advertis.e.m.e.nt bearing the following highly interesting t.i.tle--"Young Lady Missing." I read on, and found, to my amazement, that the young lady was no other than my fair cousin. The notice stated, that she had gone down to ----, to visit some relations; had left Edinburgh, by the ---- coach, on the mornin of the 10th, and had been safely set down at ----; but that her relations there had seen nothing of her, and that no trace of her could since be found. The advertis.e.m.e.nt concluded by offering a handsome reward to any one who could give any such information as might lead to a discovery of the young lady, either to Mr. William Smith, haberdasher, ----, or to Mr. William Smith, No. 19, Lavender Street, Edinburgh.
Here, then, was a queer business. But, bein now somewhat accustomed to thae things, I was at nae loss to discover the meanin o"t. The young lady wasna my cousin at a"--she had come to the wrang shop. She was a niece o" Willie Smith the haberdasher"s--and there was the mystery solved at ance. It turned oot precisely sae. There was an awfu kick-up, and an awfu rejoicin, and shakin o" hands, and writin o" letters, and sae forth, after I had announced to the different parties how the matter stood, and brocht them thegither. But I wasna gaun to lose my fair cousin this way. I followed her to Willie Smith"s, whar I was a welcome aneuch guest, and availed mysel to the full o" the advantages which a curious chance had thrown in my way, by eventually makin her my wife; and, as I said before, a most admirable one she made, and still maks, as she is sittin by my elbow at this present writin.
Noo, guid reader, sae far hae I brocht the story o" my life, or perhaps, rather o" my unfortunate name, (no a"thegither so unfortunate either, since it helped me to sic a wife,) and I maun stop; but it"s for want o" room, and, I a.s.sure you, no for want o" matter. What I hae tell"t ye is no a t.i.the o" the sufferings I hae endured through this unhappy patronymic o" mine. In truth, it was but the beginnin o" them.
The rest I may relate to ye on some future day. In the meantime, guid reader, I bid ye fareweel, wi" a sincere houp that yer name"s no Willie Smith.
THE PROFESSOR"S TALES.
PHEBE FORTUNE.
I have now been upwards of forty years minister of the parish of C----.
Soon after I became minister, I stumbled one morning upon a small parcel lying in a turnip field adjoining the manse. It appeared to me at first to be a large hedgehog; but, upon further investigation, I found that it was a seemingly new-born infant, wrapt carefully up in warm flannel, and dressed in clothes which indicated anything but extreme poverty. There was a kirk-road through the turnip field--my wonted pa.s.sage to my glebe land every morning; and the infant had manifestly been deposited with a reference to my habits. I could not possibly miss seeing it--it lay completely across my path--a road almost untrod by anybody save myself.
As I happened to have a young, and a pretty large--or, in other phrase, small--family of my own, I hesitated at first how to proceed; but a moment"s reflection taught me the necessity of acting rather than of thinking; and I gathered up the little innocent in my arms, and hastened back, with all possible speed, to the manse. The little hands of the helpless existence were moving backwards and forwards, up and down; and its lips plainly indicated a desire for its natural beverage.
"Bless me!" said my dear wife, as I entered; "bless me, my dear, what"s that you are bringing us?"
"It"s a child," said I; "an infant--beautiful as day--only look at it."
"None of your nonsense," said spousie, looking somewhat archly in my face. "I"m sure, ye ken, we hae mae weans than we hae meat for already.
But where in all the world did you pick up this sweet little darling?"--for, by this time, my wife had opened the flannel coverings, and examined the features of the young stranger carefully.
My second youngest girl, about four years of age, had joined us, and, falling down on her knees, kissed the foundling"s cheeks all over. In fact, the news spread all over the manse in less than no time; and I had my two eldest boys--then preparing for school--my eldest daughter, and the two maid-servants, all tumbling into the parlour in a world of amazement. My wife, however, having recovered from her first surprise and burst of natural affection, began, very naturally, to speculate about the parentage of the uninvited visitant. She examined its dress; and, amongst other discoveries, found a piece of paper attached to the body of the frock, inscribed with these words, in a plain printed hand--"I am not what I seem. My name is Phebe." On searching a little more particularly, a hundred-pound note was found st.i.tched into a small purse or bag, suspended from the infant"s neck. We were all amazement.
My wife was all at once persuaded that the infant must be the offspring of some lady of high quality, and that, by keeping her in our family, we should be absolutely enriched by presents of hundred-pound notes every other morning. She seemed to look upon poor Phebe as the philosopher"s stone, and thought that gold would, in future, be as plentiful in our house as bra.s.s coinage had hitherto been. But who could be the mother of this pretty, sweet, dear, darling, lovely child? Could it be--and she whispered me knowingly in the ear; but I shook my head, and looked equally knowing. Could it be Lady M----? I looked incredulity, and my wife pushed her speculations no further. By this time my oldest daughter had arranged Phebe"s dress, and made all snug; and the poor little infant gave audible intimation of a desire for food. What was to be done? This question occupied us for about a quarter of an hour, when we at last recollected that Lord C----"s gardener"s wife had yesterday buried her infant. She was immediately sent for, and, having no children of her own, agreed, after some persuasion and the promise of a handsome reward, to suckle poor Phebe. It was, indeed, beautifully interesting to observe how Phebe"s little hands wandered over the source of her sustenance, and seemed to say, as plainly as hands could speak it, "I have you now, and will not part with you again." Phebe grew--opened her sweet blue eyes--smiled--and won all hearts in the course of a month.
But she was still a heathen, or, in other words, unbaptised; and, after consulting the session, whom I advertised of all the circ.u.mstances, it was agreed that the gardener"s wife should take the vows, and name the child. We all wept at the christening; there was something so unusual and overpowering, so mysterious and exciting, in the whole transaction.
My wife suggested that she should be called "Phebe Monday," that being the day on which she was found; but, somehow or other, I disliked the combination of sounds exceedingly; and at last, at the suggestion of the nurse-mother, we affixed Fortune to her Christian designation; and, after the ceremony, which was performed in the gardener"s house, we drank a gla.s.s of ginger wine to the health and long life of little Phebe Fortune, the foundling. Through the kindness of Lord C----, I had the privilege of walking when I chose in his extensive gardens and pleasure-grounds, which were in my parish, and adjoining to the manse; and it was on one of the smooth-rolled gra.s.s walks of this garden that I conducted little Phebe"s first steps, when she put down her little foot for the first time, and stood almost erect on the gra.s.s. Oh, how the little doll screamed and chuckled as she tumbled over and rolled about; ever and anon stretching out her little hand, and asking, as it were, my a.s.sistance in aiding her inexperience and weakness. However, "_Tentando fimus fabri_," by effort, frequently repeated, success is at last secured; and Phebe at last flew off from me like an arrow, and, like an arrow, too, alighted head foremost on the soft sward. Phebe won all hearts when she began to syllable people"s names. Me she called "minny-man;" my wife, "minny-man-minny;" and her own nurse, "mother, ma, ma, bonny ma! guid ma!" Year rolled on after year, and little Phebe was the talk of all the country round. People pa.s.sing on the highroad stopped and spoke to her. Phebe used often to visit the manse, and to play with my youngest daughter, only a few months younger than herself, whilst I have often sat in my elbow chair, called in the family "Snug,"
and said to myself, "I am sure I cannot tell which of these children I am most attached to." All the features and properties of little Phebe were aristocratic: beautiful feet and anckles; small, little plump hands, and finely-tapered fingers; an eye of the purest water and the most n.o.ble expression, beaming through a curtain of deep blue, under a canopy of the finest auburn; a brow, nose, lips, and chin, all exquisitely formed and proportioned. No child in the neighbourhood could be compared with Phebe. Even my wife, prejudiced as she naturally was in favour of her own offspring, used sometimes to say--"Our Jessie looks well enough; but that child Phebe is a pear of another tree." To this I readily a.s.sented, as I had no inclination to hint either the ident.i.ty of the tree or the affinity of the fruit.
One day I was walking with little Phebe (who had now attained her seventh year, and exhausted the last penny of the hundred pounds) in my own little garden--we were quite alone, when the girl all at once stopped her playfulness (for she was now a very lark), and, taking a hold of my hand, pulled me gently, nothing loath, into an adjoining little arbour: after I was seated, and Phebe had taken her wonted station betwixt my knees, reserving either knee for future convenience, the little angel looked up in my face so innocently and so sweetly, saying--
"You are Jessie"s pa, are not you?"
"Yes," I replied, "my dear child, I am."
"But where is my pa? have I no pa? Gardener says you know all about it."
I regretted exceedingly that anything should have pa.s.sed betwixt the foster-parents and their charge upon the subject; but, since it was so, I judged it best at once to tell the child the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Phebe looked me most intently in the face as I proceeded; and when I had finished by kissing her, and a.s.suring her that whilst I lived she should never want a pa, the poor dear burst into tears, exclaiming, in an accent of complete misery--
"No pa! no ma! Everybody has pa"s and ma"s but Phebe. Dear, dear minny"--a term by which she still addressed me--"can you not tell me anything about my own ma?"
I a.s.sured her that I could not, having not the least information on the subject.
"Maybe she"s dead"--and here again her feelings overcame her, and she laid her head on my knee, with all its luxuriant tresses; and I felt the tears warm on my person.
From this day Phebe Fortune became a different child. Even at an early age she had learned to think; but had been hitherto very averse to learning, or school education. She was henceforth diligent and attentive, making rapid progress in reading, writing, and accounts. Her foster-mother taught her sewing; and little Phebe, by the time she was eleven years old, was quite accomplished in all the necessary and useful parts of a female education. But, alas! the instability of human affairs!--poor Phebe caught a fever, which she communicated to her foster-mother, and which occasioned _her_ death in a few weeks, whilst Phebe slowly recovered. The gardener"s heart was broken--he had long been subject to occasional fits of low spirits. Whether from accident or not was never fully ascertained, nor even closely investigated; but he was found one morning drowned, in a pond of water which ornamented the east corner of the garden ground. As my own family was numerous, and my stipend limited, I behoved to endeavour to place Phebe in some way of doing for herself--still hoping, however, that time ere long would withdraw the veil, and discover the sunny side of Phebe Fortune"s history. Seldom did a carriage pa.s.s the manse by the king"s highway, that my wife did not conjecture that it might perhaps stop at the bottom of the avenue, and emit a fine lady, with fine manners and a genteel tongue, to claim our now highly interesting ward. But the perverse carriages persevered in rolling rapidly along, till at last, one fine sunny afternoon, one did actually stop, and out stepped the lady, middle-aged, splendidly attired, and advanced towards our habitation. My wife"s heart was at her mouth--she ran through the house in a few seconds, from bottom to top, had Phebe put into her best attire, and all diligence served upon the dusting and cleaning of carpets and chairs.
The lady appeared; but, to my wife"s great disappointment, proved to be no other than an old pupil of my own, who, in pa.s.sing, had heard of my residence, and wished kindly to renew an acquaintance interrupted by, perhaps, not less than thirty years. Still my wife would not give up the notion that Phebe resembled Lady D---- exceedingly, and that Lady D---- seemed to eye her with more complacency than any of the rest of the children. In the course of conversation, I had occasion to acknowledge that the beautiful being whom Lady D---- admired above all the rest of my fine family was a foundling. This led to a detail of the whole matter; and Lady D----, having conversed for a little with Phebe, took such a liking to the girl that she proposed having her continually about her person, as a kind of superior waiting-maid, half menial and half companion, and to remove her from under our roof on the instant.