An hour or so later, I was alone again in the study, the others having drifted off to find less sedentary pursuits or more amiable companionship. As I sat there, my gaze wandered to the desk across the room. The top was still scattered with the piles of papers and anthropology journals Clay hadn"t got around to reading yet. They reminded me of how I"d met Clay, how I"d come to be in this mess in the first place. While I was a student at the University of Toronto, I"d had a peripheral interest in anthropology. In my soph.o.m.ore year I"d done a term paper on anthropomorphic religions, which was Clay"s specialty, and I"d referenced enough of his work to recognize his name when I saw a notice on his lecture series in the student paper. His public appearances were so rare that the lecture series had been full and I"d needed to sneak in. Biggest mistake of my life.
I don"t know what Clay saw in me to make him overlook his contempt for humans. He says it was a mirroring of something he recognized in himself. That"s bulls.h.i.t, of course. I was nothing like him or, if I was, I became that way after he bit me. Left on my own, I would have grown up, a.s.similated into the human world, and been a perfectly happy, well-adjusted person, leaving all my childhood baggage and anger behind. I"m sure of it.
"Blood," Clay said, swinging open the study door so hard it smacked against the wall and added to a decade"s acc.u.mulation of dents. "Where was the blood?"
"What blood?"
"If I killed that guy, I would have had blood on me."
"You washed it off in the pond. That"s why you made up the story about checking the water temperature, to explain why you were wet."
"Made up? Why the-" He stopped, inhaled, and started again. "Okay, a.s.suming I cleaned up in the pond and decided it would be easier to invent some excuse for being wet instead of just drying off, you still would have smelled blood on me. The scent wouldn"t wash off that easily."
"The smell would be weak. I"d have to be sniffing for it."
"Well, then sniff for it now. Come on." He locked my gaze and held it. "I dare you."
"You"ve had plenty of time to wash it off."
"Then check my shower. See if it"s wet. Check my towels. See if they"re damp."
"You"d have covered your tracks by now. You"re not stupid."
"No, just stupid enough to leave a body in the woods with my prints and fur scattered all around. Why do I bother? Nothing I can say will change your mind. Do you know why? Because you want to believe I did it. That way, you can hole up in here and dwell on how wrong you were to come to me last night, curse yourself for having given in to me again, for forgetting what a monster I am."
"That"s not what I"m-"
"It"s not?" He stepped forward. "Look me in the eye and tell me that"s not what you"ve been doing for the last hour."
I glared at him and said nothing. Clay stood there for at least a full minute, then threw up his hands and stormed out.
A while later, Jeremy came in. Without saying anything, he walked to the footrest, picked up the tuft of Clay"s hair and looked at it, then put it down and sat in his chair.
"You don"t think he did it, do you?" I said.
"If I say no, you"ll try to convince me otherwise. If I say yes, you"ll use that as ammunition against him. It"s not important what I think. What"s important is what you think."
"I once went to a therapist who talked like that. I canned him after two sessions."
"I"m sure you did."
I didn"t know how to answer that, so I didn"t. Instead, I feigned great interest in the patterns of the Turkish floor rug. Jeremy leaned back in his chair and watched me for a while before continuing.
"Have you called him?"
"Who?" I said, though I had a good idea who he meant.
"The man in Toronto."
"He has a name, though I"m sure you already know it."
"Have you called him?"
"I called the day before last. Yesterday was a bit h.e.l.lish, if you recall, and I"ve been understandably preoccupied this morning."
"You have to call him every day, Elena. Make sure he knows you"re okay. Don"t give him any excuse for calling here or showing up."
"He only has my cell phone number."
"I don"t care. You can"t take any chances. Clay knows he exists, though he"s trying to forget. Don"t give him any reason to be reminded of it. And don"t start accusing me of protecting Clay"s feelings. I"m protecting the Pack. We can"t afford to have Clay distracted now. And we certainly can"t afford to have this man show up on our doorstep. We"ve had quite enough visitors as it is."
"I"ll go call."
"Not yet. I"ve sent Nick to round up the others for a meeting."
"You can fill me in later."
"A meeting implies a group meeting," Jeremy said. "A group meeting implies that all the members of the group are expected to be there."
"What if I"m not a member of the group?"
"You are as long as you"re here."
"I could remedy that."
Jeremy lifted his feet onto the footstool and leaned his head back against the headrest. "Beautiful weather we"re having, isn"t it?"
"Do you ever discuss anything you don"t want to discuss?"
"It"s the privilege of age."
I snorted. "It"s the privilege of position."
"That, too."
Jeremy"s lips curved in the barest of smiles and his black eyes flashed. I recognized the look, but it took me a few minutes to place it. Challenge. He was waiting for me to reengage in a debate we"d been grappling with since I first came to the Pack. As someone who"d once been a human in a democratic society, the idea of an all-powerful, unquestionable leader rankled. How many nights had Jeremy and I spent debating it, here in this room, drinking brandy until I was too tired and drunk to walk up to my room and fell asleep here, only to awaken later in my bed?
I"d missed him. Even now, living in the same house with him for almost five days, I missed him. Everyone else in the Pack had welcomed me back, no questions asked, no grudges held. Not Jeremy. He hadn"t been unfriendly or even distant, but he hadn"t been himself. He was keeping me at a distance, as if unwilling to recommit himself until he was certain I wasn"t going to bolt again. The problem was that I wasn"t all that certain of it myself.
I tried to think of a comeback, my brain rusty to the old argument, struggling to remember how it went. As I thought, Jeremy"s eyes shuttered and his smile faded. I saw my opportunity skittering past and dove to catch it. As I opened my mouth, ready to say the next thing that came to mind, the door opened. The others came in and my moment alone with Jeremy evaporated.
The first issue of business at the meeting was that Jeremy forbade us to run on the property until this mess with the police had been settled. When the time came for a run we"d all go on a field trip to the northern forests. Now, I have nothing against group runs and, under normal circ.u.mstances, I love running as a Pack, but there"s something about turning a Pack run into an organized and scheduled event that sucked the pleasure out of it. Next thing you know, we"d be renting a bus, taking bagged lunches, and singing "On Top of Old Smokey" on the way.
Issue two involved Jeremy"s next plan of action. Once again, it didn"t go over well with Clay. It didn"t sit too nicely with me either, but I wasn"t the one jumping to my feet and flipping out before Jeremy even finished.
"You can"t leave me here," Clay shouted.
Jeremy"s eyebrows went up the barest fraction. "I can"t?"
"You shouldn"t. It"s stup-It doesn"t make sense."
"It makes perfect sense. And you"re not the only one being left behind."
I grumbled, but calmly and quietly and to myself, although Jeremy"s eyes did flicker my way as I did it.
Jeremy continued, "I won"t have you and Elena coming along when you"re at each other like this."
"But I didn"t do anything!" Clay said. "You haven"t even accused me of killing that guy. You know I didn"t do it. So why should I be punished-"
"It"s not a punishment. Whether you did it or not doesn"t matter. So long as you two are fighting, I want you here, where the only damage you can cause is to each other . . . and a.s.sorted pieces of furniture."
"Why leave us both?" I asked.
"Because I don"t need need either of you. I"m not intending to track or fight anyone. It"s simple information gathering. Even if you two weren"t arguing, I wouldn"t take you. It"s an unnecessary risk. I want to learn more about these mutts. I don"t want to rely on secondhand information, so I"m going myself and I"m taking Tonio and Peter as backup. Nick isn"t coming either and I don"t hear him complaining." either of you. I"m not intending to track or fight anyone. It"s simple information gathering. Even if you two weren"t arguing, I wouldn"t take you. It"s an unnecessary risk. I want to learn more about these mutts. I don"t want to rely on secondhand information, so I"m going myself and I"m taking Tonio and Peter as backup. Nick isn"t coming either and I don"t hear him complaining."
"It doesn"t sound like much fun," Nick said.
Jeremy smiled. "Exactly."
"But-" I said.
"It"s past lunchtime," Jeremy said, getting to his feet. "We should eat before we leave."
He left before we could argue, which was probably the point. When he was gone, I got to my feet.
"I guess I"ll make myself useful and fix something for lunch."
Nick offered to help. For once, Clay didn"t. He didn"t even follow us into the kitchen to supervise.
After lunch Jeremy, Antonio, and Peter left for reconnaissance duty. This was Jeremy"s way of handling the curveball the mutts had thrown. The Pack was accustomed to dealing with only one mutt at a time. As I"ve said, mutts didn"t team up. Not ever. This meant the Pack was ill-equipped to deal with the threat. Since Jeremy didn"t have any experience handling a multiple-mutt onslaught, he was taking his time, gathering information before plotting a course of action. Logically, this made sense. Emotionally, it was infuriating. If I were in charge, I"d have been planning direct and immediate action against the mutts, risks be d.a.m.ned. That was why Jeremy was the Alpha and I was the lowly foot soldier.
Once they were gone, I retreated again, this time to my room, where I called Philip. I told him that I"d be a few days longer.
He inhaled. "Okay." A moment of silence. "I miss you."
"I-"
"I don"t mean it as a guilt trip, hon. It"s just-I miss you. I know you"re doing the right thing and I wouldn"t ask you to abandon your cousins. I just-didn"t expect it to be this long." He paused, then clicked his tongue. "Got it. Brainstorm. I"ll pop out there. How about tomorrow?"
My hands tightened around the receiver, brain shouting, Oh s.h.i.t! I clamped my mouth shut until I"d forced the panic down. "And lose a vacation day?" I said as lightly as I could. "You promised me a week in the Caribbean. All-inclusive resort. Remember? As much as I"d love to see you, if it means giving up a week of all-you-can-drink booze and sun . . ."
He chuckled. "A day helping you baby-sit three kids is a poor subst.i.tute, eh? I can see that. Maybe I can swing something with James, work next Sat.u.r.day instead . . . though it already looked like I"d be working Sat.u.r.day, and probably Sunday."
"Uh-uh. Don"t go making any deals or I may not see you for weeks even after I get home."
"Point taken. I"ll survive a few more lonely days. But if it gets longer than that. . ."
"It won"t."
We talked for a few more minutes, then signed off. A few more days. No longer. This time, I didn"t have a choice. If I didn"t get my b.u.t.t back to Toronto in a few days, Philip might find a way to get that day off and show up in New York. That would be . . . well, it was more than I cared to contemplate.
After talking to Philip, I stretched back in bed and rested, dozing to catch up on two nights of minimal sleep. It didn"t work. I worried about the possibility of Philip showing up at Stonehaven and my stress level jumped a half-dozen notches. Then I remembered why I was still at Stonehaven and thought about Logan, feeling the grief ooze back, filling my brain until I could think of nothing else, especially sleep. Finally, Nick came to my rescue, walking into my room unannounced.
"Do you ever knock?" I said, sitting up in bed.
"Never. I"d miss everything if I did that." Pulling back the canopy, he grinned wickedly. "Did I miss anything?"
"Everything."
"Guess I"ll have to start something myself then," he said, thumping down beside me on the bed and letting the canopy swing shut. "It"s nice in here. Nice and quiet and very private."
"Perfect for sleeping."
"It"s too early to sleep. I have something better in mind."
"I"m sure you do."
He grinned and leaned over to kiss me, then ducked out of swatting range. "Actually, I was thinking of something else for a change. Since we"re not allowed to run on the property, I thought maybe the three of us could drive somewhere for a run tonight."
"I ran last night."
"But I didn"t and I"m going to need to Change soon."
"Then go with Clay. There"s no reason all three of us have to go."
"I"ve already talked to him. He"ll only go if you will. He doesn"t want anyone staying here alone, in case the mutts make a surprise visit."
"I"m sure they wouldn"t-" I stopped myself, realizing I wasn"t so sure. The thought sent a chill through me. "Do you have to go tonight? It"s been a long day and-"
"I was thinking of a hunt."
"I"m not sure I-"
"A deer hunt."
"Deer?"
He laughed. "Now her ears perk up. How long has it been since you hunted anything bigger than a rabbit? Not on your own, I"ll bet."
"He"s right." Clay"s voice came from the other side of the curtains, startling us both. When I turned, I could see his silhouette, but he didn"t pull the canopy back.