For nearly a minute, Clay didn"t move. Then he slowly turned toward me. As he did, I caught a glint of something like hope in his eyes, but it vanished as soon as he saw my expression. His jaw tightened and he locked my gaze.
"Fine," he said. "Anything I want?" He wheeled toward a bank of pay phones and grabbed the nearest receiver. "Call him."
"He said we can"t call him. No phone contact."
"Not Jeremy. This man. Call him and tell him it"s over. The apartment"s his. You"ll pick up your stuff later."
"That"s not-"
"Not what you meant, right? I didn"t think so. What"s the plan then? You run back and forth between us until you"ve made up your mind?"
"I"ve made up my mind. Anything that happened at Stonehaven was a mistake, like it"s always been a mistake. I never misled you. You knew there was someone else. It was the same d.a.m.ned thing that happens every time I go back to that place. I get caught up in it. I lose myself."
"In what? The house? A pile of bricks and mortar?"
"In that place," I said, gritting my teeth, "That world and everything about it, including you. I don"t want it, but when I"m there, I can"t resist. It takes over."
He gave a harsh laugh. "Bulls.h.i.t. There is nothing in this world or that world or any world that you couldn"t fight, Elena. Do you know what magical spell "that place" has you under? It makes you happy. But you won"t admit that because, to you, the only acceptable happiness comes in the "normal" world, with "normal" friends and a "normal" man. You"re bound and determined to make yourself happy with that kind of life, even if it kills you."
People were openly staring now. Alarm bells should have been going off in my head, telling me I was acting improperly for the human world. But they weren"t. I didn"t give a d.a.m.n. I turned on my heel and glared at two elderly women tut-tutting behind me. They fell back, eyes widening. I strode toward the exit.
"When"s the last time you called him?" Clay called after me.
I stopped.
Clay walked up behind me and lowered his voice so no one else could hear. "Not counting this morning when you called to tell him we were coming. When did you last call?"
I said nothing.
"Sunday," he said. "Three days ago,"
"I"ve been busy," I said.
"Bulls.h.i.t. You forgot him. You think he makes you happy? You think this life makes you happy? Well, then here"s your chance. Take me there. Show me how happy it makes you. Prove it."
"Screw you," I snarled and strode to the door.
Clay came after me, but he was too late. I was out of the airport and in a cab before he caught up. I slammed the cab door, narrowly missing Clay"s fingers, then gave the driver my address. As we pulled away, I allowed myself the small satisfaction of looking in the side mirror and seeing Clay standing on the sidewalk.
Too bad I hadn"t been more specific when I told him where I lived. "Near" the lake covered a lot of real estate . . . with a lot of apartment buildings.
When I got to my building, I buzzed up to my apartment. Philip answered, sounding surprised when I announced myself. I hadn"t lost my key. Don"t ask why I buzzed to be let in. I only hoped Philip wouldn"t ask either.
When I got upstairs, Philip was in the hall outside the elevator. He reached out and embraced me. I instinctively stiffened, then hugged him back.
"You should have called from the airport," he said. "I was waiting to pick you up." He looked over my shoulder. "Where"s our guest?"
"Delayed. Maybe indefinitely."
"He"s not coming."
I shrugged and feigned a yawn. "Rough flight. Lots of turbulence. You have no idea how glad I am to be home."
"Not as glad as I am to have you home, hon." Philip escorted me into the apartment. "Go sit down. I picked up roast chicken at the deli for dinner. I"ll reheat it."
"Thanks."
I didn"t even have my shoes off when someone pounded at the door. I thought of ignoring it, but it wouldn"t do any good. Philip may not have had my sense of hearing, but he wasn"t deaf.
I yanked open the door. Clay stood there holding our luggage.
"How did you-" I started.
He held up my overnight bag. Dangling from the handle was the tag with my name and address neatly printed on it.
"Pizza delivery kid held open the front door for me," he said. "Great security."
He walked in and threw our luggage by the coat rack. Behind me, the kitchen door opened. I tensed and listened to Philip"s footsteps as he approached. The introduction jammed in my throat. What if Clay didn"t go along with it? Was it too late to change my story? Was it too late to shove him out the door?
"You must be Elena"s cousin," Philip said, walking up and extending a hand.
"Clay," I managed to get out. "Clayton."
Philip smiled. "Nice to meet you. Which do you prefer? Clayton or Clay?"
Clay said nothing. He didn"t even glance at Philip, hadn"t looked at him since he"d entered the room. Instead, he kept his eyes on mine. I could see the anger simmering there with the outrage and the humiliation. I braced for the outburst. It didn"t come. Instead, he settled for unconscionable rudeness, ignoring Philip, his greeting, his question, and his outstretched hand, and striding into the living room.
Philip"s smile faltered only a second, then he turned to Clay, who stood at the window with his back to us. "The sofa bed"s right there," he said, waving at the couch, where he"d left a pile of bedding. "I hope it"s not too uncomfortable. It"s never been used, has it, hon?"
Clay"s jaw tightened, but he kept looking out the window.
"No," I said. I struggled to think of something to add, some elaboration or change of subject, but nothing came.
"We"re supposed supposed to have a lake view," Philip said with a forced chuckle. "I think if you stand three paces to the left of the window between one and two in the afternoon, turn right, and squint a certain way, you can see a sliver of Lake Ontario. At least, that"s the theory." to have a lake view," Philip said with a forced chuckle. "I think if you stand three paces to the left of the window between one and two in the afternoon, turn right, and squint a certain way, you can see a sliver of Lake Ontario. At least, that"s the theory."
Still Clay said nothing. Neither did I. Silence deadened the room, as if Philip were talking into a vacuum, his words leaving no echo or impression.
Philip continued, "The other side of the building has a better view of Toronto. It"s a great city, really. World-cla.s.s amenities with a decent cost of living, low crime rate, clean streets. Maybe I can get off work a few hours early tomorrow and take you for a driving tour before Elena gets home."
"Not necessary," Clay said. The words came out so tightly clipped that his accent was lost, making him sound like a stranger.
"Clay used to live in Toronto," I said. "For a while. A-uh-few years ago."
"How"d you like it?" Philip asked. When Clay didn"t answer, he forced another chuckle. "You came back, so I guess it wasn"t a totally bad experience."
Clay turned and looked at me. "It has good memories."
He held my gaze for a moment, then broke eye contact and stalked into the bathroom. Within seconds, I heard the shower running.
"Just help yourself to the shower," I muttered, rolling my eyes. "Mr. Congeniality, eh?"
Philip smiled. "So it"s not jet lag?"
"I wish. I should have warned you. Undiagnosed antisocial personality disorder. Don"t take that c.r.a.p from him while he"s here. Either ignore him or tell him where to shove it."
Philip"s eyebrows went up. At first I thought it was because of my description of Clay, but as Philip stared at me, I replayed what I"d said and heard the sarcasm and bite. Not the Elena Philip was used to. d.a.m.n Clay.
"Just kidding," I said. "It was a long flight with him. By the time we got to the airport, I lost my temper and we had a bit of a falling out."
"Lost your temper?" Philip said, walking over to kiss my forehead. "I didn"t think you had one."
"Clayton brings out the worst in me. With any luck, he won"t be here long. He"s family, though, so I have to put up with it until then." I turned toward the kitchen and made a show of sniffing the air. "Smells like that chicken"s done."
"Should we wait for your cousin?"
"He wouldn"t wait for us," I said and headed to the kitchen.
The only good thing I can say about that evening was that it was short. Clay came out of the shower (dressed, thankfully), walked into the living room, and pulled one of my books from the shelf. We were still eating. I went into the living room and told him so. He grunted that he"d eat later and I left it at that. By the time we"d eaten and cleaned up, it was late enough for me to claim exhaustion and head off to bed. Philip followed and I quickly realized I"d forgotten one small thing about the living arrangement. s.e.x.
I was putting on my nightgown when Philip walked in. Now, I wasn"t big on nighttime fashion, having slept in my underwear since I left my last foster family, but when Philip moved in and I noticed he wore pajama bottoms to bed, I figured maybe I was expected to wear something, too. I tried lingerie, all those s.e.xy, skimpy things the women"s magazines rave over. But the d.a.m.ned lace itched in places I"d never itched before and the elastic pinched and the shoulder straps twisted, and I decided maybe such nightwear was only meant to be worn before s.e.x and discarded for something more comfortable afterward. Since Philip didn"t get excited by black lace and red satin, anyway, I"d pitched the stuff and settled for oversized T-shirts. Then, for Christmas, Philip had bought me a white knee-length nightgown. It was very feminine and old-fashioned and a tad too virginal for my taste, but Philip liked it, so I wore it.
Philip waited until I started brushing my hair, then walked up behind me, leaned over, and kissed the side of my neck.
"I missed you," he murmured against my skin. "I didn"t want to complain, but it was a longer separation than I expected. A few days more and you"d have had a guest in New York."
I covered a choking fit with an awkward wheezing laugh. Philip in BearValley. That was a scenario even more h.e.l.lish than the one I was enduring now.
Philip"s lips moved to the back of my neck. He pressed against me. One hand slipped under my nightgown and pushed it up to my hip. I stiffened. Without thinking I glanced at the bedroom door. Philip"s gaze followed mine through the mirror.
"Ah," he said with a chuckle. "I forgot about our guest. We could keep it quiet, but if you"d rather wait for a more private moment. . ."
I nodded. Philip kissed my neck again, gave a mock sigh, and headed for the bed. I knew I should curl up in bed with him, cuddle, talk. But I couldn"t.
I just couldn"t.
This was going to be a catastrophe.
Settling
The next morning, I awoke to the smell of French toast and bacon. I checked the clock. Nearly nine. Philip was normally gone by seven. He must have stayed late to make breakfast. A very pleasant surprise.
I padded out of the bedroom and into the kitchen. Clay stood at the stove, ramming a spatula under a mountain of bacon. He turned as I walked in. His eyes traveled over my nightgown.
"What the h.e.l.l is that?" he asked.
"A nightgown."
"You sleep in it?"
"If I didn"t, it would be a day-gown, wouldn"t it?" I snapped.
Clay"s lips quivered as if choking back a laugh. "It"s very . . . sweet, darling. It looks like something Jeremy would buy you. Oh, by the way. He sent flowers."
"Jeremy?"
Clay shook his head. "They"re by the front door."
I walked into the hall to find a dozen red roses in a silver-plated vase. The card read: "Thought I"d let you sleep in. Welcome home. Missed you. Philip."
See? Nothing had changed. Philip was as thoughtful as ever. Smiling, I picked up the vase and looked for a place to put it. The living room table? No, the flowers were too tall. Leave it on the hall table? Too crowded. The kitchen? I opened the door. No room.
"Bedroom," I murmured and backed out.
"Water," Clay called after me.
"What?"
"They need water."
"I knew that."
"And sunlight," he added.
I didn"t answer. I"d have remembered water and sun . . . eventually. I must admit, I"d never quite understood the custom of sending flowers. Sure, they looked nice, but they didn"t do do anything. That"s not to say I didn"t appreciate them. I did. Jeremy always cut fresh flowers from the garden and put them in my room and I enjoyed them. Of course, if he didn"t place them in the sunlight and keep them watered, I wouldn"t have enjoyed them for long. I was far better at killing things than keeping them alive. Good thing I never planned to have children. anything. That"s not to say I didn"t appreciate them. I did. Jeremy always cut fresh flowers from the garden and put them in my room and I enjoyed them. Of course, if he didn"t place them in the sunlight and keep them watered, I wouldn"t have enjoyed them for long. I was far better at killing things than keeping them alive. Good thing I never planned to have children.
After watering and placing the roses, I went back into the kitchen. Clay put two pieces of French toast on my plate and lifted a third.
"That"s good," I said, pulling my plate back.
He arched both eyebrows.
"I mean, that"s good for now," I said. "Of course, I"ll have more after I finish these."
"Is that all you eat when he"s here? I"m surprised you make it to work without fainting. You can"t eat like that, Elena. Your metabolism needs-"
I pushed my chair back. Clay stopped talking and dished out my bacon, then fixed his own plate and sat down.
"What time do you start work?" he asked.