""So my grandfather goes out on deck where the lady is still sobbin"
an" hangin" on the captain"s neck like the loop of a rope, an"
apol"gizes. Then the lady takes a brace, accepts them contritions, an" puts it up for her part that she can see my grandfather"s a sh.o.r.e-enough gent an" a son of chivalry; an" with that the riot winds up plumb pleasant all "round."
""If I may come romancin" in yere," says Doc Peets, sort o" breakin"
into the play at this p"int, "with a interruption, I wants to say that I regyards this as a very pretty narratif, an" requests the drinks onct to the Colonel"s grandfather." We drinks accordin", an"
the Colonel resoomes.
""My grandfather comes back from this yere expedition down the Ohio a most voylent Jackson man. An" he"s troo to his faith as a adherent to Jackson through times when the Clay folks gets that intemp"rate they hunts "em with dogs. The old gent was wont, as I su"gests, to regale my childish y"ears with the story of what he suffers, He tells how he goes pirootin" off among the farmers in the back counties; sleepin" on husk beds, till the bed-ropes cuts plumb through an" marks out a checker-board on his frame that would stay for months. Once he"s sleepin" in a loft, an" all of a sudden about daybreak the old gent hears a squall that mighty near locoes him, it"s so clost an" turrible. He boils out on the floor an" begins to claw on his duds, allowin", bein" he"s only half awake that a-way, that it"s a pa.s.sel of them murderin" Clay Whigs who"s come to crawl his hump for sh.o.r.e. But she"s a false alarm. It"s only a Dom"nick rooster who"s been perched all night on my grandfather"s wrist where his arm sticks outen bed, an" who"s done crowed a whole lot, as is his habit when he glints the comin" day. It"s them sort o" things that sends a shudder through you, an" shows what that old patriot suffers for his faith.
""But my grandfather keeps on prevailin" along in them views ontil he jest conquers his county an" carries her for Jackson. Sh.o.r.e! he has trouble at the polls, an" trouble in the conventions. But he persists; an" he"s that domineerin" an" dogmatic they at last not only gives him his way, but comes rackin" along with him. In the last convention, he nacherally herds things into a corner, an"
thar"s only forty votes ag"in him at the finish. My grandfather allers says when relatin" of it to me long afterwards:
"""An" grandson w.i.l.l.yum, five gallons more of rum would have made that convention yoonanimous.
""But what he"ps the old gent most towards the last, is a j"int debate he has with Spence Witherspoon, which begins with reecrim"nations an" winds up with the guns. Also, it leaves this yere aggravatin" Witherspoon less a whole lot.
"""Wasn"t you-all for nullification, an" ain"t you now for Jackson an" the union?" asks this yere insultin" Witherspoon. "Didn"t you make a Calhoun speech over on Mink Run two years ago, an" ain"t you at this barbecue, to-day, consoomin" burgoo an" shoutin" for Old Hickory?"
"""What you-all states is troo," says my grandfather. "But my party turns, an" I turns with it. You-all can"t lose Jack Sterett. He can turn so quick the heels of his moccasins will be in front."
"""Which them talents of yours for change," says Witherspoon, "reminds me a powerful lot of the story of how Jedge Chinn gives Bill Hatfield, the blacksmith, that Berkshire suckin" pig.
""An" whatever is that story?" asks my grandfather, beginnin" to loosen his bowie-knife in its sheath.
"""Take your paws off that old butcher of your"n," returns this pesterin" Witherspoon, "an" I"ll tell the story. But you"ve got to quit triflin" with that "leven-inch knife ontil I"m plumb through, or I"ll fool you up a lot an" jest won"t tell it."
""Tharupon my grandfather takes his hand offen the knife-haft, an"
Witherspoon branches forth:
"""When I recalls how this oncompromisin" outlaw," p"intin" to my grandfather, "talks for Calhoun an" nullification over on Mink Run, an" today is yere shoutin" in a rum-sodden way for the union an"
Andy Jackson, as I observes yeretofore, it sh.o.r.e reminds me of the story of how Jedge Chinn give Bill Hatfield that Berkshire shoat.
"Send over one of your n.i.g.g.e.rs with a basket an" let him get one, Bill," says Jedge Chinn, who"s been tellin" Hatfield about the pigs.
Neyt day, Bill mounts his n.i.g.g.e.r boy, d.i.c.k, on a mule, with a basket on his arm, an" d.i.c.k lines out for Jedge Chinn"s for to fetch away that little hawg. d.i.c.k puts him in the basket, climbs onto his mule, an" goes teeterin" out for home. On the way back, d.i.c.k stops at Hickman"s tavern. While he"s pourin" in a gill of corn jooce, a wag who"s present subtracts the pig an" puts in one of old Hickman"s black Noofoundland pups. When d.i.c.k gets home to Bill Hatfield"s, Bill takes one look at the pup, breaks the big rasp on d.i.c.k"s head, throws the forehammer at him, an" bids him go back to Jedge Chinn an" tell him that he, Bill, will sally over the first dull day an"
p"isen his cattle an" burn his barns. d.i.c.k takes the basket full of dog on his arm, an" goes p"intin" for Jedge Chinn. Nacherally, d.i.c.k stops at Hickman"s tavern so as to mollify his feelin"s with that red-eye. This yere wag gets in ag"in on the play, subtracts the pup an" restores the little hawg a whole lot. When d.i.c.k gets to Jedge Chinn, he onfolds to the Jedge touchin" them transformations from pig to pup. "Pshaw!" says the Jedge, who"s one of them pos"tive sharps that no ghost tales is goin" to shake; "pshaw! Bill Hatfield"s gettin" to be a loonatic. I tells him the last time I has my hoss shod that if he keeps on pourin" down that Hickman whiskey, he"ll sh.o.r.ely die, an" begin by dyin" at the top. These yere illoosions of his shows I drives the center." Then the Jedge oncovers the basket an" turns out the little hawg. When n.i.g.g.e.r d.i.c.k sees him, he falls on his knees. "I"m a chu"ch member, Ma.r.s.e Jedge,"
says d.i.c.k, "an" you-all believes what I says. That anamile"s conjured, Jedge. I sees him yere an" I sees him thar; an", Jedge, he"s either pig or pup, whichever way he likes."
"""An", ladies an" gents," concloodes this Witherspoon, makin" a incriminatin" gesture so"s to incloode my grandfather that a-way; "when I reflects on this...o...b..ushin" turncoat, Jack Sterett, as I states prior, it makes me think of how Jedge Chinn lavishes that Berkshire shoat on blacksmith Bill Hatfield. Confessin" that aforetime he"s a nullification pig on Mink Run, he sets yere at this barbecue an" without color of shame declar"s himse"f a union pup.
Mister Cha"rman, all I can say is, it sh.o.r.e beats squinch owls!"
""As the story is finished, the trooce which binds my grandfather ends, an" he pulls his bowie-knife an" chases this Witherspoon from the rostrum. He"d had his detractor"s skelp right thar, but the cha"rman an" other leadin" sperits interferes, an" insists on them resentments of my grandfather"s findin" the usual channel in their expression. Witherspoon, who"s got on a new blanket coat, allows he won"t fight none with knives as they cuts an" sp"iles your clothes; he says he prefers rifles an" fifty paces for his. My grandfather, who"s the easiest gent to get along with in matters of mere detail, is agree"ble; an" as neither him nor Witherspoon has brought their weepons, the two vice pres"dents, who"s goin" to act as seconds--the pres"dent by mootual consent dealin" the game as referee--rummages about air" borrys a brace of Looeyville rifles from members of the Black B"ar Glee Club--they"re the barytone an" tenor--an" my grandfather an" the scandal-mongerin" Witherspoon is stood up.
"""Gents," says the pres"dent, "the words will be, "Fire-one-two- three-stop." It"s inc.u.mbent on you-all to blaze away anywhere between the words "Fire" an" "Stop". My partin" injunctions is, "May heaven defend the right," an" be sh.o.r.e an" see your hindsights as you onhooks your guns."
""At the word, my grandfather an" Witherspoon responds prompt an"
gay. Witherspoon overshoots, while my grandfather plants his lead in among Witherspoon"s idees, an" that racontoor quits Kaintucky for the other world without a murmur.
"""I regyards this event as a vict"ry for Jackson an" principle,"
says my grandfather, as he"s called on to proceed with his oration, "an" I"d like to say in that connection, if Henry Clay will count his spoons when he next comes sneakin" home from Washin"ton, he"ll find he"s short Spence Witherspoon.""
""Your grandfather"s a troo humorist," says Texas Thompson, as Colonel Sterett pauses in them recitals of his to reach the bottle; "I looks on that last witticism of his as plumb apt."
""My grandfather," resoomes Colonel Sterett, after bein" refreshed, "is as full of fun as money-musk, an" when that audience gets onto the joke in its completeness, the merriment is wide an yooniversal.
It"s the hit of the barbecue; an" in this way, little by little, my grandfather wins his neighbors to his beliefs, ontil he"s got the commoonity all stretched an" hawgtied, an" brands her triumphant for Gen"ral Jackson."
""An" does your own pap follow in the footprints of his old gent, as a convincin" an" determined statesman that a-way?" asks Doc Peets.
"No," says Colonel Sterett, "my own personal parent simmers down a whole lot compared to my grandfather. He don"t take his pol"tics so much to heart; his democracy ain"t so virulent an" don"t strike in.
His only firm stand on questions of state, as I relates the other day, is when he insists on bein" nootral doorin" the late war. I explains how he talks federal an" thinks reb, an" manages, that a- way, to promote a decent average.
""His nootrality, however, don"t incloode the fam"ly none. My brother Jeff--an" I never beholds a haughtier sperit-goes squanderin" off with Morgan at the first boogle call," ""That raid of Morgan"s," says Enright, his eye brightenin", "is plumb full of dash an" fire." ""Sh.o.r.e," says the Colonel, "plumb full of dash an"
fire. But Jeff tells me of it later, foot by foot, from the time they crosses the river into Injeanny, till they comes squatterin"
across at Blennerha.s.set"s Island into Kaintucky ag"in, all" I sadly, though frankly, admits it looks like it possesses some elements of a chicken-stealin" expedition also. Jeff says he never sees so many folks sincere, an" with their minds made up, as him all" Morgan an"
the rest of the Bloo Gra.s.s chivalry encounters oil that croosade.
Thar"s an uprisin" of the peasantry, Jeff says, whereever they goes; an" then clods pursoocs Jeff an" the others, from start to finish, with hoes an" rakes an" mattocks an" clothes-poles an" puddin"- sticks an" other barbarous an" obsolete arms, an" never lets up ontil Jeff an" Morgan all" their gallant comrades is ag"in safe in the arms of their Kaintucky brethren.
Their stay in any given spot is trooly brief.
That town of Cincinnati makes up a bundle of money big enough to choke a cow to give "em as a ransom; but Jeff an" Morgan never do hear of it for years. They goes by so plumb swift they don"t get notice; an" they fades away in the distance so fast they keeps ahead of the news. However, they gets back to Kaintucky safe an" covered with dust an" glory in even parts; an" as for Jeff speshul, as the harvest of his valor, he reports himse"f the owner of a one-sixth interest in a sleigh which him an" five of his indomitable companions has done drug across the river on their return. But they don"t linger over this trophy; dooty calls "em, so they stores the sleigh in a barn an" rides away to further honors.
""We never do hear of Jeff none all through that war but once. After he"s j"ined Stonewall Jackson, I recalls how he sends home six hundred dollars in confed"rate money with a letter to my father. It runs like this:
In camp with Stonewall Jackson.
Respected Sir:
The slave who bears this will give you from me a treasure of six hundred dollars. I desire that you pay the tavern and whatever creditors of mine you find. To owe debts does not comport with the honor of a cavalier, and I propose to silence all base clamors on that head. I remain, most venerated sir, Yours to command, Jefferson Sterett.
""That"s the last we-all hears of my sens"tive an" high-sperited brother ontil after Mister Lee surrenders. It"s one mornin" when Jeff comes home, an" the manner of his return sh.o.r.ely displays his n.o.bility of soul, that a-way, as ondiscouraged an" ondimmed. No one"s lookin" for Jeff partic"lar, when I hears a steamboat whistle for our landin". I, bein" as I am full of the ontamed cur"osity of yooth, goes curvin" out to see what"s up. I hears the pilot give the engineer the bells to set her back. on the sta"board wheel, an" then on both. The boat comes driftin" in. A stagin" is let down, an with the tread of a conqueror who should come ash.o.r.e but my brother Jeff!
Thar"s nothin" in his hands; he ain"t got nothin" with him that he ain"t wearin". An" all he has on is a old wool hat, a hick"ry shirt, gray trousers, an" a pair of copper-rivet shoes as red as a bay hoss. As he strikes the bank, Jeff turns an" sweeps the scene with the eye of a eagle. Then takin" a bogus silver watch outen his pocket, he w"irls her over his head by the leather string an" lets her go out into the river, ker-chunk!
"""Which I enters into this yere rebellion," says Jeff, flashin" a proud, high glance on me where I stands wonderin", "without nothin", an" I proposes to return with honor ontarnished, an" as pore as I goes in."
""As me an" Jeff reepairs up to the house, I notes the most renegade-lookin" n.i.g.g.e.r followin" behind.
"""Whoever"s dis yere n.i.g.g.e.r?" I asks.
"""He"s my valet," says Jeff.
""My arm"s a heap too slight," goes on Colonel Sterett, followin" a small libation, "to strike a blow for the confed"racy, but my soul is sh.o.r.ely in the cause. I does try to j"ine, final, an" is only saved tharfrom, an" from what would, ondoubted, have been my certain death, by a reb gen"ral named Wheeler. He don"t mean to do it; she"s inadvertent so far as he"s concerned; but he saves me jest the same.
An" settin" yere as I be, enjoyin" the friendship an" esteem of you- all citizens of Wolfville, I feels more an" more the debt of grat.i.toode I owes that gallant officer an" man."
""However does this Gen"ral Wheeler save you?" asks Dan Boggs.
"Which I"m sh.o.r.e eager to hear."
""The tale is simple," responds the Colonel, "an" it"s a triboote to that brave commander which I"m allers ready to pay. It"s in the middle years of the war, an" I"m goin" to school in a village which lies back from the river, an" is about twenty miles from my ancestral home. Thar"s a stockade in the place which some invadin"
Yanks has built, an" thar"s about twenty of "em inside, sort o"
givin" orders to the village an" makin" its patriotic inhabitants either march or mark time, whichever chances to be their Yankee caprices.