My parents died when I was five. We"d been coming home from the fair, taking a back road because my mother wanted to show me a miniature pony foal she"d seen at a farm along there. I could hear my father laughing, asking my mother how she expected me to see anything in a field at midnight. I remember him turning to look over the seat, grinning at me while he teased my mother beside me. I don"t remember what happened next, no squealing tires, no screams, no careering out of control. Just blackness.
I don"t know how I got on the side of the road. I"d been seat belted in, but must have crawled out after the accident. All I remember is sitting in the gravel beside my father"s bloodied body, shaking him, talking to him, pleading with him to answer and not understanding why he didn"t, knowing only that my father always answered, never ignored me, but all he did now was stare at me, eyes wide and unblinking. I remember hearing myself start to whimper, a five-year-old, crouched by the side of the road, staring into my father"s eyes, whimpering because it was so dark and there was no one coming to help, whimpering because my mother was back in the crushed car, not moving, and my father was lying here in the dirt, not answering me, not holding me, not comforting me, not helping my mother get out of the car, and there was blood, so much blood, and broken gla.s.s everywhere, and it was so dark and so cold and no one was coming to help.
If I had any extended family, I never heard of them. After my parents died, the only person who tried to claim me was my mother"s best friend and she was refused on the grounds that she was unmarried. However, I only spent a couple of weeks in the children"s home before I was s.n.a.t.c.hed up by the first couple who saw me. I can still see them, kneeling before me, oooing and ahhhing about what a beautiful child I was. So tiny, so perfect with my white-blond hair and my blue eyes. A porcelain doll, they called me. They took their doll home and started their perfect life. But it didn"t work out quite that way. Their precious doll sat in a chair all day and never opened her mouth, then at night-every night-she screamed until dawn. After three weeks they returned me. So I went from one foster family to the next, always taken by the ones utterly charmed by my face and utterly incapable of handling my scarred psyche.
As I grew into adolescence, the couples who picked me from the home changed. It was no longer the wife who chose me but the husband, picking up on my childish beauty and my fear. I became the favored choice of male predators who were looking for a very special kind of child. Ironically, it was through these monsters that I first found my strength. As I grew older, I began to see them for what they were, not all-powerful bogeymen who slipped into my room at night, but weak creatures terrified of rejection and exposure. With that realization, the fear slipped away. They could touch me, but they couldn"t touch me, me, not the me who lay beyond my body. As the fear subsided, so did the rage. I despised them and their equally weak, blind wives, but they weren"t worthy of my anger. I wouldn"t let myself be angry at them, wouldn"t let myself waste time and effort better spent elsewhere. If I wanted to escape this life, I had to do it myself. That didn"t mean running away. It meant staying and surviving. It meant studying hard and making the honors list even if I rarely went a full year without switching schools. Succeeding at school would mean acceptance into university, which would mean a degree, which would mean a career, which would mean the kind of life my social workers and foster families a.s.sumed was beyond me. At the same time, I discovered another source of power-the strength of my own body. I grew tall and rangy. A teacher signed me up for track-and-field, hoping it would help me get close to other children. Instead I learned to run, discovering the absolute bliss, the unparalleled pleasure of the physical, feeling my strength and my speed for the first time. By the time I was midway through high school I was lifting weights and working out daily. My foster father wasn"t touching me by then. I wasn"t anyone"s idea of a victim by then. not the me who lay beyond my body. As the fear subsided, so did the rage. I despised them and their equally weak, blind wives, but they weren"t worthy of my anger. I wouldn"t let myself be angry at them, wouldn"t let myself waste time and effort better spent elsewhere. If I wanted to escape this life, I had to do it myself. That didn"t mean running away. It meant staying and surviving. It meant studying hard and making the honors list even if I rarely went a full year without switching schools. Succeeding at school would mean acceptance into university, which would mean a degree, which would mean a career, which would mean the kind of life my social workers and foster families a.s.sumed was beyond me. At the same time, I discovered another source of power-the strength of my own body. I grew tall and rangy. A teacher signed me up for track-and-field, hoping it would help me get close to other children. Instead I learned to run, discovering the absolute bliss, the unparalleled pleasure of the physical, feeling my strength and my speed for the first time. By the time I was midway through high school I was lifting weights and working out daily. My foster father wasn"t touching me by then. I wasn"t anyone"s idea of a victim by then.
"Is this it, miss?" the driver asked.
I hadn"t felt the car stop, but when I looked out the window I could see we were at the front gates of Stonehaven. A figure sat on the gra.s.s, ankles crossed as he leaned against the stone wall. Clayton.
The driver squinted, trying to make out the house in the dark, as blind to the bra.s.s nameplate as to the man waiting by the gate. The moon had gone behind a cloud and the coach lamps at the end of the drive were unlit.
"I"ll get out here," I said.
"Uh-uh. No can do, miss. It"s not safe. There"s something out there."
I thought he was referring to Clay. "Something" was an apt description. I was about to say, unfortunately, that I knew that "something" when the driver continued.
"We"ve been having ourselves some trouble in these woods, miss. Wild dogs by the looks of it. One of our girls from town was found not too far from here. Butchered by these dogs. Buddy of mine found her and he said-well, it wasn"t nice, miss. You just sit back and I"ll unlatch that gate and drive you up."
"Wild dogs?" I repeated, certain I"d heard wrong.
"That"s right. My buddy found tracks. Huge ones. Some guy from some college said all the tracks came from one animal, but that can"t be right. It"s gotta be a pack. You don"t see-" The driver"s eyes went to the side window and he jumped in his seat. "Jesus!"
Clay had left his post at the gate and materialized at my window. He stood there, watching me, a slow grin lighting his eyes. He reached for the door handle. The driver put the car in gear.
"It"s okay," I said, with deep regret. "He"s with me."
The door opened. Clay ducked his head inside.
"You getting out or just thinking about it?" he asked.
"She"s not getting out here," the driver said, twisting back to look over the seat. "If you"re fool enough to be wandering around these woods at night, that"s your problem, but I"m not letting this young lady walk G.o.d-knows-how-far to that house back there. If you want a ride up, unlock the gate for me and get in. Otherwise, close my door."
Clay turned to the driver, as if noticing him for the first time. His lip curled and his mouth opened. Whatever he planned to say, it wasn"t going to be nice. Before Clay could cause a scene, I opened the opposite door and slid out. As the cab driver rolled down his window to stop me, I dropped a fifty on his lap and skirted around the back of the cab. Clay slammed the other door and headed for the front walk. The driver hesitated, then sped off, kicking up a hail of gravel as a parting shot of disgust at our youthful foolishness.
As I approached, Clay stepped back to watch me. Despite the cold night air, he wore only faded jeans and a black T-shirt, displaying slim hips, a broad chest, and sculpted biceps. In the decade I"d known him, he hadn"t changed. I was always hoping for a difference-a few wrinkles, a star, anything that would mar his model-perfect looks and bring him down to mortality with the rest of us, but I was always disappointed.
As I walked toward him, he tilted his head, his eyes never leaving mine. White teeth flashed as he grinned.
"Welcome home, darling." His Deep South drawl mangled the endearment into a "dah-lin "dah-lin" straight out of a country-and-western song. I hated country music.
"Are you the welcoming committee? Or has Jeremy finally chained you up to the front gate where you belong?"
"I missed you, too."
He reached out for me, but I sidestepped back onto the road, then started down the quarter-mile lane to the house. Clay followed. A breeze of cool, dry night air lifted a tendril of hair from my neck, and with it came a dusting of scents-the sharp tang of cedar, the faint perfume of apple blossoms, and the teasing smell of long-devoured dinner. Each smell loosened my tense muscles. I shook myself, throwing off the feeling and forced myself to keep my eyes on the road, concentrating on doing nothing, not talking to Clay, not smelling anything, not looking left or right. I didn"t dare ask Clay what was going on. That would mean engaging him in conversation, which would imply that I wanted to talk to him. With Clay, even the simplest overtures were dangerous. As much as I wanted to know what was happening, I"d have to hear it from Jeremy. on. That would mean engaging him in conversation, which would imply that I wanted to talk to him. With Clay, even the simplest overtures were dangerous. As much as I wanted to know what was happening, I"d have to hear it from Jeremy.
When I reached the house, I paused at the door and looked up. The two-story stone house seemed not to loom over me, but to lean back, expectant. The welcome was there, but muted, waiting for me to make the first move. So very much like its owner. I touched one of the cool stones and felt a rush of memory leap out to greet me. Pulling away, I flung open the door, threw my overnight bag to the floor and headed for the study, expecting to find Jeremy reading by the fireplace. He was always there when I came home, not waiting at the gate like Clay, but waiting nonetheless.
The room was empty. A folded copy of Milan"s daily paper Corrieredella Sera Corrieredella Sera lay beside Jeremy"s chair. Stacks of Clay"s anthropology magazines and research publications covered the couch and desk. The main phone rested on the desk and appeared to be intact and plugged in. lay beside Jeremy"s chair. Stacks of Clay"s anthropology magazines and research publications covered the couch and desk. The main phone rested on the desk and appeared to be intact and plugged in.
"I called," I said. "Why wasn"t anyone here?"
"We were here," Clay said. "Around, anyway. You should have left a message."
"I did. Two hours ago."
"Well, that explains it. I"ve been out by the gate all day waiting for you, and you know Jer never checks the machine."
I didn"t ask how Clay knew I was coming back today when I hadn"t left a message. Nor did I question why he"d spent the entire day sitting at the gate. Clay"s behavior couldn"t be measured by human standards of normalcy. . . or by any standards of normalcy at all.
"So where is he?" I asked.
"Dunno. I haven"t seen him since he brought out my dinner a few hours ago. He must have gone out."
I didn"t need to check the garage for Jeremy"s car to know Clay didn"t mean he"d gone out in the usual sense. Common human phrases took on new meanings at Stonehaven. Going out meant he"d gone for a run-and that didn"t mean he"d gone jogging.
Did Jeremy expect me to fly all the way here, then wait on his convenience? Of course he did. Was it punishment for ignoring his summons? Part of me wished I could accuse him of that, but Jeremy was never petty. If he"d planned a run for tonight, he"d have gone, regardless of whether I was coming or not. A sliver of hurt ran through my anger, but I tried to disown it. Did I expect Jeremy to be waiting for me like Clay? Of course not. Didn"t expect it and didn"t care about it. Really. I was p.i.s.sed off, nothing more. Two could play this game. Jeremy valued his privacy when he ran. So what was I going to do? Invade that privacy, of course. Jeremy may never be petty, but I sure as h.e.l.l could be.
"Out?" I said. "Well then, I"ll just have to find him."
I swerved to pa.s.s Clay, heading for the door. He stepped in front of me.
"He"ll be back soon. Sit down and we"ll-"
I sidestepped Clay on my way to the rear hall and the half-open back door. Clay followed at my heels, keeping pace a step behind. I walked through the walled garden to the path leading into the forest. The wood-chip path crunched underfoot. From beyond, the night smells began to sift in: burning leaves, distant cattle, wet soil-myriad inviting scents. Somewhere in the distance a mouse shrieked as an owl s.n.a.t.c.hed it from the forest floor.
I kept walking. Within fifty feet the trail dwindled to a thin path of trodden gra.s.s, then disappeared into the undergrowth. I paused and sniffed the air. Nothing-No scent, no sound, no sign of Jeremy. At that moment, I realized I heard no sound at all, not even the clomp of Clay"s footsteps behind me. I turned and saw only trees.
"Clayton!" I shouted.
A moment later the reply came back in a crashing of distant bushes. He was off to warn Jeremy. I slammed my hand into the nearest tree trunk. Had I really expected Clay to let me intrude on Jeremy"s privacy that easily? If so, I"d forgotten a few things in the past year.
I pushed through the trees. Twigs lashed at my face and vines grabbed my feet. I stumbled forward, feeling huge, clumsy, and most unwelcome out here. The path wasn"t made for people. I didn"t stand a chance of heading off Clay like this, so I found a clearing and prepared for the Change.
My Change was rushed, making it awkward and torturous and afterward I had to rest, panting on the ground. As I got to my feet, I closed my eyes and inhaled the smell of Stonehaven. A shiver of elation started in my paws, raced up my legs, and quivered through my entire body. In its wake, it left an indescribable blend of excitement and calm that made me want to tear through the forest and collapse in blissful peace at the same time. I was home. As a human, I could deny that Stonehaven was my home, that the people here were my Pack, that the woods here were anything more than a patch of someone else"s land. But as a wolf in Stonehaven"s forest, one chorus trumpeted through my head. This forest was mine. It was Pack territory and therefore it was mine. Mine to run in and hunt in and play in without fear of partying teenagers, overeager hunters, or rabid foxes and racc.o.o.ns. No discarded sofas to block my path, no rusty cans to slice open my paws, no stinking garbage bags to foul the air I breathed, or dumped chemicals to pollute the water I drank. This wasn"t some patch of woods claimed for an hour or two. This was five hundred acres of forest, every acre crisscrossed with familiar paths and stocked with rabbits and deer, a smorgasbord supplied for my pleasure. My My pleasure. I downed huge gulps of air. Mine. I darted out of the thicket to the well-worn path. Mine. I rubbed against an oak tree, feeling the bark scratch and pull away tickling clumps of dead fur. Mine. The ground shuddered in three low vibrations-a rabbit thumping somewhere to my left. Mine. My legs ached to run, to rediscover the intricate world of my forest. Somewhere deep in my brain, a tiny human voice shouted No, no, no! This isn"t yours. You gave it up. You don"t want it! I ignored it. pleasure. I downed huge gulps of air. Mine. I darted out of the thicket to the well-worn path. Mine. I rubbed against an oak tree, feeling the bark scratch and pull away tickling clumps of dead fur. Mine. The ground shuddered in three low vibrations-a rabbit thumping somewhere to my left. Mine. My legs ached to run, to rediscover the intricate world of my forest. Somewhere deep in my brain, a tiny human voice shouted No, no, no! This isn"t yours. You gave it up. You don"t want it! I ignored it.
There was only one thing missing, one last thing that differentiated these woods from the lonely ravines of Toronto. Even as I was thinking this, a howl pierced the night; not musical night singing, but the urgent cry of a lone wolf, blood calling to blood. I closed my eyes and felt the sound vibrate through me. Then I threw back my head and responded. The small warning voice stopped yelling invective, anger taken over by something closer to dread. No, it whispered. Not that. Claim the forest. Claim the air and the paths and the trees and the animals. But don"t claim that.
The bushes crackled behind me and I whirled around to see Clay in midair. He caught my forequarters and knocked me flying onto my back, then stood over me and nipped at the loose skin around my neck. When I snapped at him, he pulled back. Standing over me, he whined and prodded my neck with his nose, begging me to come play with him, telling me how lonely he"d been. I could feel the resistance somewhere within me, but it was too deeply buried. I grabbed his foreleg between my jaws and yanked him off balance. As he fell, I leapt atop him. We tumbled into the thick undergrowth, nipping and kicking and fighting for the top position. Just as he was about to pin me, I wriggled free and leapt away. We circled each other. Clay"s tail lashed against my side, running along it like a caressing hand. He inched closer and rubbed his flank against mine. As we circled the next round, he put a leg in front of mine to stop me and buried his nose against my neck. I could feel his hot breath against my skin as he inhaled my scent. Then he grabbed me by the throat and threw me over backward, giving a yip of triumph as I fell for it-literally. He didn"t hold the victory spot for more than a couple of seconds before I dethroned him. We wrestled a while longer, then I leapt free. Clay stepped back and crouched, leaving his hindquarters high. His mouth hung open, tongue out and ears forward. I hunkered down as if preparing to meet his attack. When he pounced, I sprang to the side and started to run.
Clay tore after me. We raced through the forest, crossing acre after acre of ground. Then, just as I was circling back toward the front of the property, a shot exploded the peace of the forest. I skidded to a stop.
A shot? Had I really heard a shot? Of course I"d encountered guns before, guns and hunters were an expected danger when you roamed strange forests. But this was Stonehaven. It was safe.
Another shot rang out. I swiveled my ears. The blasts had come from the north. There were orchards far to the north. Was the farmer using one of those devices that mimicked shotgun blasts to scare off birds? It had to be. Either that or someone was hunting in the neighboring fields. Stonehaven"s forests were clearly marked with fences and signs. The locals respected the boundaries. They always had. Jeremy"s reputation with the locals was peerless. He may not have been the most sociable landowner, but he was respected. I headed north to solve the mystery. I"d barely gone three yards when Clay leapt in front of me. He growled. It wasn"t a playful growl. I stared at him, wondering if I"d misinterpreted his meaning. He growled again and I was certain. He was warning me off. I put my ears back and snarled. He blocked my path. I narrowed my eyes and glared at him. Obviously I"d been away too long if he thought he could boss me around like he did the others. If he"d forgotten who I was, I"d be willing to give him a refresher lesson. I curled my lips back and growled one last warning. He didn"t back down. I threw myself at him. He met me in midleap, knocking the wind from me. When I regained my senses, I was lying on the ground with Clay"s teeth locked in the loose skin behind my head. I was out of practice.
Clay growled and gave me a rough shake, as if I were a misbehaving pup. After a few rounds of this, he pulled back and stood up. I got to my feet with as much dignity as I could muster. Before I was even fully standing, Clay b.u.t.ted my backside with his muzzle. I turned to give him an indignant glare. He b.u.t.ted me again, driving me in the opposite direction. I went along with it for nearly a quarter mile, then swerved to the side and tried an end run around him. Seconds after I flew past him, a 200-pound weight dropped on my back and I skidded into the dirt. Clay"s teeth sank into my shoulder, deep enough to draw blood and send a stab of pain and shock through me. This time he didn"t even let me get to my feet before he started herding me back to the house, nipping at my back legs if I showed signs of slowing.
Clay drove me to the clearing where I"d Changed and made his own Change on the other side of the thicket. My Change back to human was even more hurried than my Change to a wolf. This time, though, I didn"t need to rest afterward. Fury gave me energy. I yanked on my clothes, ripping the sleeve of my shirt. Then I strode out from the clearing. Clay was there, arms crossed, waiting. He was naked, of course, his clothing abandoned in a clearing deeper in the forest. Naked, Clay was even more perfect than when he was dressed, a Greek sculptor"s dream come to life. Seeing him, a slow flush of heat ran through me, bringing to mind memories of other runs and their inevitable aftermath. I cursed my body"s betrayal and strode toward him.
"What the h.e.l.l were you doing?" I shouted.
"Me? Me? I wasn"t the idiot running toward men with guns. Where the h.e.l.l was your head at, Elena?"
"Don"t give me that c.r.a.p. I wouldn"t leave the property and you know it. I was just curious. I"m back an hour and you"re already testing the waters. How far can you push me, how much can you control-"
"Those hunters were on the property, Elena." Clay"s voice was low, his eyes locked on to mine.
"Oh, that"s a load of-" I stopped and studied his face. "You"re serious, aren"t you? Hunters? On Jeremy"s land? Are you getting soft in your old age?"
The barb struck deeper than I hoped. Clay"s mouth tightened. His eyes went hard. Rage simmered there, mere degrees from explosion. The anger wasn"t directed at me, but at those who had dared invade his sanctuary. Every fiber in Clay would rebel at the thought of allowing armed men on the property. Only one thing would keep him from hunting them down-Jeremy. So Jeremy must have forbidden him to take care of these trespa.s.sers, forbidden him not only to kill them, but even to use his infamous scare techniques, Clay"s usual method of dealing with human trespa.s.sers. Two generations of local teenagers in search of party sites had grown up pa.s.sing along the story that Stonehaven"s backwoods were haunted. So long as the tales involved spooks and phantasms, with no mention of werewolves, Jeremy allowed it, even encouraged it. After all, letting Clay scare the locals was safer and far less messy than the alternative. So why wasn"t Jeremy letting him do it now? What had changed?
"He should be inside now," Clay said. "Go talk to him."
He turned and headed into the woods to find his clothing.
As I walked to the house, I thought about what the cab driver had said. Wild dogs. There were no wild dogs here. Dogs wouldn"t set foot anywhere near werewolf territory. Nor did dogs run around slaughtering healthy young women. Huge canine tracks found around the body could only mean one thing. A werewolf. Yet who would be killing that close to Stonehaven? The question itself was so unfathomable it could have no answer. A non-Pack werewolf would have to be suicidal to cross the New YorkState border. Clay"s methods for dealing with trespa.s.sers were so renowned that one hadn"t come within a hundred miles of Stonehaven in over twenty years. The story goes that Clay had dismembered the last trespa.s.sing werewolf finger by finger, limb by limb, keeping him alive until the last possible moment, when he"d ripped off his head. Clay had been seventeen at the time.
The idea that either Clay or Jeremy could be responsible for the woman"s death was equally ludicrous. Jeremy didn"t kill. That wasn"t to say he couldn"t kill or even that he never felt the urge, but simply that he realized his energy was better channeled elsewhere, as an army general must forgo the heat of the battle and devote himself to matters of strategy and leadership. If someone had to be killed, Jeremy ordered it done. Even that was done only in extreme cases and rarely involved humans. No matter what the threat, Jeremy would never order the killing of a human on his own territory. As for Clay, whatever his legion of faults, sport-killing humans wasn"t one of them. Killing them would involve touching them, which meant lowering himself to physical contact with them, which he didn"t do unless absolutely necessary.
When I reentered the house, it was still silent. I went back to the study, the heart of Stonehaven. Jeremy wasn"t there. I decided to wait. If he was in the house, he"d hear me. For once, he could come to me.
Jeremy ruled the Pack with absolute authority. That"s the law of wild wolves, though it hadn"t always been the law of the Pack. At times, the history of the Pack Alphas made Roman imperial succession look downright civilized. A Pack werewolf would scramble to the top of the heap, hold the Alpha position for a few months, maybe even a few years, then get a.s.sa.s.sinated or executed by one of his more ambitious Pack brothers, who would then take over until he met his own-almost certainly unnatural-demise. Pack Alpha-hood had nothing to do with leadership and everything to do with power.
By the second half of the twentieth century, the Pack was falling apart. The postindustrial world wasn"t kind to werewolves. Urban sprawl swallowed deep forests and wide open s.p.a.ces. People in modern society were far less likely than those in feudal England to respect the privacy of their wealthy, reclusive neighbors. Radio, television, and newspapers could spread stories of werewolf sightings across the globe within hours. New methods of police work meant a strange canine-like killing in Tallaha.s.see could be swiftly linked to similar ones in Miami and Key West. The world began to close in on the Pack. Instead of banding together, they"d begun fighting one another for every last vestige of security, even going so far as to steal prime territory from their own Pack brothers.
Jeremy changed that.
Although Jeremy could never be considered the best fighter in the Pack, he possessed a strength that was even more important for the survival and success of the modern Pack. Jeremy had absolute self-control. Being able to master his own instincts and urges meant he could see the problems the Pack was facing and deal with them rationally, making decisions untainted by impulse. As suburbs consumed the land surrounding cities, he moved the Pack farther into the countryside. He taught them how to deal with humans, how to be part of the world and outside of the world at the same time. As stories of werewolves travelled faster and more easily, he exerted his control over not just the Pack, but the non-Pack werewolves. In the past, non-Pack werewolves-known as mutts-were seen as second-cla.s.s citizens, beneath the notice of the Pack. Under Jeremy"s rule, mutts didn"t gain any status, but the Pack learned that they couldn"t afford to ignore them. If a mutt caused enough trouble in Cairo, it could resonate all the way to New York. The Pack started keeping dossiers on mutts, learning their habits and tracing their movements. When a werewolf caused trouble anywhere in the world, the Pack responded quickly and decisively. The penalty for endangering the security of the Pack ranged anywhere from a rousting to a beating to a swift execution. Under Jeremy"s rule, the Pack was stronger and more stable than ever, and no one contested it. They were smart enough to know when they had a good thing.
I shook off my thoughts and walked to the desk, looking at the nest of papers piled there. "Excavation Reveals New Insights on the Chavin Phenomenon" read the t.i.tle of one article. Peeking out from under it was another about ancient Chavin de Huantar jaguar cults. Fascinating stuff. Yawn. Though it came as a shock to most who met him, Clay had a brain, actually a brilliant brain, one that had earned him a Ph.D. in anthropology. He specialized in anthropomorphic religions. In other words, he studied man-beast symbolism in ancient cultures. His reputation was built on his research, since he didn"t like to deal directly with the human world, but when he deemed it necessary to make a foray into the live world of academics he"d take on brief teaching stints. That was how I"d met him.
Again, I shook off my thoughts, harder this time. Turning from the mess of Clay"s papers, I sank onto the couch. As I glanced around, I realized that the room looked exactly as I"d left it fourteen months ago. I pulled up a picture of the study from memory, compared it with what I was seeing and found not a single difference. That couldn"t be right. Jeremy redecorated this room-and most of the house-so often it was a running gag that we could blink and see something different. Clay said once that the changes had to do with bad memories, but he wouldn"t elaborate. Soon after Clay brought me here, Jeremy had recruited me as his decorating a.s.sistant. I could remember entire nights spent poring over catalogues, dragging around furniture, and holding up paint chips. When I looked up at the ceiling by the fireplace, I could see hardened lumps of wallpaper paste, still there from a four A.M. wallpapering spree that had turned the study into a battleground, Jeremy and I too exhausted to do anything more than lob clumps of paste at each other. I remembered staring at those hardened lumps the last time I"d been in this room. Jeremy had been there, standing before the fireplace, his back to me. As I"d told him what I"d done, I"d ached for him to turn around, to tell me that it wasn"t wrong. But I knew it was wrong. So completely wrong. Still, I"d wanted him to say something, anything, to make me feel better. When he hadn"t, I"d left, promising myself that I wouldn"t return. I looked up at the paste clumps. Another battle lost.
"So you"ve come back . . . finally."
The deep voice made me jump. Jeremy stood in the doorway. Since I"d last seen him, he"d grown a close-clipped beard, something that usually happened when he got too distracted to shave, then couldn"t be bothered undoing the damage. It made him look older, though still nowhere near his true age of fifty-one. We age slowly. Jeremy could pa.s.s for mid-thirties: his hairstyle furthering the illusion of youth, shoulder-length and tied at the nape of his neck. It was a style adopted not out of fashion but because it meant fewer haircuts. Trips to a public barber were intolerable for Jeremy, so Clay or I cut his hair, which wasn"t an experience to be endured more than a few times a year. When he stepped into the room, his bangs fell into his eyes, shattering the austerity of his face. He shoved them back, a gesture so familiar it made my throat ache.
He looked around. "Where"s Clay?"
Typical. First, he gets after me for being late. Then he asks about Clay. A twinge of hurt darted through me, but I pushed it away. It wasn"t like I expected him to welcome me back with hugs and kisses. That wasn"t Jeremy"s way, though a "good to see you" or "how was your flight?" would have been nice.
"We heard shots in the back forest," I said. "He mumbled something about shallow graves and took off."
"I"ve been trying to contact you for three days."
"I was busy."
His cheek twitched. With Jeremy, this was the equivalent of an emotional outburst. "When I call, you call me back," he said, his voice deceptively soft. "I wouldn"t call you if it wasn"t important. If I do call, you answer. That was the arrangement."
"Correct, that was was the arrangement. Past tense. Our arrangement ended when I left the Pack." the arrangement. Past tense. Our arrangement ended when I left the Pack."
"When you left the Pack? And when did this happen? Forgive me if I missed something, but I don"t recall any such conversation, Elena."
"I thought it was understood."
Clay walked in the room carrying a tray of cold cuts and cheese. He laid it on the desk and looked from me to Jeremy.
Jeremy continued. "So you"re no longer part of the Pack now?"
"Correct."
"Then you"re one of them-a mutt?"
"Of course not, Jer," Clay said, thumping down beside me on the couch.
I moved to the fireplace.
"Well, which is it?" Jeremy asked, his gaze skewering mine. "Pack or not?"
"Come on, Jer," Clay said. "You know she doesn"t mean it."
"We had an arrangement, Elena. I wouldn"t contact you unless I needed you. Well, I need you and now you"re sulking and fuming because I had the gall to remind you of your responsibilities."
"You need me for what? To take care of a trespa.s.sing mutt? That"s Clay"s job."
Jeremy shook his head. "You don"t use a wrecking ball to exterminate one mouse. Clay has his strengths. Subtlety is not one of them."
Clay grinned at me and shrugged. I looked away.
"So what"s going on that"s so d.a.m.ned important you need me?" I asked.
Jeremy turned and headed for the door. "It"s late. I"ve called a Meet for tomorrow. I"ll tell you everything then. Hopefully you"ll feel less confrontational after a good sleep."
"Whoa!" I said, stepping out to block his path. "I dropped everything to come here. I skipped out of work, paid for an airline ticket, and raced here as fast as I could because no one was answering the d.a.m.ned phone. I want to know why I"m here and I want to know now. If you walk out that door, I"m not going to promise you"ll still find me here in the morning."
"So be it," Jeremy said, his voice so cool I shivered in the draft. "If you decide to leave, have Clay drive you to Syracuse."
"Yeah, right," I said. "I"d be more likely to get to the airport by thumbing a ride with the local psychopath."