"Take it away, you two," Nick admonished them, thinking of the tour again. "Watch out that she doesn"t fly into a tree somewhere," he warned Billy, and then shook his hand, while Ca.s.sie did their ground checks, and he watched her. Nick couldn"t keep his eyes from her, and she loved feeling him near her.
She kissed her father then, while Billy settled in, and then there was no escaping it. It was time to say goodbye to Nick. Their eyes met and held, their hands touched, and then he pulled her into his arms and kissed her gently in front of the others. He didn"t care anymore. He just wanted to be sure she knew he loved her.
"Take care, Ca.s.s," he whispered into her hair after he kissed her. "Don"t do anything crazy on that tour of yours." He still wished she wouldn"t go but he knew he couldn"t stop her.
"I love you," she said softly, with eyes full of tears that told him everything she felt for him and mirrored everything he felt. "Let me know how you are sometime." He nodded, and she stepped up into the c.o.c.kpit as he squeezed her hand for the last time. It was almost impossible this time to leave each other. Pat was watching them, sorry for both of them. But he said nothing to reproach them.
Her father and Nick were still standing there as they taxied down the runway in the huge Williams Aircraft plane she"d borrowed from Desmond. Once off the ground, she dipped her wings at them, and then they were gone. Nick stood staring at the sky for a long time, long after Pat had walked back into the airport, long after her plane had left the sky. All he could think of now was lying beside her in the moonlight. And in a way, he was relieved that the next morning, he"d be going back to the war. He couldn"t stand being here now without her.
She and Billy didn"t talk much on the flight back to L.A. Her mother had given them a thermos of coffee, and some fried chicken. But neither of them was hungry. Her eyes told a thousand tales, but he didn"t ask her any questions for the first two hours. And then, finally, he couldn"t stand the silence any longer.
"How do you feel?" She knew what he was asking her, and she sighed before she answered.
"I don"t know. I"m glad I saw him. At least he knows now." She was filled with hope and despair all at once. It was hard to explain it it to Billy. At least Nick knew about Desmond now, but in some ways their time together had only made it harder for her to go back to California. to Billy. At least Nick knew about Desmond now, but in some ways their time together had only made it harder for her to go back to California.
"How did he take it?"
"As well as he could have. He was furious at first. He said a lot of things." She hesitated and then looked at her friend grimly. "He thinks Desmond married me as a publicity stunt to make the tour more appealing to the public."
"Is that what you think?" he asked pointedly, and she thought about it and hesitated. She didn"t want to think that. "Sounds like sour grapes to me. Maybe it"s hard for Nick to admit to himself that the guy really loves you." But did he? He was so cool to her now, so involved in the tour, and nothing else about her. What if Nick was right, she wondered. It was hard to know, hard to see clearly, especially after the night she"d spent with Nick at the old airstrip. But she knew for certain that she had to put that out of her mind now. She wanted to be fair to Desmond. And she had to think of the tour. She could work the rest out later.
But thinking of the tour reminded her again of everything she owed Desmond. Nick wasn"t being fair, and she didn"t believe that Desmond had other women. He was completely driven by his work, he was obsessed with it. In a way, that was their biggest problem. That, and Nick Galvin. But she was returning to LA determined to play fairly. She wouldn"t allow Nick to cast a shadow of doubt on their marriage.
But from the moment she returned, Desmond did everything Nick had predicted. All he did was talk about the press, and the Pacific tour. He didn"t even ask about her weekend with her parents. And in spite of herself, she found herself suddenly suspicious of Desmond"s coolness, and his constant love affair with photographers and newsreels. She questioned him about some interviews he had scheduled for her, balking at the necessity of it, and the tensions between them were instantly apparent.
"What exactly is it you"re complaining about?" he snapped at her nastily at midnight on the day after she got back from her parents. She was exhausted from flying a twelve-hour day, followed by five hours of meetings. And he had ended her day with a bevy of reporters and photographers to take her picture.
"I"m just tired of falling over photographers every time I get out of bed, or climb out of the bathtub. They"re everywhere, and I"m tired of it. Get rid of them," she said pointedly, with a look of irritation.
"What is it that you"re objecting to?" he said angrily. "the fact that you"re the biggest name in the news, or that you"ve been on the cover of Life Life magazine twice this year? What exactly is your problem?" magazine twice this year? What exactly is your problem?"
"My problem is that I"m exhausted, and I"m tired of being treated like a show dog." Nick"s warnings were affecting her. And she realized that she was suspicious of Desmond. But she really was tired of reporters.
And Desmond very clearly didn"t like being challenged. He was furious with her. After another hour of arguing pointlessly, he moved into the small guest room off his study. He spent the rest of the week sleeping and working there, claiming he had too much work to do to move back into their bedroom. But she knew he was punishing her for complaining. But in a way it was a relief, and it gave her time to to sort out her own confusion. Being with Nick hadn"t made things any easier, but she knew that part of that was her own fault. sort out her own confusion. Being with Nick hadn"t made things any easier, but she knew that part of that was her own fault.
Eventually, things calmed down again with Desmond. Tensions were high, and their nerves were raw because of the pressures of the tour, but he apologized to her for being "testy." He tried to explain the value of the press to her again, and she decided that Nick was wrong about him. There was a certain truth to what Desmond was saying. Publicity was an important part of the Pacific tour, and he was right, there was no point accomplishing it in silence.
Desmond was a decent man, she knew. He just had very definite opinions. And he obviously knew what he was doing.
But in spite of their peace treaty over the press, some things didn"t improve. For months now, they had had no love life whatsoever. More than once, she had wondered if there was something wrong with him, or with her, but she would never have dared to ask him. All he thought about was the tour. The budding pa.s.sion of their honeymoon was long since forgotten. She knew that some of that had made her more vulnerable to Nick. But she also knew that her love for Nick was something Desmond had no part in. But her lack of physical relationship with Desmond made it hard for Ca.s.sie to feel close to him, and sometimes she wished she had someone to talk to. She thought of saying something to Nancy Firestone, but ever since her marriage to Desmond, Nancy had put a very definite distance between them. It was as though she felt uncomfortable being friendly with Ca.s.sie since she was the boss"s wife now. But with no friends except Billy, and Desmond so cool, it made Ca.s.sie feel lonelier than ever.
In spite of whatever tensions existed, everything moved ahead on schedule. They were within a week of the tour, and they were ready.
Photographers followed her everywhere chronicling her last week before the trip, every action, every meeting, every movement. She felt as though she was spending her entire life smiling and waving. There was no privacy, no quiet time with Desmond. Everything was the Pacific tour, and the endless preparations for it. This was her only life now.
It was also getting very exciting for all of them. Ca.s.sie could hardly sleep anymore. And they were down to five days when Glynnis called her late one afternoon, and reached her at the airfield. Ca.s.sie was surprised to hear from her, and wondered if anything was wrong.
"Hi, Glynn... what"s up?"
"It"s Dad," she answered quickly. She started to cry before she could say another word, and a vise of steel clutched Ca.s.sie"s heart as she listened. "He had a heart attack this morning. He"s in Mercy Hospital. Mom"s with him." Oh G.o.d... no... not her father.
"Is he going to be okay?" Ca.s.sie asked her oldest sister quickly.
"They don"t know yet," Glynnis said, in tears again.
"I"ll come home as soon as I can. Tonight. I"ll tell Desmond and start in a little while," Without a moment"s hesitation, Ca.s.sie knew she had to be there.
"Can you do that?" Glynnis sounded worried, but she knew she had to call her. They had told her at first that her father wasn"t going to make it. But in the last hour he had stabilized, and they were cautiously hopeful. "When do you leave on the tour?"
"Not for five more days. I"ve got time, Glynn. I"m coming... I love you... tell Dad I love him... tell him to wait... not to go... please..." She was sobbing.
"I love you too, baby," Glynnis said, in the strong voice of her older sister, "I"ll see you later. Fly safely."
"Tell Mom I love her too." They were both crying as she hung up the phone, and then she went to tell Billy what had happened, and that she was going home to see her father. Without hesitating for an instant, he said he"d go with her. They were inseparable these days, like Siamese twins. They had become like each other"s shadows in the six months of training. Sometimes they even seemed to know what the other was thinking.
"I"ll meet you back here in half an hour. Do me a favor. Gas up the Phaeton. I"m going to go tell Desmond." But she knew he"d understand, Ca.s.sie thought. He knew how much her father meant to her.
But when she got to his office, she was in for a surprise.
"Of course you"re not going," he said coldly. "You"ve got five days of training and briefings left, two press conferences, and we have to plot the final course according to the weather."
"I"ll be back in two days," she said quietly. She couldn"t believe he was arguing with her about something this important.
"You will not," he said firmly, as Miss Fitzpatrick slipped out of the room discreetly.
"Desmond, my father had a heart attack. He may not survive it." Obviously, he didn"t understand, Ca.s.sie thought. But he did. Perfectly.
"Let me make myself clear, Ca.s.s. You"re not not going. I am going. I am ordering ordering you to stay here," He sounded like an air marshal in a war. It was ridiculous. He was her husband. What was he talking about? She looked at him in confusion. you to stay here," He sounded like an air marshal in a war. It was ridiculous. He was her husband. What was he talking about? She looked at him in confusion.
"You"re what what?" He repeated himself for her benefit and she stared at him. "My father may die, Desmond. I"m going home to him, whether you like it it or not." Something hardened in her eyes as she said it. or not." Something hardened in her eyes as she said it.
"Against my wishes, and not in one of my planes," he said coldly.
"I"ll steal one if I have to," she said furiously. "I can"t believe you"re saying these things. You must be tired, or sick... what"s wrong with you?" There were tears in her eyes, but he was immovable. The tour meant everything to him. More than her father. Who was this man she had married?
"Do you have any idea how much money is riding on this tour? Do you care?" he spat at her.
"Of course I care, and I wouldn"t do anything to jeopardize it, but this is my father we"re talking about. Look, I"ll be back in two days. I promise." She tried to calm down again, and remind herself that they were both under a lot of pressure.
"You"re not going," he repeated coldly. This was ridiculous. What was he trying to do to her? As she looked at him, she started to tremble.
"You have no choice!" she shouted at him, losing control finally. "I"m going! And Billy"s coming with me."
"I won"t allow it."
"What are you going to do?" She stared at him with new eyes suddenly. She had never seen him so heartless. He had never been cruel to her before. This was a new insight into Desmond. "Fire us both? Isn"t it a little close to the trip, or do you think you can replace us?" She was not amused by his behavior.
"Anyone can be replaced. Eventually. And let me explain something to you, Ca.s.s, while we"re on the subject. If you don"t don"t come back, I"ll divorce you, and sue you for breach of contract. Is that clear? You have a contract with me for this tour, and I intend to hold you to it." She couldn"t believe what she was hearing. Who was he? If he meant what he was saying, the man was a monster. come back, I"ll divorce you, and sue you for breach of contract. Is that clear? You have a contract with me for this tour, and I intend to hold you to it." She couldn"t believe what she was hearing. Who was he? If he meant what he was saying, the man was a monster.
Her mouth opened as she listened to him, but no sound came out. Nick had been right. All that mattered to him was the tour. He didn"t care about her or her feelings, or the fact that her father was dying. He would have divorced her for canceling the tour. It was incredible. But so was everything he had just said to her.
She walked slowly to his desk, and looked at him, wondering if she even knew him. "I"ll fly the tour for you. Because I want to. But after that, you and I are going to have a serious conversation." He didn"t answer her, and she turned around and walked out of his office. She was threatening the only thing in his life he cared about, his precious Pacific tour. But the real shock was that it meant more to him than their marriage.
She said not a word to Billy as she climbed into the plane, and she signed the plane out properly. She suddenly felt like an employee and nothing else. Her face was taut and angry as they took off, and Billy watched her. She had wanted to fly, so he didn"t offer to take the controls. It kept her mind occupied while she tried not to worry about her father, but he could see that she did anyway. But she looked angry more than worried, and he wondered what had happened.
"What did he say?... about our going, I mean..."
"You mean Desmond?" she said icily and he nodded. "He said he"d divorce me if I didn"t do the tour. And he"d sue me for breach of contract." It had to sink in for a minute before Billy reacted.
"He said what what? He was kidding obviously."
"He was not kidding. He was deadly serious. If we cancel, he"s going to sue the pants off us. Me, anyway. Apparently, the tour means a little more to him than I thought. This is the big time, Billy. Big investments, big money, big stakes, big penalties if we blow it. Maybe h.e.l.l sue our families if we crack up his plane for him," she said sarcastically, as Billy listened in amazement. She sounded angry and bitterly disappointed.
"But you"re his wife, Ca.s.s." He was confused by what she was saying.
"Apparently not," she said miserably, "just an employee." He had disappointed her terribly. But then again, families were not his forte. "I told him we"d be back in two days. We"re in deep s.h.i.t, kid, if we aren"t." She grinned at him. They were in it now, up to their ears, but at least they were together. She was grateful he had come with her. He was truly her only friend now.
"We"ll be hack in time. Your dad"ll) be fine." He tried to rea.s.sure her.
But when they got to Mercy Hospital, Pat was any thing but fine. Three nuns and a nurse were standing at his bedside, and a priest had just given him the last rites. All of his children and grandchildren were there, and Oona was crying softly.
Ca.s.sie cleared the kids out first, she sent them outside with Billy. She knew he could manage them, he was like the pied piper with kids, and one of her brothers-in-law volunteered to go with him. And then she hugged her mother, and talked quietly to her sisters. Pat wasn"t rallying, and he hadn"t regained consciousness since Glynnis called her. The doctor came to talk to her a few minutes after that, and he said that he was doubtful now that Pat would make it.
Ca.s.sie couldn"t believe what she was hearing, or what had happened to him. She had seen him only four weeks before, and he hadn"t looked great, but she"d had no idea that he was this sick. Apparently, his heart had been giving him trouble for a while, but he ignored it, despite Oona"s pleadings.
Ca.s.sie and her mother and all three of her sisters sat with him all night, and by morning there was still no improvement. And it was only late the following day that he regained consciousness, and smiled briefly at Oona. It was the first sign of hope they"d had, and two hours later, he opened his eyes again and squeezed Ca.s.sie"s hand and told her he loved her. All she could think of then was how much she had loved him as a little girl, how good he had always been to her, and how much she had loved flying with him... she thought of a thousand things... a hundred special moments.
"Is he going to be okay?" she asked the doctor when he came by that afternoon, and he said it was still too soon to tell. But after another sleepless night for all of them, miraculously, the next morning, as the nuns kept silent vigil with them, saying their rosaries, he stabilized, and the doctor said he was going to make it. It was going to be a long haul, and he predicted two months of solid rest, most of it at home in bed, and after that, with any luck at all, he"d be a new man. But he"d have to take care of himself, not smoke so much, and cut out the whiskey and Oona"s homemade ice cream. It was the greatest relief in Ca.s.sie"s life as she stood crying in the hallway with her sisters. Her mother was still in the room with him, breaking the news to to him about the ice cream. him about the ice cream.
"Who"s going to run the airport?" Megan asked as they stood in the hallway. Pat had no a.s.sistant these days, and ever since Nick and Ca.s.s and Billy had been gone, all the responsibility had fallen on his shoulders. The doctor thought it had probably contributed to the problem. There was no one else around to help him handle the airport.
"Do you know anyone?" she asked Billy in an undertone. He had stood staunchly by them for two days, just as Chris would have. He was almost like their son now. But he didn"t know anyone to help out either. A lot of the younger pilots who used to float around had volunteered for the RAF after Nick did.
"I"m stumped," he said, as she looked at him. They were due back in L.A. that night. They were leaving on the Pacific tour in three days. As Billy looked at her, he read her mind, or he thought he did, but he couldn"t believe she would do it. "You"re not thinking what I think you"re thinking... are you?"
"I might be." She looked at him seriously. It was a big step. Particularly after what Desmond had said before they left. A very big step. A final one possibly. But the only one, as far as she was concerned. And if he wanted to divorce her for that, let him. This was her father.
"You don"t have to stay with me though. You can go back so he doesn"t get mad at you." Things were going to get rough once she told him.
"I can"t go without you," he said calmly.
"Maybe he"ll get someone else." She was being naive, and Billy knew it, even if she didn"t. After all the publicity she"d had for the past year, and all the careful orchestration, it would never have had the same impact without her, and Desmond knew that.
"What are you going to do?" Billy asked worriedly. He didn"t want her to get hurt by her decision, but he also knew what her father meant to her, and what her priorities were. There was no doubt about what she was going to do, just about how she was going to do it.
"I"m going to call him and tell him to postpone it. He doesn"t have to cancel it. Just postpone it. All I want is two months, three max, so Dad can get back on his feet, and I can stay here and run the airport."
"I"ll stay with you. Possibly permanently," he grinned. "We may both be out of a job in about ten minutes." But it was more than a job to her, he realized. For Ca.s.sie it was her marriage. But after Desmond"s threats the day before, she wasn"t sure if she had a marriage anymore, or if she"d ever had. Maybe Nick had been right about him all along, or maybe Desmond had just let the emotions of the moment get away from him, and by now he was sorry. Interestingly, he had not called Ca.s.sie once, at home, or at the hospital, since she"d left. She hadn"t heard a thing from him in two days. And when she called him five minutes later from the hospital switchboard, Miss Fitzpatrick answered her with a tone of ice and went to get him.
He came on the line to her almost immediately, and she was sorry about the lack of privacy in the hospital lobby, but it couldn"t be helped. She had to tell him as soon as possible, and she didn"t want to go all the way to the airport to talk to him from her father"s office.
"Where are you?" were his opening words.
"At the hospital in Good Hope. With my father." As though he didn"t remember. He did not ask her about his father-in-law, or how she was. For all he knew, her father was dead by then, but he didn"t inquire about him. "Desmond, I"m sorry to have to do this."
"Ca.s.sie, I"m not going to listen to what you"re telling me," he said in a tone of icy fury. "Remember what I said to you when you left, and remember that I meant it." She paused only long enough to catch her breath, and remind herself that this was a man she had married four and a half months before. It was suddenly difficult to believe it. He was everything Nick had said he was, and wasn"t.
"I remember everything you said perfectly," she shouted at him across a poor connection. "And I seem to remember marrying you. Apparently, you"ve forgotten. There"s more to life than world tours. I"m not just a machine, or a flyboy in a dress, or one of your employees. I"m a human being with a family and my father almost died two days ago. I"m not leaving him. I want you to postpone the tour for two or three months. I"ll go in September or October. You figure out when. Make whatever adjustments you have to for the weather and the course. I"ll do whatever you want. But I"m not going three days from now. They need me here. I"m not leaving."
"You b.i.t.c.h," he shouted at her, "you selfish little b.i.t.c.h! Do you know what I"ve put into this, not only in money, but in time and love and effort? You You have no idea what this means to me, or to the country. All you"re interested in is your own pathetic little tawdry life with your seamy little family, and your father"s embarra.s.sing little airport," He spoke with utter contempt for her, and for them, and she couldn"t believe what she was hearing. What a heartless b.a.s.t.a.r.d he was to even say things like that to her. It was almost impossible to believe it. And as she listened to him, she felt a physical pain as she realized that she and Desmond Williams had never had a marriage. She had just been a tool to get him what he wanted. have no idea what this means to me, or to the country. All you"re interested in is your own pathetic little tawdry life with your seamy little family, and your father"s embarra.s.sing little airport," He spoke with utter contempt for her, and for them, and she couldn"t believe what she was hearing. What a heartless b.a.s.t.a.r.d he was to even say things like that to her. It was almost impossible to believe it. And as she listened to him, she felt a physical pain as she realized that she and Desmond Williams had never had a marriage. She had just been a tool to get him what he wanted.
"I don"t care what you call me, Desmond," she shouted across the lobby, indifferent to who heard her anymore. "Postpone the trip, or cancel it. It"s up to you. But I"m not going now. I"ll fly anything you want in the fall, but I"m not going in three days. I"m staying with my father."
"And Billy?" he asked furiously. He wanted to fire both of them, but he knew he couldn"t.
"He"s staying here with me, with my tawdry little family, at our embarra.s.sing little airport. And I won"t fly it for you next time, Desmond, without him. You"ve got us, if you want us. But later. Let me know what you decide. You know where to reach me."
"I"ll never forgive you for this, Ca.s.sie."
"So I gather." And then she couldn"t help asking. "What exactly is it you"re so angry about, Desmond, as long as I"ve agreed to do it later?"
"The embarra.s.sment, the postponement. Why should we have to put up with this childish garbage from you?"
"Because I could have gotten sick... because I"m human. That"s it, why don"t you just tell the press I"m sick or something." She laughed shallowly, knowing that it was beyond impossible, at the moment. "tell them I"m pregnant."
"You don"t amuse me."
"I"m sorry to hear that. I"m not finding you very amusing either. In fact, I"m finding you very disappointing. Call me, when you decide what you"re doing. I"ll be at the airport for the next two months. Call me anytime," she said with tears in her eyes, and then hung up on him with a bang. She had wanted to tell him she was sorry for postponing the trip, but he had treated her so abominably that in the end she hadn"t. She was sorry to have to postpone it, she knew it was hard on everyone involved, but she just couldn"t let her father down now. He had always been there for her, and now she wanted to be there for him. But there were tears of anger and defeat in her eyes when she hung up the phone, and her hands were shaking. And as she put the receiver back in the cradle she happened to glance at the old nun who was running the switchboard. She was smiling at her, and she gave her a sign of victory from her seat at the switchboard.
"You tell em," she growled. "America loves you, Ca.s.s. They can wait another two or three months. Good for you for staying with your father. G.o.d bless you."
Ca.s.sie smiled gratefully at her, and went back to report to Billy.
"What did he say?" he asked anxiously.
"I"m not sure yet. I told him to postpone it, and said that we"d fly it for him in September or October. He called me a lot of rude names. I wouldn"t exactly say he was pleased. And I told him you were staying here with me, and that I wouldn"t fly the next one without you. It"s a package deal." Billy whistled at the courage she had shown, and he patted her shoulder. "But listen, if you want to go back, I understand. You can even fly it for him yourself if you want to." There was a lot she needed to think about now. About the trip, about her marriage, about everything he had said to her, and the things he hadn"t. He had exposed himself to her completely. There were not many illusions left. After four and a half months, their marriage was over. In reality anyway, but not in the papers.
What she hadn"t counted on was Desmond arriving in Good Hope the next day, and bringing with him over a hundred reporters and two newsreel crews. He announced right from the steps of Mercy Hospital that due to circ.u.mstances beyond their control, the Pacific tour was being postponed until October. He explained that his father-in-law was critically ill, and Ca.s.sie couldn"t leave him. She would be running her father"s airport for him for two months, and then training again for the tour in September. He caught her completely by surprise and he proved once and for all that he was everything Nick had said he was. He was a total fake and a b.a.s.t.a.r.d. And through it all, he pretended to care deeply about her father.
But he hadn"t even told her he was coming. He had just showed up at the hospital, asked for her, and when she came out to see him, looking surprised, she found him waiting with a lobby full of reporters. He had set up a full press conference on the hospital steps, without even warning her. And she looked haggard and exhausted and unprepared, which was exactly what he wanted. He wanted America to feel sorry for her, so they would forgive her for canceling the tour. But there was no question of it. They would forgive her anything. It was Desmond who wouldn"t. She was so so overcome, and so tired, and so emotional, and so angry at him, that she ended up crying when the reporters asked her about her father. It was exactly what Desmond wanted. overcome, and so tired, and so emotional, and so angry at him, that she ended up crying when the reporters asked her about her father. It was exactly what Desmond wanted.
And when the press had left, he walked her outside and explained to her in no uncertain terms what he expected from her. She had exactly two months "leave," as he put it, from the tour. On September 1, she was to come back to L.A. to train again and attend briefings, and on October 4 they would leave on the same course, with some slight adjustments for weather. Any variation from that plan, or any failure on her part to appear in Los Angeles, as agreed, would result in a lawsuit. And to be sure she understood perfectly, he had brought contracts with him for her and Billy to sign, and he reminded her that he was flying back the plane she had arrived in.
"Anything else? Would you like my underwear or my shoes? I think you paid for them too. I left my engagement ring in L.A., but you"re certainly welcome to it, it"s yours. You can have my wedding ring too." She slipped it off her shaking hand, and held it out to him with trembling fingers. Everything that had happened in the past few days was a nightmare. And he looked at her now, totally devoid of emotion. He was a man who felt nothing for anyone, not even the girl he had married.
"I suggest you leave it on until after the tour, so as not to cause any gossip. You can dispose of it quietly after that, if you like. That"s up to you," he said coldly.
"That"s what this was all about then, wasn"t it? It was all about a publicity stunt for the tour. America"s sweetheart and the big tyc.o.o.n. Why did you bother? And what happened to you? Why are you so willing to expose yourself now? Just because I postponed it? Is that such a sin? I know it"s inconvenient, and expensive to change plans. But what if we"d had a problem with the plane... or I got sick... what if I did get pregnant?"