Called in to see woman who had just received news that husband had fallen in battle. Such sorrow is too great to realise; one can only stand afar off to behold-and weep.
At 3 p.m. suddenly told that no one to take women"s prayer meeting; so had hurriedly to go without so much as minute"s preparation; quite large crowd.
Mr. Becker played me trick; he took funerals; four I believe, so I had time to make short visit hospital.
Doctor stopped me two days ago, and said the man B-- in hospital wished to be left alone; so left him alone; but this evening he has gone to meet his G.o.d. Could never make him out. Was it ignorance or obstinacy or indifference? May G.o.d have mercy on his soul.
Old Mr. Norval also died this afternoon; thank G.o.d; too terrible to see him struggling with Death; unconscious the last three days; glad read Psalm and prayed with him a few days ago.
And so our fellow-men around us are carried off by Death; and now they are solving the great mystery of the Hereafter. Stupendous thought!
These same men, women and children with whom I prayed, to whom I spoke about eternal things-they know now what we are burning to know. Is there Life after Death? Is there a Heaven? Is there a h.e.l.l? What do the departed do just now? Is there perhaps a purgatory where souls are purified? Is there a Throne above, around which a crowd that cannot be numbered stand clothed in long white robes? What about the palm branches? And a thousand more questions.
"The just shall live by his FAITH."
Last night children"s service in lower church; great crowd; "En tot zich zelven gekomen zijnde" (And when he came to himself).
This evening similar service in upper church; very bright and hearty; Miss Dussel sang hymn and solo part of "Mannen breeders" (Hold the Fort); nice change in programme; accompanied her on autoharp.
This morning went over to village and exchanged pulpits with Mr. Becker; felt quite lost in big, empty church.
Old sermon had to "bite off spit"[60]; goodness knows where I would have found time to prepare one.
Had nice chat with Macdonald"s father.
Grand dinner; roast mutton and actually a dish full of gravy! Could scarce believe my eyes; real gravy; how glorious; and rice too. Think of it! Let me be silent about the dish of stewed peaches-I might fill pages-a dish fit for the G.o.ds. Wonder what the look and smell of a vegetable is? Have just faint recollection of such names as potatoes, onions, beans, cauliflower, pumpkin, but I get a bit blurred when try to discriminate; long absence has stunted my memory. Believe there is a vegetable called beetroot too, and wonder if the name cabbage is correct. By the way, what do we call that stuff one sometimes puts on bread for breakfast and tea? I believe, too, having heard and partaken of a preparation called jam in days gone by. And what, now what, do they always put in tea and coffee in other places? Fancy it has whitish colour; have an idea it can be drunk pure too.
Authority (a.s.sistant Superintendent): "En wanneer eet julle Boere dan breakfast?" (And when do you Boers eat your breakfast?)
"O, ik het laatste in Brandfort breakfast ge"eet; hier het ik schars genoeg vir dinner" (O, I had breakfast last at Brandfort; here I get scarce enough for dinner).
Had nice nap on sofa after dinner; what a n.o.ble thing a house is; how s.p.a.cious, how high, how cool! How unnecessarily large people do build houses nowadays.
At 2.45 had to race back for afternoon service; young people; great crowd (700 about); prepared sermon during the fifteen minutes" walk. Record service; forty-five minutes.
Went through two wards hospital.
Mrs. De Wet dying; poor old mother! But she said all along she wouldn"t get well again; several very sick there.
Now for glorious bed.
P.S.-Not yet; there came wail from hospital; so I went up; as I surmised, Mrs. De Wet "gone home"; and shall I soon forget that little band of women in black returning to their tents while the pale sad moon cast its shadows of sympathy!
"Ach, minheer, het ik nie gezondigd dat ik nie wou zien en geloof dat zij gaat sterve?" (O, sir, did I not sin, in that I would not see and believe that she would die?)
"Neen. Dank G.o.d liever voor die Liefde in u die u verblind heeft. Dank G.o.d dat gij hebt liefgehad" (No. Thank G.o.d rather for the Love within which blinded your eyes. Thank G.o.d that you have loved).
Another solving the great problem of the Unknown!
Monday, September 30.-End of month; cannot help remembering that this was our finest, loveliest month in the Boland (Western Province); and here we have been grovelling in the dust.
Another frightful day of wind and dust; two evils; open the tent to ventilate, and anon everything covered with layer fine dust; close tent and one gets suffocated. And one"s clothes! Let me rather change topic.
After burdens of yesterday felt more inclined for good quiet rest, but tent too unbearably hot; so decided to do the hospital; there knew I would find things cool.
First to men"s ward; then through three women"s wards, and finally to convalescent ward; nice and cool in wards, but grew horribly tired. What with a word of cheer all round and a straight talk to boot, and after a Psalm, short address, and finally (and hardest of all) a prayer-great weariness becomes master, and one feels regularly "pap."
Hospital grown so large lately; takes few hours to "do" it thoroughly.
Best of all, one has a.s.surance and conviction such visits are indeed source of comfort and blessing; mindful now of that sick mother in No. 3; so despondent, and how she thanked me after visit; "Ik voel nou weer blij in mij hart" (I feel glad at heart again). Psalm 115; "Vertrouw op den Heere; Hij is mijn hulp en mijn schild" (Trust in the Lord; He is our help and our shield); "De Heere is onzer gedachtig geweest" (The Lord has been mindful of us); beautiful.
To my utter surprise found Mrs. Fourie in hospital; ailing lately; sure this is much best for her. (The Van As"s and Mr. and Mrs. F. form one family circle here.)
Anyhow, this afternoon simply "dead off"; lay on bed till 3 p.m.; and yet one always feels uncomfortable to be idle one hour; it feels like neglect of duty. What one longs for is possibility to have one day or afternoon off regularly; something to look forward to; some time when one can sit still.
Funerals four (Mr. N., Mr. B., Mrs. De W., and girlie); "Dood, waar is uw prikkel?" (Death, where is thy sting?).
Felt unhappy and uneasy all through address, for B. had requested me to leave him alone. Well, anyway my address was directly for the living and not about the dead.
Girl at door this afternoon; "Minheer, het min nie vir mij een Wonderboek?" (Sir, havn"t you got a Wonderbook for me?) "Hoe"n soort boek?" (What kind of book?) "Een Wonderboek" (A Wonderbook). "Een Wonderboek!" (head scratchings) "Nee, dit het ik tog glad nie. Maar hoe"n soort boek is dit?" (A Wonderbook! No, I havn"t that at all; but what kind of book is it?) "Minheer, daar is tekste in om te leer" (Sir, there are verses in it to learn). "Maar is dit dan nie een Bijbel wat jij wil he?" (But isn"t it a Bible you want?) "Ja, minheer, dit is een Bijbel wat ik wil he" (Yes, sir, it is a Bible). New name for Bible-Wonderboek. Not bad!
After tea called to visit very sick old man; long talk; no a.s.surance of forgiveness of sins. Spoke earnestly on Reconciliation with G.o.d as first step; am afraid old man disappointed in me; fear he wanted me to recite beautiful Psalms and so forth.
Now for line re house; walls nearly done; two windows; to-morrow roof; edifice stands "met "n oprechte boog" "(with great show); talk of day; Pastorie.
Just returned from hospital; fear Mrs. Engelbrecht won"t last through night.
FOOTNOTES:
[27] Condensed milk.
[28] I had in my innocence written to Mr. Robertson to enlist his sympathy on behalf of some people who wished to be removed to other Camps where their families were. In this letter I casually mentioned the meat affair. In the second letter, to my mother (who was collecting to send me a fresh small supply of invalid food), I stated that she was on no account to send such things unless it could be guaranteed that I should have the sole right to distribute. I adopted this precaution because I found that the authorities reserved for themselves the right of distributing all goods (foodstuffs) sent by private Relief Committees, doing with such as they chose. Needless to say, both letters were destroyed.
[29] This can be altogether misconstrued. The "reasonable" was only in comparison with the stormy interview of the day before, when the Superintendent attacked me most fiercely. When I began the second interview by saying I wished to resign, he changed front altogether. It had been purely a game of bluff on his part.
It would perhaps be well to state here my att.i.tude towards the authorities in Camp.
It did not take me very many days to see exactly how things stood, and I determined to have absolutely nothing to do with these men: to ask no favours, and to be under no obligation to them for anything. Of course, there came days when I was forced, under stress of circ.u.mstances, to eat these resolutions.
[30] Martie Snyman.
[31] My great zeal in this matter led me to be rather severe and inconsistent; just the same as a teacher who will stand no excuses from his pupils.
[32] Betty Lotz.
[33] This child of four years gnashed all her teeth to pieces before she died. She obstinately refused all nourishment, and told her mother she did not want to live longer. She was indeed a marvel. I gave the mother beef tea, which was all this child lived on for two weeks. The mother used deceitfully (!) to give it beef tea when it called for water.
[34] On the ground.