And that"s all it takes to bring tears to my eyes. I don"t respond, I just walk straight to the elevators and push the call b.u.t.ton. Carly appears at my side.
"Oh my gosh! I just heard the news. Are you okay?"
She had to have been behind this, had to have reported what she saw to HR first thing this morning, probably while Nate was making love to me.
I don"t look at her. I just watch the numbers above the elevator doors. I feel Nate"s eyes on my back.
f.u.c.k him.
f.u.c.k all of them.
"Jules, are you okay?" Carly asks again in her disgustingly fake sweet voice.
The elevator pings and the doors open. I step inside and turn around, my eyes meeting Nate"s and I answer Carly without looking at her.
"f.u.c.k you."
Chapter Thirty.
"h.e.l.lo?"
"Will, it"s Jules." I clear my throat and change lanes, heading toward my house.
"Hey, what"s up?"
"I need to come stay with you for a while."
Silence.
"What"s going on?" Will"s usual happy, flippant voice has lowered, and I know he"s ready to kick a.s.s for me.
"I just got fired, and lost my boyfriend in the process. I need to get away and get my head on straight. Can I crash with you?"
"I"ll put clean sheets in the spare room. Are you okay to drive?"
"Yeah, I think I"m still in shock. I"ll fall apart when I get to your place."
"I"ll get the Kleenex ready too. Love you, kiddo."
"Love you too."
I hang up and call Natalie. I need to get the phone calls out of the way now, before the tears start. Because once they start, I don"t know if I"ll be able to stop them.
"Jules?" Nat answers. "Why aren"t you at work?"
"I got fired."
"f.u.c.k, someone found out."
"Yep." I pull into my driveway, cut the engine, and stride quickly into the house and up to my bedroom.
"You sound calm."
"I"m p.i.s.sed as f.u.c.k, mostly at Nate. He didn"t get fired, and when I was in front of him and the other members of the firing squad, he didn"t exactly defend me."
I hear Olivia fussing in the background. "Do you need me to come over?" Nat asks.
"No, I"m packing. I need to get away for a little while."
"Come here," Natalie offers, but I know that"s not an option either.
"Thanks, but I"m going to Will"s. I really want to go off the grid for a while and figure out what I"m going to do next."
"Okay, but if you need anything, you know where to find me."
"Thanks, Nat." I feel tears starting, but I swallow them down and focus on throwing clothes into my biggest suitcase. I"m taking just about everything because I don"t know how long I"ll be gone.
I"m tossing toiletries into a smaller suitcase when I hear my front door open and slam shut and heavy footsteps running up my stairs, two at a time. Suddenly Nate is in my doorway, panting, his hair down, in just his white b.u.t.ton down shirt and slacks. He eyes my open suitcases and then pins me with his narrowed gray eyes.
"Where are you going?" he asks.
"None of your business." I turn to go back into the bathroom, but he lunges for me and grabs my elbows.
"Let"s talk about this, Julianne."
I pull out of his grasp and wrap my arms around my middle, so livid, so hurt, so confused.
"Don"t touch me. There is nothing to talk about, Nate. You threw me under the bus."
He steps toward me again, but I back away and he plants his hands on his lean hips. "That"s not what happened."
"You sat in that room and let them fire me without saying one word in my defense."
"You weren"t in that room all morning when that"s exactly what I did. I offered to quit if they"d let you stay."
"But you didn"t threaten to quit if they fired me."
His jaw clenches shut and he runs a hand through his hair.
"I didn"t think so," I mutter and stalk into the bathroom, gathering my shampoo, razor and shower gel out of the shower and dump them into the suitcase with my makeup bag.
"Julianne, it doesn"t do us any good if we"re both unemployed."
"f.u.c.k that! Nate, I knew when I stepped foot in your apartment for the first time that this could happen. I knew what I was getting myself into. And you know what? I chose you. I CHOSE YOU!" I poke my finger into his chest and pace around the room. I am on fire. "If those people had asked me, I would have told them that I loved you and they could kiss my a.s.s if they didn"t like it. I didn"t lie when he asked me about our relationship. But you sat six feet away from me and didn"t even show any G.o.dd.a.m.n emotion!"
"Jules..."
"No," I interrupt and pace back toward him. "I don"t give a f.u.c.k about that job right now. I"ll get another. What I care about is that I didn"t even know you today. The man who defended me with every fiber of his being Friday night wasn"t there. The man who makes sure I don"t get hit by cars in downtown Seattle and makes me feel safe, wasn"t f.u.c.king there."
"G.o.dd.a.m.n it, Jules, what was I supposed to say?"
"Oh, I don"t know, maybe something along the lines of, "It takes two to tango?" or "If you fire her, I"m out too?" I throw underwear and shoes into my bag, not even caring to see which ones they are exactly, and I zip the bags shut.
"If you"ll calm down, I"ll tell you what happened before you came into the d.a.m.n room, Julianne."
I take a deep breath and hang my head and rub my forehead with my hand. I love him so much, and feel so betrayed by him. I know that I can"t be around him right now.
"I have somewhere I need to be." I pull the suitcases off the bed and pull up the handles to drag them behind me.
"Where are you going?" he asks again, crossing his arms over his chest.
"Don"t worry about it, Nate. Just forget about me." I start to move past him but he steps in front of me, blocking the way to the door.
"I will not forget about you." His eyes are feral, his face taut in pain, and it hurts to look at him. Everything just hurts. I close my eyes and feel a tear escape down my cheek. "Baby, don"t cry."
Nate leans down and kisses me softly, and I let him, knowing that this is our last. I wrap my arms around his neck and pull him to me, putting everything into this kiss. I run my hands through his hair, and finally pull away, brushing my fingertips down his face, memorizing everything about him.
"You and I were probably never meant to be," I whisper, staring into his beautiful gray eyes, "but I loved every single second that I spent with you."
I pull out of his arms as he swallows hard and I cup his palm in mine, laying the silver heart he gave me at the beach in his hand. I grab my bags and walk out the door, down the stairs and out to my car.
"Julianne, wait."
"Just lock up when you leave, Nate."
"G.o.dd.a.m.n it, wait!"
I push my bags into the backseat of my car and open the driver"s side, and suddenly Nate is next to me. "Look at me."
I raise my tear-filled eyes to his and swallow. His gaze lingers over my face, his eyes are sad, and he starts to say something, but stops himself. Finally, he kisses my forehead and whispers, "I love you."
I don"t respond as I get behind the wheel and pull away.
Will opens his front door and pulls me into his arms, hugging me close. All of my brothers are tall and muscular; we come from the same extraordinary gene pool, after all. Will has dark blonde hair and sapphire blue eyes, and is only two years older than me. He and I have always been very close.
I take a deep breath and let him hold me in his doorway, my cheek nestled in his soft Seahawks t-shirt, and the enormity of this afternoon"s events wash over me. I feel the tears, and honest-to-G.o.d temper tantrum start to surface, so I step back and murmur, "bedroom."
"This way," he leads me through his beautiful Seattle home, but I don"t really pay attention to the rooms he guides me through. I follow him upstairs and he opens a door. "This is your room, kiddo, for as long as you need it. I"m just across the hall in case you need me."
I nod and step into the beautiful room. The bed has been freshly made. "I forgot to get my bags."
"I"ll get them."
"I think I"m going to cry, Will."
"Do you want me to stay or go?"
"I don"t know." I shake my head and sit on the edge of the bed. G.o.d, I wish I could get that numb feeling back. It was so much better than this piercing pain that"s running through me.
"I"ll go get your bags and give you a minute, and then I"ll be back, okay?"
I nod and look blindly at my brother. He looks concerned and a little mad. "Are you mad at me?"
"No, kid, I"m worried. I"ve never seen you like this."
"I don"t think I"ve ever been through this." I touch my fingers to my lips and remember kissing Nate goodbye fifteen minutes ago, and the tears start to fall. I hang my head in my hands and give into crushing grief. I start to rock back and forth, sobs wracking my body. I"ve never cried this hard. I"ve never been this devastated.
I hear my own voice, keening and mumbling. I"m a f.u.c.king mess, and I can"t stop it. My body has taken over, exorcising the hurt through tears and snot and spit.
Will comes back into the room wheeling my bags behind him. He pulls some tissues out of the box by the bed and hands me a wad to clean up the snotty mess on my face, and stands before me with his hands on his hips. "Are you able to talk?"
I shake my head no.
"Do you want me to kill him?" he asks, his voice low.
I shake my head no again, then think twice about it and shrug. A smile tugs at the corner of Will"s lips.
"What do you need me to do, Jules?" G.o.d, I love this man. I"m so glad I came here.
"Just don"t tell anyone but the family that I"m here. If Nate calls, you haven"t seen me."
He raises an eyebrow and crosses his arms over this chest. "He really f.u.c.ked up."
"Yeah he did."
"Another woman?"
"No." That brings more tears, and I break down again.
"Okay, we won"t talk about it tonight."
"Am I ruining any plans for you?" I ask through my tears.
"No, but you know I"d change any plans I have for you, kid."
I just nod, and he shuffles from bare foot to foot and finally walks around to the other side of the bed, climbs on, sits against the headboard, and says, "Come here."
He pulls me into his lap and I curl into a ball and cry. Long, loud and messy sobs. Will keeps handing me tissues, rubs my back soothingly and holds me, letting me cry.
"Isn"t it yucky holding your sister like this?" I ask.