and to another, "Where"s my jacket?"
Then my faither would have cried out again, "_I"ll seek_ it for ye!"
Then I soon found it, and got out o" the house wi" the rest o" them.
It was precisely the same thing when my brothers used to shake me in a morning, and say--
"Get up, Willie--ye haena your task yet."
I had invariably the same answer for them on such occasions also. I appeared as if naething could drive it out o" me. I have heard auld wives say, if ye were taking infants to ony part o" the globe ye like, and keeping them where they never would hear a human voice, nor speech o" one kind nor anither, that they would speak Hebrew! Now, I verily believe that, if ye had done the same by me--if ye had taken me, when a week auld, into the deserts o" Arawbia, wi" naething but dummies round about me, and not a living soul nor a living thing endowed wi" the power o" speech allowed to see me or come near me--I say, that I verily believe the first words I would have spoken would have been, "_I canna be fashed_!" in guid braid Scotch. The words literally seemed born wi"
me. And, as I was telling ye about getting up to learn my tasks in the morning, many, many is the time, in the cauldest day o" winter, that my favourite phrase has caused the tawse to warm my hands, when the fingers o" a" the rest o" the scholars were dinnlin wi" cauld, and they were holding them at their mouths, and blowing their hot breath on them to take out the frost. My faither should have paid no coal-money for me.
And more than this, the four insignificant and carelessly-uttered words which I allude to, while I was at school, always kept me near the bottom o" the cla.s.s; or, if I rose one or two towards the top, it was purely on account o" others having been awa from the school for a day, or half-a-day, and having to take the foot o" the cla.s.s, on account o"
their absence, as a matter o" course. Often and often I could have tripped their heels, and taken my place aboon them--and the teacher kenned it as weel, and many a weary time has he said to me, "Oh, ye stupid stirk! why do ye stand there? why didna ye trap him?"
And once, in particular, I remember I answered him, "I couldna be fashed, sir!"
"Fashed!" he cried, in a perfect fury, and he raised the tawse to his teeth--"fashed, sirrah!" he cried again; "then I"ll learn ye to be fashed!"
But o" a" the belabourings I ever got frae either faither or mother, for the same cause, they were naething to the schoolmaster"s. It"s a miracle to me that there was a tail left on his tawse; for he loundered me round the school and round the school; and, aye as he loundered, he ground his teeth together, and he cried, "Heard ever onybody the like o" that!
Canna be fashed, truly!--I"ll fash ye, my man!--I"ll learn ye to gie me an answer o" that kind again!"
But a" the thrashings that faither, and mother, and master could thrash at me, on every occasion the confounded words were aye uppermost--they were perpetually at my tongue end. I was just an easy, indolent being--one that seemed disposed to steal through the world wi" my hands in pocket, as smoothly as possible. When I grew to be a lad, I daresay those that kenned me best were surprised that I could be fashed to gang a-courting, like other youngsters. But even then, when others would brush themselves up, and put on their half-best coat, and the like o"
that, in order that they might look as smart as possible, I have thought to mysel, I wonder if I should shave and wash my face, and gie mysel a redd-up before I gang to see _her_ the nicht; but perpetually I used to say to mysel--"Ou, I carena; I canna be fashed--I"ll do very weel as I am." And there wasna less than three or four young la.s.ses that I had a particular liking for--and each o" them, I daresay, would made an excellent wife, and I could been very happy wi" ony o" them--but they all broke off acquaintance wi" me, "just," as they said to their friends, "because I was o" such a slovenly disposition, that I couldna even be fashed to mak mysel purpose-like when I gaed to see a body."
The like o" this was very galling to me; but it hadna the effect o"
making a better o" me. I couldna be fashed to be ony better, let come what might. "Losh-a-day," thought I, "I wonder what folk would hae me to be at, or how they can gie themsels sae meikle trouble, and be sae particular?"
But, beyond all others, there was one young woman that I had an affection for in a very extraordinary degree. She was as dear to me as the apple o" my ee; and I am sure she could hae done onything wi"
me--save to break me o" my habit o" saying "I canna be fashed." That was beyond her power. It was my fixed intention to marry her; and, indeed, not only was the wedding-day set, but her wedding-gown and my coat were made, and the ring was bought, and she had spoken to her bridesmaid; and, besides buying a" sort o" things hersel, she had got her mother to have her providing packed up, and everything was in readiness just to be lifted to our new house--that is, the house we were to occupy. Now, when all this had taken place, there was one bonny starlight nicht that we were walking together, just as happy as twa wood-pigeons, and talking owre the settlements o" every thing, that she said to me--
"What did the joiner say last nicht, Willie?--will he be sure no to disappoint us wi" the furniture?--for I would like everything richt at the very first."
"Eh! weel-minded, my dear," says I; "I really forgot to gang and see him, for I was sae tired when I got hame last nicht, that--I couldna be fashed."
"That was silly o" ye, man," said she; "it was very thoughtless. But I hope ye didna forget to gie in the marriage lines to the minister?" (The session-clerk was ill at the time.)
"Save us a", hinny!" said I, "weel, I am sure that dings everything!
But, as sure as death! as I told ye, I was sae tired, that I never minded a word about it till bed-time, when I had my waistcoat unb.u.t.toned and my shoon off, and I couldna be fashed to put them on again, and, at ony rate, it was owre late."
"Very weel, Willie," says she, and apparently a good deal hurt, "I wouldna thought it o" ye--but no matter."
"No, love," said I, "it"s no great matter, sure enough; for this is only Sat.u.r.day nicht, and I"ll just call in at the manse in the by-going, as I gang hame, and tell the minister a" about it. The thing can be done in a minute."
"Indeed, no," said she, "though I should never be cried,[7] ye are to go no such way. This is Sat.u.r.day nicht--the morn is the Sabbath, and the minister will be at his studies, and ye are not to disturb him upon my account."
[Footnote 7: Cried--Publication of banns.]
"Very well, love," said I, "we"ll just have to put off a week, then."
"Maybe sae," said she. But I thought there was something unco dry in her manner o" saying "maybe sae." However, as I couldna be fashed to call upon the minister that nicht, I took nae mair notice o" the subject.
I could hardly get a word out o" her after this, for above an hour that I remained in her company. However, she rather came to a little (for she was a kind-hearted la.s.sie), when we were about to part; and we promised faithfully to meet one another at the usual trysting-place, on the Wednesday nicht following, at eight o"clock, within a minute; and I was to have everything arranged wi" the minister and the joiner in the meantime.
On the Sunday morning, the minister pa.s.sed me between the manse and the kirk, and, says he, quite familiarly--for he was a man that had nae stiffness about him--
"Willie, I thought you was to have been cried to-day."
"I beg your pardon, sir," said I; "but it was all my neglect; for I couldna be fashed until last nicht, and then I thought ye would be at your studies, and it was owre late to trouble ye."
"You were very considerate," said he, wi" a smile; "but I"ll save you the trouble next week."
"I"ll be obliged to ye, sir," said I, taking off my hat.
In going home, I overtook the joiner--no, I"m wrong, the joiner overtook me--and, after he had observed that it was a fine day, and I had said it was, and he had asked me what I thought o" the sermon, and so on, I said to him--"Now, I expect that ye"ll no disappoint me wi" the furniture."
"Ye needna be feared o" that, Mr Grant," said he; "ye ken ye proposed that it was to be a ready-money transaction. It"s no every day that we meet wi" jobs o" that kind, and ye may tak my word on"t, I"ll no disappoint ye--both for your sake and mine."
"Weel," thought I, "that"s twa things aff my head--Isabella will surely be pleased now (for they ca"d her Isabella). I"ve been fortunate in meeting wi" them baith--in killing twa birds wi" ae stane."
But the appointed Wednesday nicht came, and perfectly do I recollect, that a dark, dirty, gousty nicht it was. I had full three miles to go to see her, and about seven o"clock I pulled out my watch, and I went to the door. A sma" drizzling rain came battering on my face. I looked a"
round about the heavens, and saw that there was nae appearance o" the nicht"s clearing up, and, thinks I--"Weel, she"ll ne"er think o" coming to meet me the nicht. She"ll no be sae daft. It"s o" nae use o" me gaun, and--I canna be fashed."
So I went into the house again, and sat down quite contented; and a nicht or twa after, the weather having settled, I went to see her at her faither"s. The auld folk received me, as usual, very kindly; and the auld man got a seat for me next the fire, and inquired if there were any news--while his guidwife asked me if I wadna hae my stockings changed, as the roads were very wet, and my feet might be damp--and I thanked her, and said "No." But there sat _my intended_, plaiting at a cap-border, or frill, or something o" that sort, as stiff and as silent as a stucco image, never letting on that she either saw or heard me. I spoke to her twice or thrice, and she gied a sort o" low, half cough, half _hem!_ but not a syllable did I get out o" her. Never did she look to the side o" the house I was on. Her head seemed to be fixed in a blacksmith"s vice in an opposite direction, and dear kens what sort o"
cap or frill it was she keepit plait, plait, plaiting at; but her task was never like to come to an end, and she keepit pingle, pingling, and nip, nipping at it wi" a knife, until my patience was fairly worn out.
In my opinion her fingers had discovered the perpetual motion; and when I had sat until vexation and anxiety were like to choke me, I felt a sort o" ha!--ha!--haing! in my throat, as though I could hae burst out into a fit o" pa.s.sion, or greeting, or I dinna ken what--and wi" a great struggle I got up, and I managed to say--
"Will ye speak at the door, Isabella dear?"
"_I canna be fashed!_" said she.
O sir! sir! had ye experienced what I felt at that moment. The lounderings o" my faither, my mother, and my dominie, and the slights o"
former sweethearts, were a mere naething to what her answer caused me to endure. I expected naething but that I would drop down upon the floor.
"Oh, ye foolish la.s.sie, ye!" said her mother, who was sorry for me, "what do ye mean?"
"Get up!" said her faither.
"I canna be fashed!" said she again, more cuttingly than before, and half turned her een upon me, as she said it, in a manner that gaed through my breast as if ye had drawn a sharp knife across it.
Weel, sir, our names were ca"ed on the Sunday following; and between the first day o" their being published, and the day on which the marriage was to take place, I was three or four times back and forward at her faither"s--but I got nae mair out o" her. I almost thought that I ought to stop the banns; but I thought, again, that that would be very unco like, and very contrary to what I wished; so I allowed them to go on, Sunday after Sunday.
I never imagined but that she was just in the pet at me having broken my tryst, and that, like everybody that was in the pet, she would come out o"t when she found it necessary, and the sooner frae being left to hersel. But, on the very day we had fixed for the wedding, and when the best-man and I went to her faither"s house, expecting to find her and the best-maid, and the whole o" them, in readiness to go before the minister--to my unutterable astonishment and dismay, there was she, sitting in her morning gown, as unconcerned as a judge, just as if naething had been to happen.
"Mercy me! Isabella!" says I, "are ye no ready?--where"s the women?"
"Ready!" returned she--"what for?--what do ye mean?--what women?"
Oh! guid gracious! I"ll never forget the sensation that I felt at that moment. I"m surprised that I didna drop dead on the floor. "Isabella,"
said I, "are ye no perfectly aware that this is our wedding-day, and that we were to be at the manse at twelve o"clock precisely?"