"This yere finish joke of jaybird"s transpires one evenin" as the cook"s startin" in to rustle some chuck. The grub-wagon"s been stopped in the mouth of Peeled Pine Canyon. Every gent"s in camp but this yere tenderfoot Todd. Enright, who"s actin" as round-up boss for the outfit--for everybody"s cattle"s bein" worked together that a-way, like we allers does--has sent Todd peerin" "round for cattle, "way off up the valley into which the Peeled Pine Canyon opens. This yere shorthorn"s due to be back any time now, "cause it"s only a question of how far up the valley does he go. He don"t run no show to be lost, for nothin" less aerial than goats could climb out of the canyon he"s in, an" tharfore he"s bound to find camp.
"Of course, knowin" every gent"s station in the day"s ridin", we- alls is plenty aware that this tenderfoot Todd is some"ers above us in the valley. None of the rest of us is turnin" our minds to him probably, except Jaybird Bob. It all of a b.u.mp like a buckin" pony strikes Jaybird that he"s missin" a onusual chance to be buoyant.
""What for a play would it be," says Jaybird, rousin" up from where he lays watchin" of the cook slice salt hoss for the fryin"-pan, "what for a game would it be, I says, for a pa.s.sel of us to lay out up the draw, an" bush-whack this yere ontaught person Todd as he comes ridin" down to camp? We-alls could hop out at him, a-whoopin"
an" shoutin", an" bein" wropped up in blankets, he allows it"s sh.o.r.e Injuns an" goes plumb locoed."
""You-all will keep harrowin" away at this Todd party, Jaybird,"
says Enright, "ontil you arises from the game loser. Now I don"t reckon none I"d play Apache if I"m you. Thar"s too much effort in bein" an Apache that a-way. I"d lay yere an" think up some joke which don"t demand so much industry, an" ain"t calc"lated to scare an innocent gent to death."
"But Jaybird won"t listen. He falls into admiration of his scheme; an" at last Tutt an" Jack Moore allows they"ll go along an" play they"s aborigines with Jaybird an" note how the tenderfoot stands the racket.
""As long as this yere Jaybird"s bound to make the play," says Jack Moore to Enright, talkin" one side, "it"s a heap better to have the conserv"tive element represented in the deal. So I puts it up, it"s a good sage move for me an" Tutts to stand in. We-alls will come handy to pull Jaybird an" this shorthorn apart if they gets their horns locked in the course of them gaities."
"Enright takes the same view; so Jaybird an" Moore an" Tutt wanders off up the canyon a mile, an" lays in wait surrept.i.tious to head off Todd. Jack tells me the story when him an" Tutt comes ridin" back with the corpse.
""This is how we does," says Jack. "Me an" Tutt an" deceased--which last is Jaybird all right enough--is ensconced behind a p"int of rocks. Jaybird"s got his blanket wropped, "round him so he looks like a savage. It ain"t long when we-alls hears the tenderfoot comin" down the canyon; it"s likely he"s half-mile away. He"s runnin" onto us at a road-gait; an" when he"s about two hundred yards off Jaybird turns out a yell to make you shiver, shakes a load or two outen his gun, goes surgin" out from "round the p"int of rocks, an" charges straight at this onthinkin" tenderfoot. It is due to trooth to say, me an" Tutt follows this Jaybird"s suit, only not so voylent as to whoops.
""Does it scare up the tenderfoot? Well, it sh.o.r.ely alarms him a heap. He takes Jaybird for an Injun an" makes no question; which the same is nowise strange; I"d took him for a savage myse"f, only, bein" in the deal that a-way I knows it"s Jaybird. So, as I remarks, it horrifies the tenderfoot on end, an" at the first sight of Jaybird he whirls his pony an" lights out up that valley like antelope.
""Nacherally we-alls follows; Jaybird leadin", a-whoopin", an" a- shootin", an" throwin" no end of sperit into it. It"s a success, this piece of wit is, up to this juncture, an" Jaybird puts a heap of zest into it.
""The weak spot in all this yere humor grows out of the idees this tenderfoot"s been gainin", an" the improvements he"s been makin", while stragglin" about in our s"ciety. I onhesitatin"ly states that if this yere joke is pulled off by Jaybird when Todd first enters our midst, it might have been the vict"ry of his life. But Jaybird defers it too long. This tenderfoot has acquired a few Western ways; enough to spoil the fun an" send pore Jaybird a-curvin" to his home on high.
""This is what that shorthorn does which teaches me he"s learnin".
While he"s humpin" off up the canyon, an" me an" Jaybird an" Tutt is stampedin" along in pursoot, the fugitive throws loose his six- shooter, an" without even turnin" his head or lookin" back at us, he onhooks the entire bundle of lead our way.
"Which the worst feature of it is, this backhanded, blind shootin"
is a winner. The very first shot smites Jaybird plumb through the hat, an" he goes off his pony without even mentionin" about it to either Tutt or me.
""That"s all thar is to the report. Dave an" me pulls up our broncos, abandons the joke, lays Jaybird across his saddle like a sack of corn, an" returns to state the case."
""Whatever did you-alls do with this frightened stranger?" asks Enright.
""Which we never does nothin"," says Jack. "The last I beholds, he"s flyin" up the valley, hittin" nothin" but the high places. An"
a.s.soomin" his project is to get away, he"s succeedin" admirable. As he vanishes, I should jedge from his motions he"s reloadin" his gun; an" from the luck he has with Jaybird, Tutt an" me is led to believe thar"s no real object in followin" him no further. I don"t press my s"ciety on no gent; sh.o.r.ely not on some locoed tenderfoot that a-way who"s pulled his gun an" is done blazin" away erratic, without purpose or aim."
""Don"t you an" Tutt know where he is at?" demands Enright.
""Which we sh.o.r.ely don"t," says Jack. "If his hoss holds, an" he don"t swerve none from the direction he"s p"inting out in when he fades from view, he"s goin" to be over in the San Simon country by to-morrow mornin" when we eats our grub; an" that"s half way to the Borax desert. If you yearns for my impressions," concloods Jack, "drawn from a-seein" of him depart, I"m free to say I don"t reckon you-alls is goin" to meet this yere tenderfoot none soon."
"An" that"s about the size of it. Jack calls the turn. Jaybird"s last joke alarms this tenderfoot Todd plumb outen Arizona, an" thar ain"t none of us ever sees ha"r, horn, nor hoof mark of him no more.
An" he takes with him, this Todd does, the boss pony in our bunch."
CHAPTER XVX.
BOGGS"S EXPERIENCE.
"No; thar"s nothin" prolix about Boggs. Which on the contrary, his nacher is sh.o.r.ely arduous that a-way. If it"s a meetin" of the committee, for instance, with intent then an" thar to dwell a whole lot on the doin"s of some malefactor, Boggs allers gets to a mental show-down ahead of the other gents involved. Either he"s out to throw this party loose, or stretch his neck, or run him outen camp, or whatever"s deemed exact jestice, long before sech slow-an"-sh.o.r.e people as Old Man Enright even looks at their hands. The trooth is, Boggs ain"t so strong on jedgement; his long suit is instinct. An"
moreover I knows from his drawin" four kyards so much in poker, Boggs is plumb emotional."
At this point in his discourse the Old Cattle man paused and put in several profound minutes in apparent contemplation of Boggs. Then he went on.
"That"s it; Boggs is emotional; an" I sh.o.r.ely reckons which he"d even been a heap religious, only thar"s no churches much on Boggs"s range. Boggs tells me himse"f he comes mighty near bein" caught in some speritual round-up one time, an" I allers allows, after hearin"
Boggs relate the tale, that if he"d only been submerged in what you- alls calls benigner inflooences that a-way, he"d most likely made the fold all right an" got garnered in with the sheep.
"It"s just after Short Creek Dave gets to be one of them "vangelists. Dave has been exhortin" of Wolfville to leave off its ways, over in the warehouse of the New York Store, an" that same evenin" Boggs, bein" some moved, confides in me how once he mebby half-way makes up his mind he"ll be saved.
""Leastwise," says Boggs, when he takes me into his past that a-way, "I allows I"ll be religious in the spring after the round-up is over. But I don"t; so you can"t, after all, call it a religious exper"ence none; nothin" more"n a eepisode.
""It"s winter when I makes them grace-of-heaven determinations,"
goes on this Boggs, "an" the spring round-up is months away. But I allers puts it up I"d sh.o.r.ely filled my hand an" got plumb into the play, only it"s a bad winter; an" in the spring the cattle, weak an"
starved, is gettin" down an" chillin" to death about the water- holes; an" as results tharof I"m ridin" the hills, a-cussin" an" a- swearin"; an" all "round it"s that rough, an" I"m that profane an"
voylent, I reckons towards April probably my soul"s buried onder ten foot of cuss-words, an" that j"inin" the church in my case is mighty likely to be a bluff. An" so I pa.s.ses it up.
""You sees," says Boggs, "thar"s no good tryin" to hold out kyards on your Redeemer. If your heart ain"t right it"s no use to set into the game. No cold deck goes. He sees plumb through every kyard you holds, an" nothin" but a straight deal does with Him. Nacherally, then, I thinks--bein" as how you can"t bluff your way into heaven, an" recallin" the bad language I uses workin" them cattle--I won"t even try. An" that"s why, when resolvin" one winter to get religion mebby next June, I persists in my sinful life.
""It"s over to Taos I acquires this religious idee. I"m come new to the camp from some"ers down "round Seven Rivers in the Pecos country, an" I don"t know a gent. Which I"m by nacher gregar"ous; so not knowin" folks that a-way weighs on me; an" the first night I"m thar, I hastens to remedy this yere evil. I"m the possessor of wealth to a limit,--for I sh.o.r.e despises bein" broke complete, an"
generally keeps as good as a blue stack in my war-bags,--an" I goes projectin" "round from dance-hall to baile, an" deciminates my dinero an" draws to me nose-paint an" friends. As thar ain"t but three gin-mills, incloosive of the hurdy-gurdy, I"m goin" curvin" in them grand rounds which I inst.i.toots, on a sort of triangle.
""Which it can"t be said I don"t make runnin" of it, however; I don"t reckon now it"s mor"n an hour before I knows all Taos, bar Mexicans an" what some folks calls "the better elements." It also follows, like its lariat does a loose pony, that I"m some organized by whiskey, not to say confused.
""It"s because I"m confused I"m misled into this yere pra"r-meetin."
Not that them exercises is due to dim my eternal game none, now nor yereafter; but as I ain"t liable to adorn the play nor take proper part tharin, I"d sh.o.r.ely pa.s.sed out an" kept on to the hurdy-gurdy if I"d knowed. As it stands, I blunders into them orisons inadvertent; but, havin" picked up the hand, I nacherally continues an" plays it.
""It"s this a-way about them religious exercises: I"m emerged from the Tub of Blood, an" am p"intin" out for the dance-hall, when I strikes a wickeyup all lighted, an" singin" on the inside. I takes it for a joint I ain"t seen none as yet, an" tharupon heads up an"
enters. From the noise, I allows mebby it"s Mexican; which Greasers usual puts up a heap of singin" an" scufflin" an" talkin" in everythin" from monte to a bull-fight.
""Once I"m in, I notes it ain"t Mexicans an" it ain"t monte. Good folks though, I sees that; an" as a pa.s.sel of "em near the door looks shocked at the sight of me, I"m too bashful to break out ag"in, but sorter aiges into the nearest seat an" stands pat.
""I can tell the outfit figgers on me raisin" the long yell an"
stampedin" round to make trouble; so I thinks to myse"f I"ll fool "em up a lot. I jest won"t say a word. So I sets silent as a coyote at noon; an" after awhile the sharp who"s dealin" for "em goes on with them pet.i.tions I interrupts as I comes bulgin" in.
""Their range-boss says one thing I remembers. It"s about castin"
your bread upon the waters. He allows you"ll get it ag"in an" a band of mavericks with it. It"s playin" white chips to win blues; that"s what this sharp says.
""It sh.o.r.ely strikes me as easy. Every time you does good, says this party, Fate is out to play a return game with you; an" it"s written you quits winner on all the good you promulgates that a-way.
""I sets the deal out an" gets some sleepy at it, too. But I won"t leave an" scand"lize the congregation; an" as I gives up strong when the plate goes by, I ain"t regarded as no setback.
""When the contreebution-box--which she"s a tin plate--comes chargin" by, I"m sorter noddin," I"m that weary. I notes the jingle of money, an" rouses up, allowin" mebby it"s a jack-pot, I reckons.
"""How hard be you-all in?" I says to the gent next to me, who"s gone to the center for a peso.
"""Dollar," says the gent.