Love terrified him, he admitted. The very thought of loving Faith threw him into a panic. If he loved her, could he survive it if he lost her? Could he even attempt to continue living? And the chances of losing her would become higher when word spread that the invulnerable Alpha Enforcer had a weakness. How would he protect her?
He frowned, a sudden sharp pain tearing at his chest at the thought of losing her now. His fists clenched at his sides as he pushed the feeling away, pushed the fears back. There was no love left inside him, it had been ripped out years ago, he a.s.sured himself. For surely if there was any love left, then Faith would be the one to suffer for it. She had nearly suffered for it already. That night in the Lab could have scarred her, could have made her hate him forever, instead of longing and aching for him.
He had lost control. Losing control in such a way wasn"t acceptable. But he couldn"t stop the rising heat of need that came from the memories. He had dominated her, and yet her willingness, her need to submit to his desire had done nothing to ease the hunger for more.
Was it instinct, he wondered? Had the added DNA of the savage wolf somehow given him needs, hungers he had previously been unaware of? Jacob thought back to the years of s.e.xual training the scientists had insisted on. The different partners, the variety of setups. Women hired because of their ability to dominate men, other women for their ability to submit, and some who had fought. He pushed the memories away. He had done what he had to in his fight to save their lives and his own. Just as Wolfe and Aiden had done. Each day there had been h.e.l.l. Each decision had been a matter of life or death.
Those decisions had made him, though. Those experiences had carved his heart from his chest and bled him in ways he still fought to face. And they would now scar Faith. Scar her because the very things she needed from him had been destroyed years before.
He silenced the curse that would have slipped past his lips. Forced back the howl of agony that wanted to escape from his chest. He couldn"t protect her. No matter how hard he tried, or how he fought, he would never be able to fully protect her. And neither could he let her go. It wasn"t love, he a.s.sured himself. It was the mating frenzy, the s.e.xual heat that was driving him crazy. Somehow, she had managed to infect him as well. His c.o.c.k had never been so hard, so agonizingly desperate to sink inside her. He had never been so terrified of anything in his life than he was of the needs she had and the needs growing inside him for her. Jacob had a feeling he was fighting now, not just for his life, but for his soul as well.
Enduring Faith"s hurt, her pain was harder than he had thought it would be. The next day, he watched as she stood in the side courtyard, going through the exercise maneuvers Wolfe had always insisted on after they left the Labs. Sunlight gleamed on her auburn hair as she stretched, sheened her golden skin with moisture, and made him hunger to taste her. He stood silently in the shadow of several low trees instead, merely watching. She moved like a dream, a sigh of pleasure. Graceful and enduring, she performed the intricate turns and karate exercises as though she had been born to them.
The borrowed sports top and lycra shorts conformed to her body, the dark blue color complimenting her creamy skin. He blew out roughly, hanging onto his fragile control by his fingernails.
Finally, with a slow exhalation of breath, she stilled as she completed the exercises. Bending over she grabbed the towel she had left on the ground and wiped at the perspiration on her face. She opened her eyes, her gaze spearing into his. Jacob stiffened, anger lashing through his body at the quiet emotion he read in her eyes. Love and demand. She wasn"t hiding a single d.a.m.ned emotion that she felt for him, and was demanding the same in return.
His fists clenched at his sides as he fought the ache in his chest. She smiled then. A slow, almost victorious smile that terrified him. Shaking his head, he forced himself to turn from her. Forced himself to retreat. d.a.m.n her to h.e.l.l. She was destroying him.
Faith was hot, and she was h.o.r.n.y. She was tired of laying in her bed, waiting for sunrise, and enduring another sleepless night. She hated sleepless nights, hated it when her body burned, and her needs throbbed through her bloodstream like a drumbeat of agony.
She turned over on the bed, wide awake. That was nothing unusual, the past years she had spent more time fighting for sleep than she had spent actually sleeping.
She could have slept the other night, she reminded herself, if she hadn"t let her anger and her determination get the best of her and force her into that drive into town. She grinned, the taste of the beer and the coffee had d.a.m.ned near been worth it. Withdrawal was a bad thing. Not that she was seriously addicted. It was just one of her few pleasures. Her morning coffee, her evening beer. The first to keep her going through the day, the last to settle her nerves after dealing with stubborn Breeds and suspicious informants.
She rolled over on her back, sighing roughly. Dawn was peeking through the window, and she had done little more than nap since coming to her room the night before. Her nerves were wired, her flesh sensitive. She would try to ease the ache herself, but she knew she would never find satisfaction. And she sure as h.e.l.l wasn"t going to find sleep either.
Breathing out an angry sigh she rolled from the bed and stomped to the shower. Fifteen minutes later, after shivering under the cold spray, she toweled off, and smoothed lotion quickly over her body before dressing in a borrowed dress of b.u.t.terfly light, pale green cotton, and matching sandals.
Sunlight filtered strong and bright through the shades of the bedroom, and she wondered a bit angrily if Jacob had managed to drag himself out of his lair yet. She had heard him tossing and turning in his bed for most of the night as well. For a while, she had entertained the notion of going to him, riding him to her own satiation and walking off as though his desires, his needs were unimportant. Unfortunately, Jacob had the strength to hold her to him, and her reaction to him would ensure that she would be more than willing to satisfy him.
She grimaced at the thought as she slipped from her bedroom, keeping a wary eye out for him. This being mated business was the pits. She made a mental note to be certain to warn the other females of Wolfe"s pack against it. No man deserved to have such control over a woman who loved him. Especially not a man who has spent six years separated from his mate. Six long, h.o.r.n.y years, she reminded herself. Though her body forcibly reminded her of it whether she needed it or not.
Her first priority was coffee. Danson had made some comment to Hawke at the bar, wondering why she had been forced to search out coffee, because the owner of the Hacienda kept plenty on hand. That meant she just had to find it. Jacob was more than obviously hiding it from her. And that fake decaffeinated stuff Danson kept trying to p.a.w.n off on her was getting tiresome.
Twenty minutes later, practically humming with pleasure, Faith measured fresh ground coffee into the coffee maker, poured the water into the reservoir and waited with greedy antic.i.p.ation as the dark strength of the fresh beans began to curl around her senses.
Her eyes closed in ecstasy as she bent near to the pot, inhaling the heady aroma.
"It"s not s.e.x." Jacob"s voice startled her, causing her to jerk and turn to him in surprise.
He wore a disgruntled expression, his chest was bare, risking an attack by her overly amorous hormones, his feet were bare, and he was dressed only in jeans, the top b.u.t.ton of which had been left undone. Her mouth watered, and this time, not for coffee.
"Well, since the s.e.x isn"t available, it"s the next best thing," she a.s.sured him, flicking a glance at the impressive bulge in his jeans once again.
Her v.a.g.i.n.a contracted at the thought of the thickness and length confined there. Her mouth watered. Dammit. He didn"t have to be so s.e.xy, did he?
"Who said s.e.x wasn"t available?" he growled as he padded into the room, hooking a cup from the shelf above the coffee maker as she poured her cup and moved away.
Faith shrugged, turning to watch him curiously as he poured a cup of her coffee and brought it to his lips for a tentative sip. He grimaced, but went back for more.
"Sugar and cream is said to taste rather good in it," she suggested, restraining her urge to grin.
"Cats drink cream. I"m not a d.a.m.ned cat." He carried his cup to the table.
Faith rolled her eyes. "You don"t have to be a cat to enjoy cream. Even full humans like it."
"That should tell you something," he grumped, sipping at the liquid again.
Faith could only shake her head. Going to the refrigerator, she pulled out two steaks she had set in it the night before to unthaw, eggs, canned biscuits and milk.
"I"m fixing breakfast. Want some?" She asked, glancing back at him questioningly, ignoring the clenching muscles in her v.a.g.i.n.a, the itch in her hands that pleaded with her to touch the smooth skin of his shoulders.
He grunted. Faith took it as an affirmative and set about getting him fed.
"You"re a grouch in the mornings," she informed him as she turned the stove on and dug around for a decent skillet. "Are you always like this, or just put out with me?"
"You are unreasonable," he growled.
"So you"ve said before." She rolled her eyes as she turned from him. "Maybe you"re the one who"s unreasonable and you just don"t realize it."
That made better sense to her. She didn"t consider it unreasonable to want the heart of the man who had taken her as his mate. Nature and chemical reactions be d.a.m.ned. She had loved Jacob since she was a child, and she was tired of sitting back and waiting on him to decide it was time for him to love her back. He could get as grumpy as he wanted to.
She needed to be f.u.c.ked, but she needed love too. If she couldn"t have his love, then his c.o.c.k was next to useless to her. Well, almost next to useless. She was in heat, after all.
"I am never unreasonable," he a.s.sured her arrogantly. "I"m an Enforcer, Faith. I was trained to be logical at all times. To be prepared. An unreasonable Enforcer is a dead one."
She turned back to him, her eyes narrowing. She walked over cautiously, staring at him, ignoring his frown as she bent close.
"You really look alive, Jacob," she a.s.sured him. "Perhaps you"re one of those anomalies we keep hearing about. You know, the Breeds that could be more human than Breed. Or in your case, more alive than dead, despite your flashes of unreasonable behavior."
She jumped back with a laugh before he grabbed hold of her. His eyes had darkened dangerously, the muscle at his jaw tensing in anger or in arousal, she wasn"t certain.
Her body was burning for him, but for once, there was no fury springing from it, no anger at his overbearing att.i.tude or at the years he had spent away from her. She was determined there would be no more separations though. She would achieve her needs during this time she had with him, or she would break from him forever.
She frowned, wondering if it were possible to become un-mated. It wasn"t like marriage or a contract. The chemical and psychological bonds were a mystery to scientists and Breeds alike. There had been no record so far of any pair becoming separated after the complete physical mating had occurred.
"What"s wrong with you this morning?" He was almost snarling as she hummed while placing steaks and eggs in separate plates long minutes later and placing light, fluffy biscuits in a large bowl.
She set his plate in front of him, refilled both their coffee cups and took her own seat.
"Should something be wrong with me?" she asked him, frowning. "Sounds more like something"s wrong with you."
"You"ve been a shrew for two days straight, done everything but invite the Council to target you in that d.a.m.ned bar, and now you act like Miss Mary Sunshine cooking breakfast and playing mate. You need to be consistent, Faith. All this jumping around is driving me crazy."
He cut into his steak with a quick, vicious swipe of his knife. Faith hid her smile and did her best to appear innocent. She wasn"t about to let him know that he was in for the ride of his life if he considered her erratic to this point. The best way to beat a d.a.m.ned alpha male was by confusing him. Hope had a.s.sured her of that. According to her, Wolfe was still more than uncertain about how to handle her. And he had easily admitted he loved Hope.
As she ate her breakfast, she fought the despondency that wanted to weigh her down. This was her last chance, and she knew it. If he walked away from her again, she didn"t know if she would survive the pain.
Breakfast was finished in relative silence. After clearing off the table and stacking the dishes in the dishwasher, Faith put on another pot of coffee, then went into the living room where she had placed her briefcase after finding it stacked by the fake coffee Hawke thought he was fooling her with.