Wings.

"No wonder he called yesterday," Nick groaned in anguish. He couldn"t believe she was going to do it. He had taught her himself. He knew that she was capable of great things, but not this... not yet... not now... and maybe never.

"He called to see how I was, and how Dad was."

"How touching." And then he looked at her in fresh rage. "And that"ll be the next thing, won"t it?"

"What will?" She didn"t understand him and neither did Pat, but Nick was off on a new tangent.

"More publicity. More stunts. It was no accident last year when he took you to that restaurant to go dancing and had his picture taken with you. It kept things exciting in the press, mysterious... but he"ll have to go a lot further than that now, to make things interesting, to keep it going. How much do you want to bet he"ll ask you to many him?" Nick said in a complete rage over it, and Ca.s.sie looked at him in disgust, and her father in amus.e.m.e.nt. He had never seen his old friend have a jealous fit before but that was clearly what this was, and it amused him.

"That"s the most disgusting thing I"ve ever heard," Ca.s.sie accused him, but he was sure of it.

And Pat shared wise words with him. "if you"ve told her you won"t marry her under any circ.u.mstances when you get back, and you won"t even write to the girl now, what exactly do you expect? For her to enter a convent for the rest of her life, or stay a virgin? She has a right to a life, Nick. If not with you, then with someone else. And he seemed a decent man, if you ask me, whatever commercial motives he might have over this trip, or about his publicity. He"s selling airplanes. He has to do what he can to make them interesting, and if having them flown by a pretty girl, who happens to be a d.a.m.n fine pilot, I might add, works for him, then more power to him. And if you don"t want to marry her and he does, then I don"t think you"ve got much to say about it, do you?" Ca.s.sie had to hide a smile as she listened to him. She had never heard her father make a speech like that, and the best part of it was that he was right. But Nick didn"t want to admit it.

"He doesn"t love her, Fat... I do."

"Then marry her," Pat said quietly, and walked out of the room, to give them some time alone. They needed it more than any two people he knew, but an hour later they were still fighting and had gotten nowhere. He was accusing her of either being naive or leading Desmond on, and she was accusing him of being infantile. It was a h.e.l.l of an afternoon, and by the end of the day, both of them were exhausted. And Nick had to fly back to New York in the morning.

They talked almost all night, and nothing was resolved. He kept reminding her that he was a thirty-nine-year-old man and he was not going to marry a child, and destroy her life.

"Then leave me alone!" she shouted at him, and went to bed finally, and the next morning before he left they were both still angry at each other.

"I forbid you to fly on the world tour," he told her before he took off in his chartered plane, and she begged him to be reasonable and not give her ultimatums.

"Why can"t we forget it for right now? It"s not for another year, and you"re leaving and going back to England."

"I don"t care if I"m flying to the moon, I don"t want you to sign that contract."

"You have no right to say that. Stop it, Nick!"

"No, I won"t, G.o.ddammit, until you agree not to do it!"

"Well, I"m going to!" She shouted at him, her red hair flying in the wind, as he grabbed her and yanked her toward him.

"No, you"re not." He kissed her hard on the lips, but they both came up fighting.

"I am."

"Shut up."

"I love you."

"Then don"t do it."

"Oh for G.o.d"s sake." He kissed her again, but nothing was resolved by the time he left, predictably, and as he took off, she stood crying next to the runway. And five minutes later, she stormed into her father"s office. "That man drives me nuts."

"You two are going to kill each other one of these days. It"s a wonder you haven"t yet," he said, smiling. "Stubborn as two mules. It really will be a shame if you don"t get married one day. You deserve each other. Either of you would wear anyone else out," And then he looked at her seriously for a long moment. "Do you think he"s right, that Williams might ask you to marry him for publicity for the trip?"

"No, I do not." She looked incensed. "The man is terrified of getting involved with anyone. He"s had two disastrous marriages. And I think if he ever did marry again, it would have to to be for love." be for love."

"I hope so." But he felt better to have heard her say it. "Has he shown any particular interest in you, Ca.s.sie?" Other than coming to Chris"s funeral, which he had thought was d.a.m.n fine of him, and he said so.

"Not really. We"re just friends. Nick doesn"t know what he"s talking about."

"Well, you could do a lot worse, if you don"t marry that lunatic on his way back to England. I swear, he"ll be the death of me one day. He and I used to have rows like that in the old days. Stubbornest sonofab.i.t.c.h I ever met." Ca.s.sie didn"t disagree with him, as she went back to the house to check on her mother.

She left Illinois the following week, and returned to Newport Beach, to her apartment, and to work, and to sign her new contract for another year at twice the money. And on her first day back, she went to talk to Desmond alone in his office.

"Is something wrong?" he asked nervously, standing up quickly as she came in. He always did that for her when she entered the room, and she liked it. "Fitzpat-rick said it was urgent."

"That depends on how you look at it," she said quietly. "I thought you"d want your answer about the world tour." But he suddenly sensed from the look on her face that she didn"t want to do it, and he could feel his heart sink.

"I... I understand, Ca.s.s... I thought probably after your brother... I don"t suppose your parents were pleased... it wouldn"t be fair to them..." He was trying to accept her decision gracefully, but it was a huge disappointment for him, and very painful. He wanted this so badly. He wanted to be part of it, and to help her do it.

"No, it wouldn"t be fair to them," she agreed. "And my dad wasn"t pleased." They had agreed not to tell her mother yet. "But he said it was my decision entirely, so that"s how I made it." He didn"t say a word as he looked at her, and she came a step closer. "I"ll do it, Desmond."

"What?" he whispered.

"I"ll do the tour. I want to do it for you."

"Oh, my G.o.d." He sank back into his chair with his eyes closed, and then he looked up and saw her. He leaped to his feet and came across his desk to kiss her. It was a chaste kiss, but it held all the fervent grat.i.tude that he felt for her. Nothing had ever meant more to him. And nothing would ever again be as important. He would see to that. He had a thousand plans, and he was going to share all of them with her. They had an incredible year ahead of them. And as he sat down and started telling her, he held tightly to her hand, and kept thanking her. And she was happier than ever that she had decided to do it. To h.e.l.l with Nick. This was her life.

15.

The publicity (or the world tour began almost at once, with a huge announcement at a press conference in Newport Beach. This was followed by a series of announcements and brief lectures given by Ca.s.sie, all orchestrated and organized by Desmond. She spoke to men"s and women"s groups, political a.s.sociations, and dubs. She was interviewed on radio, and there was a special newsreel just about her. Within two weeks the press was saturated with news of her coming tour. And then suddenly in mid-August Ca.s.sie was forced right off the front pages, by the escalation of the war in Europe. The Battle of Britain had begun, the blitz as it was called. The Luftwaffe was pounding England, in the hope of destroying it. And she knew without any doubt, just by being there, that Nick was in danger. No matter how angry at him she was, the news terrified her, and all she could think of now was Nick.

She called her father to see if he"d heard from him, but of course he hadn"t, even by the end of August.

"I don"t see how anything could get out, Ca.s.s. You just have to know he"s all right I"m listed as his next of kin. I"ll hear if anything happens." It was small encouragement, and her father had agreed with her that he was sure that by now they had pressed Nick into active service. He wouldn"t be teaching anymore, he"d be flying bombers or fighters. The Luftwaffe"s entire goal was to destroy the RAF, so Ca.s.sie knew Nick had to be fighting to defend it. And knowing that worried her constantly. It seemed even more awful now to have left each other on such bad terms. She only hoped that he would be safe. Nothing else mattered.

Despite the war, Desmond continued to plan the tour very carefully, and with incredible precision. They had agreed on the plane she would take, and it was already being prepared and equipped with extraordinary new instruments, extra fuel tanks, and long-range tracking devices. With Desmond"s meticulous attention to detail, Ca.s.sie felt sure that they were proceeding safely.

The only real difficulty they had, and major change, was with their route, because of the war in Europe. By 1940, the war had spread to too many places. There were areas of the Pacific that weren"t safe, laige parts of North Africa, and of course all of Europe. It had become impossible to think of circling the globe now. But there were still extraordinary records to be set, and enormous distances to cover. And with Desmond"s heightened interest in warplanes, he was anxious to prove the reliability of his aircraft over vast expanses of ocean. In essence, they were going to circle the Pacific, doing eight legs in ten days, and covering fifteen thousand five hundred and fifty miles. Their plane was to fly from Los Angeles to Guatemala City, and from there to the Galapagos. From the Galapagos to Easter Island, and then on to Tahiti. From Tahiti to Pago Pago, and then on to Howland Island, where Desmond already had a brief ceremony in mind, to honor Amelia Earhart, and from Howland they would head for Honolulu. There would be celebrations there, of course, and he planned to meet them, and then he would fly back with them to San Francisco, for the final triumphant leg of their tour. He was disappointed not to have her circle the globe, but the Pacific tour, as he called it now, accomplished many of the same things. The world tour would just have to come later, after the war in Europe was over. And flying nearly sixteen thousand miles would establish almost all the same things for Ca.s.sie"s reputation, and that of his airplanes. Ca.s.sie was impressed too by how sensibly he"d made the adjustment. In some ways, it disproved all the terrible things Nick had said about Desmond. He was not a madman, determined to kill her. Certainly that year, no one, mad or otherwise, would have attempted to fly through Europe.

Desmond arranged more press conferences for her in the fall, and saw to it that she was always in the news. He wanted all the attention possible focused on her. It was also a good diversion for people from the war in Europe. This was something wholesome and hopeful and exciting, and she looked so beautiful in every photograph that everyone was in love with her and wanted her to make it. People stopped her on the street now, and men hung out of cars to wave to her. People asked her to sign autographs. Nick was right in that sense, she was being treated like a movie star. But Desmond had slowed down her social life lately too. He seemed to want to keep her "pure" and free of romantic gossip. Nancy Firestone was still working with her, but she no longer arranged for escorts. If Ca.s.sie went anywhere important now, she went with Desmond. He said he could keep better control of things if he was there. They went to openings and premieres in Hollywood, they went out dancing at night, and to the theater. He was good company, and she enjoyed being with him, and since he got up as early as she did every day, he was happy to go home early. It was the perfect arrangement.

Meanwhile, Britain was still being pounded mercilessly by the Luftwaffe. And Ca.s.sie knew that her father had finally heard from Nick, and he"d been safe as recently as early October. He was flying Spitfires in the 54th Squadron, and he was still stationed at Hornchurch Aerodrome. He almost sounded as though he was enjoying it, and he promised that if he had anything to do with it, the Brits would soon be kicking the s.h.i.t out of the Germans. His only mention of Ca.s.sie was to tell Pat to give his love to his very unreasonable daughter. So the battle between them was not yet over, but at least he was alive, which was a huge relief to all the O"Malleys.

Even Desmond had been kind enough to inquire about his welfare, and she told him what she knew. But at least by November, the Luftwaffe seemed to be easing up a little bit. Until then, the bombings had been incessant and relentless. Children had begun arriving in the States to be cared for until after the war, and her sister Colleen had taken in two of them, which touched Ca.s.sie deeply. They were adorable, and the poor things were still completely terrified when Ca.s.sie saw them over Thanksgiving. Funnily enough they were both redheads just like she was. Annabelle was three and Humphrey was four. They were brother and sister, and their parents had lost their home in London, and had no relatives in the country. The Red Cross had arranged for them to come to New York, and Billy had flown there to get them. And he was shocked when the children asked him, on the way back, if he was going to bomb the airport.

Like everyone else, Ca.s.sie had fallen completely in love with them. Having the two children there gave her mother something to worry about and caring (or them took her mind off missing Chris. It was particularly hard over Thanksgiving for everyone, but somehow they got through it, thankful for each other. Ca.s.sie went to see Jessie then too, while she was home for Thanksgiving, and she seemed to be getting over it better than the O"Malleys. She was young and eventually, for her, there would be someone else, but Ca.s.sie would never have another brother.

She ran into Bobby and Peggy too. And Ca.s.sie had correctly guessed that Peggy was pregnant. She congratulated them, and Bobby looked as though he had grown up and flourished since he"d gotten married. His father had died, and the grocery store was his now. He was still dreaming of a chain of stores across Illinois, but for the moment he was more excited about the baby.

"And what about you, Ca.s.s?" he asked hesitantly. He didn"t want to pry, and he"d heard about the tour, but he wondered what else she was doing with her life, other than flying.

"I"m pretty busy getting ready for the Pacific tour," she said honestly. And he felt sorry for her. He had long since decided that she would probably never get married, or know the happiness he now had with Peggy.

The tour didn"t seem like much to him, but it was amazing how many hours of every day it consumed, reading reports, checking out the plane, and double-checking every little change the engineers made. She was also making long-range trips to get ready for the actual tour, and familiarizing herself with the details of their route across the Pacific.

She explained it to her father while she was there, and he was fascinated by all the preparations. He was anxious to see her plane, and she invited him to California to visit her, and see it. But he insisted he didn"t have time, he was too busy at the airport. And he was about to get a lot busier. Billy had to be in Newport Beach right after Christmas to start preparing for the trip too. He was so excited it was all he talked about, and Pat growled constantly about what an inconvenience it would be to have him go away for seven or eight months. They, were expecting the trip to take less than a month to complete but there would be press conferences and interviews afterward, if he ever came back at all. Like Ca.s.sie, he would become a hero and he would get much bigger offers than O"Malley"s Airport. And Pat hated to lose him.

In December, Ca.s.sie tried to do a thousand things, before she went home again for Christmas. The days were never long enough, and finally she had to send Nancy out to buy toys for all her nieces and nephews and Annabelle and Humphrey. She bought her sisters" gifts herself, and for her brothers-in-law, and her parents. It made her sad to realize there was no gift for Chris this year, and there never would be. When he was a little boy she used to give him cars that she traded her dolls for. She would have done anything for him then, and now he was gone. She still couldn"t believe it it.

It was going to be a rough Christmas this year, she knew, but they were expecting it, and she was touched when Desmond came by the night before she left, to bring her a present. She had bought him a beautiful navy cashmere scarf that she"d picked out for him at Edward Bursals in Beverly Hills, and a handsome new briefcase from the Beverly Hills luggage shop where Nancy said he bought his luggage. She couldn"t imagine giving him anything frivolous, like a loud tie or a baggy sweater. The very idea made her laugh. And she was thrilled when he liked his presents. They weren"t personal, but they were useful, and he liked that.

The gifts he had given her reminded her, as always, of how thoughtful he was. He had given her the book Listen! The Wind The Wind by Anne Morrow Lindbergh, the famed aviator"s wife, and a licensed pilot in her own right, and a lovely watercolor of the beach at Malibu, because he knew she loved it there. And then he handed her a smaller box, and she smiled as she unwrapped it. by Anne Morrow Lindbergh, the famed aviator"s wife, and a licensed pilot in her own right, and a lovely watercolor of the beach at Malibu, because he knew she loved it there. And then he handed her a smaller box, and she smiled as she unwrapped it.

"I"m not sure you"ll like this one," he said anxiously, which was unlike him. And then he stopped her and took her hand. "But if you don"t, Ca.s.s, just give it back, and I"ll understand. You don"t have to feel obliged to accept it."

"I can"t imagine giving anything back that you gave me," she said kindly, and he let her start unwrapping it again. Beneath the red paper, there was a small black box, and she couldn"t imagine what was in it. It was very small, and she guessed it had to be a very tiny object. And then he stopped her again and took both her hands in his own. He looked so pale, she was worried about him. This was so unlike him. It was almost as though he regretted giving her the gift at all, or was afraid of her reaction.

"I"ve never done anything like this," he said, looking very nervous. "You may think I"m crazy."

"Don"t worry," she said gently. Her face was very close to his, and for the first time in a year and a half, she felt a strange current run between them. "Whatever it is, I"m sure I"m going to love it," she promised, speaking very softly, and he looked relieved, but still uncertain. He was a powerful man, but for this one moment, he looked so vulnerable. She couldn"t imagine what was happening or why. She wondered if the holidays were hard for him, because he was alone. She felt sorry for him, as she thought of it, and then she smiled at him.

"Everything is okay, Desmond. I promise." She wanted to rea.s.sure him. They were friends now. The long preparations for the Pacific tour had already brought them closer together.

"Don"t say that until you look at my present."

"All right, then let me open it," she said calmly. He took his hands away then, and she opened the box finally, and all she could do was stare at the contents. It was a perfectly round, extremely large fifteen-carat diamond engagement ring, and as she stared at it in total disbelief, he slipped it on her finger.

"Desmond, I..." She didn"t know what to say to him. She hadn"t expected this. Me had never even really kissed her.

"Whatever you do, don"t be angry at me," he begged. "I never intended to do this... not this way... but... Ca.s.s-" He looked at her imploringly, so vulnerable suddenly, so open. "I"ve fallen head over heels in love with you. I never expected to do that. I thought we"d just be friends, and then... I don"t know what happened. But if you don"t want to marry me, I"ll understand. We"ll just go on as we did before, we"ll do the tour... Ca.s.s... please... say something... oh G.o.d, Ca.s.sie... I love you." He buried his face in her hair, and she was overwhelmed with tenderness for him. She didn"t love him as she loved Nick, that would have been impossible, but she loved him as one would a dear friend, or someone who needed you very badly. She wanted to make things right for him, to be there for him, to to help him. Even to erase the pain of the past for him, if she could. But not for an instant had she ever thought of their getting married. help him. Even to erase the pain of the past for him, if she could. But not for an instant had she ever thought of their getting married.

"Oh, Desmond," she said softly, as he pulled away to look at her face and see what she was really saying.

"Are you angry at me?"

"How could I be...?" She looked stunned more than anything. She had no idea what to say now.

"Oh, Ca.s.sie, G.o.d how I love you," he whispered and then kissed her for the first time, without waiting to hear if she would keep the ring, and she was startled by the extent of his pa.s.sion. He was deeply emotional, in a way she had never even suspected. Everything was bottled up inside, and had been for years probably. He kissed her again, and she was surprised at herself when she responded, and was breathless when she pulled away from him. The entire experience was dizzying and she was confused by everything she was feeling. He was a far more powerful person than she was.

"I think this is supposed to be the engagement, not the honeymoon," she said hoa.r.s.ely, and he grinned, looking boyish and a little wild-eyed.

"Is it? Is it the engagement, Ca.s.s?" He couldn"t believe what he was hearing. He wanted it to be, but she wasn"t sure yet. This was all so unexpected.

"I don"t know... I... I didn"t expect this..." But she didn"t look angry at him, and she hadn"t said no yet.

"I don"t expect you to love me immediately. I know about your friend in the RAF... if... if you think that... Ca.s.sie, you have to do what"s right for you... what about him?" He had to know now. And she wanted to be honest with him.

"I still love him." She couldn"t imagine loving anyone but him. She had always loved him, as far back as she could remember. "He says he"ll never marry me... he left in a rage about the tour the last time I saw him, and I haven"t heard from him since. I don"t think I will." She looked at him a little forlornly, remembering the last time she"d seen Nick. But everything with Desmond was so different.

"Where does that leave us?" he asked her gently. She looked at him and shivered. He was so good to her, so understanding. And she knew she couldn"t abandon him now after all he"d done for her. But it didn"t seem right to love one man and marry another. It wasn"t fair to Desmond, more than anyone, but he seemed willing to accept the situation. And Nick would never marry her, that she was sure of. He was the stubbornest man alive. And she and Desmond had so much in common. They shared his business and the tour. Together they could do great things. And if she couldn"t have Nick, then maybe all she needed was to be married to a good friend. It didn"t seem possible to find another man she loved as she did Nick in one lifetime. And in time, she might come to love him as she did Nick, though she couldn"t imagine it. But in many ways, she already cared about Desmond deeply. Marriage would be the ultimate bond between them. But it hurt to think of marrying anyone other than Nick Galvin.

"I"m not sure." She looked at Desmond honestly. "I don"t want to short-change you. You"ve already had two marriages that cheated you out of what you should have had. I..." She looked into his eyes then, and saw all his desperate hope there. He was pleading with her, without saying a word, and all she wanted to do was please him. She wanted to help him, and be there for him... and maybe that meant she loved him.

"I know how much he must mean to you," he said understandingly "I don"t expect to replace him overnight, Ca.s.s... I understand... I just love you."

"I love you too," she said softly. And she did. She valued his friendship, and his loyalty. She respected and admired everything about him. He had done nothing but good things for her. Right from the moment they met he had been wonderful to her. And now he wanted to give her everything. He wanted her to become Mrs. Desmond Williams. She couldn"t help smiling at the idea. It was more than a little overwhelming.

"If it doesn"t work for you, we"ll get divorced," he said, as though to rea.s.sure her. But she looked horrified at the suggestion.

"I would never do that." She had her parents" marriage as an example. "I don"t mean to seem... ungrateful... or hesitant." She was groping for the right words, as he watched her. His eyes never left hers, and she felt the power of his wanting bore through her. She was surprised at the sheer force of him, as he held her hand and sat next to her. She could feel the strength of his need for her, and everything he wanted to give her.

"I"ll never hurt you, Ca.s.s. And I"ll always leave you free to be your own person. You"re too important to me to try and clip your wings. You can do, and be, anything you want if we get married."

"Would you ever want children?" She was almost embarra.s.sed to ask him. The question was so intimate, and their relationship never had been.

"They"re not important to me," he said honestly. "But maybe some day, if that"s what you really want, and you"re not too busy flying. But I think that"s something you really have to think about. You have a lot of important things to do with your life. Having children might be more appropriate for women like your sisters. That"s their job. You have yours, and it"s a very important one. But I"m not telling you I wouldn"t have one. I just wonder if that"s really what you want."

"I"ve never been sure. I used to think I didn"t." And then with Nick, she had begun to think she would love to have his babies. She didn"t feel ready to give up the idea forever. It was too soon, and she was too young to decide that, and he knew it.

"You"ve got plenty of time to make those decisions later. At twenty-one, it"s really not all that important. And you"ve got the tour to think of." It was that that brought them together. And now she could imagine feeling even closer to him, if they were married.

"Desmond, I don"t know what to say to you." She was near tears as he pulled her closer.

"Say you"ll marry me," he said, putting an arm around her shoulder and bringing her closer. "Say you trust me... say that even if you"re not sure now, you believe that one day you could really love me. I already do, Ca.s.s. I love you more than anyone or anything in my life until this moment."

How could she deny that? How could she let him down, or run away from him? How could she spend a lifetime waiting for Nick when she knew he wouldn"t marry her? Her father had told him as much the last time he"d been home. If Nick wouldn"t many her, he had no right to interfere with her future, or her decisions.

"Yes..." The word was barely more than a whisper as he stared at her in amazement. "Yes," she said it very softly, and without another sound, he kissed her. It seemed hours before he let her go again, and Ca.s.sie was trembling with emotion.

"My parents are going to be stunned," she said, looking like a child suddenly, and then she had a thought. Everything was going to be so different.

"Why don"t you come home with me for Christmas?" She wanted to take him home to her family. If they were going to be married, it was important to her that he meet them and spend time with them. Her parents didn"t even remember meeting him when Chris died. And their announcement would certainly make for an unexpectedly happy Christmas for the O"Malleys.

But he looked uncomfortable at the invitation. He hadn"t had a family Christmas in years. He no longer even missed them. "Ca.s.s, I don"t want to intrude, sweetheart. Especially not this year. It may be a lot for your parents to absorb. And holidays aren"t my strong suit."

But she looked terribly disappointed. "Desmond, please. They"ll think I made it up, and stole the ring."

"No, they won"t. I"ll call you three times a day. Honestly, I have a ton of work to do. You know that better than anyone. And when you come back, we"ll go skiing for a weekend." The last thing he wanted to do was spend Christmas in Illinois with the O"Malleys. The thought of it made him desperately uncomfortable and nothing she said would persuade him.

"I don"t want to go skiing. I want you to come home with me," she insisted with tears in her eyes. She was suddenly overwhelmed by events and emotions. She was engaged engaged to Desmond Williams. It was amazing. And through it all she tried to force herself not to think of Nick Calvin. to Desmond Williams. It was amazing. And through it all she tried to force herself not to think of Nick Calvin.

"I promise we"ll go next year," he said firmly.

"Well, I should hope so," she said, shocked at the idea that they wouldn"t. "You"re not just getting me, you"re getting my family. And there are lots of us." She beamed, warming up to the idea of announcing her engagement.

"There"s only one of you," he said intensely and then he kissed her again. And for a flash of an instant, she thought of Nick, and knew she had betrayed him. And as she thought of him, she remembered his warnings about Desmond. But he"d been wrong about him. Desmond was a decent man. He loved her and she knew that in time she would love him, and they would have a great life together.

"When shall we set the date for?" Desmond broke into her thoughts again as he poured her another gla.s.s of champagne. "Let"s not wait too long. I"m not sure I can stand it, now that you"ve said yes. You"ll have to keep Nancy around to protect you." He smiled knowingly at her and she blushed as she smiled up at him.