Wednesday, September 25.-Deathbed; sorrowful topic to write upon, and yet why shirk it? Let me attempt what I have never before done-a description of a deathbed. It is but human to hasten over the tragic scenes of life, but this evening I want to tarry.
Something prompted me to make early visit to the hospital, so went before breakfast. In first ward went straight to little Mita Duvenhagen"s bed, and her I found very bad-struggling hard to breathe; so young and yet so bitter a suffering!
From there called by Mrs. Van den Berg to new ward, to come quickly, as Lenie was dying. I went, and when I entered saw that G.o.d was going to take her away. Let me not attempt to describe her angelic little face of marble white, her beautifully chiselled nose, and her sweet little mouth! Silently we knelt around her bedside-mother, nurse, and I. Of her beautiful blue eyes I have said nothing, for they were closed-the lids gently drawn, and the lashes trying hard to kiss the soft smooth cheeks. "O G.o.d, come and help us! O Saviour, come and take Thy place beside her bed-hold her hand-take her in Thy tender arms and press her to Thy bosom! Bear her, Saviour, where Thou wilt, for with Thee she is safe. Comfort our hearts and give us to bend our heads in humble resignation-Thy will be done. Amen!"
"Lenie, Lenie, Lenie, mij kind, jou mammie is hier bij jou, en Jezus ook is hier om jou hand te hou-moenie bang wees nie, mij kind" ("My child, your mother is here, near you, and Jesus too is here to hold your hand-don"t be afraid, child"). Under her weary eyelids she looked at us, and a large tear gathered in her left eye. It glistened like a diamond for a moment, and then became the possession of the sorrow-stricken mother. Then we were silent and watched. Slowly and gently the lids opened-now again we could look into those clear blue orbs. Wider-wider-and still wider they grow-uplifted, right away beyond the three forms of clay before her. See how the pupils dilate-they seem to swamp the blue! And so for a few short moments they remain. It was a gaze right beyond us to-- what! Will it be old-fashioned to suggest "Angels," perhaps! Until I grow wiser I shall hold fast to Angels. O, the mystery of the Unknown!
And slowly, gently those lids sink once more to rest-to rest indeed-for her spirit has fled. Peace, perfect peace!
How pa.s.sing strange, how majestic in its simplicity, how weird in its tragic stillness-the pa.s.sing of a Soul-the disunion of Body and Spirit! Is this Death? Then may I never fear its shadow!
Sunset and Evening Star!
Thursday, September 26.-Another day gone. What a day of sorrow and tribulation!
Slept like a log.
Took round through camp late last night; heard distressing groans in certain tent; made gentle enquiries; heard this remark after leaving, "Nee, dit is een van die nach police wat hier rond loop" ("No, it is one of the night police wandering about").
Foundations of house laid[57]; yesterday got use Scotch cart and brought over some 1,000 bricks and stones for foundation; good beginning to-day; now things will go swimmingly if weather remains fine.
Unbearably hot to-day; tent untenable; thankful house in course of erection.
Old story again; supply boards for coffins stopped, and now there is the pitiful cry of those who seek wood to make coffins for departed dear ones.
Yesterday old Mr. Duvenhagen came in distress to me; begged from Superintendent, and got him two little boxes[58].
This morning had to tramp round to get hold of few boxes, for I promised Lenie"s mother I would provide wood. One does make very rash promises sometimes-but anything to comfort stricken heart of lonesome mother.
That Mrs. Van der Berg has now lost her three children; her husband sits in Bloemfontein Refugee Camp. This to me so inexplicable, so unreasonable, so cruel. Why cannot husband and wife be allowed to go in same camp?
Well, I (next to) stole two nice planks in store tent, and what with empty condensed milk box and my box which I used as chair, able to give quite small fortune in wood for Lenie"s coffin.
Buried her and Mita Duvenhagen (both 14) this afternoon; also two small children; "Laat de kinderen tot mij komen en verhindert ze niet want derzulken is het Koninkrijk G.o.ds" (Suffer the little children to come unto Me, and forbid them not, for such is the Kingdom of Heaven).
Mita"s grave away other end of cemetery (next her brother"s), and so I went and spoke few words at her grave too; sang "Voor eeuwig met den Heere" (For ever with the Lord).
Just before funerals went to see Lena Steyn; very low; "Zien, minheer, nou, hoe waar dit was wat zij geze het" (Do you see now, sir, how true her words were?). She always persisted in saying that she was going to die; shall write more of her on another occasion. We prayed at bedside and committed her into G.o.d"s keeping, Psalm 23; but she was unconscious, I think, although her eyes wandered from mother to me.
The procession had started already when I had still to hear wail of old man of 76, "Ach, minheer, waar zal ik tog planke krij; mij vrouw is dood, en ik kan nerens kiste krij nie" (O, sir, where can I get boards; my wife is dead, and I can"t get wood anywhere?).
Last night carried out some papers in my box I use as chair and burnt them outside. Soon man stood next to me, "Minheer, zal ik dan nie daardie kisje kan krij nie? Onze ou baby is dood, en ik kan nerens vir haar een stukkie hout krij nie" (Sir, won"t I be able to have that little box? Our little baby is dead, and I can"t get a sc.r.a.p of wood anywhere).
Early this afternoon another man came to me in great distress; also no wood for coffin. It does seem so bitterly hard.
Visiting whole morning, mostly down New Camp way.
There is one man always at my back; times a day; came with most wonderful request two days ago; wants me to get him a-guess? Baby! Wife"s died last week, and he is now loafing another.
This afternoon two prayer meetings; men and women; took men"s down in old church (big tent there now), "Heere zijt mij genadig" (Lord, be merciful to me). The women"s, I hear, was packed. I had over 100 men; very good, seeing so few men here; nine prayers.
This evening children"s service again; beautiful moon; glorious singing; "Ik ga heen om u plaats te bereiden" (I go to prepare a place for you); told about Lenie"s deathbed; she is now in the mansion prepared for her.
Went straight thence to see Lena Steyn; saw women standing in front of tent; heard sobs, and knew the worst. Poor, poor Mrs. Steyn! "Ach, Minheer, ik het daarom nie gedenk nie dat dit oor die helfte zou gaan nie" (O, sir, I really never thought that it would go beyond the half); had six children; four gone now; husband Ceylon, and she is the dearest little mother in camp almost.
Knelt and prayed, and then mother said, "Kom, laat ons nog eenmal ver haar gaan zien" (Come, let us go and see her once more); so went to see Lena once more in morgue tent.
Rest after weariness; calm after storm; light after darkness; day after dawn.
She pa.s.sed away while the children were singing Gez. 11. While I spoke to her (Mrs. Steyn) at tent she was laughing and sobbing alternately; and then the thought flashed through her that there was no wood for coffin, so I immediately took whole thing into my hands and a.s.sured her I would provide and see that Lena gets coffin.
Another rash promise! The Lord only knows where the wood is to come from! Late this evening, when I took her some cocoa, Mrs. Steyn told me that Lena had said that I would provide coffin. So guess it will come out well in end. The presentiments this child had of her death and other things simply marvellous. Am going to write at greater length about her when I see mother again.
And so these three girlies have gone to Jesus. Now, what has become of all our prayers and supplications?
Friday, September 27.-Longish day.
Great question; where to get material for coffin for Lena? Remembered that I saw that the school was supplied with bookcase, and that the box in store tent (full of matches for distribution) could now be otherwise used; removed all matches[59], and lo and behold! grand big box empty and ready for carpenter; got matches distributed, each tent got two boxes; Roos set to work, and with two more milk cases (loafed at hospital), he was able to make quite respectable coffin. (A decent and respectable coffin here made of sc.r.a.p wood and small boxes fitted together, and whole coated with preparation of boot blacking and oil. A swell, extra fine coffin has a covering of cheap black material, 1s. 6d. yard.)
Several came again to-day seeking wood; some even wanted the galvanized iron for my roof.
At graves this afternoon saw that they had made a shelf in a grave to hold body and prevent ground falling directly upon it; made me think of catacombs Rome.
Seven buried this afternoon; stood right in front of Lena"s grave.
It was Mr. Becker"s turn, but he was hindered from coming; rather glad, for wanted to be there myself to-day; "En palmtakken waren in hunne handen" (And palms were in their hands).
Mrs. Steyn found the lost kinderharp (hymn book) I had given Lena few days ago; found under her pillow in morgue tent this afternoon. When I gave it to her she said, "Maar, minheer, moet tog nie vergeet om mij naam in te schrijve" (Sir, you must be sure to write my name in it). So I must remember to do it still. Poor Mrs. Steyn, how resignedly she bears her cross! Sang "Voor eeuwig met den Heere" at grave.
Visits to-day on other side-269, 268, 487, 379, 178, 171, 262.
Called at 329, and found it was same tent where I heard such groans last night; imbecile woman, 53 years; very sick; great suffering; spoke to her, and she actually called me by my name; glad I found tent again; old father of 86; always so keen and hearty at wood-chopping.
Weeping woman came to me after funeral; "Minheer, zal minheer nie zoo goed wees nie om vir Mrs. Engelbrecht in die hospitaal te vertel dat haar kindje dood is, zij word nou begrave?" (Sir, will you be good enough to tell Mrs. Engelbrecht in the hospital that her child has died; she is to be buried now). So another painful task is in store for me.
Received short note from a.s.sistant Superintendent requesting me to discontinue briefies for foodstuffs, "I have now three medical officers who are well able to attend to the sick and needy." And this man (Superintendent) himself requested and authorised me to issue such notes but four days ago. Comment on whole matter superfluous. O for a little more logic and consistency with some people! However, I suppose I can interpret these things in my own way.
Held woman"s prayer meeting this afternoon; good audience; "Viel aan de voeten van Jezus en vertelde Him al de waarheid" (Fell at the feet, of Jesus and told Him all the truth); six prayers; but O! such long and wearying ones; thought men could drag it out, but let me be silent about the women.
House 3 feet high; doorway up; grandish.
Sunday, September 29.-No diary yesterday; too tired and listless; eager for bed.
What a grand thing to rest after work! Sleep, glorious, blessed sleep; feel like writing an ode to extol its virtues. Yesterday scorcher of a day.
Spent morning in old quarter; work most wearisome.
So many who call me in and pour out all their sorrows, and it is so terribly hard always to be ready and willing to listen and sympathise. One actually grows "dof" (dull) from sheer weakness. O the monotony of sorrows and troubles!